Status of acceptance.
Just like we all want to be calm and courageous and compassionate and all these words that we really like and want.
It all means that our emotions are not really taking over,
Right?
And then we think that we need to get into a space where we are just so zen and open-hearted again,
Right?
And we allow whatever is there to be present to just be.
And we take too much responsibility on really managing this acceptance part.
So what would you do if you knew that actually there are stages of acceptance?
This concept you can read a little bit more in the book of the Mindful Self-Compassion.
It's actually also the workbook.
It's the part where Chris Germer and Christine Neff,
Co-founders of the Mindful Self-Compassion program,
Are really addressing how we can deal with stages of acceptance without forcing anything.
And also it's really important to know that resistance is just part of the process.
So resistance is the first part of the stages of acceptance.
It's basically the attitude when difficult emotions or situations arise,
We resist to that.
We are struggling against what comes and we are just pushing it away and saying go away.
So here is a simple advice.
Don't resist resistance.
Just acknowledge kindly to yourself,
Oh,
I'm resisting here and this is hard and it's okay and it means that I'm not ready.
So I'll check in with myself tomorrow.
So step number one,
Resistance coming,
Be aware of resisting.
And you will be mindful already.
Make choices on how to govern that.
There is the formula that is saying suffering times resistance,
Sorry,
Pain times resistance equals suffering.
So the more you resist pain,
The more you will be suffering.
So you probably heard these sayings like what you resist it persists and so on.
What it really means is in some way we just allow it to be present and somehow somewhere there we get to the other side by just going through it.
But again,
Forget everything I said,
First step of acceptance is resistance.
So how will you know that you moved through resistance?
What is the first small step that you could be doing or you could be having so that you know that you are actually being mindful of this?
So it means that you turn towards discomfort with curiosity.
And with curiosity you ask yourself,
So what am I feeling here?
So this is the attitude of being a compassionate explorer,
The compassionate scientist or compassionate adventurer.
It's this attitude of allowing yourself to be taken with curiosity to whatever arises.
So there are some difficult thoughts or difficult thoughts that are bringing some scenarios that are really troubling you.
And you go with curiosity like oh interesting,
These are the thoughts arising.
So you're exploring but you're not being taken by rumination.
So continue to explore what are the sensations arising and emotions appearing as a result of these thoughts.
So name the feeling or sensation and let curiosity lead the way.
If you cannot name the feeling then you may give it a shape or a color.
Perhaps you can give it a name without a special meaning.
Call it a feeling A or alien feeling,
The feeling of unknown,
Right?
Whatever works for you.
So this would mean that you are in the stage of exploration.
Now through exploration you may realize that your sense of tolerating this is actually increasing.
So this is another stage of acceptance which is safely enduring and holding steady what is there.
So you may have a little bit of attitude like hmm I don't like this but I can deal with it.
I can stand it.
So if you're sailing during the feeling it means that you can consciously choose to close if the feeling becomes overwhelming and you can also be consciously connecting with it.
So you may be placing your hand over the body,
Over the part of the body where the difficult feeling arises,
Tolerating that experience or being open to observe how it moves or being open to observe how your thoughts are presenting this situation.
So some emotions like anger they may not be still in one part of the body.
They may be moving.
So be mindful of that.
Move your hand as your anger moves through the body.
So that means tolerating.
Now allowing if we say allow the emotion to or feelings to come and go or allow them to move right?
So it's basically you're saying like okay yeah I feel this it's okay I can make space for this.
It's like you know like going out and being in the rain and saying like oh yeah there are drops I'm getting wet but it's okay like I can take that.
So once we spend more time connecting with emotions we can really allow them to arise and then disappear because that's what emotions really do.
Emotions right?
They are in motion constantly.
If we are not aware of them that then they tend to stay in one place and if we are constantly avoiding them then they may start to really fight for being noticed and then they will be doing that through some chronic pain,
Chronic physical pain.
So you may become aware of this moment becoming present during the meditation or throughout the day.
So you can become more aware on how your feelings come and go.
You are going to be more aware of how you operate as these processes become alive in your body.
And it's actually really the process of getting to know yourself and how you respond to your thoughts to external situations to how you respond to experiencing life.
Again curiosity right?
So this also brings us to the next part next stage of acceptance which is befriending.
And befriending means that you're seeing value in difficult emotional experiences and it's the part where you can ask yourself so what can I learn from this?
And now if you come too soon into befriending if you want to jump other stages you may be doing the spiritual bypassing process.
So don't rush to befriend emotions you know it takes time.
Don't rush to befriend yourself and all these experiences you know like you will meet someone and spend an hour with them and then a week from now another hour but if you want to spend like five hours or a week just intensely being with one person you know both of you will feel drained.
So as you begin to open up to compassionate awareness of resisting,
Exploring,
Tolerating,
Allowing you will begin to see value in difficult emotional experiences and how much wisdom they are bringing to you.
Remember it takes time to feel deep connection with friends so give yourself time to build deep inner connection.
Hey are you still here?
Yeah and remember enjoy.
