The Stages Of Dealing With Anxiety

This is a talk through the stages which I used to deal with my anxiety about a year ago. I should say, if you are experiencing very strong, debilitating anxiety, please seek medical attention: this talk is really for dealing with more common, less-serious but still problematic forms of anxiety. This is anxiety where you feel more nervous than usual, usually about nothing in particular, probably because worry about one particular thing has spilled over into everyday life and became anxiety.

Transcript

So hi there,

I'm Chris and today I thought I'd just talk a bit about the sort of stages of anxiety or the stages of dealing with anxiety.

So obviously if you have very strong,

Very very debilitating anxiety it might be an idea to go to seek medical attention or seek professional advice but for kind of mild anxiety which could still be quite debilitating but it sort of,

It's more general,

It arises more easily for people.

These are basically the stages that I used to deal with my sort of mild anxiety a year or two back.

Another thing that I should point out is that these are stages to deal with anxiety.

They will,

They kind of cope with it I suppose,

They will not necessarily get rid of it,

They might alleviate it so much that actually it does start to ease off because a lot of anxiety is fear of anxiety.

But this is a way to kind of cope with that anxiety until something sort of bigger changes that means that kind of what's making you anxious stops making you anxious because it goes away or you don't have to do it or whatever it is.

So the first stage of anxiety is very very very simple.

You might even say well what's the point of it?

You know,

Why do I need to do this?

The first stage is recognition.

And that is literally as simple as saying I have anxiety.

Now why is that important?

Why should that be important at all,

Saying I have anxiety?

Obviously you do.

Well because for a lot of people,

For me especially for example,

You kind of don't think that it could happen to you.

You just,

You might be able to say oh yeah I could get anxiety but deep down you feel like but I'm not going to.

And so if you feel kind of scared and generally worried about seemingly nothing or about something specific you say well I'm just worried and it's not anxiety.

But sometimes it really is important to say actually this is anxiety.

Part of the way that we deal with anxiety,

With this method anyway,

Is by kind of shining a light on it.

OK so looking at it,

Seeing sort of the truth of it which is actually that it's kind of the mind getting carried away with itself.

And so if you can't start by saying actually this is anxiety if you're still trying to pretend that it's not then obviously that's the first stage.

You haven't shone a light where you need to shine a light at the first bit so it is important to actually say I have anxiety.

It's simple as that.

Once you do that you can start working on OK,

What's the nature?

And that's step two.

That brings us on to step two which is gentle observation.

Now obviously with mindfulness part of the thing is observing how the body feels,

How the mind feels,

All the things that are happening within the mind and the body to kind of understand things,

To understand emotions and maybe step back from them.

So with gentle observation this is that but not quite as intense yet.

So gentle observation is as simple as just noting different things.

When does the anxiety arise?

What causes it to arise?

And that's an important distinction to make.

It might arise at certain times when the thing that causes it isn't around.

But the thing that causes you pops up in your mind or something.

So you note when it happens,

You note what causes it to arise,

What it focuses on because again it might be caused by one thing and then focus on something else that you're more scared of.

I know that was that was somewhat the case for me.

The sort of physical sensations as well that arise not in detail yet we're just noting is there perhaps there's nausea is very very common.

Perhaps there is breathlessness,

Perhaps a high heartbeat and things.

Remember at this point you're not going to die,

It's going to be fine.

You know we're going to reign this in and we're going to come to deal with this and don't panic about this at this stage.

So gentle observation here is just getting to know the conditions of the anxiety,

Just knowing more about it so you can understand it better because if you understand things better generally they're less scary.

So that's really the idea of gentle observation.

Step three is affirmation.

Now again a bit like step one you might say what's why is this needed what's the point in this?

Well affirmation is basically saying actually anxiety exists in the mind.

Anything that causes anxiety without the mind it's not anxious it's just a thing in itself.

Anxiety only exists in the space between your ears in the mind in in the brain all these things within the body as well psychosomatic you know it's it's makes you sweat and all these things.

It only exists within you,

Nothing outside the body is actually bad or anything because obviously we don't in mindfulness we tend to try to avoid passing a judgment on something.

So without judgment outside the mind nothing has kind of intrinsic anxiety if that makes sense.

So this is this the other stage of affirmation is really assuring yourself and in fact indeed affirming.

Anxiety exists only within the mind.

Also it is finite it will be over right there will be a point when it stops it's not forever.

The other thing or the last thing perhaps is actually lots of people go through this and I don't mean to say as in belittling your situation but I mean you are not alone at all.

I guarantee that a load of people who you know like several at least are also going through this sort of thing or have gone through this thing at some point.

Almost everybody who I've ever met and talked to about mindfulness say actually yeah I had a time in my life when I was anxious about something or depressed about something or whatever.

So really you're not alone in this remember that other people are there as well other people are there to support you even if sometimes it doesn't feel like it.

Other people go through this as well so don't don't lose hope don't think oh your situation is terrible your situation is worse loads of people go through this.

We move then on to the fourth stage now we did gentle observation earlier now it's time for closer observation.

So this is the more kind of mindfulness really observing closely what's going on and this is basically meditation.

You don't I mean if you can if you want to you can close your eyes but you don't need to close your eyes for this but it is still in essence meditation.

You're applying attention to the mind and the body and that means that you can understand them because you're watching how they both work what they're doing and so you come to a better understanding of anxiety.

So of course I mean I hope I assume it kind of goes without saying that you're probably practicing mindfulness alongside as well as listening to this and obviously meditation is a very key part of that and if you're not practicing meditation that's fine but I would advise that you do try to begin meditating maybe try and make a more sort of regular meditation routine because it does help you to cultivate this attention this mindful attention this awareness and this is what we're going to use for this stage of dealing with anxiety for the Closer Observation stage.

So basically this is the sort of stage where a bit like the Gentle Observation but it's more key now that this happens when anxiety arises for you if that's all the time then it's when it's strongest when you really feel quite sort of panicked maybe it's a panic attack maybe it's a sort of mini panic attack where you're just feeling very sort of panicked but not so much you you know fearing death need to get out of the car or whatever right now so with this stage really as soon as you notice the anxiety comes up you just say okay here it is here's anxiety just no judgment not oh god his anxiety and not anything else like that it's hard to be positive about it but there's no judgment at all so you're just saying okay here's anxiety matter of fact just how it is and you're watching as soon as that happens you are watching it if in meditation usually you use the breath as a kind of focal point to just bring bring the mind back to every time it wanders here you're using the sensation in the body and that's one of the arguably quite useful things here with anxiety is that it it does have a strong physical sensation and so of course while unpleasant that means there is a strong very clear thing to focus on something that's very easy to maintain focus on so why why do you want to maintain focus on it of course part of the problem with anxiety I found for me at least is that it starts and then there's a kind of cascade a sort of an exponential kind of crash where you sort of go oh no there's anxiety or there's anxiety and you kind of get anxious about being anxious because you're worried about it and you kind of your mind kind of gets carried away with itself and that's kind of what forms a sort of panic attack I think I mean as I say I don't know but for me that's how it worked so focusing on the sensations in the body means that the brain or the mind can't sort of get carried away can't say oh no there's anxiety because every time you see that you go ah there's a thought you identify just like you do in meditation you go bam it's gone it's isolated it's not kind of part of the thought train it's just a thought and then it's gone and you're back to the sensation in the body and another thought comes up you are there it is and it might be crazy thoughts this is one of the things you might realize when if you practice this is that actually during anxiety you get a lot of crazy thoughts and just about all sorts of things that randomly make you scared because your brain's trying to help you you know and that's maybe something else you can put in the affirmation stage is actually your brain like anxiety is trying to help you it's trying to prepare you in case there's a threat if we go right back to the survival situation that's what anxiety is there for is to get you ready to sort of run away if there's a potential threat so this is the kind of reason why you get all these crazy thoughts I think is because it goes back to that sort of survival situation trying to prepare you for everything you're scared of so you're ready to fight it off so that's kind of why we need to focus on the body to try and short circuit the kind of cascade of thinking not necessarily stop it absolutely we're not trying to stop it but we're trying to notice it so that it kind of loses energy like I said at the start this is shining a light on the thinking so it suddenly makes sense it's not scary it's not kind of a scary illusion you realize it's an illusion because you realize how the illusion works if that makes sense because you're focusing on the sensation in the body now difficulty is of course part of the problem with anxiety is that the insa the sensation is like I said quite unpleasant so why should that you know why should focusing on it somehow sort of calm you down sort of short circuit the thought process it's a tricky one and it does take a lot of sort of practice and it you will have to do this sort of process many many times and probably get sort of bucked off the horse as it were and go through the panic attack unfortunately but keep going keep at it like I said in the affirmation stage it is final if I have finite sorry so just remember you got to keep going again and again and again but after time after practice after after cultivating it you will kind of come to realize that actually in awareness there is a kind of innate acceptance and innate kind of compassion if you like because you're just being aware you're not thinking about it you're not casting a judgment on it because you're just watching it there's no need it's like if you're watching a wild animal at the zoo you're kind of or in the wild indeed you're kind of fixated on the animal so you're not as it were you're not thinking about the animal you're just watching it so in the same way you're watching the sensation that kind of isolates it now part of the problem for me when I had kind of mild anxiety was that I I really really didn't like feeling sick okay I really really didn't like nausea and that's kind of like I said earlier the anxiety started because I felt sick and then it focused on other things as well as also I don't want to be sick so the problem is of course if you settle in that sensation that might make you more anxious because you're anxious about feeling sick and then you notice you're feeling sick and so you feel more etc etc but if you just sit and watch you know ah there's nausea ah there's you know anxiety oh there's you know breathlessness there's my heart rate's gone up all of these you just note them you're not saying they're bad or good okay they're not going to kill you um so you just note them neutrally and that is very powerful I found as I say after a while after a lot of sort of practicing this going through this I found actually when I felt nauseous if I was just attentive it kind of it's not so bad it's really not so bad because the thinking the worrying am I going to be sick am I going to be sick which I'm almost certainly not because I never was I haven't been for seven years but the kind of the thinking the worrying about it which makes the sensation more which makes the worrying more which makes the sensation more etc etc until you end up having a proper panic attack that thinking is cut off because you're noticing it every time it goes up and you go up there it is you're noting it and letting go of it and you're coming back to the focus on the sensation because the sensation by itself really isn't that much of a problem a sensation by itself like the thing that makes you anxious like I said it's just a thing so if you don't cast a judgment if you're just attentive no judgment no intention to to judge it anything like that just looking this takes us on to the fifth and final step in this now this I would say is arguably the hardest one step four the one I just talked about is probably the second hardest one this is just the stage we're at okay this is the main kind of showdown if you like so this fifth stage is building up acceptance or I like to say compassionate observation like I just explained you're just being attentive now why is this difficult as I said the survival brain it's anxious for a reason as it were and it's not going to kind of stop reacting to anxiety in the way that you want to kind of react if that makes sense so if anxiety comes up it's unpleasant you don't like it it makes you feel uncomfortable that's the natural reaction what you want to try and build to deal with this this kind of period of anxiety is just as I say sitting back just watching just casually neutrally paying attention if you're getting worried about it and trying to get rid of it that's not attention well that's just it it's trying to get rid of it it's trying to invest in a specific like a particular outcome so the thing with building up acceptance is that as I say you're not investing in a particular outcome so you're not invested as much as you're not investing in getting rid of anxiety you're also not investing in actively embracing it necessarily because that's not always going to be easy right it's not easy to sit back and observe it neutrally so it's not going to be easy to actually embrace it but to an extent that's what you kind of need to do it's it's a difficult thing to explain it's full of kind of weird contradictions but this is this is what you've got to try and do accept it neutrally don't try and actively embrace it but equally in order to not reject it and therefore be very uncomfortable you have to kind of embrace it a little bit so that's I suppose what I'm saying is embrace it a little bit but don't go and try and be like yeah anxiety or and try and be really happy when it arises because that's just not going to work so the real thing with acceptance is the observation that's the main kind of aspect of it which you've already been building up so well done you've already you've already kind of done half of this stage the thing is just really coming into that acceptance try not to kind of say I hate anxiety I wish anxiety would go away sometimes you want to and that's perfectly natural that's okay but generally try and maintain that kind of acceptance of anxiety that can't try not to reject it I mean this is all very kind of long-winded way of saying just be cool with it basically obviously that's a lot easier said than done but as I say with practice it will come trust me it will come the real kind of nitty-gritty bit of this the kind of the kind of more detailed aspect of the acceptance stage is when you are mindfully observing the sensations you are actively trying to kind of welcome it as I said you're not trying to sort of embrace it and get a certain reaction when anxiety comes up you're just watching you're giving attention so you might notice the mind starting to resist the physical sensation again you see it you come back to the physical sensation you might be starting to think oh thank goodness that you know anxiety period is over you know if you've just had a anxiety rise or something you're just saying oh thank goodness that's over when it's finished that doesn't necessarily help because again that's investing in certain outcomes so you just greet it neutrally and that's the thing you are just not resisting it anymore that's the main thing I suppose it's not trying to out really embrace it but you're not trying to resist it you are just sitting and watching it and letting it do what it wants effectively you're giving it space you're keeping it on a sort of leash but it's a long leash right so you're keeping your focus generally on the body so you're not letting the mind get out of hand and go ahh panic attack stage but it is a long leash you're letting it other than that you're letting it do what it wants and you're turning anxiety from a thought process and emotional kind of thing you're turning it into a kind of phenomenon that you watch it's kind of it's a part of the world around you as it were rather than it's a part of you and that's kind of that's kind of part of the whole point of mindfulness and all of these kind of philosophies is that you're realising that sort of everything is a part of nature and so anxiety in just the same way is a part of nature so you're kind of observing it knowing that it's not you it's just something that's kind of happening on the stage of your mind the stage of your mind is kind of empty and this is just a kind of performance that's happening on that stage so that's really the process of dealing with anxiety I'll just say again first stage is recognition saying I have anxiety just acknowledging that you have anxiety that there is a problem or not a problem necessarily but an issue that you want to kind of reduce you want to kind of as I say build up being able to keep it on a lead a long lead but a lead.

Stage two gentle observation just noting how am I feeling when does it arise just getting more knowledge you're not actively observing things in the moment necessarily you're just noting when things happen why things happen how things happen.

Stage three is affirmation reminding yourself actually this isn't forever other people go through this as well and anxiety is inside the mind and the body.

Stage four closer observation this is mindful attention right being attentive to the sensations to the thoughts to the thinking again still noting more in more detail perhaps this time than the gentle observation but really coming to be able to sit with it sit peacefully with anxiety until it has passed which you just creep neutrally.

Stage five the last stage building up acceptance really coming into this kind of sitting able to sit with it just totally you know you've observed it now you really are you're just sitting with it just peacefully and it's not a problem.

One of the things I find useful with that just by the by is actually deliberately breathing deeply and slowly and moving more deliberately and slowly because it kind of takes the mind out of the kind of cascade of worry it takes it out of that acceleration because it's a contrast you are very deliberately moving slowly calmly and peacefully a bit like yoga if you practice yoga so but really the kind of long and the short of it as I say this may not work for everyone it might work for loads of people I really don't know but this is just I thought I'd just share what worked for me.

Remember also this is a long term process this is not the stages you should go through throughout the course of a panic attack or something although you could you could try to sort of build into that kind of method to deal with it but really the way I sort of used it and developed it it's a long term way of dealing with it and now if I have sort of short term anxiety very strong nervousness for no reason just comes out of some comes out of nowhere it's no longer really an issue because it just comes up you accept it you're not getting rid of it you're not pushing it out you're accepting it you're letting it be there you're sitting with it it's no longer a problem so I hope this is useful to you I apologize if it's not I hope I haven't been too sort of rambly I haven't gone on too much I've tried to explain things as well as I can so as I say just going through these stages one by one there are things like the recognition and affirmation stage you're just doing one you just say this or that you know it's not a kind of practice you build up but the second fourth or fifth stage is like I say gentle observation close to observation and building up acceptance they're more long term kind of building that up and as I say of course please do meditate alongside this because it will help a lot it will help you even just to have a period of calm to let your mind kind of be quiet for a bit which will help with anxiety in itself so as I say I hope this was helpful I hope I haven't gone on too much and I hope it works I wish you the best of luck.

Reviews

Loved it. In particular, you had three excellent analogies. The first was watching a wild animal. I would add to that if watching in a zoo (or even in the wild from a safe place) the animal cannot hurt you. Can think of anxiety this way too. The second was having the anxiety on a long leash (particularly hit home since I’m walking my dog), and lastly, viewing the mind as a stage.

Excellent! Thank you for detailing the stages. This helps with self forgiveness and compassion of others.