Are you ready to meditate with Kari?
Get in your bed.
Make sure that everything is just right.
The lights are just right.
Your covers are all tucked around you just right.
Maybe you have your stuffy or your snuggly teddy.
When everything feels just right and you're ready to relax your body and let go of your busy day.
That's when we can begin.
Heidi,
Cherry and Vea were laid in bed.
They'd had a long day.
They'd been to the mall.
It was really fun.
They went with five of their friends.
They bought all sorts of fun stuff.
They did mall things.
They went to the food area and they bought slurpees.
And they had cinnamon rolls and it was just a lot of fun.
But now they were tired.
Super tired.
Cherry had got a little bit of a headache because of all the sugar that she'd been eating.
And she'd been a bit grumpy and snappy with her sisters.
But nothing too serious.
Just a bit agitated.
Not so friendly.
Vea was really,
Really tired.
And Heidi was reading her book.
Vea said,
Which book is that,
Heidi?
Is it the one about trees?
Heidi said,
No,
This one's NVC.
It's my NVC book.
NVC?
Said Cherry.
What's NVC mean?
Heidi said,
It's a book about communication.
NVC means non-violent communication.
Ooh,
That sounds fancy.
Communication as in talking or communication as in like,
I don't know,
Something complicated.
Heidi looked a little bit confused.
But then she put it down to the sugar that Cherry wasn't thinking quite straight.
Because she thought that she said it quite plainly that it was about communication.
And communication is about talking,
Right?
Communication.
How you talk to people.
But she didn't say anything.
She just said,
Yeah,
It's about communication.
And Cherry said,
You know,
NVC,
Non-violent communication,
Sounds a bit like take one door.
I thought at first when you were reading it that it was something to do with like,
Martial arts.
You know,
Like take one door or I don't know,
Qigong or something like that.
But no,
Non-violent communication is definitely not a martial arts,
Is it?
It's actually probably the opposite.
Because there's no violence,
Right?
That's what it says in the title.
No violence.
No violence in this talking,
Please.
Is that what it's saying?
I said,
Actually,
Yeah.
Yeah,
Cherry.
Yeah,
It is.
That's what it's saying.
It's a form of how you communicate.
It's a way that you can talk to people about your feelings instead of being angry or upset or defensive or aggressive.
It's called non-violent communication because it produces communication that isn't violent and it settles disturbing communication.
You know,
Like if you're having an argument or something like that,
It helps you to understand how to talk to people in a way that doesn't cause any more stress or upset or confusion.
Oh,
Said Cherry.
Sounds very complicated to me.
I mean,
Does anybody ever think about what they're saying?
Does anybody ever think about what they're talking about?
Because,
You know,
You know me,
I mean,
You know,
I'm so good at so many things.
But I will admit that sometimes I do say things that I don't realize I've said.
And then you're going upset someone,
Don't you?
And then you're like,
What happened?
What did I say?
What's wrong with them?
And then you're always a bit like,
Gosh,
What's wrong with the world?
Why is everyone so defensive?
Oh,
They get so upset so easy.
I must admit,
I do do that,
Heidi.
And I think from what you're saying is you kind of take,
What's the word?
Uh,
Not recipes.
Oh,
I know it.
I know it.
Don't say it.
Uh,
Responsibility.
That's it.
You kind of take responsibility,
Don't you,
For what you're saying.
You say,
I just said that I owned it.
Now I have to kind of like explain myself or something.
Heidi said,
Yeah,
It's a bit like that,
But it's not like you just say whatever you want to say.
And then you use nonviolent communication to get yourself out of it.
It's more like you learn to communicate with nonviolent communication all the time.
I'll give you an example.
Today,
When you were cranky,
I could have said,
You're so cranky.
It's really annoying.
I don't like it when you're cranky,
Cherry.
Get out of my room.
Couldn't I?
But nonviolent communication is,
I see that you're cranky,
Which is a fact,
Because in nonviolent communication,
You only make statements about something that is a fact.
And you were cranky.
I wasn't making it up.
So if I said,
I see that you're cranky,
That's a fact.
Then I would say,
When you're cranky,
It makes me feel sad because it makes me sad.
And that's the truth.
That's a feeling.
So right now I have,
I see that you're cranky.
It makes me feel sad.
And then I would say some kind of reasonable suggestion,
Which is,
Is there something I can do to make you feel better?
Or would it be okay if I spend some time in my room alone right now?
That way I'm making a suggestion that isn't completely unreasonable.
And you get to know how I'm feeling.
And I could be alone in my room,
Meaning you could go somewhere else while you're cranky,
Which would probably help my sadness.
And I didn't at any time say something that was mean or aggressive or hurtful about you being cranky.
I just stated a fact.
I told you my feelings.
And then I produced a solution that was reasonable.
Ah,
Said Cherry.
All sounds very complicated to me.
Heidi said,
Well,
It is a bit complicated.
And that's why I'm reading a book,
Cherry.
I'm reading the book so I understand it more and I can practice as I read the book.
And the really good thing about the book is it gives you explanations.
It gives you examples.
It shows you the wrong way to do things as well as the right way to do things.
And at the end of it,
Hopefully I'll be able to communicate in a really nice way.
That's my goal.
That's why I'm learning it.
That's why I'm reading the book.
Bea said,
That's very smart.
That's why we read books,
Right?
Or we listen to podcasts or we watch documentaries or we watch movies about things even so that we learn,
Don't we?
Because,
You know,
If someone knows something about something,
Then it's best to ask that someone who knows something about something rather than not knowing enough about something and getting it wrong or just guessing.
I don't think I would know where to start with nonviolent communication.
But now I have any idea.
Now I know that I'm to state a fact.
I'm to share a feeling and I'm to give a solution rather than just have a fight or an argument with someone or just get mad and or just get upset and cry.
Cherry said,
It sounds to me as if to do this nonviolent communication thing,
You have to be very patient.
And I know that I'm not very patient.
And you probably have to be not very impulsive because impulsive people will probably have a very hard time with nonviolent communication because all they want to do is just go like that without even thinking about it.
Kind of like I do.
And,
You know,
It kind of takes out all the impulsiveness out of your communication.
I don't like to say this,
Heidi,
But nonviolent communication sounds a bit boring to me.
Like it's pre planned,
Like it's not very authentic,
Not very real,
Is it?
It's like you're just a robot and you just like planning what you're going to say to someone.
I don't think I like that.
Heidi said,
Well,
It can seem like that.
Yeah,
But you don't use nonviolent communication in every conversation,
Cherry.
You only use nonviolent communication if you feel slightly distressed or upset or something doesn't feel right in your body.
When you're talking to someone,
You know that something's wrong.
Somebody's not happy or someone's angry.
That's when you use nonviolent communication.
When we're just talking like we are now,
We're having fun,
Or you're out with your friends just playing.
You don't need to use nonviolent communication then.
But if you're upset or you're feeling sad or you're angry because someone just said something that hurt your feelings,
That's when you would practice this type of communication because it helps you to express yourself and be truthful and be honest.
Instead of just getting upset and angry and suppressing your feelings.
Suppressing your feelings?
What are you talking about?
Heidi said,
That's when you push your feelings down,
Cherry,
Your real feelings.
If you're upset about something and you don't say it and you just push your real feelings down back into your tummy,
Then before long,
They're just going to come out anyway.
They're just going to spew out of you in some form of anger or upset or sarcasm.
They don't stay inside of your body and just fizzle away and melt like an ice pop.
They stay there and they just wait.
Those feelings just wait inside of your tummy,
Inside of your heart,
Inside of your head.
They wait until somebody says something that upset you and then pounce.
They come out with a vengeance.
That is so true,
Said Cherry.
I know that's so true.
You know why?
Because today when we were at the mall,
Sally said to me,
Oh,
You look so nice in that skirt.
And I was like,
I know,
Right?
I always look nice in skirts.
And she said,
Well,
I don't know about that.
And I was like,
What?
Inside,
Right?
I was like,
What does she mean by that?
I didn't say anything outside,
But inside,
I've got all these questions going on.
I was like,
How dare Sally say that?
I always look nice in skirts.
What the heck?
OMG.
How does she?
What?
Is she secretly like jealous of me or something?
Why would Sally say I don't look nice in skirts?
Heidi said,
Sally didn't actually use those words though,
Did she?
That you didn't look nice in the skirt.
Cherry said,
No,
She didn't.
But I knew exactly what she was talking about.
And I was like,
OMG,
Sally,
That was a bit harsh.
And then I was a bit upset.
And then for a bit I was quiet.
And I was like,
I don't really want to talk to Sally now for the rest of the day,
Even though I had so much fun with everyone else.
I was like,
I was avoiding Sally because I didn't want to talk to her because she upset my feelings.
Exactly,
Said Heidi.
Whereas,
If you'd have used nonviolent communication in the moment,
Then it would have all been done and sorted.
And you would have had fun with Sally the rest of the day.
Cherry said,
Yeah,
But what could I have said?
Heidi said,
How were you feeling when she said it?
What did you feel like?
I was upset because I do think I look nice in skirts all the time.
And I was upset that Sally wouldn't think I would look nice in skirts all the time.
And if I didn't look nice in skirts all the time,
Why didn't she just say something?
Instead of being kind of snidey like that,
What is it called when someone says something that they pretend that they're being nice,
But they're not really being nice or.
.
.
Heidi said,
Passive aggressive.
Yes,
That!
I really don't like that one.
Anyway,
Yeah,
I was sad.
I was sad.
I was sad.
Right,
So,
Heidi said,
What you should have said was,
I'm sad right now.
And Sally might have said,
Why?
And you would have said,
Because I thought I always looked nice in skirts.
And then Sally could have had the opportunity to explain what she meant with her comment.
She may have said,
Oh,
You always do.
I didn't mean it like that.
I just meant blah,
Blah,
Blah.
Cherry said,
Yeah,
But what if Sally did mean that?
What if Sally was being passive aggressive?
And then what?
Well,
Then,
Then we get to find out what Sally's going to say next.
And then we use a nonviolent communication from then on in the conversation.
Yeah,
But I don't know nonviolent communication,
Said Cherry.
Heidi said,
Would you just like me to read the book out loud as I read?
Yes!
They said,
Oh,
Yeah,
That would be great.
Thanks.
I want to know about this.
Heidi started to read the nonviolent communication book out loud.
It wasn't that much of a thick,
Heavy book that would take hours and hours and hours and hours.
It would probably take about an hour or so to read.
It was a book that did the highlights of the technique and showed you examples.
It wasn't a book that had every single detail about nonviolent communication and would have took them like three weeks to read.
So Heidi turned a page to the beginning and read the book out loud.
And they all stayed up and learned about nonviolent communication.
It was quite late when Heidi finished the book.
But,
Veya and Cherry were both still wide awake.
And they had a big,
Long discussion about the book at the end and how they were going to use nonviolent communication,
NVC,
And how they were going to practice NVC,
And how they were going to practice with each other,
And how it was going to help them to just be more authentic and happier,
To just be happier.
Because no one likes to have arguments.
No one likes to be upset when someone says something and to carry that feeling around with them.
And no one likes to be the person that upsets other people either,
Really,
Do we?
We just want to be happy.
And nonviolent communication,
NVC,
Can help people to do that.
They all got snuggled down into their bed,
Hugged onto each other,
Got super,
Super comfortable,
Closed their eyes,
Relaxed their bodies,
And eventually fell fast asleep.
The End Thank you for watching!
Thank you for watching!
Thank you for watching!
Thank you for watching!
Thank you for watching!
Thank you for watching!
Thank you for watching!
