Self Inquiry 9 - Self Enquiry Theory

Listen to Ektaji talk about Ramana Maharshi's self-inquiry teachings. These teachings are aimed at the experiential understanding of the true nature of the self and that consciousness is the only existing reality.

Transcript

I have this thing in my mind that only if I attend the Buddha retreat will I be able to get to a certain level in meditation and thus will be able to get awakened.

Is this also my concept?

I have experienced awareness and it's my own truth.

So can I get awakened with this experience of awareness consistently,

If I am honest about it?

Yes,

You can right in this weekend get awakened.

You don't necessarily have to meditate,

But if it doesn't happen,

Then you be honest with yourself.

You practice a little while and then maybe you need the meditation.

Everybody wants to be the right one.

Nobody wants to be the mango which is completely ripe and juicy,

The Alphonso one.

Nobody wants to be the Kairi,

The green mango,

But okay,

You try,

See are you ripe?

But if you are not,

Accept that you are a green mango and then we'll work on that also.

Don't worry,

We have all of that.

We will be able to train the green mango also,

We'll be able to work with the ripe mango also.

So we'll get there,

But you don't start craving,

Oh I have to be ripe,

Why am I not getting this?

Practice a little bit and if it comes,

It comes.

If it doesn't come,

It's okay to take one step down and meditate.

For a moment,

You will keep shuttling between this step and this step.

If you're climbing up a ladder,

One leg is here and one leg is here,

Then you let go of this,

Then only you come up,

No?

So there is a moment where one leg is here and one leg is here.

You could be at that stage,

How do I know?

Even you don't know actually.

You won't know till you practice for a while,

Do you see what I'm saying?

Maybe you practice,

Practice,

Practice and suddenly you'll see your second leg come up and then you'll get established here.

Fantastic,

This worked.

But you practice,

Practice,

Practice and your ladder is shaking,

Then you feel okay,

Let me come back one step down,

That's fine too,

But only you can analyze that.

Yeah,

Very,

Very clear?

So you be honest with yourself,

Don't fool yourself,

There is no competition here,

There is no marathon,

No,

Not marathon,

Running race,

Somebody's coming first,

Somebody's coming second,

That's not happening.

You're all on your own individual paths.

So you analyze,

If the second foot comes up with a little bit of practice,

Great.

If it is not,

Be ready,

I'll come back down to this step,

Practice,

Meditate,

Maybe through the 10 days silence I reach the quiet mind level and I get this,

I come to that collapse of the I,

Which happened to many people,

Yeah,

That absolute collapse of the I makes you realize,

Oh this was so easy,

That relief comes from that understanding and then now you know how to stay there,

You know how to stay there,

You know how to stay there,

Automatically with the practice at this,

You come up,

That's also possible,

Yeah,

But that is possible for me to judge only when you come and do a one-on-one meditation instruction,

It's not possible for me to generally give a blanket answer,

It won't work,

Okay.

So that's what we do in the Buddha retreat is that I do one-on-one meditation mentoring and I know where you are and I give you the next step,

Next step,

Next step,

I finally take you to the step where the ego has to collapse,

Where there is no I,

If you get there,

You get there,

If you don't get there,

Then a little more practice and that's fine,

You be patient.

The analysis happens with the mind,

We still have to use the mind,

The analysis of where you are.

Of course,

Mind is getting used,

No,

It's not that it's not getting used,

Of course it's getting used,

Even to ask this question you use the mind,

You came out,

You use it and then you come back again to your awareness,

You use it and you come back to your awareness,

We just discussed that,

No.

Awareness in action is mind,

Mind at rest is awareness,

Very simple,

Everybody's experience this is.

The question continues,

But it may prove inadequate for realizing Jnana,

Okay,

The spelling of Jnana is a little different here,

But it is Jnana or knowledge or wisdom,

The same as G-N-Y-A-N-A,

Answer,

Self-inquiry by following the clue of aham vritti is just like the dog tracing his master by his scent,

The master may be at some distant unknown place,

But that does not stand in the way of the dog tracing him,

The master's scent is an infallible clue for the animal and nothing else,

Such as the dress he wears or his build and stature etc.

Counts,

Nothing else counts,

Just the scent counts,

Got it,

To that scent the dog holds on undistractedly while searching for him and finally it succeeds in tracing him,

Got it,

You don't need anything else,

Just the awareness,

Just the awareness,

You hold on to the awareness and you get there,

Recognizing I am stuck in words,

I'm stuck in words,

Who is stuck in words,

You moved in,

Who is this I,

You moved in,

There's nothing,

There's not even,

There's no step really,

It's instant,

You have instant Maggi noodles,

Like this instant realization,

That moment you turn in and you're there,

You don't like it,

It's so easy,

You want it to be hard,

You've already done the hard part,

You've already done the hard part,

Is it like unable to turn or unable to recognize your turn,

Does it cause grief,

Because of your attachment,

Again identification causes grief,

Are you understanding the word identification,

Is it too big,

Identification you understand,

The Tadatma that you have with things,

People,

Situations,

Thoughts,

My thoughts,

My concepts,

My beliefs,

Whatever is in my mind is mine,

No,

You have to turn away from that,

Obviously I don't want to turn away from that,

That is the most difficult part for you,

Because you relish in that and that's why you were stuck with practices that helped you stay there,

That is why school was required,

That is why I am soul was required,

Because that is what worked for you,

At least for a little while you became calmer,

Quieter,

You learned to stay there and now you have to let go of that last thing also and just be,

There is no more I,

Dropping of the I and mine and myself is required,

The last step,

The last step,

You don't want to meet God,

You reach his door and then you are worried that if I open that door and if he is really there,

Then what,

Then what,

Till now I was searching for him,

I looked here,

I looked there,

I kept looking in every street and every corner,

I was enjoying the process of looking,

Now I've reached his door and if he opens the door,

What then,

That is what stops you,

The what then stops you,

Recognize it,

It's right there,

You're standing at that doorstep from the beginning actually,

You're just fooling yourself,

You're sitting at the porch of your own house,

You have locked the door and you're saying I have a very beautiful house,

I have a very big house but you're not entering it,

You're right there,

All these practices,

All these things were done so that you come to that recognition that I am there,

Somebody has to tell you directly,

So he had to tell you directly because you were just not getting it,

Then the highest teachings come into play.

Next question,

The question still remains why the quest for the source of aham vritti as distinguished from other vrittis that is modifications of the mind should be considered the direct means to self-realization?

You get it no,

This is total sanskrit,

Aham vritti is I thought and what are the other modulations of the mind you've done?

Intellect,

A little more,

Properly remember,

Pramana,

Viparyaya,

Vikalpa,

Nidra,

Smriti,

Where is all your knowledge gone?

No,

You did these vrittis in Patanjali,

Yeah,

What is Pramana?

Who's looking for proof?

I,

So you come back to aham vritti,

Pramana out,

What is Viparyaya?

Illusion,

Whose illusion is it?

Mine,

I,

Come back to aham vritti,

Viparyaya out,

Next,

Smriti,

Remembrance,

Whose remembrance?

Mine,

Come back to aham vritti,

Smriti is out,

Next,

Whose Nidra?

Mine,

My sleep,

Again,

Nidra is out,

Comes back to aham vritti and the last,

Vikalpa,

What is Vikalpa?

Wrong,

Whose wrong understanding?

Mine,

You're back to aham vritti,

Very clear,

Although the concept of I-ness or I am-ness is by usage known as aham vritti,

It is not really a vritti or modification like other vrittis of the mind because unlike the other vrittis which have no essential interrelation,

The aham vritti is equally and essentially related to each and every vritti of the mind,

You got it right,

Just like I showed it to you,

Everything comes down to aham vritti,

Without the aham vritti there can be no other vritti,

But the aham vritti can subsist by itself without depending on any other vritti of the mind,

Very clear,

That I-I-I can still exist without any of these other vrittis that we discussed,

The aham vritti is therefore fundamentally different from other vrittis,

So then the search for the source of the aham vritti is not merely the search for the basis of one of the forms of the ego,

But for the very source itself from which arises the I-am-ness,

Got it,

You're looking for the source,

You're not looking for words anymore,

Very very clear,

You're investigating the source of where the I came from and where it goes back and dies,

Clear,

In other words the quest for and the realization of the source of the ego in the form of aham vritti necessarily implies the transcendence of the ego in every one of its possible forms,

Yes,

You transcend the ego,

We say ego dissolves then only can you be in awareness,

Awareness and ego can they be there together,

Not possible,

Impossible,

The ego dies in the awareness,

Very very clear,

Conceding that the aham vritti essentially comprises all the forms of the ego,

Why should that vritti alone be chosen as the means for self-inquiry,

He's persistent on his question,

Because it is the one irreducible datum of your experience and because seeking its source is the only practicable course you can adopt to realize the self,

You cannot reduce I anymore,

Yeah,

How much ever I am going,

I am coming,

I do this,

I don't like this,

You reduce it to I and finally I the aham vritti cannot be reduced anymore,

So it is that irreducible last particle left that dissolves and you are in awareness,

Clear,

The ego is said to have a causal body,

The state of the I during sleep,

But how can you make it the subject of your investigation,

When the ego adopts that form you are immersed in the darkness of sleep,

What is the causal body here,

Yeah,

Your soul is your ego,

Again and again he brings you to the same understanding that you're holding on to that I,

I,

I there also,

If you keep holding on to it you will be immersed in the darkness of sleep,

Drop even that I,

Even that I,

Just being,

The thing is we need a crutch,

The ego needs a crutch,

It holds on to something,

Either the body,

The mind,

Now your ego is holding on to a new crutch,

The soul,

You think it's still a crutch,

You have to be crutchless,

Let go of all your supports and just float,

You get it,

This requires a lot of courage,

A lot of guts to do this,

Gather that courage,

The guts to do this,

Just let go and be and just in the being,

Without giving it a name,

The moment you give it a name,

I has come up,

There is no giving it a name,

The I needs to just collapse into whatever you are experiencing,

There's nothing but pure experiencing or pure being,

That which you cannot give a name to,

You get it,

That is home,

It has no name,

It has no form,

Yeah,

It's nameless,

Formless,

That's what the ego doesn't like,

It wants a name and form for everything,

Drop that crutch and just be,

That's where you experience that pure peace,

That straight line that I keep talking about,

There's no pleasantness,

There is no pain,

There is just that straight line of peace,

Yeah,

Just be,

Just be,

Now also are you there or are you lost in thought,

Take that step back,

Just be,

So easy to just be,

Just be,

Yeah,

It doesn't matter with what words I describe,

It's the same thing,

Withdrawing from thought to the source within,

To the emptiness,

The quietness,

Nothingness,

Silence,

Yeah,

The consciousness,

Just be there,

Now you understand the meaning of silent teaching,

Just the silence is required,

Nothing else,

But it is not the ego in its subtle and causal forms to intangible to be tackled through the inquiry into the source of ahamriti,

Ahamriti conducted while the mind is awake,

No,

The inquiry into the source of ahamriti touches the very existence of the ego,

Therefore,

The subtlety of the ego's form is not a material consideration,

This is simple,

No,

That inquiry of ahamriti,

It touches the very existence of ego,

The ego's foundation shakes,

So it doesn't matter whether it is subtle ego or gross ego,

Nay this ego,

Nay that ego,

It's shaking,

It's standing on shaky ground,

The moment you say who am I,

Who,

Who is not liking this,

Who are you,

You're seeing this,

You're showing that ego the mirror,

What happens to it when he sees the mirror,

Yeah,

He's shaken,

Yeah,

That's what you're feeling right now,

That's the experience,

Yeah,

That shakiness is of that ego,

It does not like being shown the mirror,

It wants to have an identity,

I am somebody,

It's wearing that suit,

Boot and hat,

In the tie and all,

It likes to look all prim and proper,

Yeah,

You don't even realize when the ego is there,

When somebody is walking and they slip and fall,

You automatically start laughing,

Have you noticed,

You don't want to laugh and you start laughing,

Who are you laughing at really,

That prim and proper ego suit,

That's the one you're really laughing at,

When a kid falls,

You don't laugh,

Have you noticed,

You have more concern,

That's what you do for a kid,

But you don't do that for an adult,

Have you noticed this thing in yourself,

How does this happen,

Because you see that that kid does not really have an ego,

But the subtleness in you can figure out that subtle ego in the other person,

Actually you're laughing at the ego that has fallen,

Yeah,

When you fall sometimes you start laughing at yourself,

Yeah,

That's when you're laughing at your own ego and who doesn't like it that I fell,

Ego,

See,

Are you seeing the different layers,

The different colors,

The different variations of ego,

It's so amazing,

It's so amazing to study it yourself,

How I don't laugh at a kid who falls,

But I just,

I don't want to laugh at this older person,

But when I see the older person slip,

I laugh,

Yeah,

There is this thing the ego is being laughed at,

Recognize this,

There are certain colors,

Certain variations of the ego,

It doesn't matter subtle ego or gross ego,

The moment there is the who am I,

It's gone,

Yes,

While the one aim is to realize the unconditioned pure being of the self,

Which is in no way dependent on the ego,

Yourself is absolute awareness,

So I'll read that again,

While the one aim is to realize the unconditioned pure being of absolute awareness,

Which is in no way dependent on the ego,

How can inquiry pertaining to the ego in the form of aham vritti be of any use,

He just doesn't give up on his question,

From the functional point of view,

The ego has one and only one characteristic,

The ego functions,

This is very important,

The ego functions as the knot between the absolute awareness,

Which is pure consciousness and the physical body,

Which is inert and insentient,

You remember he said all mind's activity is nothing but ego and he's come to the point,

There is no mind,

There's just ego in the middle,

This side is awareness and this side is the body,

Clear,

This is the knot that ties these two together,

Very clear,

The ego is therefore called the knot between the absolute awareness or consciousness and the inert body,

In your investigation into the source of aham vritti,

You take the essential consciousness or aspect of the ego,

For this reason the inquiry must lead to the realization of pure consciousness of the self,

So because it is the knot,

That ego is the only thing that really you need to dissolve,

There is nothing else,

So the way to the pure realization is only through this chitta jada granthi or the knot,

You must distinguish between the I which is pure in itself and the I thought,

The latter being merely a thought,

See subject and object,

Sleeps,

Wakes up,

Eats and thinks,

Dies and is reborn,

But the pure I is the pure being,

Eternal existence,

Free from ignorance and thought illusion,

If you stay as the I,

You're being alone,

Without thought,

The I thought will disappear and the delusion will vanish forever,

In a cinema show,

You can see pictures only in a very dim light or in darkness,

But when all the lights are switched on,

The pictures disappear,

So also in the flood of the supreme absolute awareness,

All objects disappear,

Floodlight,

Did you notice that the moment you went to the awareness,

All mind objects disappeared,

No I,

There was no thought,

No sensations,

No feelings,

It's a second,

Just a glimpse of that,

Everything disappears,

It's like a floodlight,

So you give a very nice example,

When you turn on all the lights in a cinema,

Can you see anything there,

There's nothing,

All objects disappear,

It's just the white screen,

So only the white screen remains when you are in that absolute awareness,

The pure beingness,

So the question next one is,

That is the transcendental state,

He says no,

Transcending what and by whom,

You alone exist,

This is the key,

Transcending what,

Till now you thought it's the transcendental stage,

You are transcending something and coming somewhere,

He explained it,

No,

That is the same awareness that goes out becomes the mind,

Same mind comes back in and is the awareness,

There is no transcendence here,

You've always been like that,

You were just not aware of yourself being like that,

Now you're waking up to that experience,

It's like you were asleep and you were dreaming that Veena is hitting me,

Veena is hitting me and you decide in your dream,

I'm going to go and bash Veena and suddenly you wake up and there's no more Veena in the room,

You just woke up,

That's all that has happened,

You've just woken up,

It's just a waking up realization,

Oh it was always like this,

There is no transcendence,

There is no nothing to cross over to the other side,

Oh then why were we told there is a transcendental stage because at that point you were in nursery cage and you could only see body,

You could not even understand mind in the beginning and then slowly then you were explained the body is separate,

Mind is separate and now there is a transcendental stage,

So obviously you have to start with ABCD right,

You don't hold on to ABCD all your life,

Now you've come to a higher level where you understand,

Oh it is just one single flow,

There is no transcendence,

I am already that but I could not see it clearly,

As a beginner if this was explained to you,

Would you understand,

You wouldn't,

Yeah so slowly you had to be brought to this realization,

Oh yeah it makes sense,

The same awareness I see as mind and very very clearly when you go to the third stage you're seeing the same awareness as the body also,

But we'll get there,

We'll get there when we get there,

Yeah there is no transcendental stage,

You are already that,

What a relief,

Nowhere to go,

This is too easy,

It has to be very difficult,

I have to work hard,

Hard,

Hard,

I have to strive,

I have to climb a mountain then when I get there,

Then I've achieved it,

Who wants to climb the mountain,

He loves it,

It's the ego's relishing or deliciousness lies in striving,

Have you noticed,

It likes challenges,

It likes to prove I did it,

It likes to say I am better than you,

I can do this,

Yeah ego relishes in challenges,

In wanting to do,

So okay you want to do,

No come do yoga,

Do pranayam,

Do this,

Do that,

Then we teach you a thousand things because you want to do,

Do,

Do,

Okay keep running,

Run,

Run,

Run,

Run,

Run,

If you remember in Upanishads we said this,

You run,

Run,

Run,

Run,

Run,

Run,

Run and then finally you come to a stop and we tell you,

Okay now stop running,

You're on a treadmill,

Look down,

You're at the same place where you started because you wanted to run,

All this is there,

You decide you still want to run,

Get onto the treadmill,

You're not going anywhere but get that out of your head,

It's only because your ego wants to strive,

Do you remember this,

This is the most important point of the highest stage,

Why there is resistance,

Who is resisting,

Ego wants to do something,

Okay go back to your meditation,

Go back to this,

Go back to that,

Again I can make you get onto a treadmill and we can do the same thing but recognize the truth,

You're not going anywhere,

There is nowhere to go,

You're already there,

Something in you says no,

No,

There is somewhere to go,

Okay get onto your treadmill again,

Start running,

There is nowhere to go.

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