CMP Intro To Compassion Discussion

This discussion explains what Compassion practice is, why we do it, and how we do it. It offers technical tips for engaging in the practice formally, and for integrating it into daily life.

Transcript

Welcome to Community Mindfulness Project's discussion of compassion as a meditation practice.

In this discussion,

We'll talk about what compassion practice is,

Why we practice it,

How we practice it,

And how we integrate it into our daily lives.

So let's start with what compassion practice is.

Compassion is a mindfulness practice that we use to cultivate an open heart.

Like loving kindness,

It's an aspiration.

It's a heartfelt yearning that someone,

Either oneself or another,

Experiences an end to some form of suffering.

It's not a passive wish.

It's really felt deeply within us.

Next,

It's essential to differentiate between sympathy,

Empathy,

Pity,

And compassion.

These are words that are often used interchangeably,

But they have subtle differences that are really important.

So let's start with sympathy.

Sympathy involves feeling badly for someone,

But it does not include that heartfelt wish for an end to their suffering.

In words,

This might sound like,

I feel badly for you.

Empathy involves taking on someone else's suffering as if it were your own.

And in words,

This might sound like,

I feel badly with you.

Pity comes with a real sense of separation from the person who's suffering and no wish for their well-being.

And in words,

This might sound like,

I'm so glad I'm not you.

And then finally,

Compassion occurs when one feels for someone who is suffering without taking on that suffering for themselves and deeply wishes for an end to the other's suffering.

In words,

This might sound like,

I'm here for you.

I can sit with you and hold your hand if you like.

It's also important to understand that part of a compassion practice involves sitting in awareness that we are often powerless to reduce the other person's suffering.

This sense of powerlessness can be incredibly uncomfortable,

But it's a fact of life.

And sitting in acknowledgement of this fact is part of the compassion practice.

It helps train us for what arises in life.

And compassion begins with self-compassion.

If we are truly going to care for others,

Then we need to care for ourselves.

It's important to understand that it's healthy to care for ourselves with the same open-heartedness as we care for others.

And finally,

A key component of the practice is to expand our circles of caring.

This practice begins with ourselves and then it moves to a loved one,

Then a neutral person whom we don't know well,

Then to a difficult person or someone we have challenges with,

And finally expands around the entire globe.

Our practice really deepens when we expand outward these circles of caring.

So what are the benefits of compassion practice or why do we do it?

You can consider these scientifically tested facts.

Number one,

Being compassionate activates regions of the brain and causes physiological reactions that are extremely difficult to do.

And our sense of well-being.

So put another way,

The more compassionate I am,

The better I feel.

Secondly,

Being compassionate causes a chemical reaction in the body that motivates us to be even more compassionate.

So put another way,

The more compassionate I am,

The more compassionate I want to be,

And then the better I will feel.

And then the more I want to be compassionate,

And then the better I will feel,

Etc.

,

Etc.

So it's a really virtuous cycle.

And thirdly,

Witnessing acts of compassion inspires others to be compassionate.

So compassion is contagious.

Put another way,

The more compassionate I am,

The more compassionate others will be,

And the better they will feel,

And the better they will feel,

And the more compassionate others will be,

And the better they will feel,

And the more compassionate they will be,

And the more others around them will want to be compassionate,

And the better they will feel,

And the more compassionate they will want to be.

So you can see how this spreads out in circles of influence.

It sets off a healthful cycle with an ever widening impact.

And thought of another way,

Every positive interaction we have with people is a miniature health tune-up.

So how do we engage in a compassion practice?

First,

We take a few minutes to settle in,

Arriving fully in the present moment and stabilizing our mind.

And then we bring to mind a series of individuals,

Starting with ourselves,

And then a loved one,

A neutral person,

A challenging person.

And for each,

We bring the individual to mind,

And we identify one way,

Large or small,

In which they may be suffering.

And as we bring each person to mind,

Initially,

We may wish to repeat phrases like these to ourselves so that we can really connect.

Just like me,

This person is seeking happiness in his or her life.

Just like me,

This person is trying to avoid suffering in his or her life.

Just like me,

This person has known sadness or loneliness or despair or maybe even pain.

Just like me,

This person is seeking to fill his or her needs.

And just like me,

This person is learning about life.

And then we move from acknowledging their suffering to wishing for an end to it,

Which is that difference between sympathy and compassion.

Compassion involves that active wish for an end to their suffering.

So we offer a wish for an end to their suffering using either traditional phrases or phrases that pertain specifically to that person and what is causing them discomfort.

The traditional phrases include,

May you be free from suffering,

May you be free from inner and outer harm,

May you live with ease,

May you be at peace,

And finally,

We extend our wishes for an end to suffering out to all beings in the world.

So here are some technical tips for engaging in a compassion practice.

First of all,

Mind wandering is normal.

It's not an interruption from your practice.

It's really part of the practice.

And rather than pushing away thoughts,

We can acknowledge them and then we can let go of them,

Redirecting attention back to wishing for an end to suffering.

During your practice,

As with any practices,

You may encounter physical discomfort.

And if you feel discomfort,

Maybe just from sitting in the same position for too long,

Take a moment to notice the sensations and try breathing into the region of the body and softening on the exhale.

And if the discomfort becomes too much,

Make a choice to intentionally move,

But really do so with intention and then return to wishing for an end to the suffering.

Of whomever it is that you've brought to mind.

You may choose to use this as a moment to offer your self-compassion,

Perhaps offering the words,

I'm feeling discomfort right now.

May I feel at ease?

We don't often pause to acknowledge our feelings of discomfort in this way.

It's really healthy to do.

And sometimes simply naming our state can help us to relate to it differently.

It can help to loosen the grip of discomfort.

So we're building our compassion muscle when we engage in this practice and we can be patient with ourselves.

This practice might,

For instance,

Feel mechanical at first.

You may not feel like you have the depth of feeling that you wish to have.

And if that's your experience,

Acknowledge the challenge,

But just stay with it.

You may find that just sitting with it for a while helps the compassion to bloom.

And if self-judgment arises,

Direct some compassion to the body and let it go.

Just direct some compassion toward yourself,

Perhaps saying,

May I be patient with myself?

This is called a practice for a reason.

You may find that your mind slides into narrative or analysis mode,

Maybe thinking about how someone got to their point of suffering,

What they should have done differently in the past,

Or thinking about what might solve their problem,

What they should do next.

Shoulds are a great indicator that you've left the act of resting in a wish for their well-being and slipped into a cognitive mode.

When you notice this,

Come back down into the body and try to connect with a felt sense of compassion for the person.

And lastly,

Making sure that we're sitting with an open posture can be really helpful in any of the heart-opening practices.

Sitting with our shoulders back and our sternums raised and maybe with our hands resting palms up on our legs.

You may wish to experiment and play with this.

So how do we integrate this into our engaged life and not just do it in a formal practice?

First of all,

We can notice when someone is experiencing pain or discomfort and quietly in our minds wish them to be free from suffering.

In the right moment,

Then,

Maybe it's later on,

We might ask how we might be helpful to someone.

But really the first initial important piece is just to extend that wish and find it,

Try to make it almost like a reflexive act when you see any kind of suffering.

May you be well,

May you be free from suffering.

And in the cultivation of self-compassion,

When you notice that you're feeling pain or might be despondent,

Asking yourself,

What can I do for myself in this moment?

Placing your hand on your heart stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system,

Which offers a sense of ease and relaxation.

And also reflecting on the many people in the world who are likely feeling just as you are right now or have felt many times before something similar can connect you with our common humanity.

We are never alone.

Lastly,

We can practice being with people who are suffering and acknowledging the reality that we may not be able to do something to make everything all better.

But the just being present for them is helping.

You can't take away someone's suffering,

But sitting with them with an open heart can be deeply healing for both of you.

So we hope that this has served you in some way,

And we wish that there may be an end to all suffering for all beings everywhere without exception.

Take care.

Reviews

Perfect! Thank you.

Excellent brief but thorough review of this practice. It met my needs of the moment, helping me to restore my self compassion. Thank you.

Brilliant!
Such a clear and helpful explanation of the differences between sympathy, empathy, pity and compassion. The practical tips on how to put compassion into practice for ourselves and others along with providing the functional neurological and physiological aspects of the ripple effect is super helpful - and uplifting!Thank you for packing all of that into one short discussion. ✨

Thank you for that explanation. It makes so much more sense now. May it be part of my daily practice. 🙏🏽

Excellent overview of this topic and practice. Thank you for sharing!

Thank u. I will listen again and again. It’s brilliant. 🙏🏽

Excellent explanations & examples clarifying compassion. 🙏🏼🌈🙏🏼

Very helpful and inspirational, thank you and Namaste

So helpful! I have seen the phrases used by others, and I have adopted some of them myself, but never knew which type of practice they came from so I could study more and increase my fluency/facility with it. Now I know. Thank you so very much for sharing this with me and the world. I have bookmarked and downloaded this as a refresher should I need it again in the future. I see the light in you. 🤲❤️🤲 May all beings be at ease

The details of compassion are clearing for me now. I cherish this talk and keep it for continued development of my being. Namaste 🙏

Love this, especially the definitions of the different terms. Will return, thank you!! 🙏🏻❤️🙏🏻❤️