Move From Comparison To Celebration With Ease

Tired of comparing yourself and ready to celebrate your unique potential? Want to break free and live life from you unique potential? Discover how the 3 Principles can free you from the trap of comparison and empower you to embrace your authentic self with Clare's illuminating insights.

Transcript

Hello and welcome to the Calmcast,

A time to feel calm and think clearly.

I'm Claire Downham,

The Queen of Calm,

A Transformational Life Coach.

I was a burnt out head teacher who finally made the journey to calm after years of trying and I want to prevent you from having to do the same.

The Calmcast is a series of short explorations gently guiding you back to your natural state,

Which is calm and clarity.

Just listen like you would listen to music with an open mind and curiosity.

There's nothing else to do.

Now let's relax into today's episode.

Hello,

Hello and welcome.

So I'm here with another session bringing you to a deeper understanding of the three principles of thought,

Mind and consciousness and how they come together to create your experience.

Mostly really speaking to the implications of the three principles of understanding what we can start to see about how our psychology really can interfere with our potential.

So I've re,

I've not quite re-branded,

But I've re-labeled myself really as the Queen,

I am the Queen of Calm still,

But as a human potential catalyst,

Because this is really what I see,

See that I do is reveal your potential,

Which is,

Which is always there,

Which is,

You know,

Who you really are.

You're not your psychology.

We spend most of our time in our psychology,

In our thinking and in actual fact,

That's not where our potential lies.

And then I think we're encouraged as well to,

To look outside of us for our potential and to,

To try and,

I don't know,

Put our potential back in like it's been taken away with all the self-development and things that we do there.

And this really is something that I see as being the antidote to self-development.

You know,

Everything you,

When you're very focused on the self,

On your psychology,

Life is not as good as it could be,

Partly because we're focusing on something that doesn't really exist.

You know,

It's our psychology.

It's not even our psychology.

It's just human psychology passing through us.

So this,

This wonderful exploration is,

Has taken me on an amazing journey to a place of calm,

To a place of connection,

To intuition,

To a place of peace really,

And to a place of being powered by calm.

And that's available to everyone.

This is not unique to me.

This is not something that,

That only I have access to.

I've,

I've tapped into it,

I guess,

Over the last few years,

But it's something that's available to all of us.

Because that's who we really are.

We are calm and our potential exists in that calm.

Or it is that calm,

Really.

So today,

We're exploring comparison.

And how do we move from comparison to celebration?

Really with this sense that,

That the celebration will be of us being our own unique way of,

Of life passing through us.

You know,

We're,

We're not our psychology.

We are infinite potential,

But how often do we stop ourselves from doing things because of this comparison issue,

Really?

And for me,

How that has manifested itself over the years has been me not trusting myself and me not trusting my intuition,

Trusting what comes through me,

And really therefore not following that.

So the comparison for me was,

Oh,

Somebody else knows how to do business better than me.

Somebody else is doing business better than me.

Somebody else knows the right way to do business.

The right way to get clients,

The right way to grow a business.

They know better than me.

And what I've seen around this is that they don't.

I don't need to compare myself with anybody else because I'm on my own perfect journey in terms of developing my business or any other aspects of my life.

And I think it's,

It's useful to look at comparison in this day and age,

And I think it's useful to look at comparison in this day and age in,

In 20,

In the 21st century,

Because there are so many more places to compare ourselves now,

Aren't there?

If I think,

If we think about a time before social media,

Before all those opportunities to compare ourselves,

We had very few,

Excuse me,

People to compare ourselves with.

So,

You know,

We could compare ourselves with we actually knew in real life,

Our neighbours,

I think it was a lot more of that kind of Les Dawson style.

Does anybody here remember Les Dawson character?

If you haven't come across Les Dawson,

Then you'll have no idea what I'm talking about,

But it's worth looking him up because he used to have a little,

He used to do a sketch where him and another male comedian would be dressed up as books and ladies,

And they would be stood over the fence,

Having a right old gossip about the neighbours and about who they knew and what was going on,

You know,

And doing,

Doing a lot of this.

And it was very funny.

And that that was a place where we could compare,

Wasn't it?

You know,

Back in the day,

We could,

We could look over the fence and look what anybody else's car was like,

And what their house was like,

And what their garden was like,

We could do all of that.

And,

You know,

We had some magazines,

Some films,

A bit of television,

Bit of news,

A few celebrities,

Perhaps.

But actually,

It was quite,

It was quite,

If you didn't really bother with stuff like that,

You could,

You could kind of keep yourself out.

I don't remember my,

I don't remember personally being very into celebrities.

I've never have been,

I am still not into all of that world.

So I didn't really,

I don't really remember being,

Being in that world of comparison.

I do remember comparing myself with friends who I thought were slimmer than me,

And people who I thought had better,

More successful lives than me,

Definitely.

Now,

These days,

Comparison is literally around every corner.

I mean,

It's,

It's,

You know,

If I,

If I think about my mobile phone,

There are many,

Many places where I could go and compare myself on there with many,

Many people,

People I vaguely know,

People I don't know at all,

Many different platforms on which to do that.

Both,

Both personally and professionally,

There is,

There is so much,

So many places we can go.

So when you realise,

You know,

That comparison is a kind of natural thing that the human brain does,

The ancient part of our brain has always done comparison.

It,

It probably kept us safe at some point.

It's just a thing that the human mind does.

You know,

We,

We compare,

We,

We might look at somebody else and think,

Oh,

Are they like us?

Are they,

Are they from the same tribe?

Are they friend or foe?

Are they,

You know,

Are they doing a similar thing to us?

So I think it's,

It's been there as a kind of pre,

Prehistoric factor,

You know,

For a very,

Very long time,

But we're,

We're now misusing it really.

It was helpful.

It kept us safe,

You know,

Does that look like that?

This wasn't safe.

Is that like that?

It's not safe.

So,

You know,

For example,

There's a rustling bush and there's a rustling,

A rustling bush on Tuesday and from behind the rustling bush comes a saber-toothed tiger.

So the next day the bush rustles and we're like,

Oh,

Hang on a minute,

That there's a chance that's the same.

Let's get,

Let's get the spear ready because Fred,

We haven't got Fred anymore because the saber-toothed tiger got him yesterday.

So we need to have,

We need to have,

I'm not sure people will call Fred in prehistoric times,

But anyway,

We need to have the spear at the ready because we don't want to end up like Fred.

Fred is no more because he got eaten by the saber-toothed tiger that came from behind that rustling bush.

So we were doing the comparison thing all the time and it was helpful.

It was helpful and it kept us safe.

It helped us to know who was friend,

Who was foe,

What was safe,

What was not.

But these days it's,

It's not really required in that place because as I often mention on these sessions,

We don't really have any real and present danger in 2021.

It's not 2021,

In the 21st century is what I'm trying to say.

Time flips there.

In the 21st century we don't really have any purpose for comparison.

It just is part of the interference.

You know,

If we go back to that equation,

Performance,

And when I say,

I need to find another word for performance because I'm not sure I like it as a word,

But performance,

How we're doing in life,

How we're following our intuition is,

You know,

Performance equals potential minus interference.

Comparison is a big chunk of interference.

It has us look elsewhere for how to be right in the world,

For how to be okay in the world,

For how to live our life,

Grow our business.

And that has us,

That has us chasing things that are not really that helpful.

So earlier on,

I was talking to a lady who I think is a little bit younger than me.

She's probably in her late thirties,

But,

But she,

We were talking about the expectations we felt were on us as young women.

And for me that,

That was,

Well,

You're going to university though.

I don't remember there being a conversation about not going to university because I was a bright girl.

So it was,

You're going to university,

But all you need to do is decide which university and what you're going to do when you get there.

But that,

There wasn't no conversation about that.

There was no discussion.

There was no choice.

It was just,

That's what I'm doing.

And we took me and this lady talked a little bit as well about how we,

You know,

That the expectation and the comparison that our families were doing,

If,

You know,

If everybody else on our street was going to university,

Everybody else in our social group was going to university,

Then if I didn't go to university,

That would be,

You know,

Hang on a minute,

You can't really do that because we're doing this comparison thing all the time.

We think our lives have to be like other people's lives.

And it is,

It is taking us away.

It's interference.

It's taking us away from our own true potential,

Which is infinite.

It's just yet more noise in the system and can become really exhausting and definitely stops us from following our,

Our heart,

Our soul,

Following what we're passionate about,

Following the love that we feel for something.

Because we think our life's supposed to look like somebody else's and we're trying to make it look like somebody else's.

And of course it creates an awful lot of unhappiness around lack and us thinking that we're not good enough because we're not doing what everybody else or we've not created what everybody else has created.

So it's,

It really does get in the way.

And really all we need is the awareness that it's getting in the way.

If we start to see it in the moment,

Oh,

You know,

There's one of those comparison thoughts.

I don't need to actually engage with that.

I can,

I can let it go and I can follow what I feel is good.

And you'll know,

Cause as usual,

I'm going to tell you the comparison thoughts feel icky because they're lies.

That's why they feel icky.

They hold you back.

They help you feel,

You know,

Like somebody sat on your chest railing,

You're not moving forward and following your heart.

And that's how you know,

That's how you know that you're following your psychology,

That old created habitual thinking and not your,

Not your intuition.

It's that simple.

So hopefully you're having a great day and you're going to have a great day and you're not falling into the trap of comparison,

But celebrating your potential,

What you can give to the world because people need,

We need as a world,

We need more people like you sharing your passion.

So lots of love,

Take care.

Thank you so much for listening.

Take care.

Thank you so much for listening.

There's nothing to do now,

But bring some awareness to how this is working out in your life.

Listen regularly to experience longer and longer periods of calm.

This has been the Calm Cast with Claire Downum,

Queen of Calm.

Take care and keep listening.