What Is Sovereignty? Talk And Guided Practice

First talk and guided meditation in a series exploring women's sovereignty, offered by Durga Fuller. Guided practice begins 19:00 minutes into the recording. Meditation alone approximately 20 minutes. May any benefit received from this work be dedicated to all sentient beings. May all beings experience liberation. May all beings understand the causes and conditions that lead to liberation. May all beings have access to the resources that lead to that understanding. May all beings be free.

Transcript

And I've been thinking obviously a lot about sovereignty and I know that I wrote a little bit about it.

The idea,

The download that I got about why I wanted to offer this came to me on a retreat with Adyashanti.

It was just on a week-long retreat a little over a month ago with him.

I've been in a place of trying to figure out what I wanted to offer.

I think I've said this to a few of you here from my head.

I want to offer something,

You know,

And everything that I thought about to offer just kind of fell apart.

You know,

So I just let it go.

I'm not gonna try to make this happen.

I'm not gonna try and figure it out in my mind.

And about halfway through this week-long retreat it was just like this,

It came down like it felt like it came down on me.

And it was like the name,

Sovereign self,

And the format,

You know,

Little talk,

Meditation,

Deep communication circle,

You know,

Minimal cross talk and cross talk in a kind of with full consent,

Which feels important to me because it feels a lot like it's in interaction that we lose ourselves often,

You know,

We can lose ourselves when we're alone too.

But it's often and like when we're in conversation or when we're in the flow of our life that we don't always know how to hold on to ourselves,

You know,

For very good reasons.

And so I was looking up,

Like the word came sovereign,

Sovereign self.

It was like so clear sovereign self and then I started looking okay what does sovereignty mean,

Like what does that mean?

And all of the things that I was coming across were like it's a coin,

It's a state,

You know,

The sovereign state.

It was all these very kind of masculine descriptions and I just kept like kind of like no that's not it,

Kind of throwing them out in my mind,

No,

No,

That's not it,

That's not what I'm looking for,

That's there's something else,

I know what sovereign feels like and it's not all those things,

You know.

And the only two lines that I came up with that felt at all related to what I felt like this was about was relating to characteristic of or befitting a supreme ruler and enjoying autonomy,

Right.

But to me that's still not quite enough.

So we're gonna find our own meanings for sovereignty and which I think as sovereign beings we get to do,

You know,

Just like what is that,

What does that mean,

You know,

Because I think sovereignty is an experience,

It's you know,

And not that it doesn't have these other meanings,

I get it,

They have this meaning in the world,

But there's something that,

You know,

I've played with the whole image and sensation that comes with the idea of being a queen at different times in my life,

You know,

And what is queenliness,

You know,

And to me it's this piece around having that autonomy,

Having that self-determination,

Right,

But also being responsive to and responsible to others.

So there's this piece in here that I feel like the word empowerment has been used a lot in the recent years,

You know,

And there's something about empowerment that,

And I'm not saying it's never been used in a way that I agree with,

But there's something about that word that feels like it can become a kind of an inflation or a,

Not always,

But there's an edge to it,

And sovereignty to me feels more like there's a responsiveness and a connection as well as a really clear self sense of power and autonomy.

So that's what that word means to me,

And it just feels like as a sensation in my body,

Like that's what I'm hoping to explore,

You know,

Over time,

And I have to say I had so many ideas and I was like,

Darkest stop,

Maybe two or three.

And so there's a piece around this,

I want to keep anchoring this in the body,

You know,

Yes,

We're going to put words out there,

But I really want those words to come and land with y'all in an embodied way.

And so if you feel comfortable,

You know,

Now or throughout the evening,

I want to really introduce this idea of holding onto yourself as an energetic piece of sovereignty,

You know,

It's just like where's the boundary,

Knowing where the boundaries are,

Knowing that the boundaries are permeable,

You know,

And some of us can't even feel our boundaries,

I know,

You know what I mean,

It's like that's part of,

Particularly being,

I think,

Female identified in this culture,

We're not really encouraged to have boundaries.

So you know,

Just I want to encourage you,

Invite you as I'm talking,

As we meditate a bit later,

And then as we're doing the deep communication circle,

Really remember when you can,

And maybe I'll throw out some reminders sometimes,

Like remember your body,

And like hold onto yourself.

When I say hold onto yourself,

There's a sense of that that's energetic,

But I think there's a way that it can land when we actually hold onto ourself,

You know,

Just like what is it like to wrap your own arms around yourself?

And just allow that to kind of sink in,

You know,

And if you can feel it more from maybe the inside than like your hands,

But more like what does it feel to be held,

And then to know that you're holding yourself.

Yeah,

I'm seeing you actually with your hand on your belly,

That's nice too.

But that's also like,

You know,

And to me,

You know,

Being in a somewhat larger body,

Like I've rejected my belly,

You know,

So sometimes it's really important for me to just like,

Okay,

You know,

This poor belly,

I've rejected you.

And I want to take just a couple minutes to,

A couple seconds,

A few seconds,

Just to honor all of my teachers,

To really honor that I didn't come up with,

I mean,

Most of my words have been inspired by some amazing human beings and some not human beings,

You know.

But all my teachers in the Buddhist lineage and all my teachers in the pagan lineage,

You know,

My ancestors,

You know,

Native American ceremony that I've involved,

It's just,

I realize there's just so much that has allowed me to actually land in my body as much as I have that has come from invitations from a number of different sources.

So I want to call them into the room,

You know,

Just in huge gratitude.

I want to talk a little bit about leaking energy,

Which I think is where we lose our sovereignty.

It's a way of describing that.

And I just want to focus on one piece,

One way that I think all of us can probably identify as ways that we leak energy.

And that's through worry,

Repetitive thinking about things that we cannot control,

You know.

And so I'm just dropping that in to just,

It can be something when we do meditate in a few minutes to note,

Because we will be thinking as we meditate.

I have very rarely meditated and not found my mind thinking.

So like,

I want to give permission for that.

Because I've heard so many people say,

No,

I can't meditate Durga.

And it's like,

What do you mean?

It's like,

I'm just thinking all the time.

I was like,

Of course.

That's still meditation.

So you know,

Huge permission to think and notice what the thinking is.

Notice when we get carried away in stories that are,

That might be characterized as worry.

Worry about what people are thinking about us,

Worry about what might happen,

Worry about what,

How things should be different.

Worry can come in a lot of different patterns.

But as I was like,

Thinking about this,

Like,

What's one word that could like,

Really describe where I feel like a lot of times I and a lot of people I talk to leak our energy that would be our own,

Like,

You know,

In our sovereignty and our own calmness,

Is that worry where we're like out of our skin.

As I was looking up sovereignty,

And I kind of went on one of that,

I don't know if you all do that on the internet where you start looking up words and you're like,

Well,

Let's look at the source for that.

And what is that?

And I was just,

You know,

And I came on the word self possessed,

As also being something that is like what it feels like to me when I know that I'm sitting in my sovereignty.

And so I'm just going to read this,

This list of other words that the Thesaurus had for self possessed,

Collected,

Composed,

Confident,

Cool,

Easy,

Poised,

Reserved,

Tranquil,

And unruffled.

And I want to suggest that that's not the only way sovereignty can look.

But there's a sense,

I think,

In the center of it that is like that,

Even if there's emotion and,

You know,

More connection and what might look like vitality.

But I do think at the center of it,

There's some thread in there that doesn't get lost.

So I'm just dropping in some images.

And then the last thing before we meditate that I want to talk about is,

What I've been thinking about is the templates that we live in.

Like that there are patterns,

There's patterns to our neural pathways.

And there's patterns to the culture.

And there's just these patterns that are kind of this template that tends to be unconscious.

Right?

Like so many of us,

Like,

We don't even know,

Like how we what we're thinking,

Like,

What that means that it's like,

It's something we've been taught.

It's a pattern that's like impressed and imprinted on us.

Right?

And they're like these unconscious agreements that we make with each other and ourselves and our families and people on the street,

You know,

Of social agreements that there's a certain amount of that that's needed.

You know,

I think I've maybe even said to a few of you in this room,

It's like,

Don't go murder someone.

You know,

Like that's a really good agreement to have.

Don't kill anyone.

But some of the other agreements we have I think can be questioned.

And some of those,

They're like mental maps and some of them can be called things like patriarchy and white supremacy,

Body policing.

Right,

This idea that someone can control someone else's body.

All the isms,

You know.

And I want to suggest that another word to be that can be used for all of that is karma.

And that that's more and more how I think of karma.

But it's like this print of how things work,

You know.

You think of it as cause and effect,

Right.

And there's that kind of linear piece that I think we have learned about karma,

You know,

Whether we've kind of learned it from popular culture or we've learned it,

You know,

From really studying it.

But there's still this kind of linear idea of karma that I think is how most people think of it.

And I'm starting to experience it much more as just like an imprint of like,

And if you want to think of it as individual karma,

It's like how I think and feel right now that continues to perpetuate a way that I think and feel,

Right.

And then on the larger,

You know,

Scale,

It's that there is oppression.

There's like this imprint that says it's okay for me as a group to oppress you as a group.

And it's kind of unquestioned until it comes into awareness.

And that that's how awareness can actually help you step outside of karma,

Right,

Which is in the Buddhist teachings.

It's like when you're really fully aware,

Then karma does not have the grip anymore,

You know,

And I'm just,

I think when I've been taught that it has sounded a certain way and like the,

I'm crying.

And in the last some period of time,

I'm starting to experience it very differently.

That it's,

And it really makes more sense on the level of like social justice.

That it's like,

That's what waking up is,

Awakening,

Liberation,

As the Buddha taught it,

That that is part of what that is,

Is coming awake and saying,

Oh,

My God,

Look at this.

Look at where we are,

Look at what's happening,

Look at how we are relating to ourselves and one another in a way that doesn't support happiness.

And that creates suffering.

So yeah,

So I just want to drop that in.

And I'm hoping that that can go deep in some way.

I know it does for me.

But I'm hoping that that that can work in our consciousness.

And we just find a comfortable position if you're not already in one.

And if it feels comfortable to close your eyes,

You can.

And if it doesn't feel comfortable to close your eyes,

You don't have to.

And I really want to stress.

It's really important to be comfortable.

It's not important to be upright and in a particular position.

And yeah,

We're human beings in this room together,

You know,

Or if you're listening to the recording,

You're a human being wherever you are.

And if you're somewhat upright,

It's enough.

And that's mainly because it's kind of hard to get the value of whatever's going on if you're asleep.

Although sleep is great.

If you fall asleep,

Then hallelujah,

You know,

You probably needed the rest.

And I mean that with such sincerity,

Like whatever happens here in this next few minutes is exactly what's supposed to happen for you.

It's gonna be maybe about 15 minutes.

I'm gonna start out easy with you guys.

I would love over time,

You know,

See how this goes.

But there is something that I think that I wrote,

There's something that starts to happen at 40 and 45 minutes in meditation,

That is just a dropping in that is a little different.

But I also know that it's good to work up to that.

So get this where I can reach it.

And just start as much as you can feeling all the little sensations that translate in your brain as the shape of my body.

So the shape of our body is really kind of an idea and how we know it is by sensation.

And some of those sensations might be pleasant and some might be unpleasant.

And there's nothing in particular to be done about pleasant or unpleasant except notice it.

Notice if there's some I like that and I don't like that.

So for those Bagg favourites,

You'll notice that it will be the correct thing but the And if you notice thinking,

Know that that's totally normal.

And you can maybe have a little gratitude that your mind is working the way it's supposed to.

Give it a little thank you.

Thank you for thinking.

And as much as you can to keep coming back to sensation.

The process of breathing,

The sensations of breathing is a really wonderful,

Accessible place to allow the attention to rest.

If that feels comfortable.

And sounds arise.

Pass away.

This body is your home.

Ask.

And if you've drifted a little bit,

Just bring the attention back.

And bring the attention back down into the body.

If you feel like you're sort of drifting a lot,

You can bring it all the way down into your feet and drop in an encouragement to deeply relax.

If you notice any tension,

Maybe take a few deeper breaths.

And on the out breath really land in the body as much as you can.

Really inviting a deep sense of permission.

Permission for your humanity.

For whatever's arising,

Whether that's tiredness or resistance or bliss,

It's all deeply permitted.

All right?

And as you feel,

To whatever degree you can,

That the field of your own body know that there's a greater field that you're a part of.

A field of life,

Of energy,

Other living beings.

A field of life,

Of energy,

Other living beings.

A field of life,

Of energy,

Other living beings.

And notice what you notice right now.

Whatever you can be awake to,

Whether that's a thought or a body sensation.

No need to reject anything.

If that's sleepiness,

Agitation,

Or irritation,

It's all included.

The Maybe as we're close to ending,

If you feel like you can,

Just wrap your arms around yourself as we did earlier,

And just feel that.

Just feeling this body that's your home.

Whatever your relationship to that.

And as I ring the bell,

Just let your attention be with the hearing.

Just one of the ways that this human system can relate to the environment.

Just the hearing.

Just letting yourself come back into the room slowly.

Slowly,

Gently.