Healing From Heartache

If you've set an intention for a great love in your life, a devastating heartache can feel like a huge setback. Yet, it can actually be the very bridge that you needed to heal any pain that was already inside of you, just asking for your attention. This talk will lead you through a gentle process you can do to support yourself through a breakup. In the final ten minutes of this session, we'll do a guided meditation that will allow you to get into a relationship with the emotional energy lingering in your body after a heartache, giving this emotion healing properties and allowing you to undergo a profound process of release. The final meditation is also available as a stand-alone track on Insight Timer called, "Meditation for Healing Heartbreak."

Transcript

Hi,

This is Christina McMahon.

Today I wanted to talk about healing from a heartache.

For those of you wishing to come together with your great love,

I know that being hurt,

Betrayed,

Or left behind by someone that you loved deeply can feel like a huge setback,

Especially if it was someone that you truly believed was the one for you.

So if this is your situation,

Please know that I'm feeling lots of compassion for you.

I know how much it hurts.

But I can tell you this,

If you can begin to see this heartache as an opportunity to heal,

It can actually get you further along your path to sacred partnership.

To say more about that,

A sacred partnership is a healing relationship between two people who come together to do their growing side by side,

Usually for the long term.

It's a union entered into by true equals,

People who get each other at the soul level.

There is joy in this partnership,

Mutuality,

Deep connection and understanding,

A willingness to work through things in a way that advances both partners healing journeys and a passion that is built to last.

And I believe that if you set a strong intention for a sacred partnership,

And you are willing to open yourself up to it,

That it is so possible for you and that it will come to you in perfect divine timing.

So in the spirit of preparing yourself for your sacred partner,

Let's talk about how you might heal from a painful heartbreak.

First,

You want to give yourself some time before you get out there again with dating.

For many people,

The first tendency after getting hurt is to want to meet someone else right away just to help erase all of the painful feelings.

This is a kind of covering over tactic,

And it's not something that I recommend.

You may be thinking,

But if I stop meeting new people,

It's going to delay me from finding my actual sacred partner.

But the opposite is actually true,

Because if you don't take the time to heal the emotional energy of your heartache,

It's possible to keep repeating that same emotional pattern with each new person you meet.

Taking some time to yourself now after you have been hurt is actually the way to move more efficiently along your path to love,

Because it will give you the wisdom and the insight that you need to make different choices as you go forward.

Now,

I imagine that if you've been severely hurt by someone,

You may be harboring a lot of angry feelings and blame towards them.

And that is so human.

It's so normal to feel.

Ultimately,

You want to be able to get underneath the blame in order to heal that.

But first,

You might want to let yourself get it all out.

So allow yourself a period of venting.

This could mean doing some angry journaling about your ex or letters to them that you will never send.

And don't censor yourself.

The idea here is to start unwinding that emotional energy so that it doesn't feel like such a tight ball within you.

If you do choose to do some angry journaling about your ex,

Maybe read that to a friend who understands,

Or just call up a friend and ask if it's okay if you vent to them for a while about your breakup.

Now,

As you are venting,

Watch what your mind is doing.

Because usually the tendency is to turn it into some kind of a larger story,

Such as men always do this to me,

Or women always treat me like this,

Or even this always happens.

I'm always the one left behind.

I never get what I want.

Here's a hint.

Whenever you find yourself using the words always or never,

It usually means that your mind is stuck in a story.

That means you are creating some kind of narrative about your breakup that is larger than the actual experience.

You are making it mean more than it does,

Which is simply about you being hurt by one particular person,

Nothing more.

So when you are doing your angry journaling or your letter writing,

Try to keep it focused on that one person who broke your heart,

Not about people in general or about your prospects for love more broadly.

This is a good time to start breaking that mental habit of talking in story when you are reflecting on love.

Because the truth is that none of us is destined to repeat our past.

By healing your emotional wounds and resolving to make different choices as you go forward,

You can create the conditions to attract in a completely different kind of person in the future,

One who is aligned with your values and with your heart.

Now the goal is not to stay in this period of venting.

It's just to help you release the angry red energy so that you can get underneath the blame.

So when you start to feel other emotions such as sadness or perhaps loneliness,

Then you know that you are getting somewhere.

Because this is actually about you and where you need to heal,

It's not so much about the other person.

They were merely the catalyst to bring to the surface the sadness,

The loneliness,

Or the pain that was already inside of you,

Just waiting to be looked at.

The heartache is a new opportunity to heal what was already hurting inside of you.

It's actually a gift in disguise,

What some energy healers call the gift in the wound.

Once you have identified the emotions underneath the blame,

Whether that is sadness or something else,

That is the time to get in dialogue with that emotion.

You might do some journaling about it.

What is that emotion here to show you or to teach you?

Because when you are beyond the venting phase,

The writing you do about your past relationship is more productive.

It's going to be more reflective and it will come from a deeper place within you.

My own sacred partner,

Darren Cagle,

Recommended a particular book to me when he heard I was developing this talk on healing heartache.

The title is Coming Apart,

Why Relationships End and How to Live Through the Ending of Yours.

It's by Daphne Rose Kingma,

A psychotherapist and author.

In the book,

She leads you through the process of writing about what you got from the relationship,

What you needed and didn't get from it,

What were the red flags you didn't see or that you may have ignored,

And then a final goodbye letter to your ex-partner.

If you're interested in delving deeply into the mechanics of your relationship,

You might want to check out that book so that you have the author and the therapist leading you through those exercises.

And again,

The title is Coming Apart,

Why Relationships End and How to Live Through the Ending of Yours by Daphne Rose Kingma.

I do think that kind of deep journaling is very useful since it will help you to fully understand what happened in your relationship and what your own role was.

And being able to accept responsibility for your part is extremely empowering because then you also empower yourself to do things differently in your next relationship,

Maybe to be more aware and vocal of what your own needs are so that you can ask for them to be met.

After you do this deep exploration of how your relationship worked and how it didn't,

I believe there is one more step in the recovering process because true healing happens at the sensate level within the body.

And there's a meditation practice you can do to work with that emotional energy in your body,

Give it some love,

And give it the space to clear out on its own when it's ready.

In a few minutes I'm going to lead you through that practice,

But first I want to talk about some of the principles behind it.

When I lead you into your body,

I'm going to be asking you to identify the particular emotion that comes up for you in relationship to this heartache you have experienced.

Once again,

Try to go beneath any feelings of blame you might have for your ex-partner because this is about your healing and not theirs.

See what's lurking underneath.

And I'll ask you to locate where that emotion is in your body.

You can notice this by sensing into where you feel strong sensations in your body.

After that,

I'm going to start asking you some questions about what you are feeling and noticing in that part of your body.

Try not to overthink any of the questions.

There are no right or wrong answers.

The purpose of the inquiry is simply to put you into relationship with that emotional energy in your body.

You'll identify where that wound is living in your body and connect with it.

The ability to stay present in your wounding for this time,

Knowing that it is safe to feel it because you are strong enough to face it,

Is fundamental to the healing process.

This is where profound and lasting transformation can begin because you're giving your own emotional energy space to clear.

There's that expression,

What we resist persists and what we look at often goes away on its own.

And that's the principle we are following here.

So I'll begin the practice now.

You might want to wait to do it until you have gone through the previous steps that I have outlined in this talk.

And that's fine.

Just return to this recording whenever you are ready for the final practice.

Or you can always try the meditation out now and then return to it again after you have gone through the other steps in this talk,

The venting and the deep journaling about your relationship.

Trust whatever feels good to you at this moment in terms of healing from your heartache.

Begin by relaxing into your body.

Notice the gentle flow of your breath as it goes in and out.

Now in the spirit of gentleness and compassion,

Bring to mind the heartache you've been feeling and allow whatever emotions you have to come to the surface and be here.

You might notice yourself going directly into a feeling of blame for the person who hurt you.

If that happens,

Just notice it and then get curious.

What's underneath the blame?

What is the feeling here for you?

Is it sadness?

Loneliness?

A deep disappointment or frustration?

Maybe some residual anger?

See if you can name that emotion for yourself,

The primary emotion that you are feeling.

And now sense into your body.

Where are you feeling that emotion in your body?

This is the place where you are probably feeling the most sensation now,

Whether that is tightness or tension,

Or perhaps a temperature,

Heat or coolness.

Maybe a more rapid heart rate.

Once you have identified those physical sensations in your body,

Direct your focus there and begin breathing into that area.

This is where the emotional energy from your heartache lives in your body and we are going to give it some compassionate attention.

Just allow those physical sensations to be there as you breathe into them without wishing them away.

You are simply getting in touch with that emotional energy in your body and how it feels at the physical level.

And now get curious.

If that energy had a colour,

What would it be?

How about a shape or a texture?

How big is that energy in your body?

There's no right or wrong here.

Just notice if any visuals or colours,

Shapes,

Textures come to mind as you breathe into that part of your body.

Now this emotional energy might feel familiar to you.

Maybe you felt it before in your life or maybe not.

Staying connected to that emotion and how it feels in your body,

Ask yourself what that emotion might be needing from you right now.

What is the healing antidote to that pain?

What need within you might be unmet?

Is it a need to be seen,

Listened to or understood?

A need to feel safe,

To feel loved,

To feel valued and accepted.

Listen in to what your inner self is most needing now.

And you may also sense in yourself the desire to have those needs met by someone else and that's okay for that desire to be there.

Right now the healing work is to offer it to yourself.

That warmth,

That understanding,

That loving acceptance,

Whatever the need might be.

You can even imagine wrapping your arms around that emotional energy,

That place in your body that is hurting.

Telling yourself,

I hear you,

I'm with you.

And keep breathing into that part of your body with all of your compassion and love.

Noticing how it feels to be there for yourself and trusting that you are so worthy of having those needs met by yourself and by someone who loves you.

Now go back to those physical sensations you were feeling in your body and just notice what's going on there now.

How is that tension or that tightness,

That temperature,

Whatever you had been feeling before?

If it's still there,

That's okay.

The important thing is that you took the time to get in a relationship with that emotional energy and you gave it some healing attention.

You gave it some space.

Healing is a process and it's safe to trust the process.

The next step in this meditation is to see if you are ready to offer forgiveness to your ex-partner,

The one who brought on this heartache.

Just see if that feels possible for you right now.

And if it doesn't,

That's okay.

Ask yourself,

How does it feel to set the intention that one day when you're ready,

You might offer them forgiveness,

Even if you can't do it now.

And see if you might be ready now to release that ex-lover from your energy field.

Maybe bringing their image to mind and repeating the mantra,

You were a part of my journey but not my destination.

I release you with love.

You were a part of my journey but not my destination.

I release you with love.

And just notice if you can have a felt sense of chords releasing in your body as you repeat the mantra one more time.

You were a part of my journey but not my destination.

I release you with love.

Now taking one more deep breath in.

And on the exhale,

Just letting everything go.

Begin to move your body around.

And when you're ready,

You can open your eyes and come back to this moment.

Thank you for being here with me today.

Please be patient with yourself as you heal from your heartache and repeat whatever steps you need to in this process until you feel more at ease.

Sending you so much compassion and empathy and reassurance that your heart will open up and love again.

You are so worthy of the sacred partnership that you desire.

Take good care.

Reviews

Thank you for the insightful empathetic beautiful talk and meditation. The thing is I don't want it to be with anyone else in the future I want it to be with her.

That was brilliant! It definitely shifted things for me both mentally and physically. Very grateful for you sharing this 🙏🏼

That was lovely and helpful, thank you. My heartache is from a damaged/ending relationship with my younger sister who has backed away from me as I've become the sole caregiver for our mother, and who now almost refuses to speak to me. I've been struggling for a year with confusion, anger, and abandonment. This was healing even though directed toward loss of a partnership rather than family.

What a lovely blessing to let go with love. Namaste 🙏🏼

What I needed in this moment.

So powerful. Thank you so much
Feeling more acceptance. 🙏

I am going thru a breakup & this has been immensely helpful. I will listen again & highly recommend. Thank you. 💙

This worth listening to again and again and again thank you 💗✨

Thank you for this 💜

Wonderful, meaningful, practical and full of compassion. Thank you!

I love the idea of saying to someone: “you were part of my journey, not my destination” ♥️🙏 thank you

Incredibly healing for recent breakup and heartache I’m feeling. Thank you.

So, so helpful. Thank you!

This talk and meditation has helped me a great deal on my own journey through heartbreak. Thank you.

This was a profound meditation for me. Thank you, Christina, for sharing your gift with the world. Much love. Take good care. 🙏🏼❤️

Eased the unnecessary suffering.

I genuinely feel like my heart has been sewn and things feel like they are starting to properly heal. I genuinely feel energy on my heart as it had just been sewn shut to heal. I'm going to continue following this and bear it in mind for the future.

Thank you so much! 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

This is truly amazing I feel so much stronger. Thank you.