Stress and Connection

In today's session with Dr Dan Siegel you will be introduced to the link between stress and connection; connection to ourselves, our community, and the world around us. The research shows that our stress levels reduce when our sense of self expands. Therefore, by regularly tapping into states of awareness that elevate or expand our sense of self – including awe, gratitude, and compassion – we can start to lower our stress.

Transcript

Welcome to day 12 of Insight Timers Strategies for Stress Challenge.

Let's take a moment to get settled.

Close your eyes,

Take a deep breath in and exhale out.

Let's dive into today's strategy for stress.

Hello and welcome to Insight Timers Strategies for Stress Challenge.

Throughout the course of this challenge,

You are learning strategies to not only help you handle stress in the short term,

But lifestyle changes you can make to shift your relationship with stress in the long term.

My name is Dr.

Dan Siegel and today I want to talk to you about the relationship between stress and connection.

What this means is that our connections,

The way we feel linked to our internal experience in the body,

The way we feel literally in contact and connection with people who we know,

The way we feel a sense of belonging to a larger family than just the immediate family we were raised in,

A sense of belonging to community,

To all of humanity,

And even a sense of belonging to all of life on earth,

Are what we mean by the word connection.

And as we'll see,

When we explore the connection between stress and connection,

You'll find a pathway in very practical terms on how to expand your sense of self and also reduce how stress is negatively impacting on your life and transform it toward well-being.

Now,

The theory behind this is that when we look at how a sense of self is created,

The way we're connected with others and connected with our inner life,

As well as connected with nature,

We can see from the research that our stress levels reduce when our sense of self expands.

Now,

We see this in a number of very basic studies.

One is the study of the experience of awe.

Another is the study of gratitude.

And yet another is the study of compassion.

Now,

These three emotional experiences,

Awe,

Gratitude and compassion,

Each are part of traditionally what has been called self-transcendent emotions.

What we'll see in this journey you and I are about to take is that they might be more appropriately renamed as self-expanding emotions.

Because when the self is constricted,

What we can call an isolated or solo self,

One where the experience of our identity and our sense of belonging is only determined by our bodies or connected to bodies similar to ours,

Then our well-being is actually restricted.

Yet,

When we experience awe,

The feeling that happens when you realize that something in front of you is beyond your sense of being able to comprehend it.

Sometimes you get goosebumps.

Sometimes there's a sense of literally expansion.

And initially what is overwhelming turns into something that is quite actually healing as you relax the solo self view of who you are and you begin to feel identified with.

That is,

The features of who you are are connected to other people and something larger than your individual self.

People and the larger natural world around you.

So awe is an example where we start experiencing not only this self-expanding sense,

But we start actually reducing stress.

Research shows it also improves our ways we interact with other people.

It increases pro-social behavior.

It improves our happiness.

And we get a light sense of feeling of,

Well,

Awe when we're experiencing awe.

The second emotion,

That of gratitude,

Is where you get a deep sense of not only appreciation for what's going on with other people and their gifts in the world,

And especially how people may be extending themselves to others,

But you can feel gratitude in the deepest sense of I deeply appreciate,

From a heartfelt sense,

The way others are interacting with me.

And in turn,

It inspires me to not only feel better and feel healthier to reduce stress,

But to realize from a larger perspective that I am a part of something much larger than a singular solo self.

Compassion also has this quality of expanding who we are.

And amazingly,

Even when we're opening with empathy to sensing another's feelings without becoming them,

So we resonate,

We don't mirror,

And we can understand from another person's point of view,

Their perspective,

We get a sense of what's going on inside of another person.

And we even have a feeling that the way we are sensing another person's suffering is something we'd like to do something about,

To actually have a way of reducing that person's suffering.

That latter form is called empathic concern,

And it's a window for compassion.

Compassion is a sense of how we feel another's suffering,

Or if it's inside of us,

An inner form of compassion.

How we then consider how we might reduce that suffering,

And then how we actually do something,

Even if it's just bearing witness to the experience that's going on inside of others,

As well as in our own bodies.

Now,

We start with these three emotions,

Awe,

Gratitude,

And compassion,

Because as we'll see in the practical exercise we're going to do next,

We have a lens of identity,

One that allows us to adjust the focal length,

If you will,

The camera of our minds,

To see the self as in the body,

To see the self as in our interpersonal relationships,

And then to expand that sense of self out into all of nature.

The final theoretical foundation I'd like to present you with is that the word self is itself actually possibly a source of stress.

Because if you,

Like me,

Are being raised in a culture of individualism,

Right?

So,

If you,

Like I,

Are being raised in this culture,

So I'm changing my grammar,

I can feel the stress that,

Oh my god,

My individual self may have made a mistake with grammar.

But you can then let that go,

As you realize you are a part of something much larger than just a solo self.

And kindness and compassion,

We say,

Are integration made visible.

So,

This final point is that we have a self that can be,

Yes,

In the body as a me,

But a fundamental process called integration,

Which is the linkage of differentiated parts of a system,

Is what is the primary mechanism beneath well-being.

It's how we reduce stress,

It's how we transform stress into a positive way of driving energy towards a meaningful and balanced life.

So,

Integration of self-experience means we look at three aspects of self.

Sensation,

The felt sense of being alive,

Perspective,

The point of view,

And agency,

The way we act on behalf of something.

And what we'll do in the practical exercise next is explore how your SPA,

Your sensation,

Perspective,

And agency,

Can be intentionally adjusted with your identity lens to transform stress into health-promoting connection.

An identity lens.

The practical exercise we're about to do is something you can do each day.

It's something that at an extended practice called the Wheel of Awareness,

We do this in the final segment on the rim of a virtual wheel where we can imagine moving a spoke around.

And this is,

In a sense,

A way of taking identity and acknowledging that it has many layers to it.

And this identity lens allows you,

In a very practical way,

To learn how to expand your sense of self from what in modern culture is often seen as a solo self.

That is,

The individual is exactly what the self means.

So in contrast,

If self-experience is sensation,

Perspective,

And agency,

The SPA of self-experience,

Then what you're about to do now is expand yourself.

And let's do this practice.

If you are sitting,

If you are walking around,

You can do it.

I would not recommend doing it while you're driving.

You want to pay attention to the road in front of you.

But in a safe way,

Make sure you've found the kind of space,

Both in physical terms and in terms of time,

To do this practice,

Which takes just about five or six minutes.

And the practice goes like this.

With your hand,

Right or left,

Extended,

Just take a look with your eyes at your thumb.

Move your thumb around and feel what it feels like to have a moving thumb on that hand.

Now,

Let that movement of the thumb extend to have all your fingers on that hand move around and even feel the palm bending in and extending out as you let all these fingers move around.

And now,

Let your wrist begin to move as your fingers continue to move.

And allow this sensation and imagine the perspective from now the thumb to the hand,

The full wrist,

And now move the upper arm.

Allow that perspective to shift and change.

And now you're moving all the way to the elbow and now up to the shoulder and feel this whole arm just gently flowing in this graceful movement.

And now you can try letting the same process happen with your other hand and arm,

The fingers moving,

The wrist,

The elbow,

Up to the shoulders.

And now let your whole torso get into this flowing dance-like movement.

Your hips,

Your knees,

Feel your ankles move.

And now you're feeling the movement of this skin-encapsulated body,

This body that was given a name.

And this name in modern culture,

We're often told,

Is who yourself is.

But what we've come to learn in a deep dive into the more intraconnected nature of who we are is that we're not only in a body connected to other bodies and nature in an interconnected way,

The betweenness,

But there's a wholeness that we can actually open up to that frees us from the limitations of the construction of a separate self.

And so now what I invite you to do is let this sense of sensation,

Perspective,

And agency in the moving body.

Now go to any people that might be around you in the room,

Or people you know and care about that you can imagine who may not be in the room with you now.

See if you can feel the connection,

Not only to those people,

But widening that to include all people who live in your community,

To people who live in your town or city.

And then feeling this widen to include all people who are citizens of your country,

And then widening that still to include a sense of connection to a larger humanity,

To all human beings on this wondrous planet,

This home we've named Earth.

And as you feel just even in your imagination the sensation,

Perspective,

And acting on behalf of all human beings,

Imagine now widening that identity lens even further,

Wide angle,

To include all of nature.

Not just that this body with your name is connected to nature,

But rather that you are all of nature.

And just feel what this expanded self has a sensation of.

Take on the perspective of this expanded self,

And feel into what it would mean to be empowered with something called pervasive leadership.

We each can be leaders to just live as stewards of the greater good.

Just feel into that widened sense,

That expanded sense of not only a me in the body,

But a we in the connections of all living beings.

When we integrate,

We differentiate,

And we link.

And in the linkage we don't lose the differentiation,

So we say we are a me and we are a we.

And this experience of mui is the way we allow integration come into our lives and help us feel part of a much larger whole than a separate disconnected self.

Now I invite you to take a bit of a deeper,

More intentional breath as we feel into this expanded sense of an interconnected self,

A me and a we that's integrated as a mui.

And I thank you for participating in that way of expanding a sense of self with our lens of identity.

Now I invite you,

After that practice and the theoretical foundations,

To reflect on how that made you feel.

What was that experience like for you?

What came up for you?

You can share your experiences in a discussion forum that's available to you.

And you might enjoy just taking a time to write some things down in a journal if you prefer,

And seeing where you can learn from this experience what that sense of expansion of the self is and how that affected any anxiety or stress you may have been feeling.

What I suggest is that you find a regular time to bring this identity lens into your life,

To let it at moments of regular practice and even at moments of distress be an invitation to bring perspective,

To bring agency,

As you sense this way of expanding the self from just the solo construction of isolation and disconnection to a broader,

Intraconnected self that is the feeling of the whole.

And in that place,

We feel the awe of those connections.

We can be grateful for this opportunity of life to live into those connections,

And we can feel the compassion that is,

With kindness,

The way we can live a life of connection in support of the well-being of our inner me and our relational we.

Thank you for being you,

And thank you for being on this journey.

Be well.

Reviews

Very nice update of the wheel Dan. I appreciate your heart and your ways 💗

Love Dan and his contributions to our collective health and well being.

In this meditation, Dr. Siegel taught me how awe, gratitude, and compassion can increase my connections to the world. In doing so, I expanded my sense of self which reduced my level of stress. This is a very insightful and relaxing meditation. Thank you!

Connection is so important. Thank you for the experience and reminder. 🙏😎

Thank you. Many layers here that I need to explore more fully! Helpful to understand our humanness.

Genial 👍🏾 la meditación 🧘‍♀️

This was the most interesting one for me so far. Thank you.

Very supportive in learning process of reconnecting to Me & We with far reaching benefits!