Hello and welcome to the Calmcast,
A time to feel calm and think clearly.
I'm Claire Downham,
The Queen of Calm,
A Transformational Life Coach.
I was a burnt out headteacher who finally made the journey to calm after years of trying and I want to prevent you from having to do the same.
The Calmcast is a series of short explorations gently guiding you back to your natural state,
Which is calm and clarity.
Just listen like you would listen to music with an open mind and curiosity.
There's nothing else to do.
Now let's relax into today's episode.
So today's little exploration has come out of something I heard someone say in a coaching session a few days ago,
Around the idea that they wanted to be 100%.
And it really struck me in that moment that maybe quite a lot of us are trying to be 100%.
And then as I thought about that phrase,
Those words,
I really got this sense that there has to be a lot of judgment in that.
You know,
In the idea of 100%,
There must be judgment and an idea of what even 100%,
100% of what comes to mind.
Do we have a concept of ourselves that at some points in our lives we are 100% at 100% energy levels maybe,
Or I think for this particular lady I was talking to,
That was the idea that was what she was seeking to feel 100% well,
Not to have any uncomfortable feelings or aches and pains or anything going on.
And I don't know if it's with age,
I'm 50,
That I seem to have fallen into this space of acceptance that,
You know,
Being 100%,
Being some concept of me from the past probably isn't something for me to be seeking anymore.
And actually in that stopping seeking to be 100%,
There's a bit of ease like this,
Oh,
Just one less thing to do then,
Trying to make me be 100%.
And even as I'm seeing that I can feel a lightness and a real,
Yeah,
Just some ease and clarity.
So there is this first thing is that this concept of what it would be like to be 100%,
How are we judging that,
How are we measuring that,
Does our 100% look like somebody else's 100%,
I suspect not,
Thought and perspective will definitely be playing a part in that one.
So that's where it starts,
Doesn't it,
This idea that there could be something 100%,
This concept of ourselves when we are 100%.
But if we've got a concept of that,
If we've got some idea that there was a moment in time,
And for those of us who are getting older,
That's everybody by the way,
But those of us who are reaching maybe later on in life,
That point of being 100% is probably somewhere in the past.
If we are looking to be this 100% and we're not,
Which to me seems more likely than not,
It seems more likely to me that we will not be 100% than be it.
Just because we're human and that's how it is.
Life is continually up and down,
We are up and down,
Whether that's energetically or emotionally or physically.
We're just not this consistent solid thing that trying to be 100% brings to mind.
And what I see there is that in this grasping and trying and pushing to be 100%,
There will be a lot of noise and the first piece of noise that will be in our headspace if we're doing that is judgment.
That will be the starting point that we will be judging and measuring and comparing against this idea of ourselves 100%.
We could turn that round,
Couldn't we?
How do we know which is better?
What comes to mind here is that my energy levels definitely go up and down.
I'm a midlife woman,
That's pretty normal.
And there are days when I'm really energized and I'm getting lots of things done in the world and lots of things created and planned and organized and that kind of thing.
And those days feel really nice and I seem to be more productive,
I suppose is the judgment around that.
But then I have noticed that on my quieter days,
On the days when I'm perhaps not so energized,
Feeling a bit perhaps a bit lower in energy,
Might be feeling a bit more emotional,
That kind of thing.
In actual fact on those days,
Probably because I'm going a little slower and there's a little bit more space,
There is,
But there are things that just arise like ideas or interesting little trails,
Breadcrumb trails to follow,
Nice conversations,
Whatever it is that each day has its own beautiful,
Unique way of unfolding.
And in the noticing of that and in the acceptance of that,
There is a lot more ease and a lot more calm.
Basically if you're trying to be 100% and you're not,
You're going to have a head full of trying.
You're going to have the judgment and then there's going to be all the things that you think you need to do to try and make yourself 100%.
And then how I've pointed to this so far is around the self and this idea of this self that needs improving.
But that could be in any aspect of your life.
That could be a relationship that you think needs to be 100%.
That might be a job role that you think needs to be a certain way and has to be 100% that way.
It could be anything.
It could be a holiday that you feel is ruined because a couple of days it rains.
You know that if we are vying for anything in life to be 100%,
Then we're going to be going up against what naturally actually is.
And you know,
As you know,
Right now as I'm creating this recording,
We're in the autumn and the leaves are falling from the trees and I look at a tree and I see that some leaves are completely brown,
Some are partially brown,
Some have fallen already,
Some are still completely green.
Life doesn't work in 100% ways.
All the leaves do not just fall off the tree on one day.
They're all just unfolding.
There isn't 100% in anything in life.
When we look at nature,
We can see that,
But it isn't like that for us either.
And if we are trying to make it that way,
There is so much noise in our heads.
There's discomfort,
There's resistance,
Which feels uncomfortable.
I don't think really it is the human condition to be 100% of anything.
So maybe you know that's something that you could take off your list today.
Thank you so much for listening.
There's nothing to do now,
But bring some awareness to how this is working out in your life.
Listen regularly to experience longer and longer periods of calm.
This has been the Calmcast with Claire Downham,
Queen of Calm.
Take care and keep listening.
