I Am That - Session 60 - Chapter 21 - Who Am I - Part 2

Listen to Ektaji talk about Nisargadatta Maharaj's book I Am That. Nisargadatta Maharaj was a teacher who did not propound any ideology or religion, but gently unwrapped the mystery of the self. I Am That preserves his dialogs with the followers who came from around the world seeking guidance in destroying false identities.

Transcript

Why has God made me as I am?

Questioner says,

Why has God made me as I am?

Maharaj says,

Which God are you talking about?

What is God?

Is He not the very light by which you ask the question,

I am?

Itself is God.

Are you seeing this?

There is no external God out there.

How many of you still believe in an external God out there?

How many of you still believe there is God in a statue,

In the temple?

Then you have not started the Advaita path properly.

Still one foot is in the Dwaitambot and one foot is in the Advaitambot.

If you have two feet in two different boats,

What is going to happen?

You are going to drown.

These two boats go in the opposite direction.

Dwaitambot is the religious path where there is the belief of an external God,

A God greater than I am.

Advaitambot says there is nothing external,

Nothing exists out there.

There is only me,

The Brahman.

Yes?

Brahmasmi.

I am Brahman.

This is Advaita Vedanta.

Which means I am God.

I am the one projecting my own personal world.

I am the one then perceiving my own personal world.

Then I believe this personal world to be true.

I hold on to it.

I have greed and lust for it.

And when my demands are not satisfied by my only world,

I am suffering.

It's a little game I am playing with myself.

There is no external God out there.

Are you clear about this?

Everybody?

Then I'll give you one task to do once you go home.

All the God statues and pictures,

All that mantelpiece,

Where should it go?

Gift it away to family members.

If you watch the documentary,

Rays of the Absolute,

What does Maharaj start with?

What is the first scene?

The person who is telling about Maharaj,

What does he say the first thing?

First thing Maharaj told him?

Yes,

Take all the pictures of Gods,

All the statues and put them into the river.

Do you have the strength to follow that kind of a master?

Can you do that?

I don't have a mantelpiece in my house.

There is no mantelpiece,

No God,

No pictures,

Nothing.

I,

The pure consciousness,

I am projecting it all.

There is no other creator other than me.

This recognition,

This takes away all belief in anything in this waking state,

Anything.

Takes away attachment of this waking state.

Takes away even dependency on anything in this waking state.

Why do you believe that statue is God?

You either fear something or you want something and you feel that statue is going to give it to you.

When you go beyond both fear and want,

What is remaining?

You recognize,

I am projecting it.

I am projecting the fear.

I am projecting the want.

I am God.

So then,

If you want to worship God,

Go stand in front of the mirror,

Take the diya,

The candle,

And you worship your own self.

Put the tika on your own self in the mirror.

Put flowers on your own self.

You are God.

That's your egoistic drop.

There is no need for worshipping.

What is this?

It's all my projection.

At the source,

I control it.

I projected this.

At the source,

I can control it and unproject future projections.

I might not be able to stop what I have already projected.

Suppose the director and the cameraman of a film create a film and it's already up there running.

Can they now change it?

No,

It's already running.

But the next film can be changed.

It's like that.

So I have projected this.

I accept,

I acknowledge,

I humble the ego.

Yes,

This is my projection.

Even if it is a tiger and I hate the tiger,

It is still born of my desire.

When I see that truth,

I acknowledge that truth.

I humble the ego.

Accept my falling.

I withdraw.

This entire waking state is futile.

It cannot bring me happiness.

It cannot bring me joy.

Then I stop playing.

It's only a toy.

Remember you played with toys?

Now you don't.

Once you recognize these attachments are futile,

They cause more suffering than bring any joy or happiness to me,

They start dropping.

Puja means worship.

They worship the statues of gods.

Maharaj used to do puja of his guru,

Worship of his guru,

The photograph of his guru.

So it was a ritual that he did before he was enlightened.

The seed was very,

Very strong of the puja.

And he continued for some time,

But that also withered away later on.

So he says that,

Like I told you,

Residual fuel means what?

Yeah,

How much fuel is there in the tank of the car?

That much only the car is going to run.

If I don't take it to the gas station and put more fuel in it,

It's going to stop,

Right?

But when is it going to stop?

Only when this residual fuel is exhausted.

Is that correct?

Take that only I have a residual fuel of tendencies.

I have a very strong thing.

Oh,

I have to do puja of this statue.

Otherwise bad will happen to me.

You know,

Fear.

Yeah,

That fear I have put so strongly that has become my fuel.

Or I have to do puja of this statue.

Good will come my way.

Now I have very strong samskara or desire of getting something from the statue.

Now I have so much fuel.

Till this fuel is exhausted,

This body-mind will continue doing it.

But I have recognized I am the witness.

If I still jump in and say no,

I have to still continue.

I do not stand as the witness.

I become the body-mind and do the puja.

Then I'm filling more fuel.

Then you're never going to get over it.

You have to remember that age between seven to nine where you stopped playing with toys.

First you got disinterested in the toy car and the toy man and the toy house.

But sometimes you used to just go play with it.

Then your mom or dad reminded you,

Aren't you playing with them anymore?

Because you were reminded,

You went and you sat with the doll or the toy house.

But you were not into it anymore.

Yes,

Do you have a little faint memory of this?

A point came when you just didn't look at it.

Not that you hated your toys.

You had just grown up,

Suddenly.

Do you remember that?

You suddenly stopped believing in Santa Claus.

You stopped waiting for Santa on Christmas.

You suddenly grew up.

You don't hate Santa Claus particularly today,

Right?

You don't hate your toys,

Do you?

No.

Like that only you will not hate the idea of statues or gods or rites and rituals.

It's just that you grow up.

You see that?

That is what Maharaj talks about.

You will naturally grow up.

There is no God.

What is God?

You're complicating things.

If there is a God,

It is you.

I have projected it on my creation.

Which God are you talking about?

What is God?

Is He not the very light by which you ask the question?

I am itself is God.

Please highlight.

I am itself is God.

The seeking itself is God.

In seeking,

You discover that you are neither the body nor mind.

And the love of the self in you is for the self in all.

This is very important.

This is where you recognize oneness,

Ekta.

Recognize oneness,

Ekta.

That's the meaning of the name ekta.

Oneness.

There is no two selves.

There is no separate consciousness here and separate there,

Separate there,

Separate there.

It is all one infinite field of consciousness.

So the two are one.

The consciousness in you and the consciousness in me,

Apparently two,

Really one.

Seek unity and that is love.

You're also looking for that same oneness.

You're thirsting to go back.

You know when you have these tears,

That longing and you don't know why you're crying.

It is that longing to just go back to the self,

That consciousness.

And each one of us has the same longing.

It's the same.

There is no two.

There's just one.

How am I to find that love?

Maharaj asks,

What do you love now?

The I am?

Give your heart and mind to it.

Think of nothing else.

This,

When effortless and natural,

Is the highest state.

In it,

Love itself is the lover and the beloved.

So all he is saying,

The sense of I am.

That is what you love.

Give attention only to that.

Just be the witness.

Just be the witness.

Just be with the sense of I am.

Drop the this and the that.

Not important.

Just be with that.

Because that is the effortless,

Natural and highest state.

Highlight that.

In it,

Love itself is the lover and the beloved.

The questioner says,

Everybody wants to live,

To exist.

Is it not self-love?

Maharaj says,

All desire has its source in the self.

It is all a matter of choosing the right desire.

So the questioner says,

What is right and what is wrong?

Varies with habit and custom.

Standards vary.

Standards vary with societies.

Maharaj says,

Discard all traditional standards.

This is very important.

He is giving you a direct pointer.

What is your traditional standard?

Rites,

Rituals,

Worship,

Customs,

Traditions.

Discard all of them,

He is telling you.

Leave them to the hypocrites.

Only what liberates you from desire and fear and wrong ideas is good.

As long as you worry about sin and virtue,

You will have no peace.

This is very important.

Till the time I worry about,

Oh this is good and this is bad.

This is right,

This is wrong.

This is sin.

This is virtue.

I am going to be stuck.

Why am I stuck?

Because I still believe I am this body-mind that is the doer of the sin or the virtue.

That is the doer of the good or the bad.

I am going to be stuck.

So to move away from this,

He says,

There is only one remedy.

The sense of I am.

That is the source of all love.

That is the source of all desires.

You go there.

Nothing less than that will do.

All other desires you leave for hypocrites.

Only what liberates you from desire and fear and wrong ideas is good.

What is desire?

I want.

What is fear?

I don't want.

Are you seeing this?

So desire is raga and fear is dvesha.

Raga and dvesha.

These are your biggest obstacles and only what liberates you from raga and dvesha and wrong ideas,

Only that is good.

So if I say I have to do a virtuous deed.

Isn't that I want?

Isn't that desire?

I want to do a virtuous deed.

I want to do good.

It is desire.

I want this person to go away.

This person is very bad.

I am committing a sin.

This is because of fear of whatever that person will do to me.

Raga and dvesha.

Both of these are obstacles.

These can trip me.

Why?

Because both make me believe I am the doer which is wrong.

Clear?

So only what liberates you from desire and fear and wrong ideas,

Only that is good.

Only the sense of I am and establishing there,

I become free.

Sarva paramparagat adarsha taka.

Leave it to the dhongis.

Iksha,

Bheeti and chukicha kalpana.

Whatever liberates you from these,

Only that is good.

Yes?

Whatever frees me from bheeti and from iksha.

Only that is good.

Yes?

Paap punyanchi chinta tumhi karta,

Toh pariyant tumhala shanti midnar nahin.

Very important.

Till the time you keep thinking about paap and punya,

Sin and virtue,

You are not going to be at peace.

Isn't this revolutionary?

What you learn from religion?

You don't do anything sinful,

You do only that which is virtuous.

You do only punya,

You reject paap.

So you have to constantly think,

Oh this is paap,

This is punya,

This is paap,

This is punya.

I have to do only punya,

I have to not do paap.

I have to not do sin,

I have to only do virtue.

This constant thing,

Does it leave you at peace?

Something that I can think,

Oh I said this honestly to her,

I did punya.

I did a virtuous deed by telling her the truth.

But she got hurt.

So she says,

No,

You did wrong,

Whereas I think I was honest and I did right.

So do you see,

Right and wrong,

Constantly at war for the same deed.

You are never going to be at peace.

I am just throwing out an example.

You apply it in your personal life.

Whenever you are lost in this conflict between right and wrong,

Good and bad,

Sin and virtue,

Till that time there is no peace.

Why?

Go one level deeper.

Why?

Because in both sin or virtue,

There is doership.

There is that belief,

I am this body mind person that is either doing the sin or doing the virtue.

Both are wrong.

Both are in the same plate,

You are in the same court.

You are in the same court,

The court of doership.

So leave it to the dhungis.

So drop this judgment of sin and virtue,

Good and bad,

Right and wrong.

Simply be a witness to whatever is automatically playing.

What does this mean?

You will have to drop all those religious conditionings.

That's why he started with discard all traditional standards.

This is a hard hitting chapter.

You will have to drop the whole religious idea.

Now don't go into that guilt trip.

Lot of people come to me in one on ones after something like this and they say,

Oh 40 years I was worshipping the statues.

I wasted 40 years of my life.

I said no.

7 to 8 years of your life as a child you were playing with toys.

Did you waste 7 to 8 years of your life?

No,

That was required for you to mature.

It was a stepping stone.

So use your religious path,

Your dwaitam path as a stepping stone.

It was school.

I needed that stepping stone of school to go to university.

Can you jump to university without going to school?

No.

So it was my stepping stone.

However long I was there,

That's fine.

Now I am ready for graduation.

Admit you.

On the other hand,

If you still feel very attached to your statues and religious books,

It's okay.

Be kind with yourself.

It will shed.

There is a fast these women do in this month.

That if I fast,

The husband will live longer.

Yeah,

They really.

And they do a fast without water.

Where is the logic I ask them?

Where is the scientific logic you show?

No,

It's just so that they fast.

It was given to,

Okay,

Just because you know fasting is hard.

So just give them some good reason.

At least with that reason they will fast.

But now you have,

You know,

Matured.

Spiritually,

Your IQ has grown.

And you see that it doesn't make sense.

By me fasting,

The husband's life cannot really get prolonged.

It doesn't make sense.

You see the truth.

The truth is that fasting is good for the body.

Scientific reason.

It's good for the body.

It helps the body detoxify.

And the organs,

Inner organs rest.

Water just helps hydrate the body.

And that's why you drink water all day.

So that is the reason this fast is for.

See the real thing and remove the hypocrite story around it.

The doongi standards.

Remove that.

So you're still doing your fast with the family.

They are fasting for the husband or the wife.

But you are fasting for the body.

So that way you're not hurting them.

Right?

You're doing something that is good for the body.

That way.

He's saying you can also do it that way.

So that the family does not get offended.

But raise your spiritual IQ.

See the truth and discard the rubbish.

The higher your vairagya,

Your dispassion,

The higher your spiritual IQ.

The lower the vairagya,

The lower the spiritual IQ.

So every master does that.

Nisargadatta Maharaj used to give mantra to the people who had the low spiritual IQ who could not do self-inquiry like this.

Yeah.

But somebody who had the higher spiritual IQ used to sit and talk to them and encourage them to do self-inquiry and stand as the I am,

Sense of I am.

So same thing Ramana Maharshi did.

Those who are low in spiritual IQ devote,

Devotion.

Yeah.

And they still do mantra chanting in their ashram today.

So you do mantra chanting,

Do the shloka chanting,

They do Vedic chanting.

The Vedic texts are revised.

So okay,

In some way,

Somebody who has a low spiritual IQ rather than being lost in lust and greed,

At least he is devoting time towards moving in.

Maybe with time his IQ matures.

Maybe the vairagya,

The dispassion towards the world sets in.

When it sets in,

He is ready for Ramana's teachings.

You've seen Ramana's teachings are direct silence.

Just sit in silence.

It requires another level of vairagya to just sit in silence with the master.

And then he had a mid-level teaching,

Self-inquiry.

You've done that.

Follow the I thought,

Which is the sense of I am and the I disappears.

What does it disappear into?

That's the pure consciousness,

Primordial awareness,

The source.

That is what I am.

But somebody with a very low spiritual IQ could not understand that.

So he had to give something to them.

So every master teaches at every level.

So we have to just understand at what level this teaching is.

This person is really up there.

That's why Maharaj is straightforward with him.

He knows he is ready.

If you are ripe,

The master gives the knowledge to you.

The wisdom comes.

So he says,

Discard all traditional standards.

Leave them to the hypocrites.

Only what liberates you from desire and fear and wrong ideas is good.

As long as you worry about sin and virtue,

You will have no peace.

So questioner says,

I grant that sin and virtue are social norms.

But there may be also spiritual sins and virtues.

I mean by spiritual,

The absolute.

Is there such a thing as absolute sin or absolute virtue?

Maharaj says,

Sin and virtue refer to a person only.

Without a sinful or virtuous person,

What is sin or virtue?

At the level of the absolute,

There are no persons.

The ocean of pure awareness is neither virtuous nor sinful.

Sin and virtue are invariably relative.

Very,

Very clear what we've been talking about.

He tells you directly here.

So the ocean of awareness that I am,

That is beyond sin,

Beyond virtue.

There's no sin,

No virtue.

Highlight that part there.

So this questioner,

He's ready for this knowledge.

Now he understands,

Oh yes,

I have been seeing this futility,

But I was playing the fake game.

Yeah,

Now I'm ready to let go of the fake game.

So what does he ask?

Can I do away with such unnecessary notions?

Maharaj says,

Not as long as you think yourself to be a person.

Please highlight.

This is very important.

When I give up my stand of being the witness and I take the wrong stand of being the person,

Then I cannot be free of these notions.

Not possible.

I have to keep remembering,

Who am I?

I'm the witness of the person,

Not the person.

When I'm the witness,

Then I can give up these notions.

Okay,

So he says,

You will not be able to overcome this notion as long as you think yourself to be a person.

So questioner says,

By what sign shall I know that I am beyond sin and virtue?

Maharaj says,

By being free from desire and fear,

From the very idea of being a person.

To nourish the ideas,

I am a sinner,

I am not a sinner,

Is sin.

Are you getting it?

Doership,

The whole assumption of doership is sin.

When I say,

I am the teacher or I am not the teacher,

Both is doership.

I want to do this action,

I don't want to do this action,

Means I'm saying I have the ability to do the action,

Which is a lie.

Which is a lie.

I'm simply knowingness.

I am the ocean of knowledge.

I can only know.

I cannot do an action.

I am not the doer.

So the moment I think I am the doer,

That itself I have started on the wrong path.

Very clear?

Whenever I think I am the karta,

The moment there is kartabhav,

Kartabhav itself is path,

Is wrong,

Is a wrong idea.

Very clear?

To identify oneself with the particular,

Is all the sin there is.

The impersonal is real.

The personal appears and disappears.

I am,

Is the impersonal being.

I am this,

Is the person.

Are you getting it?

I am,

Is impersonal.

I am this,

Is personal.

Keep looking at the shift between personal,

Impersonal,

Personal,

Impersonal.

There is this constant shift happening within you.

When there is this shift towards the personal,

This is the sin.

This is the wrong thing.

The impersonal is real.

That is the sense of I am.

The person is relative and the pure being is fundamental.

Questioner asks,

Surely,

Pure being is not unconscious,

Nor is it devoid of discrimination.

How can it be beyond sin and virtue?

Just tell us please,

Has it intelligence or not?

Maharaj says,

All these questions arise from your believing yourself to be a person.

Go beyond the personal and see.

So questioner says,

What exactly do you mean when you ask me to stop being a person?

Maharaj says,

Maharaj says,

I do not ask you to stop being.

That you cannot.

Please highlight.

That you cannot.

You cannot stop being a person.

I ask you only to stop imagining that you were born,

That you have parents,

That you are a body,

And that you will die and so on.

It's very important.

This is all my imagination.

So here I will introduce,

Srishti,

Drishti,

Vada.

Srishti means creation.

Drishti means consciousness.

So,

Srishti,

Drishti,

Vada,

The first one,

Means creation precedes consciousness.

What is the meaning of precedes?

Creation is first,

And consciousness,

I,

The consciousness,

Am born in it.

That is how you see,

When you were not on the spiritual path,

You thought that the world exists,

Mom exists,

Dad exists,

This world exists first.

In the world,

I,

This body-mind person,

Called Ekta,

Am born.

In me,

There is a mind,

And inside my mind,

There is a little dot of consciousness.

Didn't you think like that?

Yes,

That is the beginner level of thinking.

Srishti,

Drishti,

Vada.

Yes,

As you go deeper into Advaita Vedanta,

It becomes clear,

No,

It's exactly the opposite.

The creation does not precede consciousness.

In fact,

It is number two.

Consciousness precedes creation.

Drishti,

Srishti,

Vada.

Means,

I,

The consciousness,

I project the creation.

And I project,

Every morning I project the waking state.

The projection lasts for a little while.

Then,

Just the blurry residue of the projection that lasts is called the dream state.

Then the projection ends.

That is the deep sleep state.

I am,

I am constant.

So,

Consciousness precedes creation is the second one.

Drishti,

Srishti,

Vada.

Very clear?

Very clear?

How many of you are still at one?

How many of you still believe that I was born on so and so day and I am going to die one day?

Then you are still there at level one.

Those who have progressed from that,

You will have started seeing that I project my world every morning.

And I withdraw from this projection every night.

And how can I die?

How can I be born?

In this projection,

Not possible.

Because I am projecting it.

I am the projector.

Yes?

It's all coming out of me.

Projection is inside out.

It's not outside in.

Once you become clear,

Your seeing becomes clear,

Not intellectualization,

Seeing,

Then you are at level two.

Drishti,

Srishti,

Vada.

Consciousness is before creation.

Consciousness precedes creation.

Very clear?

First two is clear?

As you go deeper and deeper,

You start seeing,

Oh,

My projection is nothing but thought.

Feeling is thought,

Sensation is thought,

Perception is thought.

Oh,

It's all thought.

Oh,

This is only waking thought,

This is dream thought,

This is deep sleep thought.

Oh,

And what is thought made of?

Nothing but awareness.

It's not made of something separate other than me,

The awareness.

Oh,

There is only awareness.

There is no world.

So,

Nothing was ever born.

Ajata.

Ajata Vada.

There is no God.

Nothing is ever born.

There is no creation.

For a little while,

I want you to sit today after the session and mull over this.

Where am I?

Maybe you're transitioning from one to two,

Maybe you're transitioning from two to three.

Where are you?

In your actual seeing,

Huh?

Not in intellectualization.

No point.

When you see it,

So,

What happens when you really see it?

Even when you go back into the world,

You're the same.

Yeah?

When you intellectualize it,

Here you think,

I know it.

Once you go back out,

It's all fizzled out.

That means it was only intellectualization,

Not realization.

Okay?

So,

This is what I introduced here.

What is Maharaj asking you?

I ask you only to stop imagining that you were born,

That you have parents,

That you are a body,

And that you will die.

And so on.

Just try.

Make a beginning.

It is not as hard as you think.

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