What are the 3 Principles and Why Do They Bring More Ease

If you have been following me for a while, you will know that I teach an understanding known as The 3 Principles. The thing is, I don’t actually talk about those principles very much on their own. I tend to talk more about the implications of them for how we live our lives. In this session, I will teach you about the 3 Principles and how they are helpful in bringing more ease to your life.

Transcript

Hello and welcome to the CalmCast,

A time to feel calm and think clearly.

I'm Claire Downham,

The Queen of Calm,

A Transformational Life Coach.

I was a burnt out head teacher who finally made the journey to calm after years of trying,

And I want to prevent you from having to do the same.

The CalmCast is a series of short explorations gently guiding you back to your natural state,

Which is calm and clarity.

Just listen like you would listen to music,

With an open mind and curiosity.

There's nothing else to do.

Now let's relax into today's episode.

So hi there.

This is a really interesting episode and it's kind of making me smile because I probably should have done it a while ago,

But I didn't.

Because I speak about this thing called the three principles and until now hadn't done much explicitly talking about the three principles,

Which is bizarre when I think about it.

And it's because really As a three principles teacher,

That isn't really what you do.

You don't teach people the three principles and sit them down and go,

Well,

These are the three principles and then expect that there'll be some kind of miraculous transformation for them.

You talk about the implications of the three principles.

And I do that in all the content that I share.

What I'm teaching really is the implications.

So because of these three principles,

This is how life turns out.

And that when you understand that more deeply,

You can just have a better experience of life.

And I think that's pretty much what we all want,

Isn't it?

Like how I've titled this,

What are the three principles and why do they bring more ease to your life?

That is what the transformational conversation in the three principles brings about is more ease,

Really just a nicer life,

Just everything feeling a lot lighter.

Like a client of mine said that a couple of weeks ago,

She just said,

Everything feels a lot lighter.

And I just thought that's perfect,

Absolutely perfect.

So what are the three principles?

Let's start,

Otherwise if I don't crack on and do it now,

You know what's going to happen?

I'm going to get to the end and I've forgotten to mention the three principles.

So I'm going to start a bit with the history really of the three principles.

So the three principles began to come into being 50 years ago when a man called Sidney Banks had a realisation,

He was just having a chat to somebody and somehow he picked up from this,

It wasn't exactly what the man said to him,

But he was talking about insecurity with this man and they were both saying how insecure they were and he would,

You know,

They were comparing insecurity notes on who was the most insecure,

I think.

And somehow in that conversation,

Something was said around thinking that you're insecure and Sidney Banks came to the realisation that he wasn't really insecure,

He just thought he was.

And that thought was a big aspect of why we feel the way we feel,

Why we think,

Well obviously that's our thinking,

It's why we see things the way we see them,

It's about how our perspective is created and all of those things.

And then over time,

The other two principles were kind of,

It was seen that it wasn't just thought on its own,

That the other two principles were also at play.

So the three principles are thought and thought with a big T as in a universal sense of,

All part of this connectedness really,

And I'll come onto that when I talk about the other principles.

There's something about those magical ideas that we get,

Those times when it seems that people around the world unite in their thinking and things begin to change.

And then there's our personal thinking with a little T.

And that of course is the stuff that I have to be honest gets me into the most trouble in my life.

When I believe it,

Fundamentally,

When I believe it,

When I believe my thinking is true,

Especially if I'm in a wound up state or an upset state or an anxious state or an angry state or a frustrated,

That's probably my go-to emotion,

Is being a little wound up and a little bit frustrated with other people as a rule.

So that our personal thinking and and really within that the realisation that it is our personal thinking that's creating all the things that we think are problems in our lives,

You know,

That it isn't out there.

It isn't out there.

So that's the first principle.

The second principle,

I don't even know whether they're numbered one,

Two,

Three.

I'm just going to talk about them in the order that I'm talking.

So consciousness.

You know,

The reason that you can perceive me isn't just because of your senses,

Because you're conscious,

You're aware,

You're in this world and you're connecting to what's coming in from around you.

You're conscious of it.

And I would say,

Like,

If you call that consciousness or awareness or whatever you call it,

That's what I think,

I don't like it to sound comparative,

But that's what rises when I spend time with people.

There comes about this increase in awareness of our own thinking,

Increase of awareness of how we're working and as a result we can begin to become more of the chooser of our thoughts,

Not in a very deliberate,

Not in a positive psychology kind of way,

But more in a,

In just from the place of awareness,

From that place of consciousness,

We begin to see things differently and then we begin to make different choices.

It's just that simple,

Really,

Whether that's a choice in behavior,

A choice in thought,

A choice in what we say,

It begins to be more choice when we're more conscious.

And then the third principle is known as mind in the three principles conversation.

But what that really means is universal intelligence,

Universal mind,

Universal aliveness,

Universe,

Energy,

God,

I don't know,

You can call it what you like really,

It's this sense that we're alive,

That we have this aliveness running through us that is the same,

I keep looking out the window because the outside is out the window,

But the aliveness that has everything coming to life this morning on a,

You know,

On a,

Is it summer yet?

Not quite,

On a spring morning in the UK.

And these three principles sort of work together to create our experience.

And for me,

The awareness piece is where I'm looking to help people.

Now,

So that's the three principles.

And you'll have noticed if you've been listening to me for a while or even if you've just started listening to me that I don't really explicitly talk about them very often.

I do talk about thought probably more than the others and I do talk about awareness when I talk about becoming more aware and becoming a non-judgmental,

Being in this place of non-judgmental awareness of how we are in the moment,

But not taking it personally.

And I do talk about mind when I say that,

You know,

You're not your thinking and your feelings anyway.

None of,

All of that is just superficial psychology.

Like if we could just all see that we're not our psychology,

Which brings about our feelings like that,

That's where they come from.

They don't come from anywhere out there in the world.

They come from inside.

That can bring a lot of ease.

So I'll share a little bit about what I've noticed in myself and what I'm noticing too in my clients in terms of how the understanding of the three principles brings more ease into your life.

But first of all,

You know,

Why principles?

Why are they principles?

Well,

They're principles because they're truths and because they're universal.

A bit like gravity.

I think gravity is probably my favorite analogy for this,

Is that you've learned to understand gravity.

Now,

If you've spent any time with small children,

You'll know that they're not very good with gravity.

They don't really understand it's there.

And so as a result,

They tend to throw things and drop things and,

You know,

Make a mess with the food because they don't understand that there's a universal truth called gravity.

Now,

What happens to young children as they get older is Now,

What happens to young children as they get older is that through that repeated experimentation of throwing and dropping and trying in lots of different spaces with lots of different objects,

They become much more familiar with gravity.

And they also get this kind of deep embodied understanding of gravity,

Which is why,

You know,

If I pick up my mouse,

I know not to just like let it go and drop the food.

I know to put it down carefully,

Otherwise I'll have a broken mouse.

Well,

More than likely.

But I don't think,

Oh,

There's gravity,

Oh,

It's working today.

I have to think about that.

You know,

I don't go around my life thinking you don't either.

I'm sure go around thinking unless you're a physicist and you spend a lot of time thinking about gravity,

You won't be thinking about it,

You'll just be doing it.

And so that's what happens when we understand principles.

Like your life is easier because you deeply understand gravity.

Like you're not walking around clearing up rubbish off the floor that you stuff you've broken and you're not having to kind of make more money so you can,

You know,

Buy new things because you keep breaking things and you don't have to pad your house out because you've got all this problem with breaking things.

You know,

That's really helpful.

And so these three principles work in a similar way in that when you know how something works,

You just navigate around it all a lot easier and everything just become more full of ease.

And what can that look like?

So let's go on to that now.

What does that look like?

So that looks like for me,

Almost like this awareness really that there are certain trains of thought that make me feel bad.

For me,

The trains of thought that used to trip me up were usually often around other people and why they don't live their life Claire's way.

Which I say with a laugh now,

But I definitely used to believe that that was the case.

That Claire's way was the right way and other people were wrong if they weren't living their life Claire's way.

So there's a lot more ease just around like,

I kind of would say that in the past,

The ranting about other people's behaviour would go to 10 out of 10 very quickly and I would be ranting and I'd feel terrible inside and I'd feel angry and wound up.

And now I kind of notice it at a much lower level,

Like it's one out of 10,

Two out of 10.

And I,

A lot of the time I just think,

I can't be bothered.

Like somebody close to me didn't do something I wanted them to do on Monday and I just didn't get over it.

I just didn't get upset about it.

Like,

You know,

Now that doesn't mean that I put up with stuff.

I don't,

You know,

If somebody's really being out of order,

I will say something to them nicely,

But I will say,

But nicely.

Like on Monday I was,

I was actually on the radio.

I was on radio,

Leeds on Monday and the man asked me,

What's the top,

I was talking about exam stress for parents and the guy said,

What's your top tip for parents who are trying to navigate around their teenage children and around this exam issue and trying to,

You know,

Not lose the plot.

And I said,

Well,

Don't,

Don't talk to your teenage child while you wound up.

Like notice what's happening in your body.

Notice if you're feeling angry and don't,

Don't engage.

Wait till your karma.

You still,

When you're karma might want to say,

Hey,

Come on,

You've been on your Xbox too long.

Please just go and do a bit of revision.

But you,

But you will do that in a,

And you'll connect better to that other person from that place.

So that's been huge for me.

Other people really aren't quite so annoying anymore.

That's fundamentally it.

But everything else in my life,

My relationship with my business,

With my fiance,

With my children,

With my,

My remaining parent,

Who's my mom,

Everything just has more ease around it.

Nothing feels hard anymore.

And I was thinking the other day when I was thinking about stress and how,

Like I was so stressed,

I burn out,

As you probably know,

If you've been following me for a while,

How I can't be bothered to get,

In fact,

It's not,

I can't be bothered.

I just don't know how.

And that's huge for me because if you,

If you are,

You know,

If you've been listening to me,

You'll know what my story is.

I was so stressed out and so unaware of how stressed out I was that I burnt out and didn't work for a year.

And I don't know why it's emotional today.

Is there a moon doing something?

Generally,

I find that a bit emotional.

There's a moon about to,

Is it nearly the full moon?

I think it is,

Isn't it?

But that,

You know,

That,

That was ridiculous.

You know,

I had no idea.

I was so,

So stressed.

I got really ill.

And now I don't know how to get stressed.

And the other thing that's really huge,

Which I'm going to mention,

I know this is a bit longer than normal,

But I don't care.

The other thing is,

Is that I,

I'm really like,

You know,

I'm having a little cry this morning.

That doesn't make a change really,

Does it?

But I don't care.

I have feelings still.

Stuff comes up for me,

But it lasts such a short time because feelings still.

Stuff comes up for me,

But it lasts such a short time because really a feeling lasts 90 seconds until we get involved and start judging it and saying it's wrong and taking it personally and seeing it as a problem.

Like that realisation that a feeling isn't a problem at all,

Ever,

No matter how horrible it is.

And I'm not saying I like feeling angry or upset or whatever.

But that is freedom.

And that is freedom from mental illness.

I'm going to boldly say that.

That once you're okay with your feelings,

There is no mental illness.

There's just feelings and they last a very short time and they're all okay.

So I hope you found that helpful.

As well as this,

You know,

You can listen to lots of my other sessions.

There's lots of topics,

Specific things and,

You know,

Reach out if you're ready if you're ready to have more ease in your life in the most simple and beautiful way in a beautiful transformative conversation.

I now have two courses on Insight Timer,

Calm Balance and Clarity with Ease and Revealing Your Potential.

They're both available,

So please do check those out too.

I hope you found that really helpful.

Take care and lots of love.

Thank you so much for listening.

There's nothing to do now but bring some awareness to how this is working out in your life.

Listen regularly to experience longer and longer periods of calm.

This has been the Calmcast with Clare Downam,

Queen of Calm.

Take care and keep listening.