Hello and welcome to the Calmcast,
A time to feel calm and think clearly.
I'm Claire Downham,
The Queen of Calm,
A Transformational Life Coach.
I was a burnt out headteacher who finally made the journey to calm after years of trying and I want to prevent you from having to do the same.
The Calmcast is a series of short explorations gently guiding you back to your natural state which is calm and clarity.
Just listen like you would listen to music with an open mind and curiosity.
There's nothing else to do.
Now let's relax into today's episode.
So today is an invitation to ask a question about what is going through your head.
Maybe not just today.
You might have started today feeling pretty good and you might not have anything of any consequence passing through your head.
Although it probably makes you superhuman in some way.
But it's an invitation to ask a question about that which is passing through your head.
And the question is,
Is it true?
Because there's a lot of noise in there,
Isn't there?
I don't know about you,
But there's a lot of stuff that I think about myself,
About the world,
About well pretty much everything really.
I do have quite a lot of opinions on things like everybody else of course.
And there's just this opportunity I think to bring some healthy discernment or some healthy doubt to what we are thinking.
This have you noticed how sometimes your thinking sends you on quite a trip that is exhausting sometimes isn't it?
And often unhelpful.
So this question is it true?
Is just about bringing some awareness.
So it is not an invitation to start judging your thinking in terms of you.
If you're having a certain kind of thinking that in the moment looks real to you and that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you.
So it's not that kind of exploration.
It's just a simple question.
Is this true?
And where this is really helpful is firstly in terms of what we think about ourselves.
You know I can't do this is a great example isn't it when you're not feeling confident and there's a little voice in your head that says you can't do that.
You're going to look stupid.
People are going to judge you.
You're not going to be able to do that.
You're going to fluff it in the middle.
That might be particularly true if you're considering doing any kind of speaking or presentations or live videos or whatever.
But that voice in your head is about the most untrue thing that you actually come into contact with because it's a creation of conditioned thought.
It's a creation of conditions that you experienced right from when you were very small.
It's just a collection of old habitual noise really.
And I know it can look like it's real and part of the reason it looks real is because there's been that stuff that's always been around for a long time hasn't it.
And believing it tends to make it look true because then when we experience life we see that that in our narrowing of the view of the world we see that these things about us are true because if you've got a voice in your head saying you can't do that and you believe it and you don't do the thing well it's just self-perpetuating isn't it.
So there is something helpful about gently and compassionately and kindly bringing that question to the noise in your head,
To the thinking that you have in the moment.
Now just asking that question might not be quite as beneficial if you don't have this next piece of information kind of underlying your asking of the question.
And the next piece of information is one that I frequently share but I do keep saying it in lots of different ways to help people because it's probably been the most helpful thing that I've learned in the last couple of years.
And that is that when I'm feeling something when I have an emotional reaction that reaction is to thought that is that is they are connected it's not really even a reaction it's just part of the same system part the same energetic system that I feel thought in the moment.
And when I have an uncomfortable off feeling when all of us as human beings not just me but you and everybody else has an uncomfortable feeling we as humans have learnt to misread that information.
We've been taught not directly but just through our experience again in life we've been taught that that feeling is telling us about the outside world.
That it's telling us about the people around us what they're doing the news people's behavior all the circumstances our financial situation or whatever else this whole collection of things that look like they are creating our feelings.
But that is a mistake it's a really innocent misunderstanding that when we feel something it's the outside world when we feel something that is this really clever beautiful system inside us working perfectly to warn us about our thinking.
So in the moment when we feel a feeling the warning is saying your thinking's off so let's say I feel stressed or wound up or ranty which as you know if you've listened to me before that's my thing is ranting.
So if you're feeling that way if you're feeling wound up ranty stressed anxious whatever it is and it feels awful because who likes those feelings nobody does do they.
There's something less horrible about those feelings when you realize that's a warning from your system to tell you that your thinking is off today or in this moment not for the whole day invariably because it passes doesn't it.
So if we put that alongside the question is this true we have a perfect space for transformation because suddenly we've read our feelings accurately and we're kind of going oh my feelings are telling me my thinking's a bit rubbish and then we're bringing a little bit more we're going on and is it true that I'm thinking well pretty much guarantee I pretty much guarantee in fact I'm going to guarantee that if you've got an uncomfortable emotional feeling and you so your thought in the moment is not particularly helpful then then it won't be true.
I mean that's just super helpful to know isn't it.
It almost removes the need for that question having done an entire talk on it almost removes the need for that question because in the moment suddenly we're experiencing all of this system in a completely different way and with that level of awareness it's almost like there's a shunting on of what's going on inside us there's an allowing of it to pass there's a resetting of the system and it really is that is really how it's supposed to work it's like magic you recognize an uncomfortable emotion you realize the thinking is not helpful don't have to do anything about it but just by shining that light on the unhelpful thinking it tends to pass then there's space and clarity and ease and and it's it's utterly transformational to experience that I've had quite a few unbelievable experiences where ordinarily I would have gone off and done something unhelpful or in anger and in noticing my ranty feeling and my ranty thinking my angry feeling I guess frustrated more I it's just not made sense to do those things and then the thinking's passed and something calmer has made sense something more honest maybe something more from the heart from from from who I really am in my connection with other people and it being so much stronger when the thinking falls away so maybe play around with that question as always this is about getting curious it's about noticing and playing about and getting curious that's all thank you so much for listening there's nothing to do now but bring some awareness to how this is working out in your life listen regularly to experience longer and longer periods of calm this has been the Calmcast with Clare Downer,
Queen of Car.
Take care and keep listening.
