Soul With A Mission To Help Humanity

Listen to this episode of the 'Chai with Sam Dossa' Podcast as the host. Sam talks to award-winning author and life coach, Fabienne Sandoval. Fabienne talks to Sam about her work with women to raise their self-worth.

Transcript

Welcome to my show,

Fabian.

Hey Sam,

Thanks so much for having me.

It's a pleasure.

Please,

Can you tell my audience what more you can tell us about yourself?

Yeah,

Sure,

I'd love to.

So,

Hi everyone.

Lovely to have you listening.

So my name's Fabian Sandoval,

And I'm a life coach,

An author,

And a teacher on a app called Insight Timer,

Which some of you may have heard of.

My primary work is really around helping women to raise their self-worth and elevate their lives.

And sometimes when I say self-worth,

People go,

Oh yeah,

I think I know what that means.

But just so that I am clear,

A lack of self-worth might sound like things like this.

I don't feel good enough.

Nobody loves me.

I need to be perfect.

I can't make mistakes.

I can't do this.

And so those kinds of inner mean goal critics that pops up that when you're right about to do something brave,

It says,

No,

Not you.

You're not allowed to do that because of X,

Y,

Z.

That's the part that I work with on women so that they can get that critic to be quiet and so that they can actually empower themselves to live the life of their dreams.

Wow,

That's fabulous,

Very fabulous.

You describe it very clearly.

So in terms of a lot of people feel unworthy of their existence with this all,

Because do you think this has started since our childhood or it started while we were in the womb?

Do you think how far we can go and pinpoint that these are the conditioning or beliefs we have been putting to ourselves?

Or sort of not working?

I think when it comes to women,

A lot of the research that I've been doing lately really has shown me that it's not just,

I used to always believe that it was some traumatic event that had happened and traumatic people usually think like,

Oh my gosh,

I had to be in like a major car accident or I had to have a parent walk away or there had to be some big show and dance.

That's not necessarily true.

Like it can just be something that was traumatic that happened to you that changed your belief system.

But as I've been doing more research lately,

I am actually starting to recognize that there is a lot of ties between women specifically and their lack of worth.

And that actually stems all the way back to the ancient stories that we've been told,

Even starting with things like Adam and Eve,

Obviously Eve ate from the tree,

She like deceived Adam and she was like,

She was told off,

She did something wrong,

She sinned.

And so she had to carry that guilt.

So I think,

And then obviously,

If you look into other ancient myths and storytelling,

A lot of the time the women have been made to be smaller or to be wrong or to be kind of at the mercy of the man,

So to speak.

And in that,

I think that brings up as a collective from a woman's perspective,

A lot of guilt,

A lot of lack of I'm not good enough,

Or I should be doing more.

And I think that's a lot where the pressure comes from.

It's like from the moment we were born,

We already heard all these stories,

And that somehow plays a role in this lack of worthiness.

I think you are right with this society we live in.

And as you revert back to Adam and Eve,

And we have seen the journey of a woman in a complete different scenarios,

But also we have seen a lot of great women in our life as well.

And if we look at the mystical side of it,

We're looking at Athena and a couple of other goddesses,

And they were there at that time.

And now in this day and age,

We are looking at Michelle Obama and then Hillary Clinton.

And there are a lot of other like Megan,

One of our princess Megan as well.

So there are a lot of women are coming out of the shell as well,

But there is another element.

I think woman has to show more than men.

That has been the society conditioning being done since the beginning of,

Because we have seen a lot of better side of women in third world country.

Women are not being looked at as,

Well,

They're looked at as a mother,

But look at the children is not look at very,

If they compare a boy and a girl,

They rather give food to boy instead of the girl.

So I think it's the society conditioning.

And I think that have a very bigger element on how a woman has been brought up or a girl has been brought up in the society as well.

So I think the worthy of work,

What you're doing is inspiring and encouraging and bringing those women out of those shell they are sitting under is quite encouraging.

That's amazing work you're doing.

So if what with this scenario at the moment,

I know COVID-19 will go away at this present moment.

What is your thought?

Because this is also a week for mental awareness as well.

So in your view,

How people can change their mindset to look at something more positive going forward.

Sure.

I think that's a really good question.

And it's obviously really timely in terms of like,

What's happening right now.

I think that people need to recognize that this is a time where we've seen a lot of fear take place.

And so it's really important to remember where that fear is being directed from primarily the media and primarily what we're hearing on the news and on the radio and through our friends mouths and families mouths constantly.

And so my biggest thing with this is really about recognizing how much fear and how much fear kind of consciousness is surrounding that.

And what I would recommend that you look to do or what I would invite you to look to do is to find the love.

And so for each one of us,

When we sit in a place of fear,

That doesn't help us.

That actually pushes us further into the depths of negative emotions.

And that's not going to be powerful for you.

That's also gonna weaken your immune system for the first thing.

So especially if there's something going on in terms of like a health crisis right now,

Then we need to have a really strong immune system.

And the way to do that is to be tapping into really high vibrational feelings.

And love is the highest vibration.

And so therefore that's the place that we really want to be focusing on.

So when you're hearing these negative thoughts or when you're hearing these stories that are coming around,

And I know that,

I've had people in my life that have been,

Had friends,

Family,

Et cetera,

Affected by this.

And so it's very,

Hey,

It can be a very painful experience right now.

But what I would say that would be the best thing for you to do is to focus on how much you can love those people in your life and focus on the love,

Not the fear,

Because the love is gonna be the thing that's gonna get you through this time.

Yeah,

Love is very important and it's that emotion,

And this is very contentious emotion when you started loving each other and loving yourself is also very key because sometimes we forget that we need to love ourselves.

We started giving love to everybody else and forget about ourselves.

I think that's also missing when we say about love and we say self-love,

People will say,

Really,

This is a different concept and say,

Why should I love myself?

Why should,

And that this doesn't,

People does not understand that everything start from you.

You need to find inner happiness.

There is no such thing as external happiness,

But what are you going to do?

You're going to go for the illusion of having big house,

Big cars,

Big days,

Big debt,

And then what's gonna happen is internally you are completely empty.

And that's where the notion start to occur when you started to be happy inside here,

You will become so vibrant,

You will become so radiant.

People will look at you and says,

This guy,

This woman looks so radiant,

Wow,

What's happening?

And you will become the magnet and people will be there.

Even then never knew or they never know you about from anywhere,

They just go and start to empty themselves.

Empty themselves.

Did you experience anything like that?

Yeah,

I mean,

This is what I teach in my coaching practice.

And this is what I really spread this message constantly that it all starts within,

You know,

Like it all starts with recognizing that we have power inside of us,

And we need to tap into that.

We need to tap into that internal love.

We need to tap into that sense of worth.

We need to tap into that sense of peace,

That sense of knowing,

You know,

A lot of people will come and say like,

Oh,

But what's the answer and how do I know and what should I do and how do I love myself?

But it's about listening in the first instance,

Like we have that kind of compass inside of us,

But it just takes some time to actually listen to it,

Spend time with it.

Obviously that can be done through practices like meditation.

I also find journaling to be a really,

Really helpful way to connect with yourself and understand what you're going through,

Especially in difficult times.

Like journaling is such an amazing tool for that.

And it's something that I do every single day.

But you know,

It's interesting,

Especially when you bring up the self love,

Because people are like,

Oh,

This is just a cliche.

You know,

What are you talking about?

But the reality of it is like,

You know,

The more that you have love for yourself,

The more that you will have the capacity to love others.

And people think that isn't the case.

They're like,

No,

No,

Because I love everyone.

I love everybody else outside of myself.

But it's like,

Uh-uh,

Because those people will only be able to love you to the capacity that you can love yourself.

I think they deprive themselves.

They just give,

Give,

Give,

And they just feel completely shattered,

Completely drained,

And then says,

You know,

What I'm doing wrong over here?

And that's where people start to tell them that this is what you're doing wrong.

You're not loving yourself.

You're giving love to others.

When you're going to start loving yourself,

I think if you heard about Rumi,

If you heard about other Sufi saints,

They all talk about this love,

Which is within yourself,

Which connects to the divine connection with the divine light,

You know?

And it's a very interesting about how you start that journey to start loving yourself.

And this is about,

As you said,

About doing meditation,

You know,

Strolling the garden,

Contemplating,

And just remember that creating a self-awareness,

I would say.

Self-awareness is very important because you need to know what is around you,

How peripheral vision can see different things around you.

Because sometimes we are so focused on some different things we never noticed that there are a lot of good things happening around us.

And we are just sitting in one place and just pondering upon all the negatives,

All the negatives,

And that's it.

And then you say,

Nothing is happening for me.

And sometimes people says,

Oh,

The door is closed.

I say,

Well,

There are 100 doors are open because we are looking at the closed door only.

Correct?

So,

Very interesting.

Absolutely correct,

Absolutely correct,

You know?

And just coming back to what you had mentioned about,

Like Rumi,

One of my favorite quotes that he shared was,

You know,

It's not about,

It's with love,

It's about pulling down all of the barriers that you put up around yourself to protect yourself from love.

And this is one of the things that,

You know,

Many times we don't even realize.

And so when you talk about self-awareness,

For me,

That's a huge part of my process.

And so when I talk about self-worth,

I describe it as like a staircase.

And one of the steps on the staircase to self-worth is self-awareness.

Without self-awareness,

You know,

How do we know where we are?

You know,

But the funny thing is,

Is like many people,

Even I'm sure listening to this,

Watching this,

Et cetera,

Would say,

Oh yeah,

That's me,

I'm self-aware.

But when you look at the statistics,

Like 95% of people believe that they are self-aware,

But actually only 10 to 15% really are self-aware.

So the more time that we can practice being still and not getting caught up in all the busy-ness of life,

You know,

All the distractions of life,

That's where we can actually actively practice that self-awareness and become one of those people that really are self-aware,

Not just thinking we're self-aware.

Yeah,

I think emotional intelligence plays a very big role in this.

You know,

Emotional intelligence is all about creating self-awareness,

Creating self-regulation,

You know.

We got so much anxious,

We got getting so much,

And we have anxieties and also the venue are self-aware yourself.

Those things comes in,

Making a decision is going to be easy for you because you know exactly what decision you're making.

Well,

You know the consequences of the decision you're making.

How this decision is going to make to feel to you and to others when you make the decision.

So I think emotional intelligence plays a vital,

Successful role in our own upbringing.

And it's not that sometimes people say,

Oh,

Well,

I'm not emotionally aware,

I'm not emotionally that stable about it,

But you can learn those things.

No such thing as I can't,

There is always I can,

And this is the attitude people have to start to engage in that and start to learn from that.

So in terms of your practice,

What sort of people are connecting with you?

From where about like they are coming,

Connecting you from the UK or is around the globe?

Around the globe,

Yeah.

I'm really blessed that actually,

Before we went into lockdown and things like that,

My business has always been online.

And so I'm able to connect with people from literally all over the world.

So I've had clients in Australia,

I've had people in the US,

I have people in the UK,

I have people in Europe.

So it's a really amazing thing,

Because it means I get to connect with all these people that I may not get that access to.

But obviously we are blessed with certain technologies,

Which have been especially useful during this time period.

And so,

Yeah,

So I would just jump on Zoom and that's how I coach my clients.

Fantastic,

Fantastic.

I think this is new thing,

Like before we used to say,

Okay,

How do you feel the connection on the phone when we never have video phone calls?

And now we are on the videos and now we can see each other,

We can see how you feel about when the gestures are coming in and how you're talking to people.

And when you feel the level of unsettledness and you are so what is triggering you right now,

I can feel something,

Sensing something.

And we are all connected with this beautiful vibration light around the globe and we are connected,

So connected like this.

So even I'm sitting over here,

You're sitting in Canary Wharf at the moment,

I can see,

Okay,

She's connected to me on a different vibration,

Different level.

So in social skills,

Like when we talk about social skills,

A lot of people feel very apprehensive to talk to people.

I think people say,

Well,

When I introduced to you,

Or I would say to you,

Oh,

Fabian,

My name is Sam Dosa and you said,

Oh,

My name is Fabian.

And this next question started to come up as,

So what do you do?

Correct?

So because we're talking about connections and how we can uplift this whole vibration,

In your view,

What would be the ideal scenario when we are,

Is not going to be always,

We are looking at business.

Sometimes we just connecting heart to heart in different ways.

It's not about,

Oh,

I'm going to be having a close relationship.

It's just a friendly relationship.

So in your view,

Because you have coached a lot of people in your view,

Do you have any client which you find it very difficult to connect?

Do I have any?

No,

I mean,

For me,

I would always say that throughout my life,

I've been a people person.

And so I find it very easy to connect with all types of people.

Although my practice is like specifically around women right now.

I have also coached men in the past and worked with a variety of different people,

Different ages on different kinds of needs,

Really.

Because everybody's dream life looks different.

Like what one person considers a dream is someone else's reality.

What someone else's nightmare is somebody else's dream.

So it really can be anyone.

So I wouldn't necessarily say that I have issues in terms of connecting with people.

That's something that I would say comes quite naturally to me and is why I entered into this kind of a profession,

Shall we say.

But I do think it's interesting when you say,

The first thing that we get asked usually is like,

What do I do?

And so I always find that question really interesting because it wasn't until almost like five or so years ago now that I was taking a break back then.

I was working in the corporate world and about six years ago,

Actually,

I was taking a break.

I'd been working in the corporate world.

I was only known for the things that I did in the corporate world.

And I went and traveled.

And these people,

They would never ask me,

What do I do?

The first thing would be like,

Oh,

Hi,

How are you?

Oh,

You know,

Like,

Oh,

Where did you come from?

Or the question would be,

Where are you going?

Or the question might be,

How long have you been here for?

Or,

You know,

What's been the best thing about staying in so and so?

But the question was never a curiosity about what it was I did as like my profession.

And so that struck like a really interesting chord with me because up until that point,

I was like 28,

Had never considered in my life before,

Oh,

There's a different option.

Like I can ask people different questions to learn about them.

We don't have to necessarily know immediately what it is someone does for a living.

And strangely,

It kind of,

It cages us.

It puts us in boxes because there are lots of people that work maybe in the corporate world or they do some kinds of,

You know,

Like maybe more serious,

We should call it professions.

But they have like,

You know,

Maybe a completely different outlook on life and they're like really super spiritual.

And really the conversation they would love to get into when they talk to someone might be about philosophy or spirituality,

But because they say I'm an accountant,

Yeah.

The conversation gets directed to that and you don't really need to learn about someone what you would love to.

Yeah,

I think that's what is missing in social networking or social circle at the moment where people are not asking right questions as you described in your conversation earlier that people have to ask.

So where,

How far did you travel?

How was your day?

And did you enjoy what you do?

Sort of questions like to engage in terms of emotional connections and that's where people are missing on it.

That's what I also learned about it.

I never asked somebody,

What do you do?

Yeah,

I asked,

So what did bring you over here?

Why are you in this networking?

What exactly want you to get out from this networking?

So how far did you travel and what's been happening in your business or in your life or something else?

So connecting on those ones,

So then I will remember connecting with somebody and says,

Oh,

So do you like listening to or watching cricket is one of the game because we enjoyed watching those games and having a conversation and talking about the teams about England and Australia and Western teams.

So it created a hope for us to discuss something besides the war,

Besides business.

And that was an emotional connection which you created.

So that's quite an interesting conversation going on our podcast over here.

So let me ask you that if people want to connect with you,

How they connect with you?

Sure,

So probably the best place to find me is on my website,

Which would be FabianSoundabout.

Com.

You can up that in the show notes maybe.

Yeah,

I will put the link.

And I'm super active on Instagram.

So you'll find me over there and get an insight into kind of what my life and coaching business is all about.

So you can definitely find me there.

And I also mentioned at the beginning,

I'm a teacher on Insight Timer.

So if that's a platform that you utilize at the moment and definitely look me up,

I have variety of different courses and kind of free talks and things like that on there as well.

Wow,

Fantastic.

What I will do is I will capture every information which she has mentioned here.

I will put it on the links,

Podcast link,

And I will be able to share those information over here.

Let's go into this round,

Which I would like to,

My audience want to know more about you because when they connect with you,

They will have an instant hook with you.

So tell us about your favorite dish.

My favorite dish?

Oh gosh.

What is your favorite dish?

So I'm vegan.

And gosh,

You know what I would say,

I usually like really love healthy things.

Like I really love like an amazing salad with like loads of different stuff on it.

But there is one thing that my mom makes and it's a shepherd's pie.

And I know that's so traditionally English,

But like that is just like one of my favorite meals,

But I will only eat it at my mom's.

But like it's literally like my favorite meal for sure.

Beautiful,

Beautiful.

Okay,

And what are your hobbies?

My hobbies?

Yeah.

So I guess,

You know,

I'm very like aligned and connected to my business in terms of what my hobbies are.

They are very much connected to personal development.

Yes.

For me,

I absolutely adore reading.

I'm reading like about three different books at the moment.

Wow.

One of them,

Which is like just hooked me,

Like and within like less than 24 hours,

I've already read like 120 pages.

So I'm an avid reader.

And I also just love like researching and learning about new things.

So anything in the space of self-development that I'm constantly like researching and looking into things.

So at the moment I'm really focused on,

You know,

Childhood wounds and like understanding that connection with the inner child.

Also been really,

Really looking into finances and understanding more,

Not from like an energetic like abundance perspective,

Because I've done work there,

But learning about from like a logical perspective,

Learning about finances more so and looking into different resources around that.

So,

Yeah,

For me,

A lot of my free time is spent either reading or researching.

And,

You know,

I love to practice yoga as well.

In yoga.

Oh,

Fantastic,

Fantastic.

I think people will be very intrigued to hear all those sort of things.

And so,

Wow,

We saw the book you are reading and even though you're a reader,

You're reading three books at a time.

Amazing.

Okay,

So my last question to you is,

If everything goes back to normal,

Well,

I know one thing we have to tell people,

All my forecasters or listeners,

That you will be moving to Spain,

Correct?

I will,

I will be moving to Ibiza.

Ibiza.

So she's going to be going to a party zone,

But not for party,

But for her life.

She's settling there in Ibiza Island,

Where she will be starting her practice.

Well,

Because of the COVID-19,

She has to postpone her travel and her migration at the moment.

But hopefully that's where the destination lies,

Yeah,

After the COVID-19,

I hope.

Yeah,

Yeah.

Unless life has a different plan for me.

Yes,

Right before we went into lockdown,

That was my intention.

I was planning to move over to Ibiza.

It had been something that I had been working on for more than three or four years now.

And so,

I really am like focused on,

For me to be the best coach,

I also need to be courageous.

I also need to follow my own dreams,

And so it's really important for me that I actually take action in my own life too.

So that had been something I'd been wanting to do for quite some time and had made the plans and was working through it.

But yeah,

Due to lockdown,

Haven't been able to leave just yet,

But hoping that once things get moving a little bit again,

I will be able to make my way over there and yeah,

Start my new life there.

Wow,

Fantastic.

I wish you all the best for your future endeavors you're going through and you will be successful.

Thank you very much for being my guest on my podcast,

Chai with Sam Dosa.

Today we had Fabian and she has been an author,

A trainer and a life coach,

Empowering women around the globe.

And I will say thank you very much once more time.

Thank you,

Fabian.

Thank you so much,

Sam.

It's been such a pleasure talking to you.