Resistance To Emotions

Mindfulness meditation on resistance to emotions: Embrace emotions with acceptance and curiosity. Notice thoughts and sensations without judgment. Cultivate self-compassion and self-awareness. Develop resilience and emotional regulation.

Transcript

Welcome everyone.

I noticed recently whenever I begin to start the meditation my voice goes back into the cough.

I'm quite amused with that.

It also means that I'm still feeling a little bit rusty with leading sessions after quite a break that I had.

So,

Just beginning this session with a bit of compassion for myself and aware also that there are definitely emotions present from my side and therefore also the theme about working with difficult emotions or emotions in general.

So,

On that note as I'm opening it all for us to begin the session let us first come to a bit of a space and some grounding presence before I give you a chance to check in and share a little bit about the space where you're at.

So,

You may already have your way how you begin to transition from your daily activities and activities of the mind that require a certain alertness and then noticing how you may begin to shift to this space when we begin to gently transition and replace this alertness with clarity.

Also,

Some agility present in the practice of meditation.

Let us first go into a neutral position,

The space where you're just gently allowing whatever is present to be present.

Noticing perhaps what is present in your environment,

Maybe some sounds apart from my voice,

Your neighbors or sounds of the street,

Sounds of the movement or your pets and letting these sounds welcome you.

So,

You can orient yourself into arriving,

Finding yourself,

Contours of your physical body,

Noticing where sounds touch you,

Giving yourself a little bit of space as you begin to transition.

You may place your hand over your chest or any other soothing place if you haven't already done so to extend the warm welcome and letting the sensation of your palm being there bring awareness of how is it received,

The palm of your hand.

What is it providing for you right now?

Gently opening from the external into internal,

From the thinking mind to the sensing embodied presence and taking few deep breaths and reminding yourself why you're here,

Time reminding yourself why you're here.

Gently coming to awareness.

Why are you here really?

You may notice that this question brings some shift and if you may just letting yourself be regardless of what arises.

Coming back to your hand on your chest and then gently coming back to the circle and whenever you're ready just being open to check in and share a little so we can find out the string of togetherness that might be bringing us all and what is the common humanity underneath these topic of difficult emotions.

I welcome you to write in the chat and we have someone also joining in just this moment just to remind that the session is recorded and is going to be used afterwards for the sharing with the community.

For now if you're open to share what brings you to this session?

It could be one word,

Short sentence,

Connection,

Thank you,

Trust,

Yeah,

Help and support,

Yeah,

Self-care,

Yeah,

Harbor,

All of the above,

Yes,

Yes,

It's beautiful,

Exactly,

I'm feeling quite inspired to actually read that all of you share these universal needs and universal needs are exactly that they are shared and although we might have some needs that we can fulfill,

Let's say I'm feeling tired and I have the need for self-care and then I will sleep and I will feel rested the next day so my need for self-care or maybe for rest is fulfilled.

There are sometimes needs that will take a while to be fulfilled or they need constant replenishment.

They come also very close to values like act of self-care needs to be present all the time.

Perhaps we have the need for connection that keeps driving us to connect with others and have a sense of belonging and equally so with trust and sometimes we have a specific situation so we maybe reach out and we need some help and support in the moment because they're needed in a specific way and sometimes we become inspired with everyone sharing what they're sharing and then we say oh yes please,

Oh dear God,

How wonderful is that.

So,

I'm wondering if there is any awareness of what might be the obstacle,

What is preventing you from maybe having this need fulfilled if there is anything.

Might there be some resistance to this need so that you're perhaps even asking for support.

I,

For example,

Have experienced often the resistance to sleep even if I'm very tired and I would even ask my partner to begin to watch something so I can fall asleep.

So,

The sounds and people being active actually help me to fall asleep.

So,

If there's an invitation,

Do you want to watch something,

I will always say yes and then I fall asleep.

Well,

Actually I could easily say no,

I'm really tired,

I really need to sleep but that is it.

So,

I resist like a child,

I resist falling asleep although I really,

Really need rest.

So,

Go ahead and check if there is any part of you that might be resisting.

Sometimes I also know when I was a child I would stand on the balcony and look from the 12th floor down and watch children play games and I could stay for hours and obviously I was longing for connection but I wouldn't go down to join them.

I would just watch how they're playing and sometimes feel sad that I'm not there and they would accept me.

Any time I go,

They would accept me,

I would be part of the game.

There was some resistance to getting into the elevator and going down and hearing my mom call me after a while that I need to come back.

So,

You may either share in the chat or even open the microphone if you would like to share a bit of how you might be noticing some resistance,

What you might need at the moment.

Yeah,

There is confusion and lack of clarity that is preventing that trust and thank you for sharing that because how do we know that the resistance is there?

Exactly like that.

Some difficult emotions appear.

So,

There is confusion and lack of clarity from getting all of the above,

Right?

The question to this is,

Is there resistance could also be,

Do you notice any difficult emotions being present at times when this need is not fulfilled for you?

Restlessness and overthinking,

That's right.

Yes,

Yes.

Often coming in these pairs actually often go together.

Lack of clarity brings confusion,

Overthinking brings restlessness and there is that all of the above,

Right?

Some common humanity here,

Yeah.

Unknown,

Different from mainstream.

So,

What I'm hearing is when we find ourselves not belonging or we want to be different from the mainstream,

Then that can also prevent us from connecting with the needs and in this situation trust,

Trusting ourselves perhaps.

There is fear of being vulnerable,

Fear of rejection.

So,

There is need for acceptance but that fear of being rejected is so,

So common.

It's one of the universal fears.

So,

When we are practicing self-compassion,

There is the Yin practice that gets us to pay attention first to these soft emotions,

These states when difficulties are more present and we actually bring mindfulness just so that we can be aware that that is present because often we go into that mode of wanting to push away.

We know we need to have the positive thinking that it is much better for us to be in the state of joyful content,

Accepting presence.

So,

When a little bit of these emotions appear,

We can kind of like push them away and just say,

Oh no,

It's nothing,

Look at other people and in comparison to others,

Maybe this is not so strong or let me do the meditation and calm myself down so that these feelings are not present.

But then from time to time they come back and they knock and knock on the door and if we don't respond,

Eventually they begin to be like fainter and fainter in their messages and then our body begins to respond and the body begins to respond with some tightness,

With some pain in the body.

So,

You may give yourself a bit of space to just check in with your body right now.

Are there any physical sensations that might be present that is showing you that perhaps there are also some unseen signs,

Maybe tightness or subtle pain,

You could be also having some chronic pain,

It's always somewhere in the background.

Notice if you can place your hand now over that area where your body is sharing some resistance to being relaxed,

Calm,

Content,

Being open to receive whatever life brings and just notice what is your hand providing for that part of the body and just allowing this soothing touch one more time begin to invite us into this presence,

Knowing that all of it is revealed,

The physical,

The emotional and also the awareness or what it is that you need,

Really need right now.

Letting yourself connect with that part of the body,

Notice if there is any connection to the soft emotions that you have identified just a while ago.

Just as if you would go and check in with your friend,

Gently,

Kindly,

Lovingly,

Letting the palm of your hand or your fingertips check in with that part of the body and softly acknowledge,

Hey,

It's hard,

It's hard to hold this pain and if you were to listen,

Really listen to that part of the body,

What would it share right now?

What does it really need to hear from you?

Would it be,

Hey,

I'm here for you,

I care for you,

It's hard to carry all the tension,

The discomfort and perhaps this is how fear feels like or worry,

Confusion,

Restlessness,

Acknowledging there might be certain life circumstances that are bringing this response,

Life circumstances that you are not so fond of,

So perhaps you are really resisting them.

Notice if you can just for a moment acknowledge,

Kindly,

Gently,

Lovingly,

Responding this way to this situation is a human response.

So many people would also fear change,

Unknown,

Not being accepted,

A lot of people would feel restless,

Thinking a lot,

Trying to figure out the way,

Almost certainly many,

Many would feel confused when they lack clarity,

Not being able to decide,

Not knowing what is the right answer.

So gently,

Kindly,

Lovingly,

Let yourself bring this attitude of gratitude and acknowledging that you are not alone,

That you might crave connectedness and company,

Even when you are by yourself,

So many people would understand the response you have to your life circumstances.

So go ahead and gently embrace that,

Of course you are feeling this way,

It's okay to feel that way.

Just for a moment let yourself breathe into that,

Letting the in-breath bring nourishment,

Allowing the out-breath to release just a little bit,

Anything that might wish to be released.

If your mind begins to wander and drift away,

It's coming back to your soothing touch,

Your breath,

Holding yourself as you are,

Being here,

Breathing,

Being alive,

Sensing and in this presence revealing all that you need right now,

Connection,

Trust,

Help and support,

Self-care,

A harbor.

And then one more time,

Or again,

Placing your hand over your heart and letting your heart for a moment speak for your whole body,

For your mind and for your spirit,

Checking in with your heart,

What is the smallest action you could take,

So you know you are taking care of this need for yourself.

If there is anything that you can do to support yourself,

Right now or after the session,

What might that be?

Letting your heart check in with your mind,

Your body,

Your emotions,

If there is any resistance to you taking that action,

If there is any willingness as well on the other side to support your heart in this awareness of what it is that you need,

Really need right now.

And then just giving yourself some space to breathe into it,

Allowing each breath to acknowledge and bring the nourishment into this awareness,

Letting the out breath release,

Relax any tension that might be present,

Letting each breath support and gently hold your lungs,

Your inner organs,

Your whole being.

Letting your next breath go a little bit deeper and the exhale a little bit longer,

Just letting these few next breaths do exactly the same as you begin again to transition into coming back to a little bit more alert state and whenever you are ready,

Even opening your eyes,

Just sitting and continuing to breathe if that feels right for you.

As you are gently opening your eyes and harvesting any awareness that was present,

Noticing what messages you have received,

You might even write it down either in the message here or on paper,

Somewhere as a note for yourself.

I'm just curious if anybody has received the message from the heart on what might be the action that you could take to take care of your need.

It could be a word,

A sentence or even a sensation or just a sense of presence.

And it's okay if you haven't.

I would like to know anyway.

Yeah,

Thank you for sharing that.

I'm hearing that there is perhaps before meditation there was some self-criticism or just being harsh,

Giving yourself pressure and knowing that you felt restlessness and also that there was a lot of thinking,

Overthinking.

Just one might wonder on how can that shift.

So when we are harsh on ourselves,

Often it comes in the tone of voice.

And even if the sentences might sound very accepting or even short,

The tone of voice often reveals this presence of the inner judge or the inner critic.

And so sometimes just transforming the tone of the voice can actually help us to already shift that pressure that our inner voice can provide.

And if the voice is metallic,

Even if we are acknowledging or even giving some words of loving kindness or even revealing something that we might need,

If the voice is metallic and short,

It can also give a sign that the inner critic is present.

So go ahead and think of someone's voice that is soft,

That is understanding,

That you naturally feel understood when you hear that voice.

It could be a good friend or a grandparent or even a teacher or even some actor that you can really connect with,

Right?

And you can borrow that voice.

There,

You already see a smile,

Right?

Yeah,

Exactly.

So it might not be the words.

The words can sometimes be really well intended.

But when the tone is stern,

Then yeah,

Sean Connery,

Right?

Yes.

I wish I could say exactly how he says it.

Yeah,

There's something very trusting in him,

Exactly.

Wonderful.

Right.

Another message I see being shared is to accept uncertainties like network issue,

Right?

It's not my fault.

Yes.

Oh,

It's so painful when we sign in and we show up,

Especially on these online sessions.

And then it can be so frustrating,

This lack of connection,

Right?

When we are yearning to be together.

So accepting uncertainties and also accepting that sometimes things cannot quite go exactly as we expect.

Yeah.

And then also accepting that this first week of going back to school is hard and it will be okay not to judge myself for not yet being able to feel like my old self.

Being out of routine or out of the sacredness,

Being in that space when we are,

Especially for teachers,

It's been so hard.

Oh,

Incredibly hard.

Online,

Offline,

This and that,

And not being able to move and then taking care of everybody else's emotions as well and parents and students and oh dear,

So much there.

And yet so much love for the work.

But then when after a long time of being in the classroom,

We show up and that love is not quite there,

But we feel irritation,

Impatience,

Irritation,

Right?

Then there can be a part inside that is saying there it's all gone.

It will never be there again.

So there is that fear of not going,

Getting back to feeling motivated.

So the practice of self-compassion,

Unlike any other practice to be honest for me,

Especially at these times when we go in to go out,

Right?

The way out is the way in.

So when we go and we acknowledge all of that,

When we name the feelings,

When we acknowledge what is really not working and then just pause with soothing voice,

Soothing touch,

Something releases physically,

Mentally,

Emotionally.

As if we manage to kind of like provide that much needed sense of touch,

Another person's hug or so,

But we provide that for ourselves.

And then our body responds and provides this oxytocin and support.

So it's just beautiful how it all works.

And you know,

It's okay that we are not all the time feeling motivated.

So I'm reading another message being a bit patient while I'm adjusting to my new routine.

I'm going back to work.

Yes,

Exactly.

This time after post-spring festival,

Post-also I know in places where it is December,

Post-Christmas,

Post-Thanksgiving,

Post-any holiday,

Especially holiday when we maybe spend a bit more time with other people,

Nourishing some family connection or friendships.

We kind of like spend holidays together with others and then coming back to work,

Fatigue and lethargy can be quite challenging.

And then also there is embracing of the gut feeling,

Allowing the guidance.

Yeah.

Sometimes it's difficult to trust when we have the mind say one thing and then we disconnect because there is this need to figure things out.

Right?

So all these situations and again,

Everything that you shared right now is so common.

There's common humanity in that as well.

Now imagine how many people receive exactly that message to be patient,

To trust intuition,

To just accept that there might be some in-between time before adjusting to the transition and change,

Accepting us,

Uncertainties,

Being less harsh on ourselves.

However,

When we just think about these things,

If it happens so,

And you know that this is the message somewhere there,

Of course,

It's important to be less harsh or to be accepting or to be open,

To have patience.

But when we come to this awareness only through our mind,

Only when we are thinking about it,

We will not come to the feeling,

To the embodied sensation of how it is to be patient,

How it is to be accepting.

So when our mind knows,

Oh,

I need to be accepting and then begins to move that on the thinking level,

This is when you will know that resistance is present,

That you are just figuring it out.

So thinking it is not going to help you to feel it.

So this is why we pause and at first name what is present?

What is it that I am resisting?

Why is my mind so,

So diligently trying to get me to the other shore?

Why is it,

What is making my mind rush so much to experiencing that patience?

Because it knows that's exactly what needs to be present.

So when that is,

And you lose patience with yourself and you begin to criticize yourself for not being able to get there,

That is the first sign to practice self-compassion.

And to begin with gentle,

Kind voice,

Of course I'm not able to experience it.

It's not easy.

It's not a matter of a thought.

It's not a matter of intelligence or wit.

It's a matter of being really open,

Being really vulnerable.

It actually means first to notice what is on this side of the shore.

So until you notice your fear,

Until you notice your sadness,

Until you notice your worry,

Your anger,

Your irritation,

Your anxiety,

You will not be able to step on that raft that takes you to the other shore.

So when you do begin to experience this emotion,

The first part is,

Oh,

Here is an opportunity for me to get to know myself.

Look,

When I need patience,

Irritation appears.

That's how I function.

Right?

When I need speed of adjustment,

I experience anxiety.

All right.

So could it be the anxiety actually speaking to you what your need,

Deep need is?

So let it whisper its message to you,

But just with a whisper.

Don't be numb and oblivious to that whisper.

Because when it whispers,

It's a gift.

It's a friend.

But when you don't listen,

Then it turns into a roar.

And that's when you don't like it.

Right?

So don't punish it for roaring at you because while it was whispering you were not listening.

And the whisper might be a slight tightness in your neck or a little bit of pain in your stomach or maybe a little bit of difficulty to fall asleep perhaps five days ago.

Right?

So often because we don't listen to that whisper,

We feel like emotions hit us like a hammer.

They never hit.

They just try and try.

And when they try,

Gently,

Kindly,

Lovingly,

Just with a pinch,

Then we think,

Ah,

It's nothing.

Right?

Like,

Ah,

Let me ignore this because obviously it's not a sign strong enough.

So I need to pay attention.

Well,

So let us perhaps come to the closing and maybe one more time coming to the moment of gratitude of experiencing moment of humanity in a string of moments,

Many,

Many moments.

And these external circumstances that are providing so much pressure for you.

But you appreciate them for supporting you in getting to know yourself a little bit better.

And so that they are also shaping you for something that is yet to come.

Just like unstable internet connection that shows on my screen from time to time as well.

So on that note,

Me also with gratitude for all your sharing about your emotions and your physical sensations and as if you have spoken instead of me and inspiring the guidance and the gratitude for the practice of self-compassion and mindfulness.

May you all be well and may you rest with peace.

Yeah.

Thank you.

All the hearts.

Enjoy.

Rest well.