How To Hold Space For Another Individual

I was recently asked how we can help individuals who are more or less caught in the habit of talking more about their problems and issues rather than the good that is eternally present in every moment.

This is such a profound and important question, and I am glad that we get to have this conversation, so I invite you to join me as we begin to explore how to hold a space for another individual.

Transcript

Blessings and welcome to the path to freedom,

This beautiful path that we get to walk,

This beautiful journey that we get to be on,

Where we get to continuously set ourselves free,

Where we get to continuously allow for greater and grander expressions of who and what we are,

Where we get to continuously be in ever-expanding love and joy and harmony and wholeness,

Where we get to soar,

Soar to shine,

To glow beyond anything that we've ever experienced,

Beyond anything that we've ever imagined,

Over and over and over again,

So that we,

From week to week,

From month to month,

From year to year,

Become aware that we are not the same,

That we are growing,

That we are expanding,

That we are being born again,

That we are being born renewed or anew.

So this is beautiful path and I'm very grateful that I get to walk this path and I'm very grateful that I get to walk this path with you,

That you are tuning in,

That you are choosing to participate,

That you're choosing to join me in this message and on this path.

So my name is Daniel Rocchio and I was recently asked and I want to read what this individual asked because they sent me a message.

This is what they say.

I have a very close friend who makes all of our conversations lately about every one of their health issues in great detail.

I love this individual deeply but don't know how to deal with this other than not speaking with her.

What can I do to help her focus on talking about what she wants and not what is wrong all the time?

So the topic for today is how to hold space for another or we could say how to serve another or be of assistance to another.

So what we need to begin to realize is that as we're walking this path,

As we are learning to more and more reclaim our minds,

As we're learning to more and more reclaim sanity and to take responsibility for ourselves and where we turn our attention and our own well-being,

We need to realize that not all individuals are on this path.

Not all individuals.

I'm prone to say from time to time that humanity as a collective,

We're like mindless reactionary drones meaning that many of us humans,

We do not exercise authority or control over our awareness,

Over our minds.

But we give them permission to pull us in whichever direction and to run off in whichever direction kind of like an untrained dog is another analogy that has come to me lately that the mind is like an untrained dog and we need to learn it to heal.

We need to train it to stay put and to go only in the direction that we give it permission to go into and when we give it permission.

And so a challenge for many of us walking this path is as this beautiful question brought into light,

How to be around other individuals and there is such a thing called holding space or holding vigil for a group of individuals for another individual.

I want to speak into that because this is something that I encounter in my own life obviously and I know that a lot of other individuals encounter this in their lives as they are growing,

As they are expanding and other individuals are not necessarily moving in the same direction.

The things that used to be in common,

We no longer have in common.

So how do we and the most important thing is for us to stay to protect our consciousness,

To fortify our vibration,

To stay in high vibration,

To stay in an expanded consciousness.

So there are different tools and there are different techniques that we can use.

So the best way to serve another individual as this individual asked,

How can I help my friend?

The best way to serve and assist them is to hold in our consciousness the feeling tone that right where they are,

Them being a unique,

Perfect,

Whole,

Complete expression emanation of the loving presence that is all there is.

We can call it God,

We can call it spirit,

We can call it the universe,

We can call it whatever we want to call it,

But they just as us,

They are unique,

Perfect,

Whole,

Complete expression of that.

They are God expressing itself,

Revealing itself,

Getting to know itself in us and through that individual.

And as we're all on this sojourn and we all have our unique paths,

We are where we are and they are where they are.

So we do not want to take responsibility for them thinking that they should be on a different path,

Thinking that they should be somewhere where they're not,

Thinking that it is up to us to help them.

But when people come into,

And this is what I do all the time with clients,

When I'm working with clients,

They come into the space and I'm holding the space for them.

And they obviously,

They have their stories,

They have their experiences that they share with me and while they're sharing their experiences,

What is my job is to stay in the knowing that right where they are,

All is well,

That they are this unique,

Whole,

Complete expression of spirit.

That whatever their experiences are,

Whatever they're moving through,

Nothing,

Nothing can change that any more than the shape of the wave or the size of the wave can change the fact that the wave and the ocean are one.

I mean,

The wave can look in whichever way and it can be this size or that size and it can have white caps or no caps.

It's still one with the ocean,

Right?

And it still carries all of the qualities of the ocean.

So regardless of our experiences,

Regardless of what we habitually talk about,

And most individuals they are in the habit of talking more about their problems,

More about what is going wrong and how bad things are and how worse they can get.

We need to hold the space that all is well.

We need to be in the joy.

We need to be in the peace.

We need to be in the harmony.

And holding them in that space,

Embracing them,

Kind of like when a small child comes to their parents,

The small child wakes up in the middle of the night and then it goes to their parents and it's had a nightmare and it runs off into their parents' bedroom and it crawls onto the bed.

The parents,

They do not amplify the horror,

The fears,

The scariness that the child is experiencing,

But the parents,

They hold the child,

They comfort the child,

They let the child know that all is right,

That all is well,

That it is safe,

That it is secure.

That's the parent's job until the child can hold that for themselves and then they go back to sleep.

So that is what we need to do with these individuals.

So when individuals come into my field,

Into my awareness,

And it's one thing working with clients because then I,

It's my role,

It's my function,

Obviously,

As a coach,

To hold that space.

So even before moving into that space,

I say a prayer,

I bless the space,

I bless myself,

I bless that individual that I'm about to meet,

I bless the healing that is happening.

So moving into the space,

I treat my mind into knowing that all is well and that beautiful healing is happening,

That beautiful expansion is happening,

That this is a sacred space where they get to release and let go of that which no longer serves.

But obviously,

So that's a space in and of itself.

But from time to time,

Obviously,

When I go to the store or pick my kids up from Frances' house or whatnot,

I bump into individuals that are in that complaining mode or that victim mode.

And what I do for myself is that,

First of all,

A beautiful way to fortify our consciousness,

A beautiful way to protect our consciousness is to be centered,

Grounded,

Anchored in the nowness of this moment.

Like the trees,

They have their roots run so deep into the ground.

So when the wind comes,

When the snowstorm or the blizzard hits,

They're able to remain standing because their roots run so deep.

So we want to be anchored,

We want to be centered,

We want to be grounded in the nowness of this moment.

And for me,

The way to do that is to be with the breath.

And lately,

You may have noticed that even in these talks and messages,

That we are using the breath,

That we're having a couple of moments of coming back to the breath,

Taking a couple of deep breaths.

So let us do that right now,

As a beginning,

As a portal into the nowness of this moment.

And as of late,

I invite us to put a smile onto our face,

Allowing the body to relax and allowing healing to happen,

Release and let go of tension and toxic thoughts and chemicals to be released.

So let's put a smile on our face.

Let's take a couple of deep breaths.

Breathing in.

And releasing.

Another deep breath in.

And releasing.

So this is a beautiful way to allow for a space to open up,

A fortified space,

A space where we're not attached to thoughts,

We're not attached to emotions,

We're not attached to judgments of our own or of another.

So what I do is that I come back to the breath,

Not necessarily taking these long and deep conscious breaths,

But just coming back to the breath,

Turning half of my attention to the breath,

Which allows me to stay centered,

Which allows me to stay grounded,

Which allows me to stay anchored in the nowness of this moment.

So while I'm listening to the other and their complaints or their victim stories or their blame stories or their regurgitation over what has happened or what didn't happen or what not,

Whatever the case may be.

So I'm being with the breath,

Allowing me to stay sane,

Allowing me to stay in a high vibration,

Allowing me to not be hijacked by whatever stories and beliefs they are experienced or they are hijacked by.

And then I listen,

Obviously,

Reminding myself that all is well,

That something wonderful is happening,

That everything is working for the highest good,

All is well,

Something wonderful is happening,

Everything is working for the highest good,

That God is here,

The only thing that is happening here is God,

This benevolent loving presence.

So I'm being with the breath,

I'm creating myself to stay in a high vibration,

I'm doing my inner work,

I'm listening to the other.

And obviously in the beginning,

This is quite challenging,

Turning half of our attention toward the breath.

And I remember in the beginning,

When I began to learn this technique,

How I would be in a conversation with another and I'll have my breath very conscious or my attention very consciously turned toward the breath.

And it took so much effort on my part to be with the breath that many times I was completely oblivious as to what the other was saying.

So I would need to ask them to repeat themselves.

But over time,

I've learned to sort of divide my attention between the breath and what the other is saying.

So I listen,

I perhaps nod,

I say,

Mm-hmm,

All right,

Yeah.

But I do not participate and I do not fuel their stories,

Their beliefs,

Their experiences.

I don't want to fuel the negativity,

But I want to sustain my high vibration.

And what happens is that over a period of time,

I mean,

If I bump into someone at the supermarket and we stop to chat for two minutes,

I mean,

That's fine and the conversation doesn't last long because oftentimes I make my excuses and I just leave because I don't want to be in that space.

I don't want to have those conversations.

Sometimes what I do is I tell a joke,

Not necessarily tell a joke,

But if they are complaining or sharing about experiences where their health is concerned or where money is concerned,

I do something,

I say something that sort of turns the attention away from how expensive things are or how bad things are to,

Well,

There are gifts and blessings here.

I can't really think of an example right now,

But to turn,

Not force their attention away from whatever it is that they were complaining about,

But to sort of trick them into laughter,

To trick them into thinking about something that is fun,

That brings a smile to their face,

So to get out of the seriousness.

So there are different ways,

But it all begins with us having the intention to stay in a high vibration,

To stay in an expanded consciousness,

Not letting whatever the other is experiencing and whatever they're sharing,

Pull us out of that.

Obviously,

As a coach,

I begin to ask questions when the client has shared their stories and their experiences.

I begin to point them in the direction of wholeness.

I begin to ask questions that allow them to break free from their small and limited stories and beliefs.

That's not the case when I'm not in the role of a coach necessarily.

And then there comes a point along this path where we need to make a choice of whether or not we want to continue to hang with these individuals.

Hanging out in high-minded fellowship,

That is a spiritual practice.

That is something that we have a mandate to be very mindful of the people that we hang out with.

And if we have friends or family that we may have known for years and years and years,

And we find that being around them makes it more and more difficult,

More and more challenging for us to stay in high vibration,

To stay in the joy,

To stay in the peace,

To stay in the love,

To stay in the harmony,

Then we are wise and we're invited to contemplate,

To begin to be mindful,

To begin to be conscious of whether or not hanging out with them is right for us.

There are a lot of things that we need to release and let go of along this path.

And I'm not saying that we are to dis our friends or that we are to release all our friends.

I'm not saying that at all.

I'm just saying that we need to be mindful of who we are hanging out with.

And if we on a regular basis are hanging out with individuals that pull us down,

That drag us down into fear,

Worry,

Doubt,

Complaining,

Whining,

Bemoaning,

Victimhood,

Blaming,

Then it is up to us,

Then it is our responsibility to find a way to deal with that.

People come into our lives for a reason,

For a season,

Or for life.

We never know which.

But if it doesn't serve us to be around certain people,

Then it is our mandate,

It is our responsibility to first and foremost not be there for them,

But be there for us.

So that we get to continue on our path,

So that we get to continue moving forward,

So that we take responsibility for our own well-being,

Right?

But holding the space simply means that whatever they're sharing,

Whatever they are talking about,

We hold the space.

We hold them in the full knowing that all is well,

That divine and perfect health is right where they are,

That something wonderful is happening right now,

That even this experience is working for their highest good.

So we don't want to participate in the whining,

In the complaining,

In the bemoaning.

We do not want to fuel the negativity.

If we cannot say anything or do anything that turns their attention away from that,

If they keep coming back to the complaining,

The bemoaning,

Then it is for us to make a choice whether or not this is someone that I want in my life right now.

And choosing not to have someone in our life for a season does not mean for life,

But for right now.

I need to build my own spiritual muscles,

My own presence muscles,

My own attention muscles so strong that I can be with them.

Because there comes a time when we can be around negativity without being affected by it.

There comes a point when our spiritual muscles are so strong that the complaining and the bemoaning of others does not affect us the way it used to.

We still may not like it.

We still may not enjoy it,

But it doesn't affect us.

It doesn't bother us.

It doesn't move us.

It doesn't touch us in the same way that it used to.

And then obviously we have greater,

I was about to say greater freedom to hang out with whoever.

We always have the freedom to hang out with whoever.

But then we are more able,

More capable to hang out with individuals that are still in that mindless reactionary drone state than perhaps we did earlier along our journey.

Being fully present,

Coming back to the breath,

Being very present with the breath,

Holding ourselves,

Holding them in the full knowing that all is well,

That divine and perfect health is here,

That abundance is here,

That harmony is here,

That joy is here.

Even though they may be experiencing something else,

That is how we lift them up.

Kind of like when we,

If someone has fallen down into a hole and we want to help them get up,

We don't get down into the hole.

We don't jump into the hole because now we too are stuck in the hole,

But we stay elevated.

We stay on the ground,

Away from the hole,

And we pull them up.

We pull them up.

That's how we help someone get out of a hole.

Kind of like what Jesus said,

When I'm lifted up,

I lift all unto me or something like that.

So protecting our own consciousness,

Staying expanded,

Staying in a high vibration,

That is the best way and that is actually the only way to assist anyone.

Feeling sorry for another,

Moving down into,

What's it called,

Not compassion,

But the other thing.

I don't remember right now,

But we want to be in compassion.

Compassion simply means the understanding of lack of understanding.

So we want to be in that mode of knowing that this individual,

They are a unique,

Perfect,

Whole,

Complete expression of the benevolent loving presence.

They are under the aegis of unawareness.

They are under the aegis of unconsciousness.

They are under the aegis of the ego or the sense of being a victim.

This is not what they are,

This is not who they are,

They are just under the aegis of it.

They are under the influence of it.

So let's once again come back to the breath,

Putting a smile on our face,

Taking a couple of deep conscious breaths,

Breathing in and releasing.

And I invite you to say after me,

Out loud,

All is well.

Actually let's say this,

You have no power over me.

I stand in my own authority.

I set myself free.

I set you free.

And this is a beautiful,

Very rapid,

Brief mind treatment.

If we know that we're going to hang out with someone that has the historical tendency and ability to pull us into negativity,

We can treat our minds with this,

It is actually forgiveness tool,

But to repeat to ourselves that this individual,

Whatever they talk about,

Whatever they experience,

Whatever they share,

They have no power over us.

They have no power to make us think or feel anything.

That we are standing in our own authority.

It's an absolute authority.

We are the masters of our mind.

We are free to be in joy,

To be in peace,

To be in harmony,

To be in wholeness,

And they are free to be wherever they are,

Whoever they are,

Whatever they are,

Whenever they are.

All right,

So I hope this helps.

I mean,

This is such a deep and profound conversation that we're having.

I'm so grateful for you asking the question,

Allowing for this conversation to bubble up.

Because this is a challenge for many of us walking this path,

When we are lifting ourselves up and still being around others that are not necessarily walking in the same direction,

That are not necessarily having their lives be about the same thing that we are having our lives be about.

So this is a very potent,

Powerful,

Important conversation that we're having.

So thank you so,

So much for tuning in,

For participating.

Until we meet again,

As always,

Bless,

Bless,

Bless our days,

And bless,

Bless,

Bless our ways in the full knowing,

And I invite you to repeat after me,

In the full knowing that all is well,

That something wonderful is happening,

That everything is working for our highest good,

That perfect preparation and unfolding is always happening.

With much love and many blessings,

Namaste.

Reviews

Daniel is a great teacher and i love how laughter is woven into all his talks. Everyone listen!

Wow Daniel. This is by far, to my journey, the most profound talk I’ve heard yet. I’ve been struggling with what’s felt like a deep rut, a loss, a forgetting that All is well under equanimity with the Universe. I used this as a journal prompt and it sparked and unlocked so much for me that was very necessary to face at this time.

Thanks for being the friend who stays on the outside of the hole.

All my love, Daph