The following exercise is called Soften Soothe and Allow.
It really is an informal practice which is intended for times when we feel distress in everyday life and we may not feel like sitting down and meditating formally.
So I will now guide you through this exercise in a formal way so that you can become familiar with the steps and maybe practice them informally over time.
Since we will be working with a mildly to moderately difficult emotion I invite you to find a very comfortable position.
Many people prefer to practice lying down.
What is also important is that you feel grounded in your posture,
Whatever that may be.
You could also be sitting.
So if you are sitting on a chair maybe making sure your feet touch the floor and you really have a sense of being grounded.
So when you are ready allowing your eyes to close or adopting a soft gaze and then taking three deep and relaxing breaths.
And then placing a hand on your heart region or another place on your body where you have discovered touch to be soothing or supportive.
So taking a moment to feel the warmth of your hand on your body and the intention of this gesture which is to bring loving awareness and kindness to yourself,
To this person sitting lying here during this exercise the best you can.
And then bringing to mind a situation that you are in right now in your life which is causing you mild to moderate distress when you are thinking of it right now.
So this could be a health problem or stress in a relationship or a loved one who is in pain.
Please don't choose a very difficult or traumatizing issue but the problem should cause some discomfort to you.
So once you have decided on a situation you would like to work with then take some time to clearly visualise the situation.
Who was there?
What was said?
What happened?
And as you are reliving the situation notice if any emotions arise within you.
And if so seeing if a label for an emotion comes up.
This can be tricky but here are some words that could maybe help.
Is there maybe anger?
Sadness?
Grief?
Confusion?
Fear?
Longing?
Despair?
And if you are unsure about the label of the emotion or the emotions maybe simply naming it discomfort at this stage for the purposes of this exercise.
And if you are having many emotions see if you can name the strongest emotion associated with this situation.
One that seems to be calling your attention the most.
And then repeating the name of this emotion to yourself in a gentle and understanding voice.
As if you were validating for a friend what he or she was feeling.
Such as,
Yes that's longing.
Yes that's grief.
Yes that's fear I see in you.
And now expanding your awareness to your body as a whole sitting or lying here.
And as you recall the difficult situation again scanning your body for where you feel these emotions most easily.
Maybe there are places that are tense or feeling heavy or pressure or there's a stabbing or achiness.
Swiping your body from head to toe stopping where you can sense a particular tension or discomfort.
Now see if you can choose a single location in your body where the feeling expresses itself most strongly.
Maybe there's a sore muscle or an achiness somewhere maybe in your heart or elsewhere.
And if no one location stands out please just pick any location where you feel some discomfort.
And if you like you can place a hand there.
And in your mind gently incline towards that spot that is experiencing the discomfort.
And then inviting the muscles in that place to soften without any requirement that they do so.
So just like we would apply a hot water bottle to a sore muscle just inviting the muscles to relax.
And we can support this by inwardly repeating the words soften,
Soften,
Soften.
And if you wish just softening a little around the edges no need to go all the way around.
Soften,
Soften,
Soften.
No need to change the feeling we're just holding it in a tender way.
Soften,
Soften,
Soften.
And now if you've already placed a hand over that part of your body that feels uncomfortable then letting yourself feel the warmth and the gentle touch of your hand.
Perhaps imagining warmth and kindness flowing through your hand into your body.
Maybe even thinking of your body as if it were the body of a beloved child,
A beloved pet.
Soothing,
Soothing,
Soothing.
Giving yourself some love because you feel bad right now,
You're struggling right now.
There might be some comforting or encouraging words that you need to hear right now.
So asking yourself what do I need to hear right now?
What would I say to a friend who was struggling in the same way?
Or what would my compassionate friend say to me?
Maybe I'm so sorry you feel this way.
I care deeply about you.
I'm here for you my dear.
And if helpful words arose.
Asking yourself if you can offer yourself a similar message.
Oh it's so hard to feel this.
May I be kind to myself.
Soothing,
Soothing,
Soothing.
Offering yourself some love because you feel bad.
And then in the final step see if it feels okay to make room for the sensations and let them move freely through your body.
So giving up the wish that the feeling would go away and simply allowing this discomfort to be there to freely move around your body.
And you can support this process by inwardly repeating the word allowing.
Allowing.
Allowing.
Allowing yourself to be just as you are.
Just for now.
And allowing your experience to be just as it is.
Just for now.
Allowing.
Allowing.
Allowing.
Softening.
Soothing.
Allowing.
Allowing.
Softening.
Soothing.
And allowing.
And then slowly letting go of the practice.
And focusing on your body as a whole.
Allowing yourself to feel whatever you're feeling right now.
Allowing yourself to be exactly as you are right now.
Emotions may have shifted.
New emotions may have appeared.
You may be asking yourself what do I need right now?
And when you're ready slowly opening your eyes.
And letting go.
Allowing.
Allowing.
Allowing.
