Our best relationships are based on trust,
Kindness,
And willingness to leave room for growth and change.
Sometimes though we can find ourselves tethered to others by bonds of pain,
Guilt,
And powerlessness.
We stay in some relationships out of obligation,
Fear of being alone,
Or fear of disappointing.
These negative-based connections keep us living in smallness and seeing ourselves in restricted ways.
We may feel our only alternative to staying in negative relationships would be to leave the relationships entirely,
And sometimes that's just not feasible or not consistent with our values.
This guided meditation will help you to find the healthiest level of connection possible in troubled or painful relationships.
Letting go with love may mean leaving altogether,
But it may also mean giving yourself permission to set effective boundaries without any dramatic confrontation.
Let's begin by getting with our breath.
Focusing on the chest and with each breath inviting openness,
Softness into the heart.
Breathing in,
Breathing out.
Allowing the body to settle.
Releasing tension on the out-breath.
Breathing in,
Breathing out.
Stay in this place for a few moments.
Noticing the breath and releasing any tension.
Imagine yourself in a peaceful meadow.
Open sky,
Gentle breeze,
Beautiful flowers.
Hear the birds chirp.
Hear the grasses shift.
You feel,
You deeply know that in this place you are safe.
You are free to relax.
This meadow welcomes your truest self.
Fully embracing this relaxed and peaceful space.
Now see the other half of your painful or difficult relationship walking toward you from across the field.
Stopping just close enough that you can plainly see their face.
Notice a look of willingness and openness on their face.
You deeply know that they too have brought their truest selves unencumbered by judgments and facades to this safe place.
As the image of this person becomes clearer,
You may feel familiar anxiety,
Tightness,
Resistance,
Powerlessness.
Notice these feelings in the body and allow their presence,
All the while staying connected to the you that is bigger than these feelings.
Imagine a rope appears around your waist.
You follow the threads and see they extend across the field where the opposite end is bound to the other person.
Notice the color,
The texture of this rope.
The thickness of this rope.
This rope is made of the guilt,
Resentment,
Anger,
And fear that bind you to the other person.
It contains all the judgments about what you should do or how you should be in relationship.
It contains the deep beliefs that you will never be more than this relationship allows you to be.
Feel the heaviness of this rope.
As you look down the length of the rope to the other person,
Recognize that they too carry the weight of this rope without awareness.
Start to notice a feeling of compassion for yourself around the weight of this rope.
Notice compassion for the other person.
Be with this heaviness and with this compassion for a few moments.
Feel the heaviness of this rope.
As you experience the fullness of this compassion,
As it fills your chest,
Watch the strands of the rope disintegrate.
Hear compassion say to you,
You do not have to sacrifice yourself to be loving.
You do not have to earn your worth through suffering.
You can be loving without owning someone else's pain.
You are whole.
You are free.
You are whole.
And you are free.
As the other person begins to walk away,
You watch with kindness.
You feel love for the other person and for yourself.
Be in this space fully.
Notice any lightness or openness you feel in your chest.
Notice the half smile on your face.
Peaceful,
Compassionate freedom.
You are whole.
And you are free.
Bring your awareness back to your body,
Wiggling your toes and fingers.
Take a few deep breaths and release any tension or tightness.
As you go into the rest of your day or prepare for sleep,
You may feel an unnerving quiet.
You may have the sense that there is something you are forgetting.
It won't take long before you recognize this quiet as an absence of guilt and fear.
Be kind to yourselves and keep practicing.
