3 Minute Hack To Stop Overwhelm

Proven tools from neuroscience and clinical psychology combine to create this 3-minute hack that stops stress and overwhelm so you can maintain composure instead of self sabotaging. This process from the ACT Method that puts you back in control when emotions are elevated and difficult to manage.

Transcript

The problem when we are stressed or in a state of overwhelm is that it feels too late to do anything about it,

Right?

That's because feelings happen so quickly.

They trigger biochemical reactions that cause us to experience intense sensations within nanoseconds.

It can feel like a wave has hit us,

And before we know it,

Anyone and everyone around us might end up paying a high price.

Does this resonate with you?

Even though we know better,

We try to reach for grace and patience and composure,

But there's none there.

The cupboard is bare.

Our stock of smiles and kindness is depleted,

But we're fully stocked on anger and anxiety and rage and some choice words for anyone related to the problem we're experiencing,

Especially ourselves.

If there's one thing I've seen in my decade of practice,

It's that those who don't feel like screaming at others are ripping themselves to shreds inside.

The explosions and meltdowns happen.

The difference is that some explode outward and some implode inward.

And babes,

Both are destructive.

Which one do you do most?

Do you explode or implode?

And when we get a big hit of stress and overwhelm and it's starting to get the better of your naturally normally sane self,

I want you to have this tool.

So here's the 3 minute hack to maintain composure without self-sabotaging,

Even when super stressed.

Are you ready?

Here's step one of the 3 minute brain hack.

Alright,

We need to get clear on what's going on.

That makes sense,

Right?

We can't solve an issue that we are unwilling to acknowledge,

Right?

But we don't want to get lost or swallowed up by the problem either,

Especially when we're in need of a quick fix to get back in the game.

So can you see why we're going to keep each step in this process to just one minute?

Three steps,

Three minutes.

You'll train your brain to be able to get your composure back and keep on keeping on.

Make sense?

Now,

That doesn't mean you won't hit some big ticket items that may need deeper work.

But this will get you centered enough to get back to doing what you need to do.

Okay?

So even when you stumble onto topics that need to be addressed in more depth when you have time and emotional bandwidth and mental bandwidth,

You can do that then.

We need results now.

Are you following me so far?

If so,

Here's my advice for one thing to do when we feel a big emotion coming on and we're in a state of stress and overwhelm.

Step one is when you feel a big emotion rising,

Reach for your phone and set a timer for one minute.

During this one minute,

You're going to brain dump.

Let it all out,

Okay?

Brain dumping is where we take the most pertinent things out of our thoughts and minds.

We dump it all out so we can get the full download.

You might be wondering how.

To do this,

Just start writing or drawing or whatever is your go-to method for getting things out.

Let it be free form.

Let it be an acknowledgement of how you're feeling in whatever way feels right.

Rip off the layers like there's a juicy center worth getting to because there is.

Would an example help you see this?

Okay,

Let's talk about a real life example.

I was talking to Paul,

My loving husband,

About a challenge I was having with a girlfriend and instead of absorbing my story and attempting to really understand how I was feeling,

He started talking about himself and venting about what was going on with him.

I could feel myself wanting to go ballistic.

Can you relate?

So I used this 3 minute process.

I excused myself and I started step 1 by reaching for my phone to set the timer while walking out of the room,

Which you should know is a good pattern interrupt in and of itself,

Meaning that just the process of starting this first step creates some space from that flustered rush of feelings and starts to make room for perspective change.

See that?

So anyways,

I grab my phone and I set a timer for 60 seconds and I start letting it rip.

Okay,

I feel… what the heck,

I'm trying to share something with you.

I feel you're so mean not hearing my story out.

What a self-centered man baby that you go straight to your problems.

Okay,

I'm actually feeling really hurt here.

I feel unimportant.

I feel like my problems are stupid to him.

That happens to be exactly how I was feeling with my friend in the story I was trying to share with him in the first place.

So this same wound feels like he poured salt on it.

I feel not seen or heard,

Not cotton.

Doesn't it make sense to acknowledge all of that yuck?

After letting it all out,

I even had a few seconds left over,

But I was very clear and able to acknowledge how I was feeling.

Make sense?

I'm going to trust that you're following this AND I hope that you're starting to see how much we can barf out in just 60 seconds.

Pay close attention to the fact that this step involves no problem solving,

No rationalization,

No removal of blame from myself or the other,

No justifications or letting anyone off the hook,

And no limits.

Just let what's true for you in that moment be acknowledged.

Do you see it?

Okay,

Now I want to move on and show you what to do in step 2.

You're going to reset that timer for one more minute.

And the next thing you're going to do is answer the question,

When have I felt like this before?

What other times in my life has this strong feeling come up?

Once you've got that,

Shift to asking,

What meaning did I assign back then?

For example,

Meanings about yourself,

Others,

Love,

Life,

Or the way the world is.

Now remember,

We only have one minute,

So this is not time to get stuck in story.

This is time for quick labeling of events that you have had feel the same or very similar.

This may require that you give quick nicknames to any past scenes in which emotions have come up.

Again,

Seeing this process in action helps,

So in the example I just shared about the conflict with Paul,

It would look like this.

I felt pissed off,

Angry,

And frustrated when I was trying to share my upset with Paul and he didn't fully listen.

There was also some resentment since this was not the first time that Paul is bowled over my issues with issues of his own.

When I asked myself,

When have I felt like this before,

When did I have the combination of anger,

Frustration,

And resentment?

And here are the answers I came up with.

I remember feeling these same exact ways often when I was little.

Parents brushing off injuries like skinned knees,

Bumps,

And bruises.

They had no bandwidth to hear about my playground dramas,

And my marine father referred to my sensitivity as dumb.

When I asked myself,

What meanings did I assign back then,

Here's what I came up with.

Caring figures in my life don't have time or interest in me.

Not being seen and heard in all of these situations had me feeling invisible.

The meaning that I made in that time was,

I don't matter.

To them,

Or at the very least,

My feelings didn't matter.

Can you see how these little or big incidents over time are obvious characters playing into how I felt in that moment?

We gave 30 seconds to each of the two questions,

And that's a lot of digging in less than 60 seconds,

Right?

We might even have a few precious seconds to be with the idea that these big emotions were probably even more scary in earlier life,

Especially if any of what we find stems from our childhoods when we are dependent on others in order to survive.

Make sense?

This is a good segue into step three,

So let's cover that now.

Get that timer ready because we're going to hit it again.

In this last step of the process,

You are going to use a tool from the transcend section of the ACT method called time stamping.

Are you ready?

While there's a lot of science to why this works,

I realize you're looking for a quick fix.

For now then,

Let's suffice it to say that the powerful therapies like EMDR,

Exposure therapy and ego state use a process called integration,

Which in simple terms means that we can look at triggers that really rile us up and make a quick switch that lessens the triggers impact.

Does that make sense?

You'll learn a lot more about the research behind this method the more you hang out with me,

But for now,

Let's stay on track with our three minute hack,

Okay?

This time we're going to set the timer and we're going to do this for one more minute.

Start by tapping on one leg and then the other.

Alternate the tapping left and right and that makes the brain more receptive to what you're going to say and less hung up on the big emotion that got you here in the first place.

And then I want you to say out loud or in your head to the earlier or previous version of yourself.

I acknowledge that you're feeling,

Insert big emotion here,

And I want you to know I hear you,

But I also need you to know,

Insert ear,

And we are no longer in that situation.

I want you to set down this heavy burden and let go of the weight that you've been carrying.

It is,

Insert the ear,

And I've got this.

So here's what I said to myself after the episode with Paul.

Hey little Nicole,

I acknowledge that you're feeling frustrated and angry and resentful because you feel invisible and like you don't matter.

I want you to know I hear you,

But I also need you to know it's 2020 and we are no longer in that situation.

I want you to set down this heavy burden and let go of the weight that you've been carrying.

It's 2020,

We're okay,

And I've got this.

Did you notice that since I saw a trigger from childhood,

I referred to the upset part of myself as little Nicole?

But you might see that you're triggered from a recent relationship or professional circumstance or even an ongoing conflict with your inner dialogue,

So name and speak to the upset part in a way that feels right for you.

Make sense?

You might have a fight with a current lover and discover that the emotions triggered came from some past relationship and say something like,

Hey Nicole,

Who used to date that loser Bob,

I acknowledge that you're feeling insecure and jealous because you feel like you're unlovable and unworthy of a committed partner.

I want you to know I hear you,

But I also need you to know it's 2020 and we're no longer dating that two-timing loser,

So I want you to set down this heavy burden and let go of those beliefs you've been carrying around.

It's 2020,

We're okay,

And I've got this.

See how you can customize it for the version of you that has the emotional residue and let that go?

You'll probably even have time left over to list all of the ways that you're capable of dealing with this now in ways that you might not have been able to in the past.

So pile on the confidence,

Babe.

Put that upset part at ease.

Are you following?

Okay,

You ready for a quick and easy recap?

Here goes.

Set your timer for one minute.

Acknowledge how you're feeling.

Apologetically open the floodgates and without any censoring or excuses for anybody on either side state all of the feelings coming up.

Then hit the timer again for another 60 seconds.

Ask yourself the two questions we covered.

When have I felt like this before and what meaning did I assign back then?

And then set the timer for one more minute and say the full statement.

I acknowledge that you're feeling blank and I want you to know I hear you,

But I also need you to know it's blank and we are no longer in that situation.

I want you to set down this heavy burden and let go of the weight you've been carrying.

It is blank and I've got this.

Wouldn't three strong pattern interrupts and a quick brush through some self-work offer a band-aid of reassurance that you've got this?

That's the three-minute hack to stop stress and overwhelm and get you back to being composed without popping pills,

Stress eating,

Or leaning on some other form of self-sabotage.

Do you see how this could help you?

If you do these three steps instead of blowing up or imploding,

Babe,

You've made progress.

You did not self-sabotage and you should already be feeling more centered and have your composure back.

Reviews

What an amazing process! Thank you! I am struggling at work and in personal life with people that I feel have violated me yet two things, I attract them and then how do I know what I'm assigning them from my past. Thank you!

Fantastic. Thank you!

Very helpful ✨💜

Thank you, Nicole! That'll be a great help for being a better, growing and developing me and reacting differently.

Thank you so much! This is really good! I'm going write it down and try it out!❤️

With empathy and humor Dr. Nicole Cain shares actionable steps to calm yourself down fast.

Great practical suggestions for how to carefully proceed in a challenging moment. I appreciate the clarity and brevity of the steps so I can try them in the moment. A quick but immediately helpful time out. Thank you for sharing the steps.