Compassionate Approach For Those That Tested Us (Guided Practice)

Compassion is easily extended to those that have made a positive impact on our life... to often we don't realise that people that went out of their way to harm us have also helped us to grow and flourish.

This is a practice more of self-forgiveness, self-compassion and ultimately perspective taking...

It does not mean forgiveness... maybe we will never forget, forgive and accept... but we no longer need to be held like hostages to these emotions.

Transcript

Gently noticing the movement,

Watching the movement of our breath,

Maybe feeling a sense of the body as it's either sat on its cushion or lying down on the bed,

Laid back on the couch,

Wherever you are.

Just getting a sense of that feeling of being held,

Feeling of support,

Maybe being supported by a posture,

Supported by the couch,

Bed,

And also supported by the breath.

Just knowing at any point throughout the practice you can always return back to the this movement of breath or the feeling of being held,

Those physical sensations of the posture or the support from the couch or the chairs and just hold your attention on to these sensations,

Letting go of the guidance,

Watch the breath,

Feel the sensations and come back to the guidance when you feel ready.

Let's just take three deep breaths together.

The first normal,

So we breathe in and as we breathe out just extending that out breath,

Breathing out long and slow,

Almost twice as long as the in-breath,

Just really trying to get rid of all that breath and then taking a natural big,

Big earth deep breath in,

Again long and slow out,

Just doing that three times and then coming back to our normal rhythm.

I'm just going to go a little quiet just for the next minute or two and I just want you just to hold some attention on the movement of your breath,

Any distractions that you've got,

Thoughts,

Sounds,

You're just noticing the distractions and just gently bringing your attention back to the breath again and just softening the mind a bit before we move into the practicing compassion.

Just letting distractions come and go and using that breath as that anchor.

Enjoy.

You you you and just holding some attention onto the movement of our breath can be such a compassionate act,

You know,

In times of disruption,

Times of emotion,

Just remembering we've got this anchor that we can bring our attention to and just hold on to it just a little bit.

Just allows us just to get a little closer into the disruption without so much the mind telling you all these things that are wrong.

It allows you just to to work a little closer with the feeling rather than the thoughts associated with it and whilst emotions like anxiety and frustration and anger are quite unpleasant at the time,

From what we find when we come out of these things we can really learn and grow and understand ourselves a little bit better depending on how we met that disruption.

And the breath just allows us to lean up a little bit against that which we fear.

It allows us to create a little bit of space and just holding that attention on our breath just can sometimes not always just ease us through a few moments.

Like every practice,

You know,

Or any practice that we do these things aren't meant to be perfect.

That's why they call it a practice.

This isn't a competition.

There's no need for comparison.

You certainly don't need to judge yourself.

And compassion is not about control.

It's more remembering.

Remembering who we are.

Remembering what we are at our essence.

And with that remembering,

Recognizing that that same essence can be in everyone.

And this practice in particular is just about receiving that kindness that others have extended to in their lives.

They haven't always meant to.

Often sometimes it's definitely seen as a negative.

Sometimes it just takes a little shift in perspective to help us see some of the growth and understanding and warmth that's come out of this disruption.

And all we're doing at the moment is just watching our breath,

Watching the movement,

Watching the change.

So let's turn some of this,

Some of our focus,

Some of our attention towards people that we love,

Loved ones that are in our life.

Now,

You can focus on one person at a time or a whole group of people if you've got,

If it's difficult to choose.

Remember,

You can always come back to this practice and focus again on different loved ones.

Now these can be family or friends,

People that have passed,

Animals,

Pets,

Just anything that's come into your life and made a difference and you've felt that difference.

Now I just want you as you're bringing these people or person to mind and remember,

Again,

The visualization doesn't need to be perfect,

But just remembering why these people are so wonderful and what,

Why do they make a difference to you?

What do they do?

What do they say?

What are the kind acts that you receive from them that make you feel like they do care?

Maybe they've taken time out of their life to come and comfort you and encourage you when you had some tough decisions.

They helped you when you were feeling anxious,

Down or worried.

They were an ear to listen to.

Maybe they keep reminding you or help you to realize the difference that you make to other people's lives as well and that there are parts of you that you're not remembering,

Wonderful parts.

Maybe it's just the little things that they do,

They remember so much about you that they make a real positive impact in your life when you're around them.

Now these people,

They bring joy and love into our life and feeling their warmth,

Get a sense of that.

Maybe we feel it in the heart,

Maybe it's just these thoughts,

Maybe there's a real sense of joy throughout the body when we remember these people that make such a positive impact to us.

And just let that kindness touch your heart if you can.

Hold some of that warmth,

Some of that kindness.

So and just remembering some of those wonderful things that they do,

The impact that they make.

For no other reason than you deserve that attention as much as anyone else.

Just let that touch your heart as well,

That you're a person that that deserves to be loved and looked after.

Even the kookaburras agree.

So I'm just bringing some of that warmth now to some of some of our family members in particular,

Like our parents or people that played parental roles that made a positive impact.

And without the love of our parents,

Which I do appreciate that not all of us had two wonderful parents or even any.

Although there was someone at some point in our life that fed us and kept us warm,

Clothed us,

Helped us to learn.

Just the fact that we're alive right now means that there must have been someone or some people that loved you enough to get you here.

The sleepless nights,

Staying up with you when you're not well,

Or you're scared,

Turning to your worries,

Keeping you safe from harm in the home.

For those that are parents at the moment or have family members that are parents,

Maybe maybe you can recognize how hard it is or was being a parent.

All your sacrifices and time.

These people taught us to speak and communicate.

They got us to school and back.

They took us to sport.

Taught you how to do things around the home to help inspire and inspire you to to find out a little bit about who you are.

That everything that we've learned has come with the dedication of others.

Now if we look,

Nothing that we know has come because we've just made it up.

It's often come at the expense of loads of people and it's just nice to recognize this.

But often throughout our lives there are people that maybe they didn't help you.

Maybe they seem to make life a little harder.

Even more emotional.

And if we can just appreciate that maybe it was not so much that they didn't want to help.

It may have been their situation,

Their upbringing,

Their circumstances that just translated into disruption.

That maybe they thought they were doing their best.

Even though it was far from it.

And just bringing the gentleness of compassion into these moments help us to meet or create some space around those difficulties.

And whilst I'm sure there's been loads of people over your life that's brought disruption and difficulty and hurt on the grand scale there have been hundreds of thousands of people that have helped you to develop into the incredibleness that you are right now.

Whether you recognize or believe it.

Again let's bring some of that warmth.

Nourish our heart,

Strengthen our heart with some of that love and affection that our loved ones have helped us to grow.

Have been there for us and loved us unconditionally.

And just bringing some attention to the movement of our breath.

Again just noticing the sensations and just letting those sensations and this movement those sensations just to soften before we move on to the those people that have maybe not always had the best intentions for us.

They've tested us.

Maybe even harmed us.

Maybe they get a sense of insecurity sometimes.

Feeling of jealousy.

And our immediate response when we think about bringing some kindness to these people that have tested us is to question it.

Why would we look a little closer?

Why would we bring these people into our mind in a practice of compassion?

But these are the people that really deserve compassion the most.

Not so much for them but for us.

Helps us to heal,

To forgive and move on.

But you don't need to direct this towards particular people that have harmed us deeply.

See this as an opportunity to maybe change your own perspective.

It doesn't mean forgiving them.

You may never be able to and that's okay.

This is a look at ourselves a different change of perspective that just helps us to grow.

And even if we begin to look a little closer at ourselves we can see that these people have actually made us stronger.

They've challenged us to change and so often pushed us well outside of our comfort zone.

Even if quite often the process hasn't been in the most positive way.

But out of their actions we grew and learned.

They helped us to harness some of these resources within us that maybe we were utilizing in different areas of our life.

It drove us to understand how these resources could help us to heal and get stronger.

Maybe even it drove us to recognize these resources that we didn't even know were in us.

Or reach out into our community and learn new ways of dealing with emotion.

To teach us how to be stronger.

To be kinder to ourselves and find happiness.

Maybe these people have pushed us into new fields of work that help people.

That without their disruption we would have never changed.

And if we could take it just a little bit further and remembering you only need to go as far as you'd like.

But if we could recognize that these people weren't born with the want to hurt.

It's through their own inability of self-awareness and self-regulation.

It's through their own suffering,

Their own inability to manage their suffering.

It's played such a significant role in disrupting ours as well.

Sometimes these people helped us to learn patience to be kind and diligent and strong.

And quite often these people that test us have helped us to learn quite often more than our loved ones could ever do.

Just taking a few moments just to look at where you are now and recognize some of these strengths had come at their expense.

And whilst I appreciate compassion and gratitude may not be things that you could ever feel for these people and that's okay.

But some of these resources that you have today have come at the expense of those.

Maybe they didn't get the same upbringing,

The same opportunities and they've taught you to be more resourceful,

More skillful and more kind.

And now let's just bring some gentle attention back onto our breath again.

Let's just watch the movement,

The flow.

Remembering it's not how well you've done in this practice,

Just the fact that you've sat and listened.

You didn't need to take it all in.

It didn't need to be perfect.

It's not supposed to heal all of your worries.

And again this is just a practice,

An opportunity to maybe look at life a little differently.

Just for the next minute or two just letting go of all all of that which you've focused on.

Just gently watch the movement of your breath.

And now in your own time when you're ready just allowing your eyes to open.

And as you're opening up your eyes you're just getting a sense again of the movement,

The breath.

Just watching the movement,

The flow,

Getting a feeling of the body,

The weight.

You're sat right there.

And thank you.

Reviews

Thank you Dan, your reminder of the people who hurt us being our greatest teachers could not be timed better. The kookaburra was just perfect 😂