Navigating Change And Calming The Ego

When you're in the midst of uncertainty and change, how do you handle the fear that arises? How do you make peace with your ego, which really wants everything to stay safe and predictable? In this talk, I offer ideas on how to work with the ego in a loving and compassionate way, helping you be in touch with all of who you are, beyond the reach of the ego's fear.

Music Credit: Untold Depths - Gentle Remix - Alpha by Christopher Lloyd Clarke and Englightened Audio. Used with permission.
Photo Credit: Pixabay lillolillolillo

Transcript

When we're going through change,

It is very unsettling.

Whether it's a change we've wanted and are excited about,

Or if it's a change we did not want life thrusted upon us,

We have grief and sadness around it,

Whatever it might be.

Change,

No matter what,

Is unsettling.

And let's look at why that is.

I want to talk about our ego structure because this is a really big component of it.

What is our ego?

Okay,

You can read lots about it.

There's tons been written and people have different ways of looking at it and talking about it and all that.

And I want to give you mine.

So for me,

The ego is a very important survival mechanism that we as humans have.

It helps us to feel and stay safe in a relative safety kind of way.

Not in the deep self safety,

Not in the spirit led or universe flow of life safety.

The ego's definition of safety is I'm looking around at immediate threats,

And I'm keeping this skin,

Muscle,

Bone,

Body safe,

Like out of pain.

Our ego's goal is to avoid pain.

Okay?

So because of the unsettling nature of change,

The ego is going to be really challenged during these experiences because being unsettled has a pain in it.

Having things be unknown has a pain in it.

Okay,

There's suffering there.

Okay.

So therefore,

You can see why when we,

I believe,

Come into better relationship with the ego.

That's how I like to work with the ego is to come into a fully seeing belly to belly connection based relationship with the ego.

That's how I work all parts of personal development,

Spiritual growth.

Let's come into relationship with what we're working with.

And I appreciate and like that it works for me much better than the schools of thought or the practices that would go into more of a fight with the ego.

For me,

Fighting is a very expensive energy.

It takes a lot out of me and it puts it puts attention on things that I don't find is always necessary.

Yes,

Sometimes we need to go to bat for something by having a really strong boundary that can look like a fight,

But I'm gonna go relational first.

Okay,

So this is going to be a relational kind of teaching practice for how to work with the fact that going through,

You know,

Change in our lives,

Which let's be clear,

The only constant is change.

Life is a series of changes.

Growing is a part of life.

So we're going to be at all different points in our,

You know,

Just day to day life versus and also the chapters of our life as it unfolds.

We're going to be navigating change.

And some of those will feel really big and eat or really small and easeful,

No big deal.

Some will feel really big and overwhelming.

And our ability to see change,

Look it in the face,

Identify what we're working with,

And then handle it,

Work with it,

As consciously as,

As aware as possible is an incredible gift.

It's such an awesome skill,

And you can build it like any muscle,

Right?

Going to the gym,

This is your time to go to the gym around navigating change.

Okay,

So let's talk back about the ego,

We're talking about relationship with the ego,

We're talking about how the egos whole thing is,

Let's avoid pain,

I want to avoid physical pain,

I want to avoid emotional pain,

I want to avoid mental pain.

Those are the main areas,

The ego is concerned about avoiding pain,

Discomfort,

Uncertainty,

All of that.

And for the ego,

A really comfortable life is the goal.

Okay,

Like,

No,

Like,

Kind of just like,

Chilling with plenty of money in the bank,

In a really great house,

In a neighborhood that never challenges you.

And you just like,

Chill.

Which,

Okay,

Great,

Sounds like an awesome Saturday afternoon.

But in our lives,

You know,

Then there's also this fact that like,

We have these purposes in our life,

And we have these dreams,

And we have these longings,

And we have our sense of meaning and fulfillment goes beyond what might be in that cozy nest.

Okay,

Like,

You can think I'd like to think of my ego,

Like an overbearing parent,

You know,

That's like,

No,

No,

Just do the safe option.

Just do the safe option.

Why not the safe one?

Just go the safe route.

What's the harm?

So we appreciate how much you love us ego,

And how much you want us to stay pain free.

But the reality of life is that it involves growth.

Growth involves change.

Change can create pain.

Even just the pain of not knowing.

That's considered to the ego,

That's pain.

That's painful.

I don't want to not know.

I gotta know.

I gotta know.

I feel more settled.

I feel more like human self safe when things are settled.

And I make that distinction about safety because let's hold and I'm going to offer something you can see how this feels as I share it.

That from a soul base level,

From a spirit base level,

From our connection with the universe and the great turning and all the spiritual truths that we,

You know,

Come into contact with,

And that we take in and we hold safety for our eternal selves,

Safety for our soul and for our spirit.

That safety is actually really different than ego based safety,

Than our like,

This moment human body safety.

They're just really,

Really,

Really different.

And that difference is like,

It's a blow mind like it blows my mind to like,

Really hold the chasm between those two things.

Our ego's sense of safety,

And our spirits sense of safety.

Because when we hold the truth that we are a soul that is eternal,

That never really dies,

Then our whole ego game is put into a perspective.

And so I find just being a human living in this moment,

That when I spend time,

When I cultivate the space inside myself,

When I'm in touch with myself as a soul as a spirit,

As absolutely a body with incredible wisdom that is found through my spiritual connection,

That helps me to both transcend the fears of the ego.

But it also helps me to calm relationally with care,

Calm my ego,

Or maybe it's my inner child.

Or maybe it's my inner critic that get really worked up,

Understandably so,

Because what they see as danger,

I might be walking right towards like a big change,

Or a new relationship,

Or a new way of expressing myself in the world,

To which the ego is like,

No,

Thank you,

Get me out of here.

Right?

So toggling and being in a balance between the voices that come from the ego,

And the experiences,

Feelings,

Places of knowing that come from you as a spirit,

As one that is incredibly wise,

As one that knows there's a whole lot beyond this exact moment with you in this exact body.

And that's not to make who you are right now,

Any less who you are right now,

Is an absolute,

Incredible miracle,

A miracle of spirit,

And a miracle of biology,

And a miracle of evolution and a miracle like it's precious.

Our lives are intensely precious.

And we've been asked in this moment of Earth evolution and human evolution to be navigating a dual reality that we are an ego,

We have an ego that avoids pain.

And we are an eternal spirit with access to incredible wisdom.

We are a drop in the ocean that is the universal intelligence that created this entire existence and created this entire universe.

We are a drop of that which means in everything is the is the all in every cell of our DNA is the blueprint to make the whole thing in that one drop of universe of nature of God of spirit that we are in that one drop is the whole thing.

And that one drop is in each of us.

I love to call it lots of things,

Our spark of aliveness,

Our light of consciousness,

Our connection with God.

Okay,

So here you are living your life and change comes upon you,

Whether you've worked for it and wanted it,

Or it smacked you across the face with as my teacher Lisa Campion likes to say,

You got hit by the cosmic two by four,

You very well might have and that's a doozy.

Okay.

So no matter what the locus of change came from,

Here you are.

All right,

And I find beautiful in it,

Although it is challenging.

Although it is painful.

I do find beauty.

In that process that the things that had been very settled for you often ego structures that had been quite settled,

They crack.

And cracking is painful.

And I give so many breaths and so much love and so much care to that pain because it's not nothing.

And pain is painful.

And so we hold it with love,

Care and compassion.

And we hold that through those cracks,

Light comes in new understandings,

New possibilities,

New awakenings.

And those all contribute to your growth,

To your evolution as a human and as a spirit.

Okay,

So hold that today.

Hold all that.

I'd love to hear from you.

If you have thoughts or questions,

Any reflections based on what I shared.

Thank you so much for being here.

I'll talk to you soon.