Hello and welcome to the Calmcast,
A time to feel calm and think clearly.
I'm Claire Downham,
The Queen of Calm,
A Transformational Life Coach.
I was a burnt out headteacher who finally made the journey to calm after years of trying and I want to prevent you from having to do the same.
The Calmcast is a series of short explorations gently guiding you back to your natural state which is calm and clarity.
Just listen like you would listen to music with an open mind and curiosity.
There's nothing else to do.
Now let's relax into today's episode.
So today's exploration will involve a little bit of considering your past but not perhaps in the ways you are used to.
Today's exploration is to help you to see,
To remember that you always get over it.
And I don't mean that in a harsh way,
In a get over it kind of way.
I just mean that there is something powerful in remembering that you do always get over it.
No matter what it is,
No matter what you're caught up in,
No matter how you feel,
No matter how bad things seem to be,
You always move through it,
You always get over it,
You always come out the other side.
And I think our suffering is perpetuated by the idea that we won't,
By the idea that we might be like this forever,
That it won't pass,
That we won't get over it.
And I think perhaps that feeds into some of the experiences people have where they go back into the same state of mind over and over again.
It's because there's not a seeing that it is possible to get over it.
And I feel that that is sometimes coming from a place of being innocently misinformed by health professionals and people who absolutely are there to try and help,
Who perhaps are telling us or teaching us some tools or techniques so that we can be okay despite the fact we have this terrible condition that is life long and will never ever go away.
The idea of doing things like managing stress and anxiety,
Managing them,
Needing to manage them on a day to day basis makes them sound like a business,
Doesn't it?
Like the business of managing stress and anxiety could sound like and I'm sure feels like to some people an extremely full time job.
I remember for me there was definitely a period of feeling like managing me,
Managing myself,
Managing how I was,
Was a full time occupation or perhaps it was my side hustle but it was a pretty big side hustle with all the tools and techniques,
All the strategies,
All the therapy,
All the poking around in the past,
All of those things which I felt I had to do in order to be okay.
But I think some of that came from thinking that the state of mind I was in in a particular moment was somehow permanent,
Somehow something that I couldn't,
That wouldn't pass if I didn't do something about it.
But it turns out that's not really true.
I would love you to reflect on your life and to consider all the times you have got over it,
Where you have reconnected to that which is inside you all the time,
That inner calm,
That wisdom,
That peace,
Everything that is part of who you really are.
That's always there.
And I think that's where we get so muddled up because it looks like that's something we have to go find outside of us that we have to put that in in some way by using a strategy or a tool or a technique or something.
And repeatedly doing that to keep getting more of the calm in,
Getting more of the wisdom in,
Getting more of the peace in.
But that's,
It's upside down.
Psychology has it upside down or back to front or inside out,
I'm not sure,
Outside in actually it is,
But it's all topsy turvy.
Because that which we are seeking,
That which we forget is there all the time,
Is there all the time.
It never ever goes away.
You can't break it and neither can anyone else.
You can't lose it.
No one can take it away.
But sometimes when we're feeling awful and we're feeling stressed out or anxious or really overwhelmed,
It can seem like we can't connect to it anymore.
It doesn't seem like it's there.
It feels like it's gone,
Doesn't it?
It feels like,
Oh,
I can't be calm right now because that's outside of me and it's not in me right now.
And I think in that forgetting,
There must be an increase of those feelings that we're trying to avoid because that feeling of lack,
Feeling like we're lacking,
Really can feed into that unpleasant feeling,
Make it feel worse,
More.
And really what it tends to do is make it feel like that's who we are.
We are this person who keeps falling into this horrible feeling,
Who keeps getting overwhelmed,
Who keeps getting stressed out and anxious.
But that's not who we are.
We're that underlying calm,
We're that underlying innate wellbeing.
And sometimes,
Absolutely,
We completely lose sight of that.
We lose track of it.
And that's because we're in our thinking.
We're caught up in the personal noise that is going around in our heads.
It's just how it works.
This is not a personal conversation about you or me or anyone who happens to be listening.
This is universal.
This is a universal truth.
We are born whole and well and perfect.
And over time,
We forget that.
Babies know it.
Toddlers even know it.
They know that they're perfect.
They don't have any thoughts other than that.
And we see over time how that,
The thinking that people start to invest in,
The beliefs that we start to make part of our lives,
Stop us.
They're just a dirty windscreen.
They're just stopping us from seeing what is actually there.
And that's what I see is my place in the world now is to help you,
To help as many people as possible to clear their windscreen,
To remember,
To remember that always that system is trying to take you back to calm.
It's always trying to do that.
And we get in the way,
And we get in the way partly because we forget it's possible.
We lose sight of the possibility,
The possibility for us to go back to calm,
The possibility that is always there.
It never,
Ever,
Ever goes away.
It's a universal possibility.
It's not just me or you,
As I say,
Or anybody else,
It's universal.
It's always there for all of us.
So the invitation today really is for an exploration.
How many times have you got over it?
So many,
You probably can't remember.
What you tend to probably remember is the horrible experience,
Not the getting over it.
That's the nugget.
That's the bit.
That's where the exploration is different.
You don't need to look at the times when you've not felt so good,
But think about all the times you have got over it.
You've gone back to calm.
You've reconnected to what is innate in you.
There are millions of times you've done that.
And the more you see that,
The more ease there is,
The more calm there is,
The more joy there is in life,
Because that's who you are.
Every time you remember,
You will get over it.
And that can become quicker and quicker the more you start to remember that that's who you really are.
And that's always there.
And you've always found your way back to it.
Thank you so much for listening.
There's nothing to do now,
But bring some awareness to how this is working out in your life.
Listen regularly to experience longer and longer periods of calm.
This has been The Calm Cast with Clare Downham,
Queen of Calm.
Take care and keep listening.
