Friendliness (Metta) To Oneself And Others

Friendliness, or Metta, also sometimes called Loving Kindness meditation, is an antidote to the ill-will or aversion we sometimes harbor towards ourselves or others. This practice is adapted for MBSR from TWIM, formulated by Bhante Vimalaramsi, and incorporates the 5Rs: Recognize, Release, Relax, Re-smile, and Return. Many thanks to all my teachers.

Transcript

Welcome.

In this meditation,

We will be practicing cultivating a sense of friendliness towards ourselves and others as an antidote to the feelings of ill will or aversion that we can sometimes harbor.

It may sound odd to practice being friendly,

But it is a skill that can be practiced and maybe even perfected.

Practicing friendliness,

Also sometimes called metta or loving kindness meditation,

Has been shown to improve brain functioning and it also just feels good.

We will be using some imagery and some internal verbalization in this meditation,

But know that imagery and verbalization are not our aim.

Rather,

Our aim is to evoke a physical feeling in the body.

It is the physical sensations that we are cultivating,

Not the imagery.

This meditation can be done in any posture and in any time or place.

After you are accustomed to practicing friendliness,

It can be very helpful to use it out in the world.

But in the beginning,

It is often best to find a comfortable place to sit or lie down where you can practice without being disturbed.

As we are settling in,

I invite you to take a moment and check in with yourself.

You might ask,

How is it with me right now?

And see if you can hold whatever the answer is with kindness and equanimity,

Not needing to change your experience in any way,

Just beginning to turn towards yourself and your experience with kind,

Gentle curiosity.

Checking in with your posture,

Seeing if there are any small adjustments that would be appropriate right now.

You might begin by taking three slow,

Deep breaths.

If it feels good,

You might scrunch your shoulders up to your ears on your in-breath and then really relax them down on the out-breath.

So breathing in,

Scrunching up your shoulders and a long,

Slow exhale,

Relaxing down your shoulders.

And breathing in.

And a long,

Slow exhale.

And last one in,

Really scrunching up your shoulders.

And a long,

Slow exhale,

Relaxing down your shoulders.

And now I invite you to allow your breathing to return to whatever feels normal for you right now.

Now when you're ready,

I invite you to remember a time when you were happy.

It may be something really simple,

Like walking outside on a beautiful spring day or maybe playing with a puppy or a kitten or with a little baby or perhaps being reunited with an old friend.

Whatever it is,

Take a moment to remember the event or the situation.

Remember how good it made you feel.

If thinking about this makes you smile,

Great.

I invite you to smile as much as you like in this meditation.

If a happy event doesn't come to mind for you right now,

You might imagine an event that would make you feel happy.

Imagine playing with the tiniest,

Cutest puppy or kitten.

Or maybe imagine how good it would feel to be reunited with a dear friend.

Imagine the feeling of warmth and happiness that would rush over you as you see their smiling face.

As you remember or imagine this event,

I invite you to bring your awareness into your body.

What does it feel like in your body to be happy or to be joyful or compassionate or whatever word resonates most strongly for you?

As you are remembering or imagining,

Really notice how it feels in your body.

How do you know that this is happiness just from the feelings in your body right now?

If you're not smiling yet,

I invite you to do so now.

You may just turn up the corners of your lips.

Or if it feels good,

You might really smile.

And notice if that smiling helps to enhance the feeling of happiness or joy in your body.

What does happiness feel like in your body?

If you find that you're having some trouble right now tapping into that feeling of happiness in your body,

It's no problem.

This may be a new experience for you.

If that's the case,

See if it's possible to keep working with the memory or the imagining.

How do you know that this memory or imagining is a happy one?

Is there any place in your body that cues you in?

Take your time with this.

Be as gentle and curious as possible.

For many of us,

This is a new skill.

And it's usually most effective to approach learning new skills with kindness and openness.

And remember to keep smiling,

Even if it's just the corners of your lips turning up.

If you have been able to identify the feeling of happiness in your body,

This feeling that arises when you remember or imagine a happy time,

Or maybe this feeling just comes up from smiling,

Then I invite you to see if it's possible to radiate that feeling of happiness to yourself.

Radiate that feeling of happiness,

Joy,

Compassion to yourself.

In the beginning,

It might be helpful to use some phrases.

You might say something like,

As I was joyful then,

May I be joyful now?

May I be happy?

May I be peaceful?

Or choose any phrases that feel most helpful and appropriate for you right now.

May I be well?

May I be joyful?

May I be peaceful?

Radiating this feeling of happiness to yourself,

May I be well?

May I be joyful?

May I be peaceful?

We're not using these phrases as a mantra.

Rather,

We're cultivating the felt sensation of happiness in the body and radiating that.

The phrases and the images are just to help us access the physical sensations,

To nudge along that beautiful feeling of happiness in the body.

From time to time,

You may notice that the mind has wandered.

That's no problem.

When you notice that the mind has wandered,

Recognize whatever the distraction is and see if it's okay to release and let go of that distraction.

Relax any tension that might have arisen in the body.

Resmile a little.

Then when you're ready,

Return to investigating and cultivating the physical sensation of happiness in your body.

Society.

Now,

We're going to transition and begin practicing radiating this feeling of friendliness and warmth outside of ourselves.

I invite you to imagine a good friend,

Perhaps a mentor,

Someone with whom you have a fairly uncomplicated relationship,

And perhaps not someone for whom you have romantic feelings.

Someone for whom it is easy for you to wish happiness and compassion and caring.

Someone for whom friendliness and well-wishing flow easily.

Imagine this friend or mentor holding them before you in your mind's eye.

Sometimes in the beginning,

Even this choosing can be difficult.

Our relationship with people can be complicated.

It might be helpful to bring to mind a beloved pet.

Again,

The idea is to bring to mind some being for whom you can easily awaken a sense of friendliness,

Of kindness,

Of well-wishing.

Imagine now,

Holding this being before you in your mind's eye,

Recalling again the physical sensation of happiness in your body.

See if it's possible to radiate that feeling to this being,

Radiating warmth and kindness and friendliness and well-wishing to this being.

Again,

It can sometimes help to use phrases.

You may say something like,

As I have been happy,

May you be happy.

As I have been joyful,

May you be joyful.

As I have been peaceful,

May you be peaceful.

Use phrases that resonate for you in this moment.

And don't forget to smile a little.

You're to mean the same thing once again.

Always working from this place of felt happiness and joy within our own bodies.

Even if that feeling fades from time to time,

It's no problem.

Just gently come back and see if it's possible to rekindle the feeling.

Perhaps by asking yourself,

What is the feeling of happiness in my body?

Or perhaps using your friend as inspiration.

What does it feel like just to hold this being in your mind's eye?

Can this be enough to bring up the physical sensation of happiness in your body?

And if so,

Can you then radiate this feeling to your friend?

May you be well.

May you be joyful.

May you be peaceful.

May you be joyful.

And if the mind wanders a thousand times,

It's no problem.

A thousand times bring it back.

Recognizing whatever has distracted the mind.

Seeing if it's okay to release and let go of that distraction.

Relaxing any tension that might have built up in the body.

Resmiling a little.

And when you're ready,

Returning to the felt sensation of happiness in your body.

Adding that to your friend.

And if the mind wanders a thousand times,

It's no problem.

The physical sensations of happiness in your body may be subtle or strong.

They may ebb and flow.

It's no problem.

You can always come back to exploring the felt sensation of happiness in your body.

And then,

When you're ready,

Radiating it to your friend.

And then,

When you're ready,

Radiating it to your friend.

Experiment.

Play with this.

See what works for you.

All in the service of awakening this warm,

Glowing feeling of friendliness and radiating it towards your friend.

Relaxing any tension that might have built up in your body.

Remembering to smile a little.

Relaxing any tension that might have built up in your body.

Relaxing any tension that might have built up in your body.

Just some thirty minute session in wrapped concentration.

Relaxing any tension that might have built up in your body.

Relaxing any tension that might have built up in your body.

Relaxing any tension that might have built up in your body.

Relaxing any tension that might have built up in your body.

Relaxing any tension that might have built up in your body.

Relaxing any tension that might have built up in your body.

Relaxing any tension that might have built up in your body.

Relaxing any tension that might have built up in your body.

Relaxing any tension that might have built up in your body.

Relaxing any tension that might have built up in your body.

Relaxing any tension that might have built up in your body.

Relaxing any tension that might have built up in your body.

Relaxing any tension that might have built up in your body.

Thank you.

Reviews

Hey, Cultivate,
I’m befriending you with a 9.789 rating- 😊🎈
Voice tone/volume/pacing excellent
Content/pre-frontal to “feeling” sensation awareness, excellent

Love the open spaces for my own Meta words & thoughts

Improvements possible? Remove the two sound-bite interferences on the recording (smile and lean towards a 9.98!)

Thank you - Bruce 🙃❤️🤸‍♀️☕️😎

Made me realize what is missing and what I need to work on. I have to start being friends with myself. Maybe learn what does make me happy and what has the opposite affect.

Thank you