It's Not Me It's You Meditation

A guided meditation to help with criticism and compliments called It's Not Me It's You. Designed to reduce stress and anxiety seemingly caused by others.

Transcript

I'm Dave Harding.

This is a guided meditation.

It's not me,

It's you.

Please make sure you're in a comfortable position,

Certainly not driving,

Where you can begin to relax nice and deeply,

Perhaps even closing your eyes and beginning to focus all of your attention on your breathing.

Just gently breathing,

Regular breathing.

And as you're breathing through the nose,

Taking in all the air and oxygen that's available,

Breathe out through the mouth,

Just letting go of any stress or tension that might be there.

You may begin to notice that each breath can be more relaxing than the breath before that.

And each and every breath,

Just simply more relaxed now.

At any time now or any time during the meditation,

Feel free to take a big deep breath in,

Remembering it should always be followed by a big deep breath out.

You may even notice that the big deep breaths can be more relaxing than the regular breaths,

As each and every breath allows you to relax even more.

I'd like you to find that place inside of you that's deeper still.

When you find that place,

Just simply go there now,

Deeper within,

More relaxed.

When you find that place,

Find a place that's even deeper still and simply go there now,

Deeper,

Deeper and deeper.

You may like to do this a couple of more times as you find that deep place inside of you,

That place inside of you which is your most tranquil,

Your most relaxed,

A place inside of you that is safe,

Comfortable and so relaxed.

I know that people can sometimes say things,

People can sometimes do things and they can have an effect on us.

But the reality is,

It's not what they say,

It's not what they do,

It's how we respond to it,

Which is all a part of us.

As much as what they do is all a part of them.

As an example,

If someone was to comment on your posture,

The way you sit,

The way you stand,

That's more about them than it is about you.

Since in their childhood,

They had an authority figure comment on their posture,

How they sat,

How they stood.

It therefore became important to them so that as an adult now,

They find it necessary to comment on other people's posture.

Do you know,

That's not me,

It's you.

Every time someone comments on your posture for example,

Just recite those words,

It's not me,

It's you.

Their comment about posture is about them,

It's not me,

It's you.

It's about their relationship with posture.

Someone comments on your teeth or your smile,

It's probably because once again as a childhood,

Something about their teeth became very important.

They may have had braces,

They may have had lots of dental work,

They may have had who knows what type of things,

What type of authority figures mention their dental work,

Their smile.

And so as an adult,

It's become important to them.

If they comment on your dental work or your smile,

It's not me,

It's you.

It's all about their relationship with the dental work,

It's all about their relationship with the smile.

Someone makes a comment about hair.

It's more than likely that once again perhaps as a child,

They were seeking approval or they were seeking being liked by hearing comments from authority figures who would mention other people's hair.

I like the colour,

I like that you've straightened it,

I like that you've curled it,

I like that you've done whatever you've done with your hair.

And so as an adult,

They seek approval by doing all these things to their hair because they want someone to notice,

They want those compliments.

So when they comment about hair,

It's not me,

It's you.

It's their relationship with hair that causes them to make the comments about hair.

If someone criticises your work or your work effort,

There's a good chance that at some point in their life,

There was an authority figure that their work or their work ethic was important and many comments were made about their work or their work ethic.

And so it's become important to them to comment on other people's work and other people's work ethic.

It's not me,

It's you.

It's important to them,

It's their relationship to the work,

It's their relationship to the work effort that has caused the comment.

It's not me,

It's you.

For any amount of compliments or any amount of criticisms,

It's always the deliverer of the compliment or the deliverer of the criticism that has the relationship with it.

It's because for whatever reason,

It's important to them.

And we don't know the reasons why people find it necessary to comment on the things that they comment.

All that I know is that it's important to them and they might not even know that it's important to them because it's not me,

It's you.

It's whatever has happened to them in their past,

Whatever relationship,

Whatever the compliment,

Whatever their relationship with whatever the criticism is all about their past relationship with their topic.

It's all about how they process the thoughts and the feelings and why they find it necessary to make a compliment or a criticism.

It's not me,

It's you.

It's not about me,

But my processing of it is my relationship of it.

So when someone makes a compliment or a criticism of me,

I then process that with my relationship and how I see that criticism and that compliment until I realize it's not me,

It's you.

It's the person that delivers the compliment,

It's the person that delivers the criticism but has the biggest relationship with it.

For whatever reason they find it necessary to make a compliment or to make a criticism,

It's all about them.

It's got nothing to do with me,

It's not me,

It's you.

So at any time you find someone making a compliment,

Making a criticism,

Just utter those words to yourself,

It's not me,

It's you.

It's their relationship with that compliment,

It's their relationship with that criticism.

It has nothing to do with me,

It's not me,

It's you.

At any time if someone compliments you or criticizes you,

Remember it's their relationship with that compliment,

It's their relationship with that criticism.

And utter those words to yourself,

It's not me,

It's you.

You may seek to understand what their relationship is with the compliment,

You may seek to understand what their relationship is with the criticism,

But you don't need to.

You just utter those words to yourself,

It's not me,

It's you.

It is all about them in that instance and their relationship.

It's got nothing to do with you,

Remember it's not me,

It's you.

Just utter those words to yourself.

And if you think of a compliment or think of a criticism made recently and perhaps one that had a bit of an impact on you,

Had some sort of an effect on you.

As you think about that compliment or that criticism now,

What is the significance of that compliment,

What is the significance of that criticism?

If you think about it in one hour's time,

How does it change now?

You think about it in one day's time,

Uttering the words,

It's not me,

It's you.

How does it become different now?

If you think about it in one week's time with the words,

It's not me,

It's you.

One month's time,

It's not me,

It's you.

One year's time,

It's not me,

It's you.

Ten years' time,

It's not me,

It's you.

And then reflecting back perhaps as your life on this plane comes to its finite conclusion,

Is it going to be one of those things that you reflect back on?

I certainly have expectations for my future that it will consist of a beautiful past.

So the things that I reflect on are the good things,

The great things,

The wonderful things,

The relationships that I have with the people that are dear to me.

And certainly those well-meaning compliments,

Those well-meaning criticisms of other people and their relationship to that compliment and their relationship to that criticism,

It's not me,

It's you.

So that all the thoughts and emotions about that compliment,

All the thoughts and emotions about that criticism actually belong to them,

They can have them.

For it's not important to me.

It's not me,

It's you.

It's not me,

It's you.

It's not me,

It's you.

I'm no longer prepared to give their comments the false power they have had in the past because it's not me,

It's you.

It's not me,

It's you.

Allowing our thoughts,

Our relationships to our thoughts and feelings to be our own,

To have complete ownership of our own thoughts and feelings.

So that as others pass compliments,

As others pass criticism,

It's not me,

It's you.

If you attach that to any of the compliments or criticisms that have had an effect on you,

Particularly the more recent ones or those that are more prominent,

Just drown them in it's not me,

It's you.

And allow them to dissipate where they belong.

For we are all unique in our own talents and abilities and it's this uniqueness that allows us all to be individuals.

It's nice to thank them for their well-meaning compliments,

For their well-meaning criticisms.

But in reality it's not me,

It's you.

It's not me,

It's you.

So as you contemplate compliments and criticisms in the future and just being able to address them with it's not me,

It's you.

And certainly to be gracious and acknowledge the compliments,

Because they do have well-meaning,

But particularly for the criticisms,

It's not me,

It's you.

It's all about you and your relationship with that compliment or criticism.

And allow them to have the ownership of that relationship with it,

Because it's not me,

It's you.

And if you think of perhaps those people that are perhaps too willing to dish out criticisms,

Often to the point of bullying,

That in most circumstances they're looking for a reaction.

So if you just neutralize your reaction with it's not me,

It's you,

Just quietly and confidently to yourself,

Then it stops.

If there's no reaction,

There's no enjoyment for them,

Then it all just simply stops.

So just be confident in your own sense of ability,

Your own sense of who you are,

And just knowing that it's not me,

It's you.

Now and anytime in the future.

And then gradually coming up to full awareness,

Knowing that it's not me,

It's you.

Can be uttered quietly and confidently to yourself at any time.

Coming up into full awareness,

Eyes open,

Noticing your breathing,

Noticing your surroundings,

Noticing your awareness,

Knowing that from now on,

It's not me,

It's you.

Awesome.

Reviews

I need to hear more about this topic. I’m trying to let go of the effect of other peoples negativity and show them compassion instead of taking things on board.

This really resonates with me. Just what I needed to hear and incorporate into my life. Thank you!

Great I will take this with me

I love this, thank you 🙏

A great reminder of boundaries and emotional and behavioural ownership. Thank you.

releasing. resisting blame.

Simply beautiful

Needed this today, thank you!!

Powerful and just what I needed to practice. Namaste.

Interesting meditation with a good theme.

Thanks for the insight

Thanks really useful xx

Perfect, especially for us HSPs who tend to take criticism very deeply into account. Powerful work to help unnatach any emotional response and proceed with confidence.

Incredible meditation with a unique perspective on anxiety related to compliments and criticisms. Bookmarked.

This meditation is wonderful!