So lately I have been in a bit of a funk.
You know that heavy blanket feeling?
The one that hits you from the moment you open your eyes in the morning?
It almost feels like the weight of the world is resting on your chest.
I have been waking up to this sensation very often lately and I've been trying my best to love it.
To not shun it,
To not wish it away,
Or to try and make it something different so that I can feel better.
I'm opening my eyes and although my initial response is to resist it,
I sit with it for a few moments.
I breathe into it and I tell it that it is safe here.
I have noticed old patterns returning that aren't necessarily good for me.
Toxic ones that I have learned from one too many times.
The kind that makes me think I am done with them for good after I learned a particularly difficult lesson.
But nonetheless they return in some new form or person and before I know it I find myself back in the same situations repeating the same habits and feeling the same way that I swore I would never let myself feel again.
And then on top of that I get mad at myself for never learning this lesson that keeps popping up in my life.
The one that keeps me stuck and stagnant,
Confused and lost,
Desiring something new and better.
And there is guilt on top of the sadness and frustration,
Which is a very uncomfortable mix of emotions to get myself entangled in.
But there is always that inner knowing when these periods of transition arise.
That inner voice that seems subtle at first but grows louder the more I take the time to sit with myself and understand how I ended up where I am again.
And that is the beauty of low periods,
Of feeling lost,
Off,
Sad,
Anxious or any other uncomfortable state.
It shakes you out of the busyness of life and the fast-paced motion of everything and it asks you to become quiet,
To take a deep breath and sit with yourself so you can understand yourself a little better.
Without these periods,
How would we ever grow?
How would any movement or growth occur if we didn't pause and reflect on what's happening around us and within us?
It's never when we're our happiest or busiest where we take a closer look at our thought and behavioral patterns to see if we're truly where we're meant to be or want to be,
Or if we could be happier or more fulfilled.
It's always in the spaces where we don't feel like ourselves,
Where we know we're not like ourselves,
Where we notice how we continue doing things that our hearts no longer want to do,
Where we begin to make changes that will better serve us,
Changes that we sometimes didn't even realize we needed.
I have had somewhat of a lifelong habit of staying in circumstances that didn't always feel right for me,
Whether it was a relationship that wasn't fulfilling or patterns that were toxic,
Friendships that were unbalanced or no longer aligned,
Or jobs that didn't bring me the joy or excitement that I was seeking.
And we all do this at some point in our lives though,
Don't we?
It is a completely normal part of the human experience to crave the comfort of your surroundings and what's familiar,
Even if what is familiar isn't making you as happy as you want to be or can be.
And even though we may inherently know in our gut that there is something else waiting for us,
A new life,
Or the changes that we have to make,
Or the people or patterns that we must let go of to reach that new life,
It can feel really daunting to have to make those changes or to simply take the first step,
Because we don't want to endure heartbreak.
We don't want to feel lonely.
We don't want to have to feel the pain of making any change.
So we stay,
We sit tight,
And we continue to stay until we realize that the pain of staying is greater than the pain of leaving.
And so then we begin to make that change.
And then before you know it,
After making the decision to move,
Life moves on.
You move on.
And day after day,
The sadness that you feel for leaving what was no longer meant for you,
In the hopes of finding something new,
Doesn't feel as heavy as it used to.
You begin to notice new sensations emerging within you,
A little joy,
A spark of hope,
An excitement for the new.
And then you feel so grateful that you took a chance on the unknown,
That you took a chance on yourself.
And as more time passes,
You begin to trust in your ability to trust in your ability to make hard decisions,
To sit in discomfort in the hopes of something better,
To face the unknown.
And the more you can do this at any stage of your life,
The more you can follow your inner instincts,
The more you trust the knowing that is always guiding you toward where you're meant to go,
And where your heart is destined to be,
The more you'll be in tune with what's the most truthful,
The most divine,
And what's most meant for you.
And coming from somebody who has stayed in patterns that aren't good for her or healthy for her most of her life,
I look back now,
And even when you're in the thick of it,
When you're in a funk or a hard place or a dark night of the soul,
You always realize that even though it's difficult,
In retrospect,
Oftentimes you wouldn't really change most of your circumstances because that's where you learned the most,
And that's where you got to understand yourself the most.
So even when you are in the sadness and the frustration and the anger and feeling lost,
Don't try to rush through it to feel better,
Because there are always gifts in these periods when we allow ourselves to sit in them,
And you'll always know when it's time to make the change.
Looking back,
I realized that I stayed longer in situations that I probably should have left sooner,
But that even in the waiting and the fear of moving forward,
It was all divine,
It was all divine,
And it was all meant to be.
Time is an illusion when you think about it.
The only thing that exists is this present moment.
The past doesn't exist anymore,
And the future is just a figment of our imagination.
It's always now.
Now,
Now,
Now,
Now is always this present moment.
So if I look back and wish that I sped things up,
That I made the decision to leave a situation that wasn't good for me sooner,
Does it really matter if I had left sooner?
Does it really matter if I should have left a partner that wasn't making me happy faster than I did?
Because ultimately,
I am where I am now,
And where I am now is perfect and meant for me,
And I'm learning everything that I'm meant to,
Exactly as I'm meant to.
Everything is always unfolding in the perfect,
Divine,
And mysterious way.
And that's such a beautiful thing,
Because it takes the pressure off of feeling like we need to be anywhere other than we are,
That we need to be learning faster than we are,
Or that we just have to be more hasty in making decisions that we know are right for us,
But are scaring us to do so.
So if you are like me,
In a stage where you feel a little lost,
A little uncertain,
Or maybe you just have that heavy blanket feeling,
Can you do yourself a favor right now and take a deep breath?
Place your hands on your heart,
Or give yourself a hug,
And just be in this moment with love and reverence for where you are right now.
Don't force or try to make it anything different,
And trust that if you take it moment by moment,
And you lead with your heart,
And you listen to yourself,
And trust that everything is happening as it's meant to,
Then everything will happen as it is meant to.
There is a difference sometimes when you need to leave a circumstance and face your fear and move forward,
But there is value in the space between feeling lost,
Knowing where you want to go,
But not yet knowing how to make that choice.
So keep asking for clarity,
Keep operating from your heart,
Keep taking time with yourself each day to offer love for yourself,
And ask for a sign,
Ask for a message,
Put it out there that you could use some guidance.
Every single time I do that,
I always get a sign,
And it reminds me that we live in a really supportive,
Loving,
And divine universe that really wants to help us when we ask for it.
So ask for it.
I send you guys love,
I hope that this episode offers you a little bit of comfort in knowing that if you too are in a low period,
That you're not alone,
And to remember to give yourself the extra love and support that you need,
Because at the end of the day,
It's only you that can give yourself that love and support,
And you deserve it,
So give yourself it.
I hope that you guys have a beautiful day today,
And I hope that you have a beautiful week,
And I will try to be more consistent,
And I send you guys love.
Have a beautiful day.
I am sending you so much love.
