Stages of practice.
So when I started with my practice some time ago,
I thought like,
Okay,
I am really into this.
So I was doing one hour a day and then eventually it went into two hours and then I wanted to do five hours.
And this was including some internal martial arts practice and Tai Chi and Qigong and sitting meditation,
Walking meditation,
Standing meditation.
Everything was about meditation.
There was a time when I felt like I was,
I'm really connected with myself.
I got this.
But you know what?
I didn't really know how to monitor where I was.
So I didn't really know about the states of eight Cs.
So what I was missing is really to be in the practice with open heart.
So you know at that time still I felt like there was something happening with my body and it was really great.
And I wanted to go and tell the world.
So I really wanted to try harder,
Put more hours.
So this stage is called striving.
And you will know if you are striving,
If you are saying if I do more,
I will feel better.
So I better do more.
I need to try harder.
So you need to remember one thing.
No matter how much effort you put into your practice,
Your emotions will come back and you will feel drained and you will feel fatigued at times and you have your own cycles.
So it's normal for him to have this back and to have it.
You're not coming to any state where I'm constantly in the space of being an angel,
Right?
The devil part is going to come back.
It is there.
It's the shadow.
And now if you're expecting that this,
The more practice is going to get us into a space where we are only going to be open to light.
So even though you may have successfully handled depression and anxiety or insomnia with meditation,
You will have thoughts like,
Hey,
You know,
I'm having anxiety coming back here.
Like,
Oh,
What are those depressive thoughts here?
And you know,
Sometimes we can begin to blame that on the practice and think like,
Oh wow,
Like actually it's not working anymore.
And it doesn't work after all.
They fooled me.
So it's the time when you're going to be maybe blaming yourself for not trying hard enough or for dropping the practice or you may be blaming your teachers or,
You know,
Situations,
Circumstances.
Perhaps you're too busy.
You don't have time.
So this phase is called disillusionment.
And you will know if you're in this phase,
If you're saying,
Hey,
This is not working.
I'm too lazy for this.
Or if only I had more time or if only this teacher could give me better why this app not working better,
Right?
So this is disillusionment.
Both phases very important.
So it's just these are not linear phases.
We are not moving from one to the other and the other stops,
Right?
Now let me tell you more about that after mentioning the third phase,
The third stage.
And to be honest,
For me personally,
I managed to touch a little bit on into this stage just through my practice of self-compassion.
And so the gift of that stage is that we begin to build our way towards radical acceptance.
At this point we embrace our own humanity and humanity of others.
The compassion,
Equanimity,
Joy and clarity begin to guide our way forward.
So we begin to befriend our emotions.
We begin to befriend ourselves.
We begin to befriend our experience of life and see the difficult situations are just part of life.
They will not stop.
But so is joy and so is this sense of confidence and courage,
Right?
So we open up to all and begin to navigate life in a way that is unique to each and every one of us.
Our own way of being a human and remembering what does being human really mean.
So you will know if you're radically accepting yourself just by the way you're relating to your efforts as a human being.
You will know you are there the same way you will know when your heart opens.
The same way that you know that you truly befriended yourself and became your own parent that you always wanted to be with.
And again,
You will know you are there if you don't do it with your mind but you do it with your senses.
These stages are not linear as I mentioned and it's not really about progressing anywhere.
You know it's more like an upward spiral.
So if there will be certain situations when I will be striving and striving is okay.
Don't remove yourself from striving because if you remove yourself from striving it would be a little bit like you resisting resistance.
We need to let go.
It's like the river of life.
Experience striving.
Go do your hours but also realize that through your practice you can bring this sense of like hey it's okay I'm human.
It's okay to be like this.
It's okay to have thoughts of fear.
It's okay to be uncertain.
It's okay to have doubt.
And somehow as you're accepting all of that you realize that it's okay also to savor,
To feel grateful for the moment.
This moment to also give yourself a gift of self appreciation.
Thank you for showing up.
And now forget about all that I said and just pay attention to the present moment.
Here I'm going to ring a bell.
I invite you to gently come to your breath.
This sound.
This moment.
This sensation.
Nowhere to go.
Nothing to do.
Just being here.
Curiosity.
Interesting.
Radical acceptance.
Hey it's okay.
I got this.
Confidence.
I'm just doing this with the best possible way I can right now.
Let the path unfold for you in real time.
And hey.
Enjoy.
