Nisargadatta's I Am That Session 18 - Chapter 8 Part 2

Listen to Ektaji talk about Nisargadatta Maharaj's book I Am That. Nisargadatta Maharaj was a teacher who did not propound any ideology or religion, but gently unwrapped the mystery of the self. I Am That preserves his dialogs with the followers who came from around the world seeking guidance in destroying false identities.

Transcript

So,

The questioner says,

When I look into myself,

I find my strongest desire is to create a monument,

To build something which will outlast me.

Even when I think of a home,

Wife and child,

It is because it is lasting,

Solid,

Testimony to myself.

Maharaj says,

Right,

Build yourself a monument.

How do you propose to do it?

Questioner says,

It matters little what I build,

As long as it is permanent.

Notice even you want a permanent monument,

Permanent relationship,

Permanent money,

Permanent house,

My car should last my entire lifetime,

Permanent car you want,

Let us say you want a permanent monument.

Surely you can see for yourself that nothing is permanent,

All wears out,

Breaks down,

Dissolves,

The very ground on which you build gives way.

What can you build that will outlast all?

Questioner says,

Intellectually,

Verbally,

I am aware that all is transient,

Yet somehow my heart wants permanency.

I want to create something that lasts.

Maharaj says,

Then you must build it of something lasting.

Here comes the real answer.

What have you that is lasting?

Neither your body nor mind will last.

You must look elsewhere.

Questioner says,

I long for permanency,

But I find it nowhere.

Maharaj says,

Look,

Look closely,

Examine carefully.

Are you yourself not permanent?

I was born,

I shall die.

Can you truly say you were not before you were born?

And can you possibly say when dead,

Now I am no more?

Will you be able to say,

Now I am no more?

You cannot say from your own experience that you are not.

You can only say,

I am.

Others too cannot tell you,

You are not.

What is Maharaj hinting at?

Direct experience.

Maharaj is hinting at direct experience.

Just go with your direct experience.

In your direct experience,

Forget about death also.

Do you have experience that you were born?

Yes?

Do you have experience or mommy and daddy told you that you were born?

Your mother or your father told you,

You were born on such and such date.

You do not have that experience of being born,

Right?

You just have one experience,

I am.

Similarly,

He says,

When you die,

Will you be able to say,

I am no more?

You will not be able to say,

I am no more.

Who says?

Who speaks?

This body-mind mechanism speaks.

Can the witness consciousness speak?

Now also,

Does it speak?

The witness consciousness is just there,

Yes?

So you will not be able to say,

I am no more.

So in your direct experience,

You just go with that Maharaj says.

I am,

Is the only direct experience.

So the questioner says,

There is no I am in sleep,

Very smart questioner,

Okay?

The Maharaj says,

Before you make such sweeping statements,

Examine carefully your waking state.

You will soon discover that it is full of gaps,

When the mind blanks out.

How many of you blanked out in this past one hour,

For a few seconds?

So there are gaps in your waking state,

You notice that,

Yes?

Good.

So everybody knows that there are gaps in waking state,

Yes?

So I have lots of gaps in waking state.

Start thinking,

Why are there gaps?

I am going to ask you this question very soon.

You will soon discover that it is full of gaps,

When the mind blanks out.

Notice how little you remember,

Even when fully awake.

You cannot say that you were not conscious during sleep.

You just don't remember.

So deep sleep is just a gap in memory,

Just like you have gaps during the waking state.

What did you have for breakfast this morning,

Do you remember?

What did you eat last night for dinner?

You're sitting and thinking over there.

You see,

So there are gaps in your waking state,

When you're fully awake.

What are these gaps?

Nothing,

They are gaps in memory.

Similarly,

Deep sleep state is a gap in memory.

You cannot say that you were not conscious during sleep.

You just don't remember.

A gap in memory is not necessarily a gap in consciousness.

Can I make myself remember my state of deep sleep?

Of course,

By eliminating the intervals of inadvertence during your waking hours,

You will gradually eliminate the long interval of absent-mindedness,

Which you call sleep.

You will be aware that you are asleep.

We have discussed this before,

It's not such a difficult thing.

Maharaj gives you the clue.

How will I become more aware in my sleep?

When I become fully awake and aware in the waking state,

These gaps that I'm having in my memory about the waking state,

I can't remember what I had for breakfast,

What I had for dinner yesterday,

Simple things,

There are gaps in my memory in the waking state.

When these fill up,

These are called gaps of inadvertence.

Inadvertence is negligent.

I'm just not paying attention,

Carelessness,

Heedlessness,

Absent-mindedness.

So because of these gaps of absent-mindedness,

It carries into my sleep.

I allow these gaps of absent-mindedness.

I have started living life that it's okay to be absent-minded.

Do you see this?

You reverse that.

Constantly aware,

Moment to moment to moment to moment to moment to moment in the now.

Aware in the now,

In the now,

In the now.

There will be no more gaps in your memory.

At least in the past 24 hours or at least since this morning till now.

No gaps in the memory at all.

Clear awareness of the waking state.

It will naturally leak into your sleep.

You will be aware,

I am dreaming and then when you go into deep sleep state,

You will be aware that the body and mind are sleeping.

Whatever you encourage in the waking state,

It seeps into your dream and deep sleep state.

So now the questioner turns the whole conversation around.

He's not interested anymore there.

He says,

Yet the problem of permanency,

Of continuity of being is not solved.

What was his problem?

I want everything to be permanent.

You remember his monument?

He wants a permanent monument.

That is more important to him than being aware in deep sleep.

Look at his priority.

So Maharaj says,

Permanency is a mere idea born of the action of time.

Time again depends on memory.

By permanency,

You mean unfeeling memory through endless time.

You want to eternalize the mind,

Which is not possible.

I want it to be permanent.

Can it be permanent?

Nothing can be permanent because there is just the now,

The now,

The now.

Again and again there is the now and the now is constantly changing.

Again and again is changing and changing and changing.

Everything is changing again and again.

My mind wants that it should not change.

It should remain.

That is why mind has tricked me into believing there is a timeline.

On this timeline,

There is a past and there is a future and there is this now.

I can hold on to things from the past to the present and all the way into the future.

This is a story.

It's an idea.

It's not true.

Now do you understand the first line?

Permanency is a mere idea born of the action of time.

Idea means jo satya nahi hai,

That which is not true.

It is just an idea,

A concept,

A belief,

Manyata,

Something that is made up,

Manghadan kahani.

Because time depends again on memory.

And by permanency,

You mean unfailing memory through endless time.

Unfailing memory through endless time.

First of all,

Time does not exist.

So there is nothing like past and future.

So there is nothing like a permanent constant now.

The now is constantly changing.

It is a transient now.

So exact opposite of what is,

Is the desire of the mind and therefore can never be attained.

So he says,

You want to eternalize the mind which is not possible.

Then what is eternal?

That which does not change with time.

You cannot eternalize a transient thing.

Only the changeless is eternal.

Is the body changing or not?

It is changing.

So can I eternalize the body?

No.

Is this world changing or not?

Constantly changing.

Can I eternalize anything in this world?

I cannot.

Is the mind changing or not?

Constantly changing.

Can I eternalize the mind?

So where do I have to go?

Beyond the mind.

That's the only place where I will find something eternal,

Something permanent.

That which does not change with time.

You cannot eternalize a transient thing.

Only the changeless is eternal.

I am familiar with the general sense of what you say.

I do not crave for more knowledge.

All I want is peace.

You can have for the asking all the peace you want.

I am asking.

You must ask with an undivided heart and live an integrated life.

How?

Detach yourself from all that makes your mind restless.

Renounce all that disturbs its peace.

If you want peace,

Deserve it.

There is no other teacher as straightforward and blunt like Nisargadutta Maharaj.

You want peace?

You better deserve it.

Surely everybody deserves peace.

No,

No,

Not everybody.

Only those deserve it who don't disturb it.

In what way do I disturb peace?

By being a slave to your desires and fears.

Are you all a slave to your desires and fears?

Yes?

So you disturb peace?

Do you think you deserve it?

You don't.

Now do you know why you've not got peace all your life?

You didn't deserve it.

That is why you didn't get it.

Simple.

So the questioner says,

Even when they are justified,

He's trying to make desire and fear justified.

Emotional reactions born of ignorance or inadvertence are never justified.

Seek a clear mind and a clean heart.

All you need is to keep quietly alert,

Inquiring into the real nature of yourself.

That is the only way to peace.

What is he telling you indirectly?

That it is impossible to find peace in this samsara.

Forget about it.

It's not happening.

Not in your child,

Not in your spouse,

Not in your parent,

Not in your sibling,

Not in your money,

Not in your name,

Fame,

Power,

Politics.

Forget about it.

It's a bitter pill to swallow,

But it is the truth.

The day you accept this truth that here there is no peace,

Cannot be found here,

Then you stop looking in this wrong place,

Right?

Because I'm looking in this wrong place,

There is desire,

Correct?

If I was not looking here,

There would not be desire.

And because I want only peace from here,

There is fear of getting anything other than peace.

So both desire and fear are born out of my search for peace here in this samsara,

In this external world.

The day I recognize there is no peace in this external world,

My searching here will stop.

When my searching here stops,

Desire will drop,

Fear will drop.

And how will my searching here drop?

Give me somewhere else to put my foot,

Then I will take my foot off this boat,

No?

He says,

Take your foot off the boat of samsara and you put your foot in,

In the self.

That is the only place where you can find peace.

Peace is not there in this external samsara.

There is no other way out.

So if you are truly looking for peace,

Again and again,

Take that step to the witness,

To the one beyond the mind.

In Marathi,

It really comes out,

You know,

You have to be layak,

You really need to be eligible,

Is a better translation than deserve it.

You need to be eligible for peace,

Is a better translation of the way it is in Marathi.

In Marathi,

It really comes out,

You need to be layak,

You need to be eligible for peace.

In Marathi,

It really comes out,

You need to be layak,

You really need to be eligible for peace.

In Marathi,

It really comes out,

You need to be layak,

You really need to be eligible for peace.

In Marathi,

It really comes out,

You need to be layak,

You really need to be eligible for peace.

In Marathi,

It really comes out,

You need to be layak,

You really need to be eligible for peace.

In Marathi,

It really comes out,

You need to be layak,

You really need to be eligible for peace.

In Marathi,

It really comes out,

You need to be layak,

You really need to be eligible for peace.

In Marathi,

It really comes out,

You need to be layak,

You really need to be eligible for peace.

In Marathi,

It really comes out,

You need to be layak,

You really need to be eligible for peace.

In Marathi,

It really comes out,

You need to be layak,

You really need to be eligible for peace.

In Marathi,

It really comes out,

You need to be layak,

You really need to be eligible for peace.

In Marathi,

It really comes out,

You need to be layak,

You really need to be eligible for peace.

In Marathi,

It really comes out,

You need to be layak,

You really need to be eligible for peace.

In Marathi,

It really comes out,

You need to be layak,

You really need to be eligible for peace.

In Marathi,

It really comes out,

You need to be layak,

You really need to be eligible for peace.

In Marathi,

It really comes out,

You need to be layak,

You really need to be eligible for peace.

In Marathi,

It really comes out,

You need to be layak,

You really need to be eligible for peace.

In Marathi,

It really comes out,

You need to be layak,

You really need to be eligible for peace.

In Marathi,

It really comes out,

You need to be layak,

You really need to be eligible for peace.

In Marathi,

It really comes out,

You need to be layak,

You really need to be eligible for peace.

In Marathi,

It really comes out,

You need to be layak,

You really need to be layak,

You really need to be eligible for peace.

In Marathi,

It really comes out,

You need to be layak,

You really need to be eligible for peace.

In Marathi,

It really comes out,

You need to be layak,

You really need to be eligible for peace.

In Marathi,

It really comes out,

You need to be layak,

You really need to be eligible for peace.

In Marathi,

It really comes out,

You need to be layak,

You really need to be eligible for peace.

In Marathi,

It really comes out,

You need to be layak,

You really need to be eligible for peace.

In Marathi,

It really comes out,

You need to be layak,

You really need to be eligible for peace.

In Marathi,

It really comes out,

You need to be layak,

You really need to be eligible for peace.

In Marathi,

It really comes out,

You need to be layak,

You really need to be eligible for peace.

In Marathi,

It really comes out,

You need to be layak,

You really need to be eligible for peace.

In Marathi,

It really comes out,

You need to be layak,

You really need to be eligible for peace.

In Marathi,

It really comes out,

You need to be layak,

You really need to be eligible for peace.

In Marathi,

It really comes out,

You need to be layak,

You really need to be eligible for peace.

In Marathi,

It really comes out,

You need to be layak,

You really need to be eligible for peace.

In Marathi,

It really comes out,

You need to be layak,

You really need to be eligible for peace.

In Marathi,

It really comes out,

You need to be layak,

You really need to be eligible for peace.

In Marathi,

It really comes out,

You need to be layak,

You really need to be eligible for peace.

In Marathi,

It really comes out,

You need to be layak,

You really need to be eligible for peace.

In Marathi,

It really comes out,

You need to be layak,

You really need to be eligible for peace.

In Marathi,

It really comes out,

You need to be layak,

You really need to be eligible for peace.

In Marathi,

It really comes out,

You need to be layak,

You really need to be eligible for peace.

In Marathi,

It really comes out,

You need to be layak,

You really need to be eligible for peace.

In Marathi,

It really comes out,

You need to be layak,

You really need to be eligible for peace.

In Marathi,

It really comes out,

You need to be layak,

You really need to be eligible for peace.

In Marathi,

It really comes out,

You need to be layak,

You really need to be eligible for peace.

In Marathi,

It really comes out,

You need to be layak,

You really need to be eligible for peace.

In Marathi,

It really comes out,

You need to be layak,

You really need to be eligible for peace.

In Marathi,

It really comes out,

You need to be layak,

You really need to be eligible for peace.

In Marathi,

It really comes out,

You need to be layak,

You really need to be eligible for peace.

In Marathi,

It really comes out,

You need to be layak,

You really need to be eligible for peace.

In Marathi,

It really comes out,

You need to be layak,

You really need to be eligible for peace.

In Marathi,

It really comes out,

You need to be layak,

You really need to be eligible for peace.

In Marathi,

It really comes out,

You need to be layak,

You really need to be eligible for peace.

In Marathi,

It really comes out,

You need to be layak,

You really need to be eligible for peace.

In Marathi,

It really comes out,

You need to be layak,

You really need to be eligible for peace.

In Marathi,

It really comes out,

You need to be layak,

You really need to be eligible for peace.

In Marathi,

It really comes out,

You need to be layak,

You really need to be layak,

You really need to be eligible for peace.

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It really comes out,

You need to be layak,

You really need to be layak,

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This is beyond the body and mind.

There is no other topic we are going to discuss in the entire book.

So don't try to go into your own old-fashioned ways.

No,

There is no other philosophy here.

Those were nice philosophies,

Let them stay there.

We are only talking about one thing on this path.

Again and again,

Go to the sense of I am.

Be the witness,

The awareness.

Recognize I am not the body,

I am not the mind.

There is no other teaching in Advaita.

Advaita begins and ends with that one single teaching.

The entire book is a repetition of the same teaching.

So don't try to find flavor here.

There is no flavor.

This is not Baskin Robbins with 50 plus flavors.

Plain vanilla.

Straightforward,

Plain vanilla.

Direct path,

Directly to the self.

No confusion for the sadhak at all.

Only one teaching.

I am not the body,

I am not the mind.

I get confused because I assume that I am either the body or the mind.

That is why to get rid of this confusion,

I have to take the step beyond.

Be the witness and recognize,

Aha,

This is something I had missed all my life.

This is the self.

Please stop looking for that individual soul.

That was a wonderful story for babies.

There is no individual soul.

Very nice story for little kids.

We need to grow up.

Advaita is growing up.

Even the present is not in my control Meena.

Wake up to that truth.

How so?

Because if I am in the witness and I am not worrying about the future,

I am of course not in the past at that time.

How is it not in my control then?

That is my question.

So you have not done that self-exploration,

Knowing is the only possibility.

I can't squeeze everything into the session.

That's why self-explorations are separate.

So homework for Meena and for everybody who thinks that they are in control of anything,

Past,

Present or future,

Please do the self-exploration,

Knowing is the only possibility.

It takes a good 30 minutes.

I cannot spend 30 minutes right now taking you through it.

How to do it?

A little more self-exploration.

The present is not in my control.

Nothing is in my control.

Wake up and see this.

The body and mind perform their actions automatically.

I am just the knower of the actions after the action has been performed.

Wake up,

Wake up.

When your gaps,

Gaps in memory during your waking state reduce,

You'll be able to see this very clearly.

Yeah,

The body acted even before I could even think or say anything.

Automatically the speech came out.

The action happens through the body-mind.

I,

The witness,

Cannot act.

You just remain as the witness.

Recognize I am the witness.

I cannot be the body-mind.

It is a bluff that I have played with myself all my life.

I am going to stop playing this bluff now.

I am going to just see it.

Moment to moment call out the bluff.

Moment to moment,

Moment to moment,

Throughout the day,

Again and again,

Just be the witness,

Be the witness.

Beyond that,

The journey is automatic.

There is nothing to do.

You cannot do.

Yes,

Yeah,

I understand,

I understand that.

Sometimes it makes you think,

Okay,

You can do something better,

But it's not.

There is nothing.

Correct,

Correct.

When you truly recognize that you are the witness,

Then this question only doesn't arise,

What should I do?

Do you get it?

Till the time this question arises,

What can I do to get better?

What can I do?

It still means you've not got established as the witness.

Correct.

So,

Work on that.

Stay,

Stay as the witness again and again and again.

Thank you.

There is just the now.

In the now,

A thought arises and just because I recognize the thought as a repetitive thought,

I label it as memory.

There is nothing like memory.

There is no box called memory.

It's nothing but a repetitive thought.

So,

When I'm in the now,

Even in the now,

I am not 100% there.

I'm getting consumed in the now.

So,

How you should see it,

There's nothing like memory,

But even the now,

I am not 100% there.

I'm getting consumed in whatever,

The husband's talk,

Whatever happened at work,

Whatever interaction is happening,

I'm getting so entangled.

The Tadatma is happening in the now.

I'm not able to stand apart in the now and see it.

And that is creating gaps in my understanding also.

And then mind is very cunning.

It fills up gaps with stories.

It fills up the gaps with repetitive thoughts.

That is labeled as memory for the beginner,

For an Advaithin.

It's a repetitive thought of the now.

So,

I see it very clearly.

I still have a gap in the now.

I'm not here.

I'm not here.

I'm not here.

To stand apart and watch,

Just watch.

That is the meaning of being in the now.

So,

This should be a continuous process for you now.

I stand apart.

I like what Krishnamurti says.

He's saying,

I am choicelessly aware.

I don't have a choice.

I just fool myself.

I bluff myself that I have a choice to be aware or not be aware,

To get consumed or not get consumed.

Really,

I'm choicelessly aware all the time.

I ignore to see the truth about myself.

That's it.

All I have to stop doing is ignoring it.

That is where the word Ajnaan has come up.

Ajnaan simply means I was ignoring what is.

I was ignoring the present.

I was ignoring the now.

I am choicelessly aware.

So,

All I need to do is just see.

See.

Only see.

Watch is also not right because watch also is like entailing that you are doing something.

There is an action.

In seeing the witness is witnessing.

Just witnessing.

Just witnessing.

You're not doing.

Knowing is not a doing.

Eating is doing.

Talking is doing.

Speaking is doing.

But knowing happens after eating is over.

After talking is over.

After speaking is over.

Knowing is not a doing.

It's the end result of a function.

So,

He's saying instead of jumping into the function,

You just stand apart and know.

You'll recognize,

Oh,

Knowing is my only possibility.

The doing was an assumption.

The function was an assumption.

Choicelessly aware.

Just knowing.

Again and again in the now.

No gaps.

Can I just word mind as memory because there is nothing else.

It's just,

It's just memory.

All the gaps are just filled with the repetition.

Correct.

Thought.

Nothing but thought.

Yeah.

Everything is thought.

Thoughts are not original.

Correct.

And they are not mine.

I cannot claim ownership.

I cannot say I am thinking.

I'm not.

I cannot do the functions.

Function is not in my domain range.

My domain is only one.

Simple.

Knowing.

Yeah.

Like the screen.

The pictures can play on the screen.

The actor and actress can do their romance.

The screen cannot say I was romancing.

The screen can only know the romance.

The screen can only know the drama.

The screen can only know whatever is happening.

Similarly,

I stand back and only know what is happening.

There is really no point.

Stop trying to look for any point in this world of people,

Situations and things.

Stop looking for peace here.

That's how I ended today.

Your problem is you're looking for peace here in people,

Situations and things and you're failing continuously.

You've been failing for the past 20,

30,

40 years of your life.

Continuously there is failure because you're looking in the wrong place.

You've lost your keys.

You've lost your keys inside the house.

But inside the house,

There is no electricity.

So you're looking outside the house.

There's light here.

But it doesn't make sense.

You lost it somewhere else.

You have to look for it where you lost it.

So where you lost your peace,

You forgot something.

You took on the assumption that I am the body-mind and you started looking outside for peace.

Here,

This is the right place,

Not this.

You're looking in the wrong direction.

That's why do as much yoga as you want.

Do as much pranayama as you want.

Chant mantras,

Sing songs,

Dance.

You will not be happy because the mind cannot be happy.

It's a pointless exercise to try to make the mind happy.

Instead,

Take a step beyond the mind.

Be the witness and recognize I am happiness itself.

Easier,

No?

Yeah,

But we can have this conversation only when you practice to be in the witness and really see what I'm telling you.

See,

Experientially see.

Yeah,

Not intellectually understand.

No point intellectually understanding.

Yeah,

Thank you.

So the body-mind is that which is experiencing the Sukha and Dukha in this world.

The witness consciousness forgets itself.

It forgets that I am the witness and it becomes one with the body-mind and says,

Oh,

I am experiencing this Sukha and Dukha of the world.

It is only a misconception of the witness.

The moment the witness wakes up from this,

Recognize I am separate.

The body-mind is separate.

The body is going through its disease,

Its old age,

Its Dukha.

But see,

I,

The witness,

Am untouched.

I don't feel old.

That's why even if somebody says,

Sumanth,

You're looking so old,

Man.

Does Sumanth feel old?

You never feel old.

Why?

Because that's the moment you take this step to the witness and recognize the distance between the witness and the body-mind.

You get it?

Many times it happens in the day naturally to you,

Sumanth.

It happens to each one of us.

Many,

Many times we take this step beyond and recognize,

No,

I am not this body-mind.

And again,

We get consumed.

So when it gets consumed,

It's called the experiencer.

When it stands apart,

It is called the witness.

But battle will go on all the time.

It will go on.

That is not the problem.

The battle is not the problem.

What is the problem?

The wrong assumption I am the body-mind is the problem.

So I choose,

Voluntarily,

Choose to be the witness all the time,

24-7.

Then whatever happens to the body-mind is happening because of the rhythm of life.

I cannot control the rhythm of life.

I stand apart as the witness.

So the moment you get mixed up with the body-mind complex,

You become the character,

Don't you?

Experiencer.

Then I am the doer also,

Not just experiencer.

I am doing this.

See,

If I didn't do this,

Then how would this happen?

All a bluff.

It's a bluff.

But you have to experientially see it.

That's why I'm insisting that you do that self-exploration.

I'll ask the volunteers,

Please,

Could you send the YouTube link to everybody?

So everybody,

Please do that.

They'll send you the link to that self-exploration.

Yeah,

So please do this because only when you experientially see,

Oh,

I am not the body and mind.

I am just the knower of what is happening at the body-mind level.

When you experientially recognize,

Then all this opens up.

It blossoms.

It becomes another reality of yours rather than just an intellectual understanding.

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