Forgiveness Pre Meditation Talk

Learn why forgiving a person or event allows you to take back your power and feel in control of your life. Forgiveness doesn’t absolve another of their behaviour; however, it does stop your precious energy from empowering the event or person. Listen to this with an open mind to change the narrative, break the pattern and set yourself free to create new dreams with an open heart. It also allows a deeper and more profound experience of the Forgiveness Meditation.

Transcript

Welcome to Join the Dots podcast,

The podcast that explores the motivations of our actions and why we react the way we do.

Brought to you by soul coach Denise Javi from Inwood Revolution.

In a safe inclusive space full of meaningful discussions for reflection and transformation.

As you listen,

Feel uplifted,

More clever and more clear about decision-making.

Let's go within.

Welcome everyone,

Thank you so much for being here.

It is always an honor and a pleasure to bring these evenings to you or these days wherever you are in the world.

Tonight we're going to work on or work in the theme of forgiveness.

Now forgiveness is a bit of a,

It can be a big subject.

You know,

How do we forgive?

Why should we forgive?

And from my point of view,

Forgiveness is something that we need to do in order to really step up into our spiritual journey.

It becomes an non-forgiveness can be the biggest obstacle to our spiritual growth.

And what does that mean?

It just means that it holds you in a place in the past.

It holds you in that time when the event happened.

Whether it happened to you,

You did it to yourself.

Whatever the event is that you have yet to forgive and whether it be for yourself,

Whether it be another person or whether it be a situation or an event,

Whatever it is,

If you have not brought balance to that yet,

Every time you think about it,

You go straight back to that time.

And so you're holding yourself in the past and you are also still tethered to that event.

So you are allowing your precious energy to still go to that event or that person,

Or that place,

Or that situation.

And in doing so,

You're leaking,

Is a fairly good word,

Your energy to that time,

To that event or that person that you need to forgive.

So what does that mean?

It means that right here,

Right now,

You don't have full access to your energy.

So you may have great ideas about what you want to do in the future.

You may have great ideas about what you want to do now and how you want to create your life and the dreams and desires that you want.

But if you still have energy going to situations in the past,

If you are yet to forgive,

If you are yet to bring balance to certain situations,

You do not have your full,

You don't have full access to the energy to move forward.

And we often say,

You know,

I'd really love to do that but I don't have enough time.

I'm tired.

I don't know how I would do that.

And so what we want to do and what forgiveness enables us to do is to be free.

To be free so that we can create the life we want to live.

Now,

That opens a whole can of worms because if somebody has really hurt you and done something that really isn't very nice,

We often think that if we forgive them,

It means that we're sort of saying that it's okay that they did that thing.

It's okay and but forgiveness is not about absolving them of what they did.

It's not about saying that it's okay.

What it is saying is that I no longer will allow that thing to run my life.

I will not allow it to disempower me because every time I think about it,

I'm handing power back to that person,

To that place,

To that situation and I'm still empowering it and it still has power over me.

And so forgiveness is about taking back that precious energy so that you can move forward.

And I often say to people that,

You know,

It's forgiveness to me is thank you for giving me the opportunity to heal and know something about myself that I have yet to know.

Because out of every situation there is a learning or a gift.

Sometimes the gift can be hard to find,

It can be hard to unwrap,

But this is about you not letting the the actions of others hold you back.

Not letting the actions of others dictate how you should feel in your life and not letting the actions of others make you a victim.

Yes,

You may have been a victim from the sense of the word,

But you don't have to be a victim anymore.

And I know that this is,

It can be a big and a difficult subject,

But it's something that has come up for me as I've been writing The Secret Language of Darkness.

And for me personally,

As I've been writing that card,

I didn't realize how much I needed to forgive my father.

And so it's been an interesting journey in this last week for me,

Because essentially what I realized I've done is every man I've been in a relationship with,

I've sort of married my father.

I wanted my father to be something that he wasn't.

My father fought the Second World War,

Had PTSD,

And didn't have a particularly great life himself.

He married a woman,

My mother,

Who was a child essentially,

Who wanted to be looked after.

And dad was a sent.

.

.

He was always looking for peace,

And he was always looking for his.

.

.

To be to be happy in the world.

And of course what that did was have him pretty much dragging us,

The family,

From place to place,

To Australia,

To.

.

.

And in Australia he couldn't fight,

He couldn't settle,

And we were moving all the time,

And he was moving jobs all the time.

And now,

I mean,

You know,

People would say,

Well that's not too bad.

The biggest problem for me is that I had no other family around me,

And my parents were the only adults I had around me growing up,

Until I got a little bit older,

And I mixed more.

They never told me anything,

They never told myself or my sister anything,

Nothing was ever discussed with us,

And so we never knew from day to day where we would be,

If we were going to move,

If.

.

.

What mood dad was going to be in,

What we needed to do to essentially feel safe and not have dad yell at us.

And not that dad really meant to yell at us,

But he obviously with PTSD he just.

.

.

Everything is already heightened,

And it just became quite difficult,

And my mother didn't like confrontation,

So she was constantly trying to smooth everything over all the time.

Oh,

You know,

Don't say that,

Don't upset your father,

Don't do this,

Don't do that.

And so I grew up thinking that I had to walk around on eggshells around my father and older men,

And I realised my grandfather,

My father's father passed away before I was born,

But my maternal grandfather was also quite a weak man,

He had lots of issues as well,

And I won't bore you with all of those,

But when I look back I didn't have any strong male role models.

I had lots of men in my life who were.

.

.

Who liked to yell,

Who liked to throw their weight around,

But certainly not a strength within themselves.

However,

When I first met a lot of the men in my life,

And including my father as well,

They looked fairly strong on the outside,

But scratched the surface a bit and there was nothing there,

And that was essentially me as well.

I may look fairly strong on the outside,

But scratch the surface a bit and it wasn't there,

I would fall apart,

And I was looking for a partner to lean on,

And so I realised I'd also become my father as well,

And my mother,

Because that's what we do,

We work with the information that we have,

And so I realised that I needed to forgive my father,

Forgive the fact that he wasn't the father that I felt I needed,

But of course he was exactly the father that was exactly right for me,

Because it helped me to step into my own power,

And so I don't mean to waffle on about my father,

But it's been quite illuminating for me this week,

And the meditation we're going to do tonight is going to help you to look at their side of the story,

And that's what I've done with my father this week,

I have stepped into his shoes and looked and felt what he was feeling or what brought him to the point where he felt that he had to say things to myself and to my sister and to my mother that were very hurtful,

And what brought him to that point,

And so we will do that tonight and I'll go through that in a moment,

What we're going to do.

Essentially this is a time to forgive yourself,

To forgive a person or an event or a situation.

There is something,

Because you're listening to this tonight or today,

There is something that has you shackled to anger and resentment,

Needing something or someone to change in order for you to heal,

Because we often say if only my family could be different,

If only that person could be different,

If only the situation could be different,

If only I could get to the bottom of it,

And of course always remember there is no bottom of anything,

Because the more you focus on something the bigger it gets.

And essentially you have become a prisoner holding on to a misconception that not forgiving somehow rights the wrongs of the past and holds the other or yourself accountable for the behavior that hurt you.

Forgiveness doesn't absolve another of their behavior,

However it does plug the leak of your precious energy that empowers the event or person whenever you think or talk about that event.

So it's time to change the narrative,

Break the pattern and set yourself free to create a life filled with new dreams.

Forgiveness will expand your awareness and raise your vibration,

Increase love and trust for yourself and for others,

It will bring freedom of choice and improve your well-being and health,

It will lighten the load so that you can jump higher and breathe deeper.

And actually there have been tests done on people that have gone through huge forgiveness and on a physical level they can actually jump higher,

Which is just really fascinating as well and breathe deeper.

Some things to remember,

You can forgive anything,

Forgiveness will liberate you,

Forgiveness does not mean that you drop the charge,

Now what I mean by that is it doesn't say oh well okay well what they did was okay,

It doesn't mean that,

Doesn't absolve them of what they did and it's up to you whether you let go of that or whether you can actually,

If they've done something that is criminal,

That may hurt other people,

If you feel strong enough you may want to take the responsibility and actually take that to court or do whatever you feel that you need to do but you must forgive first,

Otherwise it's going,

The whole process is going to be painful and awful and traumatic and you want to be,

You want to go through that from a balanced point of view because then you're more likely to get the result that you desire as well and if you feel that you can't do that that's okay as well.

Self-forgiveness,

Say to yourself you know if I won't do that again I'm forgiven,

Just be gentle on yourself,

You know you may have made mistakes or you may have hurt someone but you just say to yourself that's okay I've learned from that and I will not do that again and I won't do that again so I'm forgiven,

Forgive yourself.

Forgiveness makes you unfuckwithable which is a really interesting word and what that means is that you have boundaries up,

If you forgive things in this in the situation you are empowered and no one can fuck with you basically and I know that it seems like that's counterintuitive but what you're allowing with forgiveness is whatever is happening in that moment you're just allowing it to be what it is.

You're not creating karma,

You're not creating imbalance.

If you don't create karma or imbalance in a situation there's nothing to forgive and that's what the Masters mean when they say they have no need to forgive.

That's what Jesus meant when he said he doesn't need to forgive because when you walk into a room and you're in complete balance and you allow the situation to happen and if somebody says something to you that is hurtful you don't take it personally and if you do you deal with it there and then you don't store it inside of you,

You come back into balance and then there's nothing to forgive and I know that that's a big concept and you don't ever have to believe anything that I say but I'm always going to help you to go to that next level and remind you of who you truly are because you are love and essentially if we are in that place of love there's nothing to forgive and again you're not absolving someone's behavior you're just deciding that you're not going to be a victim in that scenario.

And something that is really interesting is Neil Donald Walsh has this lovely way of looking at forgiveness and he talks about it he gives the scenario that just imagine if you were we look at an event like you would a toddler or a kitten or a puppy now if a toddler for a little one or a kitten or a broke or a puppy broke something dear to you and you start yelling at them they get scared or upset because they see how disappointed or angry you become and when we're looking at that we realize that they didn't mean it they didn't do it deliberately and instead of needing to forgive them or ask for their an apology you're more likely to understand and comfort them and tell them it's okay it was an accident you didn't mean to do that and so what we want to do is take that concept into adults because a lot of times probably mid the majority of the time people don't mean to hurt you it's coming from a place of them being hurt because hurt people hurt other people and again that's not an excuse for their behavior but it's a reason and it helps you to understand the situation and not take it personally and which will always empower you and you won't feel like a victim so again these things are just here to help you look at things from another point of view look at forgiveness from another point of view so and always remember that forgiveness allows your dreams to manifest quicker because there's no obstacles in the way now the process we're going to do tonight is the meditation there's a process in it and you'll be asked to identify something that you want to forgive and and we'll go through and forgive that now just something to be aware of because this is the first time that you've done this process don't pick something huge forgive me and and I'm not laughing at you because I've done it myself it's like okay I want to forgive everything I want want to forgive my parents right now I want to forgive you know my first husband or whatever something big that happened in my life my first boyfriend who you know decided to sleep with lots of other women and you know it's don't start with big things start with smaller things forgiveness like any learning to forgive like any process like any method takes practice and so we want to start with smaller things so you get into the role of it you begin to understand it a bit more and then you can start doing going for the bigger things but of course it's always up to you and you may feel like you're ready but like anything as I said the method takes practice so if we practice with small hurts it builds a strong foundation so greater healing can occur so you know if somebody cut you off in traffic today or if someone just annoyed you you can look at at that or if there's something about yourself that you know that isn't too huge you can maybe look at that as well so we're going to identify the act and then take ourselves back to the age we were when it happened and it of course if it happened today well that's fine you just take it back to take yourself back to that today and then we're going to in the meditation we're going to create a space for forgiveness and we're going to imagine a place that's fairly calming and and nurturing and then we're going to see the person the event or the younger version of yourself in front of you and we're going to then read out the what we want to forgive like you would be in a court of law and they're reading the charges and so it's it's just allowing it to come out without having too much emotion connected to it then then and and I will talk you through all of this and support you through this then we're going to allow ourselves to feel it and I know that sometimes people say you know just observe it but this time we're going to allow ourselves to feel it but I'm only going to give you about a minute and a half to feel it and then we're going to stop it what we want to do is bring that pain up allow it to come up so it can heal because until you truly start to go through the pain we can't heal it we got to let it in and then that's when the healing begins otherwise it's a concept in our head and everything become just goes around and around in our head so we want to bring up the anger and pain and you can have a cushion nearby and you can punch the cushion if you like you don't certainly don't have to do that don't hurt yourself um you know or you can because you'll be on mute as well you you might want to yell or scream and obviously if there's other people in the house just let them know what you're doing and just let yourself feel it and as I said it's only going to be for about a minute and a minute and a half no longer and that's it we just give ourselves permission to feel it in that moment in that time then you're going to feel what it is that you learnt from the experience because you can feel it then and then we're going to look at the other person and and it's like what do you think the person experienced in the past that created that act that hurt you see it through their eyes and always remember seeing it through their eyes doesn't mean you agree with them but you will see the reason you will feel the reason and then we want to forgive into love and we'll give them a big nice energetic hug this is about being in charge of your own consciousness forgiveness is the last piece of the puzzle that's that something beautiful and valuable has come from the experience or situation so just something to remember and then we're going to allow the person to just disappear from the space then we're going to bring in a guide or a teacher your higher self whoever comes whoever turns up today and we're going to ask them have I truly forgiven and know that the guide is just and will not just but that your the guide is a representation of your inner being and this is a way for you to tap into your inner being and your intuition and if they say yes you're finished this is forgiven and if they say no you're going to go through the meditation again the next day and you keep going through it until you get a yes because sometimes we're not ready to let go so hopefully that makes sense to you and know that this is always coming from a space of absolute love and empowerment because I want you to live a free life to create the life that you want to live but if there are things that we need to forgive it will that's an imbalance thinking within you and it will eventually become toxic it because it becomes a poison to you and your body and your mind everything in you is saying there's an imbalance here and you may be feeling it physically in your body you may be feeling it as a feeling but you will know you'll know we all know what it is that we need to forgive and sometimes we just need to forgive our parents for being flawed people because we're all no one's perfect and what I have realized myself is that after forgiving both of my parents and just realizing they did the best that they could do with what they had and the information that they had and what I have realized now is that I can be the parent to my inner child because it is my inner child that has felt unsafe and which has caused me to make decisions sometimes that aren't really me but they come from a place of fear of not feeling psychologically safe so sometimes I may have made some choices that I think are going to keep me safe whether that be financially or you know whatever it is it doesn't matter but they're not really me and in the end what I've done is compromised myself in order to feel safe and that's not a way to live because it's not free I'm not trusting myself and I'm certainly not trusting the process of life or the universe I'm trying to control things to keep myself safe and I no longer want to live that way and I can be so I can be the parent that I've always wanted to my inner child I can tell her that's okay I've got your back you're safe I'll look after you it's okay we'll be fine that frees her up to be the creative playful spirit within me otherwise she just cowers and is scared which has me making decisions that compromised myself so these are all just things to think about forgiveness is a huge huge subject and we obviously we can't cover everything in this time tonight but this is a wonderful meditation and a wonderful process to just help you every time there's something that you feel that you need to forgive you can go through this and so let's make ourselves nice and comfortable and we'll get ready to meditate thanks for listening Denise loves to share information that makes the unknown known until next time be kind curious and dream big