So many of us struggle with having an internal voice that's extremely critical and negative.
If this has been your experience,
I want you to know that you're not alone.
As a therapist and spiritual coach,
I worked with hundreds and hundreds of people who struggled with that inner critic.
And I've struggled with it myself.
It's an extremely hard mental and emotional habit to break.
And I feel for you if that's been part of your struggle.
I know that struggle very well.
I'm not always sure exactly where that negative critical voice comes from.
For different people who I've worked with and talked with about it,
They explain that it has come from their religious background for some.
That's an extremely negative experience for them.
Some people talk about it as coming from their parents and the negativity that their parents express towards them about their choices and their accomplishments and even who they were as a person.
So the negative critical voice can have probably a myriad of sources that it arises from.
But one thing for sure that everyone who's experienced that negative critical voice has told me and has been my experience as well is that it is really painful and extremely unpleasant.
So what do we do about that?
How can we silence that critical voice within and find our way towards a level of peacefulness in our own minds toward ourselves?
I know that self-acceptance is a major component of a path away from the critical voice.
So practicing self-acceptance,
Even in small,
Obscure ways,
Can help us to gradually chip away at the critical voice's power over our thinking of ourselves.
It's a hard thing to do.
It's not easy.
But it is possible.
I know because I've done it myself.
And after many years of work and a few breakthrough moments,
Now when that critical voice comes up,
I can either just close my eyes and turn my attention away from it.
Or I actually laugh at it now.
Sometimes because I know there may be a kernel of truth in the center of that negativity,
Sometimes because it's just ridiculous.
Some of the things that that critical voice says doesn't make any sense.
Here's why it's so ridiculous.
You might relate to this.
It's ridiculous because the statements are always global statements.
You never,
You can't,
You always.
This negativity that encompasses everything about us.
And all you have to do to pop that bubble of negativity from that perspective is stop for a minute and listen to what that critical voice is saying.
And if it's saying one of these global statements about you,
Just think of an exception.
When you are able to do,
To be,
To feel,
To think in a way that the critical voice is saying that you can't or never do or always fail at.
I had a client come into my office years ago and sat down and said,
I feel so bad.
I can't even get out of bed in the morning.
And I stood there for a moment sitting in my chair.
And I had to really struggle not laughing about how absurd that critical voice was in that moment,
Speaking through this person.
Because the critical voice said,
I feel so bad.
I can't even get out of bed in the morning.
While that person was sitting in my office,
How could they have gotten to my office if they can't get out of bed?
See how ridiculous it can be.
I'm sure you've had this experience too.
So when it makes these global statements about us,
We can challenge those.
We can hold ourselves in esteem.
We can appreciate even the small things that we do that are counter to what that critical voice would say we're capable of.
Another piece that we can do from an emotional standpoint is to feel those negative feelings that it tries to bring into our bodies,
Into our minds,
The negative feelings about ourselves.
And to take a page from shamanistic practices to visualize that negative emotion for just a moment.
And then in your own mind,
Turn,
Turn yourself away from that negative emotion and turn your back on it.
Begin to walk away in your own mind.
Take some steps forward in your imagination.
And even picture stepping forward towards your own self experiencing happiness or towards a favorite place in nature or just simply into the sun.
But within your own imagination,
Your own visualization to turn and turn your back on those negative emotions and negative thoughts and put them behind you.
We have the power to do this.
The critical voice would say we don't.
And it can be persistent when we try to take these kinds of steps for sure.
But the more that we practice it,
The more we find out that actually it isn't more powerful than us.
That there is a power within you,
Within each of us that is so much greater than that negative critical voice,
So much stronger and more powerful,
More loving and more caring.
That once we begin to tap into that sense of ourselves,
That loving,
That power within us,
You may notice that the critical voice just slides away and eventually disappears.
You may have to take a stand against it.
You may have to actually stand up and tell it to go away.
I have a friend who did that.
And when she did that,
She took that stand.
She told it to go away unless it had something good to say.
She never heard from it again.
People are powerful.
You are powerful.
Beyond your wildest dreams.
And that negativity from the critical voice within cannot stand in the face of your power.
You just have to get really good at making good use of that power.
As a friend of mine used to say,
We want to make use of that power,
Good use of that power for the highest good of all concerned.
So let's end this time together with a short meditation.
Where you experience turning your back on that negative critical voice within.
So just for a moment,
Feel yourself moving into your center,
Into a place of being calm,
Serene and still.
And as you find that center,
Bring up into your mind the last critical statements that this voice may have sent to you.
And the feelings that came along with those statements.
Feel them for just a moment.
And then from the power within you.
Imagine turning your back on those negative thoughts and feelings.
And imagine yourself walking away strongly,
Powerfully.
Toward your own life of self-acceptance.
Your own life of self-love and compassion.
Walking toward your most preferred way of being as a person.
Feel the power of that choice.
Feel the power of your preferences.
And just imagine that negativity.
Twiddling behind you,
Shrinking and eventually fading off into the distance.
Hold that moment of power for just a little bit longer.
Feel it in your heart of hearts.
And that place within you that is filled with love and acceptance,
Caring and compassion and strength.
And then let it go.
Thank you for joining me today.
