Self-Care - Sovereign Self Series

Fourth talk and guided practice in a series exploring women's sovereignty. Guided practice begins at 19:00. Topics touched on in this recording include self-care - What it is? Do you actually care for yourself?

May any benefit received from this work be dedicated to all sentient beings. May all beings experience liberation. May all beings have access to the resources that lead to that understanding. May all beings be free.

Transcript

Well,

Welcome to this meeting of Sovereign Self.

And I always want to remember to honor all of my teachers.

And if you want to do that as well,

To honor whatever has come across your path that's led you to where you are in life and whatever understanding you have,

We don't do this alone.

And I'm sorry,

Doing a little bit of technical stuff here.

So I wanted to talk about self-care.

And the reason I'm talking about self-care right now,

I just want to mention is because I was practicing self-care over the last month,

And I was going to talk about self-care at our last meeting.

And it was an act of self-care that that meeting was canceled.

And so I just want to honor that,

That it,

I try to practice self-care.

And I think that if we're,

It was interesting,

I'm realizing right now that some of the things I'm going to say seem diametrically opposed,

Then the polarities are,

I think polarity needs to be honored.

It's that kind of the paradox that I come across again and again in spiritual practice where two things,

Two diametrically opposed things appear to be true at the same time.

And that points to the different levels of what life is.

You know,

We experience life on the personal and we experience life on the collective.

And depending on what lens or what the context is,

How large or small the context is,

I think then brings us to what feels true and what is true.

And it's all true.

So let's hold the large and the small context.

We can hold our own individual hearts and we can hold the collective all at the same time.

And self-care,

Good self-care is really crucial to connecting with our sovereignty because,

You know,

As we've talked about before,

Leaking energy.

So whether you want to call that codependence or whatever words you want to use to describe what leaking energy is,

Where other people's wellbeing feel more important than our own and where other people's wellbeing has been an act of self-care because we feel like we've had to take care of others in order to feel safe.

And turning that around so that we get to be included in the equation of our lives is,

It's a balancing to what most of us have experienced.

And so it's not that,

Oh,

I'm more important than the other people.

It's that we're all important,

But I've been forgotten.

So I was thinking of self-care as an act of rebellion against,

I'll just call it the patriarchy,

But of course we can call it many names,

Right?

But the powers that be would like us to not practice good self-care.

And I think the powers of be would actually like us to not practice good other care.

Care is not really in the equation of the structures of society the way they are.

So know that as you take care of yourselves and as you really effectively,

More effectively love the people in your life,

Which is keeping yourself in the equation,

That you are practicing a great and healthy rebellion that can turn it all on its head.

There's a book that's just being published right now called Hexing the Patriarchy.

And I can't wait to buy it.

I know distantly,

I know the gal who has written it,

Ariel Gore.

I haven't met her in person,

I don't think,

But I do know a few people who have contributed to the book,

Different hexes,

My understanding.

And I was just tickled to read about what a creative way to approach change because we can feel so disempowered.

Like what can I do?

What can I do to change the structures that leave me not able to take care of myself effectively?

I'm not able to do that,

Right?

So and anything,

Whether you believe in spiritual or less than concrete acts in the world,

Right?

Whether if you believe in magic or not,

It can be an act of self care to just take the time to set intention in the world and release it.

And if it's effective,

How do you?

And if not,

At least you've taken care of yourself.

At least you have said,

This is what I believe.

This is what's important to me.

Right?

And that is bringing you back into connection with your sovereignty.

Self care gets,

There's so much buzz around self care.

We all know that.

Read about self care all the time.

What is good self care and what is not good self care?

And that's important.

I do think that we need to brainstorm ways of taking care of ourselves.

And there was a great thread.

I enjoyed the thread in Sovereign Self Group.

And I'm going to do a little crowdsourcing here,

Some ways of taking care of ourselves that people were sharing.

And I think that these are great,

You know,

Just to kind of drink these in and think of where,

You know,

What could you bring in that you don't already do?

What could you upgrade?

If any of these things kind of pique your interest or some of them may not,

You know,

Settle well with you at all and it's all fine.

And so I'm just going to kind of scan through.

I printed out what people shared when I asked what self care was.

And somebody said,

Walking through the fires of challenge to take rest in the moments that she needs to.

And one woman said that self care for her is exercise or other movement for her body.

So that's self care for her body.

And she just made that distinction between body self care and spirit self care.

And her spirit self care was stopping and being with herself exactly where she was in any moment,

Whether that's feeling happiness,

Overwhelm,

Fear,

Anger,

Lost,

Whatever.

And that encountering herself like this brings her back to herself,

Because she's usually 10 steps ahead.

So that forward momentum,

Checking that forward momentum.

And it brings her into presence and peace and that that is essential to her well being.

And one woman said that self care right now is saying no.

To curate her life a little more to exclude tasks,

People,

Thought loops,

And obligations that are not aligned with her healing.

And this was mine actually,

When I shared that I find that I really have to watch my urge to do,

Which feels related to what the gal a couple before was talking about being 10 steps ahead of yourself.

Like doing doing feels like so important,

And it's so deeply imprinted and I can feel it in my body.

You know,

When I'm just,

You know,

Know that I need to rest and there's just this but I'm supposed to be doing something.

It's more like self forgiveness and relaxing.

And then that brings me back to,

You know,

The idea that awakening is actually a process of relaxing.

So and that changes.

So it might look like taking a walk if it's a gorgeous day,

Or driving to the beach,

Those would all be doing.

And it might look like what in our family we call pajama days.

Can you get through the day without changing out of your pajamas?

It's great criteria.

I said I've been known to throw a coat over my sleep clothes and wear my gardening clogs for a quick store run just so I don't have to get out of my pajamas.

Those are fun.

And then,

And that brings me also to humor being a form of self care.

You know,

I know I'm in trouble when I've lost my sense of humor.

And my sense of humor might be kind of dark and twisted.

But if I can start to laugh,

Then I can feel my system start to unwind.

And that feels to me like really good self care.

And sometimes I'm laughing because it's just so fucking hard.

Like sometimes I just,

I will reach this point.

And my,

My nervous system,

My body is so tense and contracted,

And it's just becomes ridiculous.

And that in itself,

Not even I have to like counter act how hard things are.

It's more like,

Oh,

It's hard enough that I could finally just relax,

Laugh because it's ridiculous.

No.

So it just gives me a little distance,

Just enough distance to be able to honor both how hard it is and knowing that I'll get through whatever it is.

And so that I consider that self care.

One woman was talking about how she's been differentiating lately between self care and soul care or spirit care.

And that self care feels more like doing for her,

Taking actions like brushing her teeth,

Going to bed early,

Buying groceries so she has food.

That's the little things to keep life going,

Getting a massage.

And soul care feels a little hard to do on certain days and moments,

But whole soul cares,

Whatever she does to help her system relax.

It's on a deeper and more nourishing level.

Understanding,

She said,

What if there's nothing wrong?

Just actually entertaining that possibility.

What if there were actually nothing wrong right now?

It means being real instead of right.

Taking time to know her yeses and her noes.

And it means getting to know the wild woman inside of her.

Love that.

And letting the wild woman lead the day and forgiving herself over and over and over.

And it means believing that she's worth being loved.

And then the last crowd sourced thing is someone just said cheeseburger.

So there's the humor.

And also yes,

You know,

Just eat yummy food.

Don't worry about whether it's supposed to be good for you or not like pleasure there.

Pleasure is really self nourishing.

So what is pleasure for you?

So I want to also drop in this idea that we can actually know and I think I referred to this a little bit earlier,

We can know that everything we do,

Everything we've ever done is actually an act of self care.

And what I am hoping and what I want to support is that we make that self care more conscious.

That we have,

You know,

I'm referring to how we've developed coping mechanisms from trauma,

From perhaps neglect in our childhood.

We've figured out how to get through most of us childhoods that were less than nourishing,

Let's just say.

And for some of us,

You know,

Actually abusive and that we figured out how to survive.

And the ways that we figured out how to survive,

Which may not be serving us now very well,

Really need to be honored as what we knew how to do to take care of ourselves.

So I'm bringing this up just because our critics can really get in to our concepts around self care and attack us,

You know,

Telling us that we don't do,

Do here's the doing again,

You know,

What are you doing?

Are you taking good care of yourself?

You know,

There's something in the culture.

We can't win in the culture,

Right?

The culture has made it almost impossible to really take care of ourselves,

Right?

And yet,

There are these messages that we really have to take care of ourselves.

You need to do good self care.

You need to eat,

You know,

Nutritious,

Like whatever that means,

You know,

Like whatever you believe there's no gold standard for that.

Right.

And yet,

There's definitely a message that is imprinted on us that we are supposed to look a certain way,

We should eat a certain way,

We should get a certain amount of exercise and type of exercise.

And that's a moving target.

Like we get so many mixed messages.

And our critic will just grab onto any of those things.

And it's enough to drive a person crazy.

So you're doing a good job.

That's just a long way of saying you are doing a great job.

And as you understand more about yourself,

If you can upgrade what that self care looks like,

Do it from a place of self love.

And not from a place of self criticism.

That would be my encouragement.

And I think lastly,

I want to we bandy around this these words self care as though we know what that means.

And as often happens when words are bandied around,

We kind of lose sight of the actual meaning of the word.

As it so it becomes an action,

Self care is a thing.

But I want to just and we'll make this the beginning of the meditation.

So you know,

As I'm speaking here,

Go ahead and get comfortable.

Whatever position you feel like you'll be at ease in for the next maybe 15 minutes.

And just drink in the idea,

Whatever it brings up,

Of self care being really deeply caring for yourself.

Do you care for yourself?

Do you love yourself?

And if you can catch a flavor of what it feels like to love yourself,

If that's really true for you,

And enjoy it.

And if you notice some little bit of resistance that comes up as you hear those words,

Do you love yourself?

Just notice the edge of that.

What what does it bring up to hear about entertaining the possibility of really deeply caring for yourself?

Because you're worth it.

Really wishing yourself well.

Wishing yourself deep contentment.

It may help to put your hand on your heart or maybe somewhere else on your body that there's some sensation maybe that's stirring as these concepts land.

Just give your body some support.

Notice any areas of contraction,

Just allowing that to be exactly as it is.

And sending yourself love.

I care.

I care about myself.

I care about my pain.

I care about the places where I feel uneasy in my life.

I care and I wish myself great well-being.

I wish myself deep relaxation.

Let's allow your body to take a few deeper breaths.

Really drink this in.

Drinking in the possibility that every act is an act of self-care.

And knowing that drinking in this possibility of caring for yourself can actually ease your suffering.

You Feeling this body exactly as it is.

A lot of permission to just be.

Just to be exactly as you are right now.

These words may feel good to hear.

These words may not feel good.

They may be irritating.

There's permission for that too.

There's no right way to feel.

As you continue to hold yourself in this caring,

Bring to mind someone that you love.

Someone that it's easy to be in relationship with.

Extend that caring to them as well,

Not instead of you,

But as well.

This caring,

Maybe it doesn't come from you.

Maybe it's just caring.

It's like part of the atmosphere of care and consideration,

Respect.

Maybe it feels like holding a loving embrace of deep care.

Deep permission to be.

And imagine that this caring actually allows impulses to unwind that may not lead to our well-being.

So that if there are things that we do that don't end up helping us feel at ease,

Those impulses can unwind in a natural,

Organic way.

And entertaining the possibility that self-care becomes effortless.

And that other care is also effortless.

And that no one has to be abandoned in the process.

And,

As always,

That you're Montenegrin deep breathing and feelingPolne Play Square Clap Start Sanders Sing Be Puppy And then imagine that this circle of self-care and other care is wider and includes your next-door neighbor.

And then maybe includes your whole neighborhood,

Just wishing that everyone experience healing care.

And that this,

Experiencing this care,

Allow the possibility of all of us treating ourselves and others with respect.

This can be the healing rebellion we all need.

Widening that circle to the city you live in,

The town,

That all experience care.

What it's really like to care for themselves and others.

Why widening that circle?

Just imagine it widening through the country and all over the world that all might experience self-care that would lead to less harm and greater healing.

And more inclusion.

Taking a few deeper breaths.

Getting back to yourself.

Really caring for yourself,

Caring for your pain,

For your happiness.

For your own well-being.

May any benefit occurred by this practice that we have shared be dedicated to all beings and all realms and all the times.

Know that we practice not only for ourselves.

May all suffering be eased.