Urge surfing This is an exercise to help us relate differently to the experience of problematic or harmful urges.
These urges can take on so many forms,
But no matter what they are,
Almost always they lead to some unwanted reactive behavior if we let them take over.
And when we experience urges,
We experience very strong desires in connection with them.
And it's these desires that are accompanied by thoughts and the urges that compel us to behave in a certain way.
When we're on automatic pilot,
Which most of us often are throughout our lives,
We're particularly vulnerable.
We're very much at risk of reacting to those desires,
Trying to meet our needs in a way that isn't actually helpful in the long run.
It's like a thirsty man in the desert who is offered a glass of salt water.
While it may initially help,
In the long run it only causes more thirst.
So this is an exercise to help learn how to relate differently to these experiences.
Maybe you're listening to this recording now because you're experiencing an urge or a desire to behave and react in a certain way.
So let's begin by just pausing right here.
You might just take a deep breath if that's helpful.
And just committing to staying with this feeling right now,
Just for a few moments,
Without reacting.
Just seeing what that's like.
The worst thing that these feelings can do is make us feel them.
So we're just going to spend the next few minutes staying with these feelings,
Even though they're uncomfortable.
And no matter how uncomfortable they are,
They're actually not threatening us in any other way.
It's often our reactions to our feelings that cause all the harm,
Not the feelings themselves.
Finding a way to be comfortable right now,
Moving into a sitting position or lying down or even standing up,
Whichever works best for you.
And as best as you can,
Releasing any tension you might be holding in your body right now.
Taking the next couple moments to scan the body,
Noticing where you might be holding some tension in the jaw,
The neck,
Maybe the shoulders or the back.
Wherever you're finding tension,
Seeing what it's like to just breathe into those areas,
Seeing if you can somehow loosen a little bit of the grip,
Softening some of the holding that you find in those places.
Noticing the breath,
Just allowing it to flow naturally,
Drawing into the body,
Filling,
And then emptying.
Noticing the rise and fall of the belly,
And just trusting in your body's own natural rhythm of breathing in and breathing out.
And now,
Taking a moment to acknowledge what you're feeling,
What you've noticed.
What is it that's present in your body right now?
Is there physical discomfort?
Or maybe for you,
There's an emotion that's particularly uncomfortable.
Are there thoughts that are familiar or troubling that are in your mind right now?
What are the things that you're telling yourself right now?
Without trying to change a thing,
Just acknowledging all that's happening in the body,
In the emotions,
And in the thoughts.
Even acknowledging your reaction to all that's going on.
Feeling,
I like this experience,
I don't like this experience.
And feeling what it's like to stay here anyway,
With whatever's happening without the need to control it or to get rid of it.
And most importantly,
Without the need to react by engaging in a behavior that isn't helpful to you.
Perhaps the feelings are increasing or decreasing in intensity.
If you find the feelings are increasing in intensity,
You might try imagining it like a wave that rises and rises.
Oftentimes it can feel as though it's just going to keep going up and up and up until we fix it or until we react to it,
Until we stop it.
But what we know actually about desires and intense emotional and physical experiences is that they often rise and if we just stay with them and we don't react to them,
Just letting them be,
Staying calm,
Using the breath as best as you can to keep yourself grounded.
That oftentimes these experiences are just like waves.
They'll reach a point where they crest and then eventually come down again,
Fading away.
So our job here is to just stay with these feelings,
Riding them like we're riding a wave,
Like we're surfing this wave.
We're staying right on top of this experience.
If it's helpful using the breath to keep us staying on top of the experience.
It's kind of like the breath is our surfboard and it's helping us stay on top of the wave instead of being wiped out by it.
So as you're doing this,
You might even see if you can bring an open curiosity to this experience.
For example,
In the body,
What does it feel like in your body?
What is the mind doing?
What emotions are with you right now?
And maybe looking too at what's really needed.
What are you actually desiring in this moment?
So many times when we experience these intense desires and urges to react by doing something that's harmful,
It's not actually the activity that we're desiring that's really present.
There's actually a much deeper need beneath that desire to engage in that behavior.
For some of us,
It might be a feeling,
A sense of loneliness.
And for many of us,
It's just feeling some kind of stress or intensely difficult emotion and wanting some immediate relief.
Maybe wanting freedom from our present circumstances,
From the emotions that are just getting so intense or from our minds and troubling thoughts.
And just now maybe asking yourself this question,
What is it I really,
Really want right now?
What is it I'm really needing?
Being very,
Very kind and gentle with yourself,
Letting go of judgment,
Just being open and allowing whatever comes up,
Whatever tells you is this need here.
What are the true needs that are with you right now and that might be underlying that strong desire to react in a harmful way?
And noticing now for the past several minutes,
You've been staying present,
Staying with your experience rather than reacting to it.
And you know,
You always have this choice.
When you begin to recognize these desires and these strong urges to react,
No matter how strong they are,
No matter what's happening in your body,
Whatever your mind is telling you,
The things you're saying to yourself,
Whatever emotions are rising in your heart,
The desperation,
The anxiety,
No matter what is there,
You still have a choice.
You do have a choice.
It's not an easy thing to do to stay with it.
But as you know,
In the long run,
It's so much more nurturing than reaching for something or doing something that may temporarily relieve your suffering,
But in the long run only adds to it.
And as you're ready,
Just taking a deep breath now and staying with this for as long as you need to,
Knowing that the waves may return and they may continue to rise and fall.
And you can just stay with this sense of surfing,
Releasing tension again and again,
And staying with it for as long as you need to and whenever you need to.
