Welcome to this guided meditation on taking a mindful pause after infidelity.
It's true that infidelity can be deeply wounding and damaging to a partnership,
And it can be tough to recover from.
It can also be a sacred portal to healing,
Especially if each person is willing to do the work of processing their emotions skillfully rather than simply falling into blame.
For a couple to work through the infidelity,
It's vital for each person to explore with great compassion the feelings that came up for them around the affair,
As well as what the relationship felt like even before the affair began.
This kind of mindful pause can help a couple to decide if healing is going to happen on their own,
After a separation,
Or within the space of their partnership if the relationship continues.
This meditation is no substitute for therapy,
But it can be a wonderful complement to the individual and couple's therapy that a relationship may need in order to cope with an infidelity.
The practice is in two parts.
The first part will be some guided inquiries for person A,
Who did not have the affair.
The second part will be an inquiry for person B,
Who was involved in the infidelity.
It's possible that both people were involved in infidelities,
So just adapt this meditation to your specific situation.
Please listen to the whole meditation,
Regardless of what role you played.
Hearing about the other person's healing process may help you attune to their perspective and feelings,
Which could build a mighty bridge for conversation later.
You might even choose to listen to this meditation together,
If that feels right.
So let's begin.
Start by closing your eyes and finding a comfortable meditation posture,
Either sitting or lying down.
And begin to relax into your breathing.
Shift all of your focus into your body,
And the feeling of your breath going in and out.
It's normal if there are many thoughts coming up,
I'm sure you've got a lot on your mind.
Observe the thoughts,
But keep a keen focus on your physical body,
Noticing sensations like tingling,
Tension,
Notice temperature,
Warmth or coolness,
As if you could direct an inner flashlight on what is going on inside the body,
And allow the feeling of your body breathing to anchor you in this present moment.
I'm now calling person A into this meditation,
The person who may have experienced infidelity from their partner.
And I want you to really feel what emotions are present for you around the affair.
Whether there's anger,
Rage,
Sadness,
Infusion,
Even disbelief or despair.
Whatever it is,
Allow that emotion to be here fully.
And also notice where you are feeling it in your body.
You might feel tension or contraction in your stomach,
Tightness in your head,
Pain or tenderness in your heart area.
Bring all of your focus to that area of your body,
Placing a hand of compassion there.
And just breathe into whatever you're sensing there.
We are getting you in deep connection with what you are feeling emotionally about this affair.
And notice now if this feeling,
And the sensations in your body,
Feel familiar to you.
Ask yourself,
What chord did this affair strike within me?
Do I have a history in my life of feeling betrayed or undervalued?
And if so,
How long ago did this pattern start with me?
Has it been there from an early age?
Was there a betrayal or hurt from an early caregiver that feels similar to this?
Be gentle with yourself here,
Dear one.
We're getting to the core of what's coming up for you here,
Why this betrayal may have cut so deep for you,
Which may also help you to heal from it.
Keep breathing into that area of your body with gentle compassion,
A willingness to see your own suffering and be there for yourself with love.
And notice if those sensations in your body begin to shift,
Even just a little bit.
Maybe there's more openness in that part of your body,
More calm,
Maybe your breathing has evened out,
Or your heart rate has slowed down.
These are all signs that you've gotten in touch with the energy of the pain and that you're connected with yourself,
Your inner truth.
Now let's bring it back to the present,
And feel into what this relationship was like for you before you discovered this infidelity.
Even before this happened,
Did you have needs that were unmet for you,
Like connection needs,
The need for closeness,
Communication,
Consistency,
Empathy,
Respect,
Trust,
Mutuality?
Or perhaps those unmet needs were around honesty,
Or perhaps fairness or harmony.
Really tune into what might have been up for you even before this affair happened.
Once you understand what your unmet needs are,
Dear one,
You are so much more likely to communicate them to your partner with the spirit of self-compassion and self-respect without getting lost in blame.
Now ask yourself a core question.
Do you feel that you can re-establish trust with your partner?
Do you want to do that,
To continue down this path of intimacy with them?
Can you feel that your partner is genuinely remorseful?
Do you feel a willingness on their part to do the work of repair with you?
And what,
Dear one,
Would you need for that repair to happen?
What boundaries would you need in place,
Such as cutting off contact with the affair partner,
For example?
What level of transparency would you need,
Or accountability,
Or inclusion,
In their everyday life?
Understand that this inquiry might be ongoing for you.
You may not know yet whether to leave or stay.
What you can do today is to give yourself gratitude for beginning your healing process,
And to believe deeply in your own value as a person and a partner.
And know that each time you repeat this meditation,
You may gain more insight and clarity into your own best path forward.
I'm now calling person B into this meditation,
The person who committed the infidelity.
I want you also to be gentle and tender with yourself,
Dear one.
If you're listening to this meditation,
It's a signal that you are open to healing and transformation.
Now sense into what emotions you are feeling after having had this affair.
Is there sadness,
Upset,
Distress,
Regret?
There may also be a feeling of numbness,
Or even confusion.
All emotions are welcome here.
Now turn that inner flashlight on,
And locate the place in your body where these emotions may be living.
Look for sensations like tightness,
Tension,
Increased heart rate,
Or whatever else is there.
And send some compassion to that place in your body,
Perhaps placing a gentle hand over that area.
Now that you are in touch with your emotional body,
Let's start some inquiry here.
Ask yourself,
What led me to this act of infidelity?
What emotions and needs might have been motivating my choices?
Is it possible your own deep woundings played a part here?
In your early life,
Did you witness a troubled relationship at home,
Even infidelity?
In your adult life,
Do you have a history of escapism when things get tough?
What pain might be motivating that?
Just sense into what was truly motivating you to make the choices you did.
Because behind all choices we make that cause others pain,
There is usually some pain of our own.
Now let's come back to your relationship with your partner.
Sense into what the partnership was like for you even before this affair began.
Were there needs that you had that were unmet?
Perhaps around autonomy,
Space,
Freedom,
Peace?
Feeling understood?
Or feeling a sense of intimate connection?
And ask yourself honestly,
Are you willing to express those unmet needs vulnerably with your partner,
Without blaming them,
Or without justifying the choices you made?
Are you able to just be open to expressing your needs authentically?
Now ask yourself the core question.
Am I ready to end the infidelity and continue with my partner?
Do I feel that my partner is capable of hearing me,
And even forgiving me?
Am I open to hearing them out?
Am I remorseful and can I express that to my partner?
And finally you might ask yourself,
Have I been totally honest now about what happened?
Am I withholding any information from my partner for fear of damaging our relationship further?
And if so,
Am I willing to reveal this now,
As a signal of my commitment to full transparency moving forward?
Take your time with these questions,
They are not easy ones.
And just as you may be hoping that your partner can forgive you,
You also need to forgive yourself and believe in your own value and potential as a partner.
You deserve that,
Dear one.
We all do.
I hope that this meditation helps you find the clarity and peace that you need.
Let's close the meditation now.
Bring a gentle focus back to your breathing.
And as you are ready,
You can begin to move your body around,
Open your eyes and come back to the room.
Taking some of the compassion and healing from this meditation into the rest of your day.
