You Can't Succeed As Long As You Focus On Fixing

When we are in the fixing mentality, every action we take starts off in the not-self and in the stories and conditions we have been taught to live by. Because of that, we are setting ourselves up for failure as from this place of disconnect; we can’t create the building blocks of connection, alignment, success, and vitality. We are setting out to fix something or to improve something and abandon other very important areas of our lives, which can cost us dearly in the long run.

Transcript

I am so excited to be here with you today and to dive deeper into the exploration of why we are setting ourselves up for failure when we are in the rescuing and fixing mentality.

This is a topic that is very dear to my heart,

As I have been observing so many people investing heaps of time and money in trying to create change in their life,

Only to fail because they approach the desired change from a set point of whatever they need to fix.

A few episodes ago I started sharing with you some insights and personal experiences of mine around the dangers of the rescuing and fixing mentality and how this impacts our success.

The episode,

To my surprise,

Was so well received that I feel called to share more of the dynamics that are taking place in our experiences when we are stuck in the fixing mentality.

I would also like to share some examples of how this might play out for you as you can gain a more rounded awareness of this and make appropriate changes in your life and business if you choose to do so.

A few nights ago I kept waking up and getting sort of intuitive nudges and downloads,

Which will help some of you to look at the fixing mentality from a greater perspective.

So zooming out a little bit more from the context I shared with you in the previous podcast episode.

If you haven't listened to that episode yet and feel called to,

I invite you to check it out.

And if you have listened to it,

Let me know how it is landing for you.

To explore this context from a greater perspective of what is taking place in our experiences when we are locked into the fixing mentality and why we can't seem to get the results we are looking for,

I will make this a little bit more tangible for you.

When we create deep awareness,

We open ourselves up to having the choice to create change if we wish to.

When we are in the rescuing and fixing mentality,

Every action we take or every plan we make starts off in the not-self and in the stories and conditions we have been taught to live by.

And because of that,

We are setting ourselves up to failure.

As from this place of disconnect,

We can't create the building blocks of connection,

Alignment,

Success,

And vitality.

Like,

I need to fix my finances first to be able to take care of my health and well-being.

But by the time,

If ever,

The money is fixed,

We have lost so much precious time that it might be too late to take care of our health and well-being.

And so what happens within our being is,

We are setting out to fix something or to improve something and abandon other very important areas of our lives,

Which can cost us dearly in the long run.

Because when we make plans from the not-self,

From the condition and activate itself to fix something,

We lose the ability to see the greater picture of our human experiences.

We compartmentalize different areas,

So we always have the sense of being broken,

As we do not see the wholeness and connectiveness of all our experiences of being.

And honestly,

It doesn't really matter if it's our physical being,

If it's our business,

If it's our relationship,

Or if it's something else.

As long as it is connected to fixing,

It will bring up stuff within our own system and experience of being.

Of course,

Depending on how important this area we are trying to fix is to us,

Deactivation and living out the not-self can show up more or less severely.

There are two dynamics we are facing with this approach most of the time.

Both of these go hand in hand.

But depending on what is taking place in your life,

You might notice one more than the other.

So just imagine for a moment,

You are planning to set yourself up to transform an area in your life,

Whatever that might be.

You make a plan on how you want to approach it,

And you might start out great in the first week.

But then life happens,

And you might end up not being able to follow through with one single thing because you have created the plan and approached it out of alignment.

When this happens,

We all too often end up blaming,

Shaming,

And guilting ourselves.

And all three of these things have an impact on how safe we feel in our experience of being alive.

In particular shaming.

When this takes place,

What we are doing is disconnecting ourselves more and more from who we truly are,

From our soul self,

And drifting more and more into an activated and dysregulated way of being.

So we are living out our not-self more fully.

The version of us we have been conditioned to become.

This version of us only wants the best for us and wants to keep us alive.

But because we are experiencing the activation and a deeper sense of not-self,

We can't create deep fulfillment and joy,

Impact,

True health and wealth,

From this state of being.

As it is not who we authentically are.

When we are in that state of shaming,

Blaming,

And guilting ourselves,

We are continuously living out our fixing mentality.

And our system says over and over,

Like a broken record,

Our experience is not safe.

It's just not safe.

It's not safe.

And so we can't really live a nourished,

Fulfilled,

And abundant life from that state of our internal pulse.

Let me give you an example.

In one way or another,

Most of us have had an experience in our lives where we wanted to create change within our physical weight.

Sort of a phase where we either wanted to lose weight or gain weight.

We were just not quite happy with our physical being,

So we set ourselves up to fix that.

And so we might have had a plan,

And it might have been the seemingly perfect plan to do a bit more sport,

To eat a certain way,

And so on and so on.

I use this example because both of these can be applied to losing weight or gaining weight.

And so then we had a stressful week or stressful day,

And things happened.

And then we couldn't follow through with whatever we set ourselves up to do on that day.

And usually that's when we start to shame and blame and guilt ourselves because we couldn't do it.

And so this internal voice comes online.

This really nasty voice that speaks to us in a way we would never speak to anyone else.

Like you should have or how could you not do that,

Why didn't you,

And so on and so on.

And so what happens to our nervous system is that our developed coping mechanisms,

Which are here to keep us safe in this life,

Become even more activated and keep telling us that the experience we are in is not safe.

Even if we logically believe and know we are.

So continuously we scan the environment for threats.

As the experience originates in a primal part within us,

We can't reason with it,

No matter how much mindfulness we practice,

And how much we logically know that we are safe in our experience of self.

We can't talk or bully ourselves out of this innate automatic experience we are in because we do it from a place of fixing.

As our nervous system is constantly activated in this experience,

We see everything in life through the lens of past experiences.

And we hear stories in our mind that might have nothing or only very little to do with the situation we are currently facing.

So we make decisions based on stories we tell ourselves and wonder why things are not working out for us.

You can probably imagine that this also greatly impacts how much we can trust our intuitive notches we receive.

As we translate,

Or rather interpret,

These through this lens.

It's as if it pulls us down a rabbit hole,

Further and further away from our own path.

Instead of acting in alignment with who we are,

We find ourselves in a constant,

Reactive state that deeply exhausts us.

This is the other thing that happens when we experience this activated state within our nervous system.

It compromises our health and well-being severely.

Our nervous system calls the shots of our bodily functions.

And when it's on high alert and constantly scanning the environment for threats,

It does so by taking away resources and energy from our organs that are usually needed for our physical being to optimally process things.

Our ability to digest drops,

And our detoxification processes decrease.

And as stress levels rise,

So does inflammation.

We often end up not being able to get a good night's sleep,

Rest,

And might feel exhausted and tired.

Our ability to think and process our thoughts or hormones then decreases,

And our metabolism is not working in our favor.

So we age sooner because we are not able to absorb all the nutrients we take in.

We wonder why we can't lose or gain weight,

Constantly getting sick or even becoming severely sick over time,

Even though we are doing the also-called right things.

And often the seemingly worst thing is that this,

Of course,

Impacts our earning capacity and what kind of clients or people we attract,

Because the frequency we operate on is deeply rooted in us fighting for survival.

Please never blame your system for not doing the job,

Because it does the job it is designed for.

Our nervous system and our whole being is here to support us in staying alive.

And when our system feels threatened,

Bodily functions,

Such as our digestion,

Take a backseat.

The greater issue with the fixing mentality is the long-term effect it has on us,

The pace we are living in,

And the constant social pressure that tells us we need to push,

Fix,

And improve things to succeed.

This leads to us being constantly stuck in these experiences.

We sort of kick off the domino effect,

And the blocks that are falling can have a huge triple effect throughout our lives and businesses,

Because we end up blaming and shaming and guilting ourselves if we can't achieve 100% of what we set ourselves up for.

I hope this makes sense.

A few things that might be helpful to become aware of is when we change that fixing perspective into alignment,

We change the frequency.

And as every word has a resonance,

I invite you to just notice how it feels when you say alignment out loud compared to when you say fixing or rescuing.

It might feel different to you,

But for myself,

Alignment feels softer and more open,

While fixing feels more restrictive and more locked.

It just feels a lot heavier.

There is a pinch in my heart,

And my breath is more shallow.

But when I'm talking about alignment,

There is a softness.

It's opening up my shoulders,

So my breath is deepening,

And my heart is softening.

And I might even have a smile on my face.

When I'm aligning or when I'm taking steps to aligning to whatever it is,

I don't shame or blame or guilt myself.

On days when I haven't achieved what I set out to achieve,

I know I did the best I could on this day.

And tomorrow is a new day,

And I have another chance.

And I can align a little bit more.

And this again creates that ripple effect where we are starting to nourish and nurture our being.

And when we nourish our being without having this added pressure,

Or when we remove that pressure from the need to fix something,

Then things can fall into place.

Our system,

All our protective parts,

They can start to feel a little bit safer within the experiences we are having.

So we're building this trust within ourselves.

As we notice how our life starts to unfold differently,

Our physical being starts to thrive and unfold differently.

Our business starts to unfold and thrive differently.

Because we are taking one step at a time and getting closer and closer to our most soulful selves,

Where we are living our purpose and thrive in the experiences we are having.

Love to know how this is landing for you.

Let me know if you can feel the difference between shaming,

Blaming,

Guilting,

And feeling aligned when you are in the fixing mode.

And how alignment might feel for you and what you are noticing in your life.

I would love to know,

And I would really like to get this conversation going,

Because it's so needed.

I feel it's so important for so many of us to really start peeling off that conditioning that keeps us stuck in that fixing mode.

So life can start to unfold in a very magical way.

So we align more and more with our truest selves.

And our soul can experience the deeper impact and fulfillment it came here to experience.

In the next episode,

We will dive into the exploration of how disease and the not-self go hand in hand,

And how this translates into our business.

Reviews

I needed to hear this and I thank you for sharing your wisdom. I am experiencing chronic illness so everything you said resonates deeply with me. I’ve been trying to “fix” this for years now and thanks to your talk I see that this won’t work. Alignment feels so much better and where I want to be. I thought I could fix myself so that I could get back to where I was before I got sick and now I realize that how I was living is what got me sick. Now I want to align myself with my true self. Thanks so much!

I greatly appreciate the perspective of alignment vs fixing- it does feel softer - thank you !

Yes. Perfect talk on what I have felt for a while but couldn't articulate. Moving into awareness put me in fixing mode automatically and at first the shifts were dramatic and I am grateful. Now though I feel like I self sabotage and so spend alot of time looking for ways to fix things that I do that don't help me. Good ideas on how to respect that healing continues but you move forward with your vision as your guide. Thank you 😊

Your incredible insight into this topic immensely resonates with me. Thanks much! 🙏😎

I was half aware that i am always in fixing mode, not just with myself but also with my house, my job etc, because i feel so unsafe and affraid of financial struggle. The result is actually financial struggle so I am affiing my big fear. I dont know how to stop it yet but maybe being aware is the first step. I always feel like nobody takes responsibility but me, and am so scared that everything will fall apart if I don't fix everything all the time. Thank you for talking about this.

This hit my heart so hard. I am so happy that I listened to it on this day. Thank you thank you thank you.

Wow! I have never thought of fixing myself this way, especially with money and romance. It makes a lot of sense tho
Thanks!