19. On Friendship, The Prophet By Kahlil Gibran

"And let your best be for your friend."
"And let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit."

“The Prophet,” a collection of twenty-six prose poems, delivered as sermons by a fictional wise man in a faraway time and place. First published in 1923, it is full of timeless wisdom. I've separated each poem in order to practice Deep Listening for the wisdom in each verse. I hope you enjoy each word.

Transcript

Greetings and blessings.

Thank you again friends for joining us as we continue to explore the wisdom Khalil Gibran shared through his ambassador the Prophet.

In this segment he'll speak to us of friendship and perhaps one of my many favorites in this book.

So many insightful nuggets of wisdom to be found that are truly timeless.

I recently listened to a podcast a gentleman named Simon Sinek who was interviewing Gene Olwang in his podcast it's called a bit of optimism.

The subject of their conversation is partnering and friendships and Gene Olwang makes a statement that friendships and partnerships are the things that give us the most purpose and meaning in life.

If you've studied or even glanced at or maybe just heard of Maslow's hierarchy of needs after safety comes love and belonging and then esteem and ultimately self-actualization that leads to transcendence.

And so these things these levels and Maslow's pyramid his hierarchy they have a certain dependency on others.

Our relationship with others,

Friendships included,

Family and also includes respect of others and respect by others.

As we get to esteem and even further through self-actualization we as adults in particular start to find that through our work our profession.

Even if that full-time is caring for the family and caring for the home.

And so we begin to explore our identity through the lens of reflections those who surround us.

There's some discussion recently in the last few years about attachment styles and love languages.

And these two subjects are not just related to partners or lovers or spouses it's also friendships.

How we interact with others in our lives on a day-to-day basis and especially at work or many of us spend most of our waking time in an occupation.

And again maybe consider give yourself a break even if that occupation is full-time student full-time stay-at-home parent it's still full-time.

So it's worth just pausing and allowing that to marinate as we explore our yoga practice.

One of the primary elements discussed before is Sraddhaya,

Self-study.

And so as we interact with others as we serve throughout the day and whatever your capacity is whatever your full-time equivalent is it's important to understand our attachment styles.

And so there's usually three sometimes four different styles.

Secure attachment comes from childhood.

Childhood grows up having a secure attachment generally feels content and safe.

It has that ability to innovate because the fear of failure as a child has been removed or mitigated or somehow managed to give the child the confidence to continue to explore.

So as they become adults they're more satisfied or tend to be more satisfied in relationships while still enjoying some personal freedom to explore.

So that is known as secure attachment.

The second is anxious attachment.

As children sometimes emotionally distant from the primary caregiver and they develop subconsciously or otherwise a belief that they will somehow let down their caregiver.

It might manifest as overly clinging and some separation anxiety.

So as adults a seeking connection that sometimes might be unrealistic.

A closeness that might overwhelm their partner and causing the opposite unattended impact.

And the third is avoidant attachment.

As children unfortunately they suffer this neglect the caregivers may be unresponsive to a child's needs and even at times may embarrass the child for showing emotion.

Maybe even downplaying emotion.

And so as adults the person will naturally avoid that.

They can even lead to a fourth style.

The fearful avoidant attachment.

It's not just avoiding but fearfully avoiding.

And so whichever style you might relate to at this moment it's not unchangeable.

Although a lot of research suggests our brains are fully developed somewhere around the age of mid-twenties.

And our story,

The story we tell ourselves is nearly fully developed by the mid-thirties.

We know a cataclysmic event can create change and that doesn't necessarily have to be a traumatic negative event.

Although as we reach closer to midlife it's more likely that we've had friends and family who've passed away.

Maybe even experienced divorce,

Loss of a loved one.

These can be traumatic events causing change.

It can also be positive events that create change.

The birth of a child.

Even the adoption or a marriage.

Even if it's not your first child or your first marriage your first relationship.

Even a new job can bring a sense of renewed hope.

I was recently asked to take one of those strength finder tests.

It breaks out your top five personality strengths.

And as I reflected on the results it made sense.

Results were fairly accurate.

And then as I reflected on where I was most happy in my occupation.

And where I've been maybe the least happy or least fulfilled.

There was a correlation between my strengths and attachment style.

And those environments,

Those positions that I was in,

Those occupations,

Different jobs or roles.

And it's probably no surprise as I was more attached to the team I was on.

And my strengths were able to flourish in those environments.

Recognized and valued by my teammates.

I was the happiest.

That feedback mechanism gave me a sense of joy and gratitude for the position that I was in.

And so we come back to friendships.

And how important it is for us to find friends to surround ourselves with those who recognize and help us realize the full potential of our strengths.

It's empowering.

We talk sometimes of svadharma.

Maybe overthink or overcomplicate this finding purpose,

This pursuit of finding purpose.

So much so that the pursuit becomes a purpose in and of itself.

And we forget the whole point of the matter.

Sometimes we like to say in our classes,

It's not about what we're doing.

It's not about the postures.

It's about how we're being,

No matter what we're doing.

And so with that,

Let's find a comfortable seat,

Stack your spine,

Shoulders over the hips,

Sitting tall,

Head square right over your shoulders.

As you close your eyes and rest your hands maybe on your lap or find a mudra.

Just noticing that energy of your breath.

Feel the strength from within.

Let your breath fuel your strengths.

This prana.

When that energy comes from within,

From that true sense of self,

Not the ego,

Self-preservation,

But that genuine source of love,

Then we can grow and create.

The friendships that we have can flourish.

As we study this interplay of our own dynamics,

The story we've told ourselves,

The story we've been told since childhood,

We learn an ability to press pause.

You imagine the record spinning round and round.

We have the ability to pause.

It doesn't have to be the continuous story,

The same story.

As we practice yoga,

Truly practice yoga,

Not just the postures,

But of course the postures as well.

But in meditation included,

Listening,

Yes absolutely included,

We can pause.

In that space,

The pause,

There's stillness.

The tension starts to subside.

And so in your comfortable seat,

Eyes closed,

Let's take a full cycle of breath.

Deep breath in,

Long breath out.

Let your intention be natural,

Inorganic,

And a magnet,

Attracting friends who honor that space,

Who see,

Truly see,

The light and love in you.

And a youth said,

Speak to us of friendship.

And he answered saying,

Your friend is your needs answered.

He's your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving.

And he is your board and your fireside.

For you come to him with your hunger and you seek him for peace.

When your friend speaks his mind,

You fear not the nay in your own mind,

Nor you withhold the I.

And when he is silent,

Your heart ceases not to listen to his heart.

Your heart ceases not to listen to his heart.

Ceases not.

For without words and friendship,

All thoughts,

All desires,

All expectations are born and shared with joy that is unacclaimed.

When you part from your friend,

You grieve not.

For that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence,

As the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain.

And let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit.

For love that seeks ought,

But the disclosure of its own mystery is not love,

But a net cast forth.

And only the unprofitable is caught.

And let your best be for your friend.

And if he must know the ebb of your tide,

Let him know its flood also.

For it is your friend that you should seek him without hours to kill.

Seek him always with hours to live.

For it is his to fill your need,

But not your emptiness.

And in the sweetness of friendship,

Let there be laughter and sharing of pleasures.

For in the do of little things,

The heart finds its morning and is refreshed.

Dearest friends,

With all my love,

With all my gratitude,

Namaste.