Feeling Safe Pre Meditation Talk

Learn why we may not feel safe in our bodies and its effect on our lives. Feeling safe, also called Psychological Safety, is the ability to create a strong sense of who you are and inner knowing. It then becomes easier to trust and keep your word and choices. Listening to this will support you as you create a solid foundation to feel safe and thrive. You will begin to lean into your wisdom while not requiring a situation or another to be anything different to feel safe.

Transcript

Welcome to Join the Dots podcast,

The podcast that explores the motivations of our actions and why we react the way we do.

Brought to you by soul coach Denise Javi from Inwood Revolution.

In a safe inclusive space full of meaningful discussions for reflection and transformation.

As you listen,

Feel uplifted,

More clever and more clear about decision-making.

Let's go within.

Okay good morning everyone thank you for being here today.

So wonderful to have you here in this beautiful space of the cancer new moon that just hit it about four hours ago,

Four or five hours ago,

Three o'clock in the morning here in Australia.

This was a blue new moon and a blue moon just means that there is a two moons in a row that are in the same sign.

So both of the last month's blue moon was in cancer and this month's blue moon,

Last month's new moon was in cancer and this month's new moon is in cancer as well.

So of course the new moon is the dark moon that's the time when we can't see it and because it was two in a row this one is called a blue moon.

That generally only happen about every two to three months or so.

It's quite a rare occurrence and when we have a blue moon the energies of that sign are intensified.

And so what does that mean for us?

Well it means that anything that came up last month for in the new moon,

For cancer in new moon and cancer energy is very much about how you feel in your body,

How you feel at home,

What is it that you know just like the crab you know sometimes cancerians can feel they feel very deeply and like the crab it's easy to sort of get back into their shell and sort of walk sideways so when they come back in their shell it's it's quite easy to avoid whatever is going on around them they tend to sidestep it a little bit.

So where have you been doing that in your life?

Where have you gone inward?

Where have you tried to move away from something,

Retreated from something and then sidestepped it?

So this is a really great opportunity to help you understand where you may have done that in your life and and how you can release that because if we keep hanging on to those things of course they use up our precious energy and we can't move forward in life in the way that we truly want to.

So the new moon new moons are always about creating new things in our life and planting seeds looking at what has occurred over the previous months and and sorting and sifting through things and deciding what it is that we actually want to create in our life.

So this sort of this moon is is quite special because it's asking us not to hold on so tight.

What are you holding on to so tight?

What do you want?

Is there a particular outcome that you want?

Is there a particular something that you want in your life that you are working really hard towards and it doesn't seem to be coming to fruition?

Doesn't seem to you don't seem to be getting any results?

It's like it's time to let go of the way that you've been going about it.

It doesn't mean let go of your dreams and desires it just means take a breath and stop hanging on so tightly because it really does use an enormous amount of your energy.

Also the last new moon of course occurred alongside a solar eclipse and the solstice as well so winter solstice here in Australia which of course is about coming inward and reminding us that we are the sum within ourselves and in the northern hemisphere of course it was a summer solstice which is a celebration of the light that is within ourselves.

So we had the solstice we also had the solar eclipse as well.

So solar eclipses help us to understand what it is that we want to change in our outside world.

So what has already been manifested into the world that you want to make changes for because of course all those changes happen within ourselves first it's coming back to ourself getting clear with what it is that we want and when we're looking at something outside of ourself when we're looking at something that is already been manifested it's in our face it's like okay do I want that or do I not want that in my life and so it's coming back to that place and deciding actually is this what I truly want is this what I truly desire in my life and as a said before it's like a sorting and sifting process to gain clarity and surrender anything that's no longer working in your life that's particularly because this is cancer at home and with your intimate partners as well so what is going on in your home do you feel safe in your space just like the crab when it comes back into its shell do you feel happy so this is also a time to examine your sense of safety and security in your mind and in your body as well as the world but we can't really do anything about the world we can't do anything with what's going on out there so maybe look at yourself and think well where am I holding fear because these fears are obstacles for you that these are obstacles that will stop you from creating the life that you want and we've got to start with feeling safe in our mind and our body and then the rest will just follow as I said before we can't control what goes on out in the world but we certainly can control how we react to it and so if we begin to feel safe in our minds and in our bodies we're less likely to have a fearful reaction to it because once we have a fearful reaction to something of course now we're going to activate the stress response within us or in our body bodies are going to respond physiologically by flooding the systems with hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol and then we're going to actually feel that stress in our body and it's going to take precious energy again away from the things that we want to create everything starts in our mind and then it will come into our body we will feel it in our body so the mind decides that there is a stress out there that there's something there's a danger and then the body will respond physiologically by getting you ready to flee or to fight or maybe sometimes to just freeze and so we've really got to get a hold of that so most people don't know that they are stressed until it hits their physical body because they're so used to the thoughts that go on in their mind so if you can catch what goes on in your mind it before it goes too far before it starts to activate the stress response you're not going to have those physiological symptoms and feel bad and I know that it seems overly simple but it really is a matter of us getting a hold of those thoughts and deciding how we want to feel we're so used to just things just coming at us and you know reacting to things and we can't control that meditation brings you back to your center and helps you to have that control over your life and over your thoughts because again we can't change what's going out in the world but we certainly can change the way we react to it and that will make you feel much calmer and more peaceful in your life so enough about the new moon I want to talk a little bit today about creating a stronger foundation so that we can become more self-realized so we can feel safer within ourself now first of all want to talk about Maslow's hierarchy of needs now Maslow was a humanist or a psychologist I suppose that was around in the early part of last century and he first introduced his concept of the hierarchy of needs in 1943 and what he came to the conclusion was that a hierarchy suggests that the people are motivated to fulfill basic needs before moving on to others so we now know that that that sort of common sense because of this work and because it of course it has expanded and become more in in psychology and behavior work and psychoanalysis so really what he's saying is that we need to feel safe so that we can create the things in the life that we want to create so we have psychological needs then we have safety needs love and belonging a steaming and then so that we can become self actualized and then actually move beyond the self actualization to have the life of dreams and desires that we truly want so some of the existing schools of thought at the time such as behaviorism and psychoanalysis tended to focus on problematic behaviors as still a lot of psychology and psychiatry does today let's fix the problem then we can move on the problem with that of course is that it keeps you in that space it keeps you in that that stories and through the law of attraction you just keep creating more and more and more of it and you then you get more evidence of it in the world and it gets stuck in it there's nothing wrong with talking about our problems but we don't want to talk about them over and over and over again so Maslow was much more interested in learning about what makes people happy and the things that we do all they do that that achieve that so as a humanist he believes that people have an inborn desire to be self actualized that is to be all that they can be so what is your potential you know we're most happiest when we create the life that we want to create not when someone brings it to us you know we really don't want to win tats lotto or lotto yes it would be lovely to have that money and when I mean we don't want to win it I mean of course there are of us that that do and it would be very nice for that money to just drop out of the sky into our laps however what are you going to do with it when it arrives are you going to buy a better life or are you going to create a life for yourself because if you just take that money and buy stuff and decide that I'm going to buy a better life for myself you're not creating your life and it attaches you to the materialistic things in life and there's nothing wrong with having all of the most wonderful things in your life that you want but are you doing it to buy a better life or are you choosing to create a better life for yourself and so we can use the money to help us create the life that we've always wanted to create instead of just being a consumer and buying so there's just something to think about in your life because money will always come along to support the things that you truly want to do in your life if you wait for the money to come along before you make decisions and choices in your life you'll always feel poor they'll always just be enough so again it's something to just have a little bit of a think about as well so how do we feel safe how do we feel that a lot of people think that the money is going to make them feel safe we've got to find that sense of safety within ourself so our psychological needs or physical needs as well air water food shelter sleep clothing and sex and it's interesting that Maslow put sex at the bottom and I think it's more of a reproduction aspect than psychological but you know for some people that is something that makes them feel that they need it helps to ground their energy and it's also a way to feel love within themselves as well so he has a pyramid and I'll send you the PDF that has all the information on it as well so his pyramid starts at the bottom with psychological needs which as I just said was air water food shelter sleep clothing and sex or reproduction and then it moves up to safety needs so personal security employment resources so money where's the money going to come from health property and then we move into love and belonging which is our friendships there intimacy relationships intimate relationships family and a sense of connection and then we move into esteem in now a steam you know where people talk about self-esteem quite a lot but it's of course we don't self-esteem we actually look for outside validation and that's not a steaming yourself we have to come back and decide that it's important how I feel and I'm going to try and feel the best that I can in each moment of my life and I do have the the capacity and the wisdom to do that so this is about respecting yourself recognition recognizing your strengths recognizing that you are free recognizing all the things in your life that you you truly want and realize that they're actually a part of you and if you look around your life they are probably there as well maybe not in the way that you expect but they are there and so it's self-esteem and even if things aren't there if you don't can't see any physical evidence of something feel it inside of you you have an imagination and your mind your brain does not know the difference between what you feel within you what you tell it and what you see because your reaction is the same okay so a steaming learn to self-esteem not outside a steam not look for that validation not look for somebody to prop you up self-esteem you have the strength and the capacity to do that and then on top of all of that is self-actualization so the desire to become the most that you can be I'm going to actualize who I truly am and so that is the the five levels of Maslow's hierarchy of needs and so it just reminds us that you cannot feel self-actualized if you don't know where you're living from day to day if you don't have any food or water or shelter or feel safe within yourself know how you're going to be looking after yourself what your health is like if you don't have any friendships or and that could be friendship with yourself as well if you're not being kind to yourself will have a sense of connection and then of course if you do if we need to be able to respect ourselves use that self-esteem and it's all of those things that help us to become self-actualized and it's not that it's like a tick tick tick tick tick because one thing leads into another and sometimes we need to go down and work on things and make that that foundation strong and so how do we do that so there is a concept now called psychological safety which is just really telling us that we need to feel safe within our body and our mind it's feeling a sense of certainty in our body in our mind and learning to trust our decision-making processes as well which will help us to feel safe so until we feel certain in our own body and that's groundedness and and feeling strong in our own body how can we make decisions that will propel us towards our potential we will appease what is happening in front of us to try to control the narrative or atmosphere so that we don't feel uncomfortable which means they're still just trying to create a stronger foundation for themselves so there's no way you can be going to those higher realms of yourself until you feel safe within you and that doesn't mean that you need physical manifestation of it it's that feeling a sense of certainty in your body and mind and trusting your decision-making process so sensing it so so that was number one number two in psychological safety is we need an atmosphere or an environment in which people are comfortable to be and express themselves so make your environment nice make your atmosphere nice don't blame anybody don't react to anyone and I know that's much easier said than done and that's why we have meditation practice of course research shows us that when we feel unsafe it creates a lack of engagement and connection it is difficult for an individual to say no and not feel guilty it reduces productivity which means we tend to procrastinate and in a workplace it will diminish profitability and this is not about being confrontational or blaming either because you know some people say oh you know I need to speak my truth but of course people often what they deem as speaking their truth is actually speaking their judgments they're blaming somebody else for them feeling bad and you know as I said before we need to come to esteem ourself we come back to ourself and decide how I'm going to feel in this situation and I know it's much easier said than done and you don't ever have to believe any of these concepts but I'm always here to just help you expand and become more so number three is the belief that you won't be punished if you make a mistake and and maybe it's punishment let's move beyond the punishment you know the belief that you won't be laughed at that you won't be that people won't go away or people won't yell at you if you make a mistake you know they're huge they stop people from saying and doing things in their life you know tend to swallow words or not do something that they don't know what the outcomes going to be because they don't know what the result will be and that scares them that makes them feel unsafe background stress will affect you all the time and how many of us have this background stress oh I can't do that I don't want to go to that area because I might run into that person you know and some of us have that when we go to work I've got to go to work now okay I don't want to go there it makes me feel bad I don't like the people there and all of this is background stress and it will affect you all the time and that's the basis of anxiety and amplifying anxious behaviors and reactions and at its most extreme it will present as post-traumatic stress disorder or PTSD so that's the most extreme of course but sometimes we just have to make ourselves vulnerable and I know that can be a bit of a dirty word and just step into it anyway and realize that maybe someone might laugh or maybe someone might go away or yell at us but I can't be in control of that we also don't want to be around people who gaslight or bosses who are bullies because all of these things will make that bigger and it's it's identifying that and moving yourself away from situations like that often we put ourselves into situations like that because we have the belief that we're not good enough so of course the outside world is going to show that to us and so it is a hard place to get out of but just know that you can just by simply deciding that you are worthy and you are enough and even if you just say those things to yourself I am worthy and I am enough you know say them on a daily basis keep saying them to yourself because you are and the fourth one is the knowing that others have your back so if we don't feel safe it can feel like we're being bullied outwardly or inwardly we then make decisions based on fear of not feeling which has us leaning on a number of coping mechanisms we've set in place to soothe the situation and feel safe or certain and so imagine those times when you've done something that actually goes against your true nature in order to please a person or situation in order to feel safe we only do this so we have a level of certainty and purpose in our lives otherwise we would feel disempowered and less then so where in your life are you trying to control a situation exactly what I said right at the very beginning we are being asked to stop hanging on so tightly to let go of that to allow other ways to come in and you know ultimately my desire is that all people feel safe within themselves this way they we can we can all thrive and never feel the need to lean on another or require another person to be anything different in order for us to feel safe and how do we do that we keep practicing our meditation keep coming back to yourself on a daily basis coming back to your center make your center the strongest place in you I trust me I may not always see exactly what it is that I think I want to see in the world but I feel safe within me I trust me because if you don't feel safe or if you don't trust yourself how on earth do you expect anybody else to and we want our children we want people around us that we love to feel safe in other words we want them to be want them to know that we have their back we are a strong leader that they can rely on us that doesn't mean that you become over responsible for them web and become helicopter parent appearance it means that you let them go but you're always there for them no matter what you make a safe environment for them you build them up so that they make decisions the best decisions they can make based on what they know and so just as a little instance of that as I grew up I never had that my parents had their own issues as a lot of parents do and they do the best that they possibly can so what I mean by I didn't have that I had no idea who I was I had no idea I lived in an environment that was very psychologically unsafe I never knew what would be happening from moment to moment whether we would be moving whether you know my mother would be crying or be upset or whether my father would be angry he had PTSD from the Second World War and he would be fine one moment and then the next moment he would just go off and it would be and I used to blame myself I didn't understand what was was occurring I thought that I had done something to upset him and of course he was just dealing with his own stuff but what it did create in me is a feeling of I'm not safe which caused me to be over responsible it caused me to try and control things around me in order for me to feel safe and so I can say thank you to them because it is all of those behaviors and that experience that gave me purpose for my life and took me in search of looking for ways to feel safe to heal all of that and to realize that you know they did love me and they did the very best that they possibly could they were going through their own stuff and really didn't have the time or the energy to worry about my psychological safety as far as they were concerned you know they gave me a roof over my head and food and schooling and all of those things and that was all they felt that they needed to do but I never felt loved and I never felt safe and these things as I talked about the hierarchy Maslow's hierarchy of needs we need to feel like we have our psychological needs which is what they gave me but I had no safety need my safety needs weren't met my love and belonging I didn't feel a sense of connection in the family weren't met and I had no self-esteem because I was always trying to do what I thought I had to do to make my parents happy so that they wouldn't yell at me so they wouldn't laugh at me also they wouldn't go away and so this is just to help you look at your own life and see where that might be in your own life and it's time to tell a different story just go easy on yourself and decide that you can be your own parent you can give yourself a feeling of sense of certainty in your body and mind you can create an atmosphere in which you are comfortable and make other people feel comfortable you can just go out there and do the things that you want to do and if someone laughs and if someone goes away or if someone yells at you that's their stuff not yours because you're gonna do whatever it is that you want to anyway and you have your own back the more you feel that within you the more that you will create that in your world thanks for listening Denise loves to share information that makes the unknown known until next time be kind curious and dream big

Reviews

Life is an inside job & I resonated with everything you said!

Namaste 🪻 🌷 🌼 🌻🪷🌸🌺🌟🙏

Feeling this; I guess turning around is up to me. Trying to catch myself in my own safety net; it's tricky.