Embracing Your Soul Modes With Carlie Maree
In this episode of And The Net Appeared, Chelsey is joined by Carlie Maree, the 'mad scientist' of motivational intelligence. Carlie Maree is the master of motivational intelligence. She’s a Wall Street Journal bestselling author, online educator, renegade researcher, sought-after speaker and creator of the binge-worthy podcast ‘Genius Unleashed’. With her bold teachings and revolutionary frameworks, she empowers women all over the world to live differently. Published Oct 20, 2020
Transcript
It's like this too shall pass.
In every moment,
It's like,
I'm not going to feel like this all the time.
How I feel right now is not how I'm always going to feel.
That goes for the good and the bad.
If you're having a really deep bear mode and it's very challenging,
There's a lot of dark stuff coming up.
That was me the other day.
I had this really,
Really,
Really deep bear mode.
It was really good to remind myself if it's not just like,
This is me now.
This is how I am.
I'm broken.
No,
I'm in bear mode and this will pass.
It's the same for if I'm in an awesome super mode and I'm getting everything done and I feel on top of the world.
I'm like,
Yes,
It's so good.
I was in super mode yesterday,
Last night.
I went for a walk and I hit a big milestone.
I had a payment come through.
It made me hit a big milestone in my business,
New level.
I was literally dancing and punching the air as I was walking down the street like,
Yes,
Oh my God,
Celebrating.
Not caring at all what anybody thought of me because I'm in my super mode energy.
I'm like,
Whatever,
Zero Fs.
I don't care what anybody thinks.
I wouldn't be like that all the time.
I was able to walk down the street and I'm thinking like,
Oh my God,
This is who I am now.
Carly,
What are you doing?
I was able to go,
No,
This is just how I feel right now and I'm going to roll with it.
Welcome to the And The Net Appeared podcast.
I'm your host,
Chelsea Benzl,
Intuitive mentor for thought leaders,
Coaches and content creators.
In this podcast,
You'll hear from bad-ass women who have taken big leaps of faith and the net up here.
Enjoy.
Hello.
Hello.
I'm here with Carly Marie,
The mad scientist of motivational intelligence.
I just love that.
Carly,
Thank you so much for being here.
It is such a pleasure.
Thank you.
Yeah,
Truly an honor to have you on the podcast.
I know you are up to some big things in the world,
In your business and really from you,
I just get like the light that you radiate,
The love that you pour through in all of your work just really lands deeply for me.
So appreciate you for being that in the world and for being here and sharing that with my listeners here.
Oh,
That's such a beautiful thing to hear.
Thank you.
It's like we create this content and these creations,
This body of work,
We put it out into the world and to know that it's being received as love is just glorious.
So thank you for those words.
Yeah,
Absolutely.
I feel your heart.
And that's the thing as creative entrepreneurs,
Thought leaders,
We are our business.
Like I always think,
And this just came through in my journaling not too long ago,
That you and your inner world is your greatest asset as an entrepreneur,
As a creative entrepreneur,
As someone who's showing up and creating courses or creating content or whatever.
It's about what you can foster and work on and hone inside you because that radiates out into everything that you create.
Absolutely.
I have,
I guess,
Had this sense over the time that I've been working with people is that it's not the information that I deliver is not my currency.
My energy is my currency.
My energy is what people are ultimately wanting to plug into in various ways when they come into my coaching or my offerings or they find my content is it's just a way of sharing my energy with people and that for some people that's really going to resonate and really connect.
So it's helped me to think a lot less about whether people like me,
Whether people approve of me and be like,
I get to just be an energy in the world.
There are going to be people that are able to kind of tune into that frequency,
Like a radio station.
There are going to be people who hear me and he's static in their ears.
And all of that is absolutely okay.
But that me focusing on where I'm at and starting with that,
And if I want to be a leader in the world,
I've got to lead myself first and really kind of going,
Well,
Like we're going to feel fraudy in the world if we're not walking our own talk,
Right?
Like if we're saying,
Hey,
You got to do inner work and you got to do this and that,
And we're not actually doing it.
We're always going to feel really fraudy and often and out of integrity.
And so for me,
It really starts with me.
Yeah.
And my inner landscape and checking in with where am I at and what do I need and radical self care so that I can be a leader in the world.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Tending to that inner landscape.
I love putting it that way.
And it is,
It,
That just makes me think about the fact that it's not even what you sell or what you are putting out there into the world because that can change and evolve.
And if you're at this long enough,
It's going to change and evolve,
But it's your energy and people are going to buy for you.
Not because there's the element of like the results that you can get them and you know what they're going to get on the other side of your course or your coaching or whatever.
But ultimately it's like,
They want you,
They want your vibe.
They want your,
Um,
I want to say input,
But it's not even so much input.
It's like they want you to be the mirror for them.
And so we can then receive the codes,
Receive the knowledge,
Receive the wisdom from the person we're learning from.
Like for example,
I've just discovered your work and I've been plugging into that and I'm very much of the belief that there's no,
You are above me because I'm learning from you.
It's like you have something to offer.
You have this really unique spin on,
We're going to get into all of that in a moment in the soul modes,
But it's just,
We're all here.
We're all showing up and we're sharing what's alive for us.
There's no hierarchies.
There's no,
You're better than me or any of that.
It's just,
I'm really into your vibe.
I'm really into what you're teaching and I want to soak that up.
Yeah.
A hundred percent,
I like to think of it that I'm here as a messenger,
Not a marketer.
And anyone who's drawn to my work is probably can totally relate.
Not here to be a marketer,
I'm here to be messenger.
And it's like I'm here with a message for the world.
It doesn't matter who earns more or less money than me.
It doesn't matter who's been doing things longer or less time than me.
It's like,
Well,
I have a message and I have a particular way of delivering it.
We're all just here delivering messages on behalf of the universe,
Right?
There is no hierarchy in spirituality and I don't think there needs to be a hierarchy in much at all really.
So I suppose the way that I look at it is I create these gifts for the world.
My body of offerings,
Each of them is a gift for the world and I wrap it up in my energy.
I wrap it up in love and I sort of think it through what goes into it and what would be helpful for people.
It's like when choosing a gift for your best friend who just had a baby,
Right?
It's like,
Well,
What can I choose for her that would make sense,
But there will also totally be me and will like be on brand for me,
You know,
Like to have chosen this particular thing for her because that's what makes it feel so good is like you chose this for me and you know,
It feels really good that that person kind of made it.
So I guess that's why,
You know,
We can learn social media from anybody,
But it's going to resonate.
It's going to feel so much more good for you if you choose to learn it from someone whose energy feels really good for you to be in.
And I think a lot of the time what people are paying for is your beliefs.
And I know that sounds a little bit strange,
Right?
But when you think about the fact that our beliefs create our reality,
So people come to learn from me because they're like,
Oh,
I want to learn how you're so confident,
How you make so much money,
How you have this energy on social media.
Well,
All of that is a result of what I believe to be true.
So I believe that I'm a powerful creator.
I believe that you don't have to have Facebook ads in order to have a successful business.
I believe all these bunch of things.
So people come to learn from me to get these outcomes and I'm like,
Well,
The outcomes are a result of my beliefs.
So let me share what I believe to be true.
Let me talk to you and tell you what I believe to be true.
What evidence I've seen in my life of those things,
I believe that you can be a messenger on social media.
I believe that you can show up and share your heart.
Here,
Let me show you how I do it.
So then that will help the people to believe,
Like to lock in the belief in them so they can operate from the premise that,
Yeah,
Social media is a beautiful place.
Yes,
I have a totally,
I can have lots of engagement on my social media,
Right?
You got to believe those things in order for them to be able to be true,
Right?
So it's like they come and I show them the evidence of how this is how it works for me and all of that.
And they just,
People feel empowered by that.
So like we all have different messages for people.
I plug into different coaches and mentors for parenting,
For relationships,
For health,
Fitness,
Business,
All sorts of different things.
And it doesn't matter that like there's no hierarchy there.
It's like we've all got,
I've got a lot of clients who like I'm their client and they're mine,
Right?
Like in different ways.
We've got parenting coaches who coach me and then I coach them in their businesses.
And it's so fun because it just feels like we're all just here to be messengers for each other on behalf of the universe or on behalf of whatever it is you believe in,
Right?
Mm hmm.
That's such a big shift that moving into the messenger status versus the marketer.
Because I I've had like actual jobs around marketing and I shifted back into my business and I didn't really have the language for it until actually I heard that from you.
And I think that was the final piece of the puzzle where it finally clicked.
Like it's not about how can you manipulate people into wanting what you have to sell.
It's like how can you show up in your full light,
Your full expression,
Sharing your heart openly,
Visibly,
Sometimes vulnerably and create that connection and build that trust so people want to work with you.
It's not about these sleazy tactics and this like how to do whatever strategy.
It's like be you overcome and work through whatever the blocks are to getting visible and to being confident,
Showing up and trust that you have a message,
You have something that the world needs and then get out there and share it from that space.
To me,
That feels so much better.
Yeah,
It feels easy,
Right?
It's,
It's,
It's not easy in that there's probably some beliefs that are going to have to be cleared out of the way and some ways of thinking that might need to be shifted in order to do it.
But it's more of an unlearning than like learning a new skill.
It's more of an unlearning of a whole bunch of stuff,
A whole bunch of layers of it's not safe to be seen and all that kind of thing.
But yeah,
It's very,
It's something very empowering about seeing someone just kind of operating fully in integrity,
Fully in their heart.
And I don't know,
It's,
It's just a really beautiful way of doing business.
And it has like required me to face a lot of the beliefs that have been handed down generation to generation,
That it needs to be hard work,
That you need to have some sort of someone else's framework or checklist or whatever blueprint that you need to follow in order to have success.
And like I teach,
Like I work with icons.
I work with people who want to be an icon and people who want to change their industry.
And that means doing like making moves that other people haven't made before,
Which when you're making a move in your business that no one's made before,
It feels crazy.
It feels like no one's doing this.
It's like,
Yeah,
Great.
Watch,
They all will be soon after they see you do it.
Right?
Like you get to be innovative.
We get to be inventive.
We get to be expansive.
Like we get to actually,
I'm here to like expand the coaching industry.
I want to bring more to put motivational intelligence on the map.
No one talks about motivational intelligence,
Right?
And so at first,
You know,
I used to talk about emotional intelligence.
I'm like,
Hang on,
No,
It's different to that.
It's not just about emotions.
This is about motivation.
This is about what motivates us,
What drives us and what holds us back.
And when you really understand that,
Particularly for women or feminine core beings,
So most women and some men,
When those are the people that you're working with,
Then understanding how they work.
So understanding their energetic patterns,
Understanding that on any given day,
Something different is motivating them.
We have different drivers as we move through our soul modes.
And I know that's something that you've been interested in.
And so I'm obviously happy to share on that.
But when you're talking to your audience,
Like a quarter of them are currently in wild mode,
A quarter of them are currently in bare mode,
A quarter of them are currently in super mode and a quarter of them are currently in sparkle mode.
And you're in one of those too.
So knowing that means that you can create content,
Send emails or whatever that are going to appeal to those different people in different energetic states,
Which is why I don't schedule my content,
Which is why I don't get into super mode,
Write 10 posts and then drop them out over 10 days because then they're only feeling my one part of me.
They're only feeling my super mode energy.
They're not feeling my bare mode energy or my wild mode energy.
So it's a whole thing.
And when you,
As you're talking about skeezy sales tactics and stuff,
Manipulating and stuff,
None of that is required when you understand what motivates people.
You just appeal to what motivates them.
You don't have to appeal to scarcity and FOMO and all of that sort of stuff.
Like I just,
I don't in my business and my business does very well.
And I'm able to just like talk to them in their power,
Not in their pain.
I don't poke at power pain points.
I told them in their power because I know that in wild mode when they're most in their power is when they're most likely to buy my stuff.
So that's easy.
Right.
Can we talk about the soul modes?
Can you break them down for us?
I know that we've got wild mode,
Bare mode,
Super mode and sparkle mode.
Can you tell us about them?
Yeah.
So I published a book last year,
My first book,
It's a number two Wall Street Journal bestseller,
And it basically presents a theory on the energy patterns of women.
So feminine core beings,
Basically I say women to use mainstream language so people understand what I'm talking about.
But ultimately there are some men who've reached out and said that they experienced this too.
But anyway,
We moved through four different energetic states.
People spend varying amounts of time in each.
I moved through mine really quickly now.
It's sped up over time.
Some people spend a couple of days in each of the modes,
But basically right now you're probably in,
Well,
You will be in either wild mode,
Bare mode,
Super mode or sparkle mode or you're transitioning between the two.
So wild mode is that energy where we are most in our next level version of ourselves.
We're most in our power.
But the thing is when we feel like that is stifled and we can't because of whatever,
Because of the environment or because of beliefs we've got or whatever,
We feel like we can't fully step into that.
We can get pretty grouchy.
It's like we lose all tolerance for the things in our life that aren't serving us,
That aren't in alignment with the next level version of ourselves.
So it's those times when suddenly you want to buy a whole new wardrobe of clothes.
You want to clean out half of the wardrobe that you've got.
You just cannot stand the color of your curtains anymore.
Things are just irritating you and you get big bold ideas like I'm going to start a podcast,
You know,
That sort of thing.
That's wild mode.
I love wild mode and the key to,
I believe,
Creating a successful creative business is letting her lead.
When you're in wild mode,
Letting her make the decisions.
But that feels really reckless for a lot of people because we've been operating with letting our super mode lead.
So I'll get to her in a second.
She's the masculine one because we live in a society that congratulates the masculine success measures.
So it's not surprising that everyone's operating from super mode,
But that's a whole other conversation.
But wild mode is really,
Really,
Really great except when you don't know what it is and you get really frustrated with what the hell is wrong with me.
Why am I biting everybody's head off?
So then we move into bare mode.
So have you ever decided like,
That's it,
I'm going to do something big.
I'm going to start a podcast or I'm going to,
I don't know,
Whatever you hit,
Set a big money goal or something like that.
And then it's followed by this huge dip in energy and a crisis of confidence.
Like,
Oh my God,
What was I thinking?
I can't start a podcast.
What will people think?
They'll laugh at me.
No one's going to listen.
Oh my God,
It's so hard.
It's so much hard work.
I'm tired and I'm busy,
You know?
Right?
Like we can get in this kind of spiral.
That's bare mode.
Bare mode is a really can be really,
Really,
Really amazing.
Like I talk about the modes as different genius frequencies.
Right?
I'm going to get,
I know cause your audience can handle it.
I'm going to go there.
So wild mode is where we are a visionary genius.
We can access our visionary genius.
We can see the big vision for ourselves.
In bare mode is where we can access our spiritual genius.
So it's when we're very good at meditating for anyone who finds meditating nearly impossible to do,
Try it in bare mode,
Man,
You'll blow your own mind.
Right?
It's when we are able to meditate,
Get really Zen,
Journaling.
My journaling is off the hook in bare mode.
It's like this mental detox takes place where this human stuff that we're holding onto,
This stale energy,
The shame around old embarrassing memories,
The negative thought patterns,
Limiting beliefs,
Et cetera.
It's like they all rise to the surface,
Like little bubbles.
Like they rise right up and it's like on the way out,
We've got to feel them,
Feel them on the way.
We've got to remember that horrible memory as we release the pain from it.
Right?
So it's like they all comes up in bare mode.
So if we don't know what bare mode is,
We're just sitting there going,
What's wrong with me?
Why am I thinking this way?
What happened to my positive mindset and my getting up at 5am and la la la.
What happened to all of that?
What happened to that girl?
I don't feel like her right now.
I don't feel like I'm in my power right now.
When you know what's happening,
It's just that you're accessing your spiritual genius.
Your higher self is going,
Guess what?
All this stuff's got to go.
We're going to dredge it up from the bottom and we're going to release it.
So it's the beautiful thing about knowing what bare mode is and taking beautiful care of yourself through that space.
Yeah.
Have you found that for you?
I have.
I've been just playing with them a little bit.
I'm very familiar with my bare mode.
I call myself like,
I consider myself an indoor cat.
I could stay at home and curl up in bed and that's kind of where I've really had to be intentional about knowing.
Ideally that's what I would like to do every day.
Some part of me would and it's like,
Okay,
Recognizing that,
Honoring that,
But then it's like,
But would that really feel that good?
So when I stumbled upon your work and your explanation of all this,
It's like,
Oh,
Maybe if I just really honor it when I am in bare mode and I need to just hibernate and be that indoor cat and just curl up in a ball and do my thing.
If I really honor that and allow it,
I move through it and I'm able to fill my cup and move on and then it's kind of out of my system.
Totally.
Exactly.
And you'll move through it so much more quickly.
So because I'm quite accustomed to working with my modes,
I cycle very fast.
I tend to go through all four in a day.
Like I'm tending at the moment to wake up in sparkle mode or snuggly and you know,
And then I move into super mode and I have a busy morning doing all the things and doing the admin and making the content and then I hit,
Hang on,
No,
It's the other way around.
It goes,
I'm going sparkle in the morning,
Then I'm going wild.
Wild.
So I'm doing all my creating and I'm getting all the things done and like making the big moves.
Then I'm going into bare in the afternoon.
And so in the afternoon,
Last couple of days I've had a nap,
I've put on a meditation and I've had a sleep and I've woken up fresh as a daisy,
Done some journaling and then I get super at night.
So at nighttime he's right,
I'm going to reconcile my accounts and I'm going to write some of my book and all that sort of stuff.
So I'm going through four in a day.
So I am actually getting to do that beautiful afternoon sunshine on my bed,
Snuggle up.
So it is really cool.
Cycling really fast is really cool and you'll probably find that the more you like track it and honor it,
As you said,
You'll shift more quickly and you might find you get that every day.
You get this beautiful,
Whether it's a sparkly morning or a sparkly afternoon,
You might wake up berry,
You know,
So for those people that are like,
Oh,
I'm not a morning person.
It's like,
Well,
Maybe you wake up in bare mode,
You know,
And it shifts.
It was a time when I was waking up in super a couple of months ago and I was getting up at 5.
30 AM and writing my book in the morning and then suddenly that wasn't feeling good anymore.
Like what's happened?
I realized I was waking up sparkly.
I didn't want to do that.
I wanted to like snuggle up with my lover.
So yeah,
It's a whole thing.
So after bare mode,
If we can do that work and we allow ourselves to have that beautiful mental detox,
Then every bare mode gets to be this incredible growth,
Right?
We're putting our personal growth on fast forward here.
So after bare mode comes super.
So after bare mode,
We hit super mode and that is when,
You know,
Suddenly you just want to write lists of all the things you want to do and you just want to have like structure routine,
Right?
And it's like,
I'm going to do this every day at nine o'clock,
Right?
That sort of thing.
Which of course we don't stick to because we're not always in super mode.
It's only in super mode that that feels good.
And then it's all like we sign up for a bunch of courses because we're like,
I need to learn new skills.
Super mode is great.
Like it wasn't for super mode things wouldn't get done.
We are in a more masculine energy.
So I find myself quite kind of resilient and tough and like the banter with my lover is quite different.
And yeah,
So super mode is really fun.
It's when we have access to our logical genius.
So if you need to figure out the backend of your website and you've been putting that stuff,
Get into it in super mode and it will feel easy,
Right?
You need to set up the backend of your podcast,
Do that super mode.
It's where,
Yeah,
We really have access to our logical genius.
And I think a lot of people think that they don't have logical genius in them.
Of course you do.
This is the cool thing about soul modes is that it opens us up to seeing all these different types of genius we have access to.
So after super mode comes sparkle mode.
Have you ever found that you're like so in your work and then suddenly just like,
Oh my God,
Like I get like,
Carly,
Shut the laptop and spend some time with your children.
My God,
You're so caught up in your work.
I get like,
I feel guilty about not like taking care of the people that I love when I've been in super mode because I'm so into it.
I'm like,
Oh God,
Carly,
You've been in your phone for hours.
So that's when I hit sparkle mode and sparkle mode is our vibrational genius.
So that is when we're able to really feel other people's energies.
So some people find this challenging,
Right?
It's when we can feel other people's energy.
So it's like when I want to be around my babies and I want to soak them up,
It's like I just want to soak up the beautiful aura around them and my beautiful lover.
And when he's like doing something super masculine,
He's like in the garage building something and was like,
Oh,
I love it.
I just want to be soaked up beautiful,
Masculine vibes.
So sexy.
And it's when you can also really like feel the vibration of the things that you want.
So anyone who's into law of attraction,
Manifestation kind of stuff,
You know how we can work with vibration,
Right?
We can feel the energy of the thing we want to call in next,
Whether it's money or it's like new clients or whatever.
We can kind of like energetically,
Magnetically call that in with the more effectively when we're in sparkle mode because we're vibrational genius.
We can change that.
We can walk into a room and change the energy of a room in sparkle mode because we can just like change the vibration in the room.
It's amazing.
I love sparkle mode so much.
And I think a lot of people resent sparkle mode because they're like,
Oh,
Where did my focus go?
Right.
Cause they're doing all the things cause we live in a world that says,
Write the list and do the things and tick them off and well done.
Pat on the back,
Go you kicking it,
Killing it at life.
Right.
And then we hit sparkle mode,
We lose all focus.
We forget that we even have a to do list and we just want to like connect with people.
And I'm a hardcore introvert,
Right?
It does not mean I want to go out and hang out with hundreds of people.
I don't,
I don't particularly enjoy that most of the time,
But if I am going to catch up with a girlfriend for a glass of wine in sparkle mode,
It is so much more nourishing to do that than in any other mode.
Cause I feel like we can connect and the conversation flows.
I feel like I get that little bit more extroverted in sparkle mode in other modes.
I'm just like,
Nah,
Man,
Leave me alone.
So can we talk about that?
We did go through each of them.
Yeah.
So how do you go about scheduling things then?
Like I love how you just put it that it's just more nourishing when you are in sparkle mode,
But like you run a really successful business for example,
And say you woke up today and you were in bare mode and we had this podcast episode scheduled,
Like how do you navigate that?
Well,
There's a big element of just trusting the universe that everything goes how it's supposed to go and everything happens for my good and in my favor,
Right?
There's a whole lot of trust there.
But if I was in bare mode,
I can still do like,
I can still do this.
Like this can still feel good for me.
I would likely be in like a hoodie.
I might not have some lip gloss on like I've got.
I would probably speak a little bit more slowly.
I'd have to think a little bit more about my words.
It would just be a different interview.
It would be fine.
I can handle it.
I would take really good care of myself around it.
Like I probably would have like given myself a sleep in beforehand.
It's just like doing the best that you can.
I use this example the other day.
If like you have to go to like your daughter's dance recital and you're in bare mode.
So the difference is that was me.
I would arrive right on time so I don't have to hang out in the foyer and make small talk.
I would wear very comfortable clothes rather than jeans and heels.
Like I might wear like a really soft dress and a soft cardigan or something like that.
So it feels really comfortable.
I would probably like hang around the edges rather than like riding amongst it and like woo.
I'd just be like hanging back a little bit.
And I would just take the best care of myself.
I would leave as soon as it's done and head straight home.
Like while also really respecting that that's my daughter's thing and I'm there for her.
So that's what I would do is it like it would be a different experience.
If I was in sparkle mode,
I'd be all dressed up.
I'd be there early.
I'd be like,
Hey everyone.
Oh my God,
Is that kids?
Look,
This is going to be so cute.
Like I would just be in a different vibe.
And this is the thing,
When you understand these modes,
When you see a friend and she's behaving differently to the last time you saw her,
You don't make it mean something.
You don't make it mean,
Oh,
Like she's just in bear mode.
It doesn't mean,
Oh,
Maybe she doesn't like me anymore.
Maybe she's depressed.
Maybe there's trouble in her marriage.
Like you can be like,
Hey,
You good?
Like how are you?
But it doesn't mean that we have to make it mean something like,
Oh,
You know,
Sometimes when I've seen a friend and I've been in wild mode and she's been in bear mode and I can tell that my energy is a lot for her in that moment.
So if I'm like,
Okay,
I can sense that I'm in wild.
This goes for coaching too.
Like if I've got a client in bear and I'm in wild or super,
I'm not just going to be like,
Right,
How are you going?
Check in.
What's been going on?
You've done all the things.
Why haven't you done the things?
Like,
I'm going to kick your butt.
Like,
No,
I'm not going to do that to someone who's in bear mode because it's not going to feel good.
I'm going to work with them with their energy.
I'm going to meet them where they're at because that's what a great coach can do,
Right?
We leave,
Kind of leave our own stuff and we're like,
This is your space.
I'm here to hold space for you.
So it shows up a lot in different areas of life.
It's like comparison goes away when you're at the school gate and you're in like schlubby kind of clothes and you see the other mom with all her makeup done,
She's in active wear.
You don't have to get all comparisony about it because it's like,
Oh,
She's in super mode today.
I'm not,
That's fine.
You know?
Yeah.
It's such a sense of almost permission maybe that may not be the right word I'm looking for,
But a sense of acceptance.
That it's all okay.
And it's all normal.
And we all cycle through these different modes.
And it,
Like my example with bare mode,
Like if you honor it,
You give yourself what you need.
It's that same concept with,
You know,
Honoring exactly where you're at,
Knowing that,
You know,
There's a gift in this,
It's going to shift.
You're going to be in a new mode,
You know,
At some point.
Yeah.
And you're just rolling with it.
Totally.
It's like this too shall pass.
Like in every moment it's like,
I'm not going to feel like this all the time.
How I feel right now is not how I'm always going to feel.
And that goes for the good and the bad,
Right?
If you're having a really deep bare mode and it's very challenging,
There's a lot of dark stuff coming up,
Right?
That was me the other day.
I had this really,
Really,
Really deep bare mode.
And it was really good to remind myself if it's not just like,
This is me now,
This is how I am,
I'm broken.
Let's,
No,
I'm in bare mode and this will pass.
And it's the same for like,
If I'm in an awesome super mode and I'm getting everything done and I feel on top of the world,
I'm like,
Yes,
It's so good.
And like I was in super mode yesterday,
Last night,
And I went for a walk and I hit a big milestone and I had a payment come through.
It made me hit a big milestone in my business,
New level,
Right?
I was literally dancing and punching the air as I was walking down the street like,
Yes,
Oh my God,
Like celebrating,
Not caring at all what anybody thought of me because I'm like in my super mode energy.
I'm like,
Whatever,
Like zero F's.
I don't care what anybody thinks.
And I wouldn't be like that all the time.
So I was able to walk down the street and I'm thinking like,
Oh my God,
This is who I am now.
Carly,
What are you doing?
I was able to go,
No,
This is just how I feel right now and I'm going to roll with it.
You know?
That's very good.
Yeah.
I love that.
Just roll with that.
Hey guys,
Chelsea here.
One of the things that comes up almost every episode is this concept of creating your net rather than sitting back and just hoping it appears.
Education requires action.
That's why I'm super excited to announce my new one-on-one program,
Create Your Net Coaching.
If you want me in your corner as you create your net,
Let's talk.
Go to Chelseabenzel.
Com slash create your net to learn more.
Can we talk about how this idea came to you?
And like,
Is it,
No one's talking about this.
I want to hear how it came to me.
People are starting to talk about it now,
But I had to get the book out first,
Right?
Yeah.
That was the biggest thing for me was I spent a lot of time on the internet Googling going,
What is this thing that I'm experiencing?
Because it's very clear what's happening to me and I'm seeing it happen in other people.
And there are bloggers that,
You know,
Will do Insta stories all day long and I would follow them and I would see,
I would say she's in bare mode.
Okay.
Now she's in super.
Yep.
She's in sparkle.
So I would like follow.
I suppose research,
I guess studying these high achieving women,
All different high achieving women.
I would follow them online,
Particularly the ones that would show up online a lot in real time because I could watch them move through the modes.
And I got to know a friend.
If you've seen the soul moves movie,
She's in it.
Lauren crash is a scientist.
And I reached out to her and I said,
This is kind of what I'm doing here.
And you know,
She gave me some guidance on,
On how to basically do research.
I call myself a mad scientist.
I'm not an actual scientist.
I'm a renegade researcher,
Right?
I do research in my own,
I guess interesting ways,
But I checked in with her,
Which was really cool.
We caught up for cocktails and I'm like,
Okay,
Am I doing this right?
And it was really great conversation.
I'm like,
She's like,
Yeah,
You can,
You know,
You can get your information however you want to get your information.
So what I ended up doing was getting a whole bunch of women together in a Facebook group over the course of nine months.
And I taught them what I'd found about the modes and how I was using this information in my life.
And then I would sort of interview them and ask them questions and I would sort of use it to kind of coach them through different things in their life.
They're like,
Okay,
I think this might be super mode.
What if you try this and that sort of thing.
And then I collected their stories and the book is full of their stories.
It's,
That's the stories that are in the book is their stories.
And some of them are saying things to me like,
I was ready to leave my husband at the start of this and we are now better than ever.
This has changed everything.
People going,
My business is going bananas.
I love myself.
I would say that I truly did not love myself at the start of this.
And now I'm like in love with myself.
People telling me these stories,
I'm just like,
Oh my God,
I have to get this book out into the world.
But originally how I first found it was my life fell to pieces,
Right?
Like I was married,
That my marriage ended suddenly.
I was devastated and I was broken in bits on the floor of my mom's house with an 18 month old little girl going,
I need to be okay.
I need to put myself back together again.
I need to figure out how to operate in this world now when the life I've been building for myself for years has just been taken out from underneath me.
So I just said about basically radical self care mission was what I went on.
I'm like,
I talked to counselors,
Psychologists,
Holistic healers,
Reiki healers,
All these different people.
Every single one of them said,
You have to write down your feelings.
You have to write down your feelings.
And so I started writing down my feelings every day and I would write down what do I need today in order to feel okay.
And then I would,
Without question,
Unapologetically give it to myself,
Whatever it was,
Whether it was,
I need to buy a new dress or I need to clean out my drawers or I need to see a friend or I need to be alone or whatever it was,
I would do the thing.
And what I noticed was a pattern.
It was just a really,
Really clear pattern.
There was like,
There were four different versions of me.
There was the one who wanted to be left alone.
There was the one who wanted to be with people.
There was the one who was high vibe,
The one who was low vibe,
The one who like all the things,
The one who worried about money,
The one who spent all the money.
There was these different versions of me and I started to give them nicknames.
And at first when I started to research,
I'm like,
This has to be a thing because I'm seeing this in other people too now.
Like as I started to feel better and started to be out there in the world,
Started to bring my business back together again.
And I was coaching people,
I was career coaching and I was writing resumes and I was seeing it in other people.
I'm like,
This is a thing.
And I researched my butt off.
I'm like,
There's no way I'm the only person who knows about this.
But turns out that appears still to be the case.
So I went,
I need to tell the world about this.
So that's when I started talking about it.
At first I thought it was the four phases of the menstrual cycle.
I found that and I'm like,
Oh,
It could be that.
My cycle was all over the place.
So I'm like,
Oh,
Maybe it's that.
But at first it sort of seemed like it lined up with the four phases menstrual cycle.
But I'm like,
No,
Because the more I'm like feeling,
It's like I've got four different cups to fill,
Right?
People like,
You've got to fill your cup,
Carly.
You got to keep filling that cup,
Right?
I'm like,
I've got four of them.
I've got four different cups and they go in order.
You guys like,
I know I sound like a crazy person,
But there are four different personalities I've got and I see them in you too.
So like I was,
I was the fricking mad scientist.
Like I was like off my rocker as far as people could see.
So I'm like,
It's not that Carly,
You've got to tell the world.
So I started,
I saw this psychic,
Beautiful friend of mine who's psychic and she said,
Carly,
You are onto something.
You have a whole team of guides behind you and they have got you and you are going to write a book and it is going to be a bestseller.
And I walked out of that room and I went downstairs and I got on the internet and I googled book coach.
I'm like,
I don't know how to write a book.
I was blogging and I was resume writing and you had a right,
But I didn't know how to write a book that afternoon.
I had a book coach within three months.
I wrote the book.
Here we are.
Oh my goodness.
And you wrote something on your form before the,
This episode about pouring every cent into publishing this book.
Like just making that like,
Okay,
I got to write a book and doing whatever it took to make it happen.
Yeah.
Because I knew that it needed to get out there.
I knew it needed to get in people's hands.
There was no point writing a book if only my little following of 2000 people on Facebook were going to read it.
I needed to get it out there bigger than that.
So I had a payout from my marriage.
I had a little,
Little pile,
Like little,
Not enough for deposit on a house,
Maybe enough to buy a car,
Right?
Like a little nest egg.
And I'm like,
I need to,
As I hired this book coach,
I took a chunk out of it to hire this book coach.
And she said,
As I was writing the book,
She said,
Carly,
This book is going to change the world.
Like she would read what I'd written and she would just cry.
She'd be like,
This is changing my life.
This is going to change people's lives.
And she said,
I have never,
I don't suggest this to many of my clients.
I think maybe she'd suggest it to one person before me.
But she said,
I'm going to suggest maybe that you work with this guy that I know of that only takes on people with awesome books that are going to be a big deal.
And he helps them like really get it out there into the world.
And he helps them,
You know,
Get it to the US market.
He's in the US,
I'm in Australia and he specializes in people getting out to the US market.
Cause I'm like,
I have no idea.
I have no idea how to reach people in the US.
So I reached out to him and he's like,
I love it.
And I was talking to him about the book and he goes,
You are explaining why every relationship I've ever had has failed.
He's like,
This is women.
I'm like,
Yes,
I know.
And he's like,
Okay,
Let's do this.
And he told me how much to work with him.
And it was pretty much what I had left of my little nest egg.
I talked to my partner about it and I'm like,
I think I have to do this.
And I went to my psychic friend again and she said,
They're telling you it'll come back.
And I was like,
I hadn't told her,
I was thinking of investing this,
But she's like,
They're telling me you'll have a big launch after the book and it'll come back.
And I'm like,
Goosebumps.
So I signed up,
Yeah,
I worked with this guy.
He helped me,
You know,
Pick a cover that was going to work and a tagline that was going to work and,
You know,
Help me work with people there to get it proofread and everything in a way that was going to make sense to a US audience.
Lo and behold,
He calls me,
He's like,
Carly,
You are number two on the Wall Street Journal bestseller list.
I want to cry now talking about it because at the time I was like,
Are you,
Is this a joke?
Like,
Are you kidding me?
He'd never gotten anyone to that high,
Like on a list before and on the Wall Street Journal list.
Like he'd gotten people in the USA Today list and things like that,
Which is a much bigger list.
Wall Street Journal is 10 books.
Wow.
I think maybe it's 20.
I can't remember,
It's much,
Much smaller list.
And I'm up there with like Out and John and I'm just like,
Oh my gosh,
I cannot believe it.
And here we go.
Here we are now.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh my goodness.
Talk about inspired guidance,
Inspired action and just going for it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then,
I mean,
We don't need to talk numbers if you don't want to,
But I've been following your business success and it's quite clear to me you've made that back.
Oh,
A hundred percent.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I've made it back every month.
Yeah.
I'm,
I,
Every month since February this year has been the best month yet in my business.
So it's created exceptional growth in my business for sure.
And this month I think I'll have my first six figure month.
It's looking like.
Wow.
Congratulations on that.
I mean,
It's such a funny thing in the coaching world because people are talking about their results so we see it,
It's very public.
And like going back to what we talked about earlier with hierarchies and whatnot,
That seems to be the thing,
Oh,
She had a X number of whatever,
A five figure launch or a six figure year or month or whatever it is.
And it's like,
Oh,
She must be really killing it.
I mean,
There's obviously something to that.
Like I see that and it's like,
Well,
Hearing what you just said,
Like you're clearly tapped into an energy,
A frequency to be a match to that.
And I want to absorb that.
I want to be in your energy because of that.
But it's even still,
I have to be cautious to like catch myself when I hear numbers like that,
I hear results and success like that.
And it's like,
Oh,
She's made it.
She's doing it.
And almost with that comes that element of I'm not there.
I'm probably never going to get there.
Blah,
Blah,
Blah,
All lies.
Yeah.
I think it's important to remember sometimes because I totally get it.
And there are people who are at places where I strive to be.
There's always this gap between where you are and where you want to be.
I don't think that's going anywhere if you're here to grow.
But I think like people look at me and they're like,
How did you do it?
And I'm like,
I didn't start yesterday.
I am not an overnight success.
Like it might look that way because it's like,
Oh,
I just discovered you now and look what you're doing.
And I was like,
Yeah,
But have a look at my videos from seven years ago.
I showed a video on my page the other day from literally seven years ago when I first had my daughter was just little and I was just doing this little,
I was learning how to make courses.
So I did this little play one just to see and I made this video and I was so nervous.
I looked back at that girl and I'm like,
Oh my God,
She's adorable.
Because the growth,
The growth that I've gone through,
I'm seven years into having a business and I'm three years into being serious about my business.
So it did not happen overnight.
And I get how frustrating it is when you first start out and it feels like nobody's listening.
I remember when I had like 12 people reading my blog and like three of them were my aunties,
You know,
And now there's,
I don't know,
I still only have about 3000 followers,
Right?
Like I don't have an enormous following,
But what I do have is a following of people who are really interested in my stuff because I haven't just focused on numbers and growth.
It's been more this kind of natural result of continually showing up and sharing what's on my heart.
And even if it feels like nobody's listening,
I still sometimes have like a post that doesn't really get much interaction or whatever,
But I've never gotten too caught up in that.
I've never gotten too caught up in like the super masculine success measures.
Like how many people are following you and all of that.
It's lovely when new people come in,
But it's like,
How can I serve the audience that I've got?
How can I get in front of more people who I can help?
And letting that fuel you is,
I've really found that the success measures,
So to speak,
Are a natural result of doing that.
And I find that when I focus too much on the success measures,
I get panicky and it doesn't feel good.
Like anything that doesn't feel good for me,
My business has got to change.
Like I can't like,
That's a red flag for me.
What feels good is guidance.
It's like,
Yes,
Keep going in that direction.
What feels bad is feedback.
It's like,
No shift change.
What's going on here.
This does not feel good.
It's like,
I feel like that's how the universe communicates with me.
It makes me want stuff.
It makes things feel good for me to do.
And it makes me feel uncomfortable and gets me to move so that I can become who I'm here to become.
It's like having the desires to live on the waterfront or have a boat or drive a Range Rover or whatever.
I feel like those desires,
I don't get shamey about them because it's like,
I feel like that's the universe going,
Okay,
Carly,
I'm going to make you want these things so that you move.
Because I remember sitting there and going,
I want to live on the beachfront.
I have this desire.
I can feel it in my body.
I'm willing to accept that I'm deserving of it.
At the time I didn't have any money,
Right?
Not much.
I have my little nest egg,
Right?
Now I have my little business.
I was earning a little bit of money,
But I didn't have like cascades of money coming in.
I'm sitting there going,
I want to live on the waterfront.
I want to sit in my kitchen and look out at water.
And I just had this knowing as I accepted that desire into my body,
As I felt it like come into my bones,
Be like,
Yes,
I'm willing to accept that is,
That is what is meant for me.
I'm willing to decide I'm allowed to have it.
I'm capable of creating it and I'm worthy of it.
And when soon as I did that,
The idea,
Like literally I said the words out aloud,
Well then I'd better write a bestseller.
And so I had that flailing around in my mind.
Then I go to this psychic.
She's like,
Carly,
You're going to write a book.
And I'm like,
Oh God,
Okay.
You make very clear universe.
You make it very hard to ignore you.
There we go.
And I didn't even know it was possible to work with someone who helped people,
You know,
Get bestsellers or whatever and helped you get in front of more people than you could do yourself and all that sort of thing.
So it was quite remarkable how it all worked,
How I knew before I really knew that it was possible.
Like you get this sense that something is meant for you without any evidence that it's possible for you to have it.
But it's amazing what the universe is capable of doing.
Yeah.
And sometimes I think that starts as an inkling,
An idea,
A feeling,
And maybe we can't even put words to it or articulate what it's going to be or how it's going to come to be.
But if we follow that guidance,
We follow that nudge and we take whatever actions,
Whatever leaps might be required of us to step in that direction.
And I think that's how it all unfolds.
Yeah,
Definitely.
Totally.
It's like,
There's a lot of trust.
Like there's a lot of trust in the universe and going,
I wouldn't want it if I couldn't have it.
I deserve it because I desire it.
Like it's like,
If you want something,
It means the universe wants you to have it.
So that's guidance to me.
My dreams,
Like the things I'm dreaming of,
They're premonitions.
Like it's not just,
Oh,
I'm dreaming of that.
And wouldn't that be nice?
And maybe one day it's like,
No,
That's the universe telling me what is meant for me.
I have not yet had a desire that I've fully embodied and accepted that I haven't then been given guidance on how to create,
On how to bring into my life.
I really do believe that's kind of the key is like going,
Okay,
Universe,
I'm willing.
Guide me,
Lead me,
Let's go.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And that's again,
Like that's your belief system and that's what allows it to be true for you.
Totally.
Yeah.
Beliefs aren't about what's true.
It's like you can find evidence of anything.
It's like,
What are you going to choose to be your truth?
Like it's not about like everyone's looking for evidence before they'll believe it's true.
But the thing is,
Right,
You can find evidence that we never landed on the moon.
You can find evidence that we did.
You can find evidence that pineapples are really bad for you and evidence that pineapples are really good for you.
You know what I mean?
Like you'll find evidence of literally anything.
So what do you want to be your truth and then seek the evidence of that,
Create the evidence of that.
And in order to create the evidence,
You've got to operate on the premise that it's true.
So I started operating on the premise that the universe has my back,
Quote Gabby Bernstein,
The universe has my back.
I'm like,
I'm going to be okay.
Everything is always going to work out in my favor and start operating on that premise and behaved accordingly,
Which helped me to make brave decisions.
And then the evidence of that being true started to show up in my life,
Which enabled me to kind of start to make it a core belief.
So now I walk around with these core beliefs of everything's going to be okay.
I wouldn't want it if I couldn't have it.
My desires are guidance.
What doesn't feel good is feedback.
I don't have to sit around going,
Oh shit happens.
That's life.
Deal with it.
Not everyone gets to have everything they want.
I'm sitting here going,
Nope,
That's not my beliefs.
I'm not choosing that because that's not what I want to be my truth.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And that's exactly it.
It's like feeling into something.
If you're buying into a belief that doesn't feel good,
You have the power to choose a different belief.
Absolutely.
Always.
Yeah.
Because you choose a different belief,
You're choosing a different truth.
You're choosing a different experience.
Like literally what we believe to be true is the computer programs that create the outcomes in our life.
It's quite amazing how it works.
Yeah.
Oh,
I love that.
I wouldn't want it if I couldn't have it.
That's it.
You know,
Your desires are there to guide you.
It's all about choosing to create the life that you want and that you see.
I love that too.
How did you say it?
That what you see,
Your dreams are premonitions.
Yeah.
My desires are premonitions because it's easy to think,
Oh,
Well then everyone would have it.
If it was easy,
Then everyone would have it.
Well,
Not everyone wants what you want.
Like my mom doesn't want this kind of life that I have.
She's a receptionist.
She loves her little house and her little car and she's so happy in her life.
She doesn't strive or have ambition for anything other than that.
What makes her happy is a cup of tea and time with her grandkids and time with their family.
People have different desires.
I desire to live by the water and drive her and drove her and have a boat.
I don't need to feel shame about that just because other people that I love and care about don't strive for those things and they might not understand why I want those things.
I just really value adventure and I want to be able to go on adventures in our boat and whatever.
I want to go and find dolphins and that just feels really good for me.
I desire it.
So it's like we don't need to compare our desires with other people.
We don't need to feel shame about what we desire.
It doesn't make us,
If you want a Chanel handbag,
It doesn't make you a bad person or materialistic or anything.
It's like,
Let that guide you.
If you're like,
Yeah,
I'm allowed to have a Chanel handbag.
I'm willing to believe that that's in my future.
Then what do you feel guided to do next?
Because that's the kind of investment that's going to require you to call in some kind of abundance.
So what do you feel from that place?
What does the universe tell you to do?
Do you suddenly get the idea to run some kind of program or sometimes it's something that feels bizarre.
Like sometimes it'll be a course idea or a coaching offering.
But I remember when I was cut your hair,
I'm like,
Really universe?
You want me to cut my hair?
And all I could see was me in my next level life,
In my next little house with shorter hair.
I had long hair was part of my brand.
I was like the nerdy mermaid.
I had this long blonde flowing hair and I kept seeing myself with shorter hair and I'm like,
Really universe?
I don't know man.
Like that's whoa.
Okay.
People aren't going to like that.
Like my hair is really a part of my brand,
But that feels scary.
But okay.
All I could see it was Carly,
You'll be in the next,
Cause we were looking for this house and it'd be like,
Carly,
I could just sense you get the house when you cut your hair.
I cut my hair.
We found the house,
I don't know,
Three days later.
It was crazy.
And we'd be looking for a year and a half for the perfect beachfront house,
Waterfront house.
And I was like,
That's so good.
And another layer to that too is so sometimes the things feel crazy and out there and why would I do that?
An example for me is I had this guidance.
I'd been trying to give up coffee and I got very clear guidance to go to my favorite cafe.
And I was like,
What?
I'm not like,
Don't you have my back?
Don't you want me to give up the coffee?
But I went to the cafe and I ran into someone that I'd been meaning to connect with for weeks.
And we had this really beautiful conversation and that sparked another chain of events.
And it's just like trusting without judgment,
Without process,
The guidance that you're given and just going for it.
You don't need to know why or how or what the details of it are.
It's just take that next step.
Yes.
And it's not easy to do because we're not raised that way.
We're raised to ask someone bigger and wiser and older than us for permission and for guidance.
And don't,
You know,
Don't just do what you want to do.
No,
You've got to think it through and it's got to be logical and it's got to make sense.
And all of that,
You really thought that through.
Well done.
Like some things,
No,
You've just got to leap.
You've just got to,
It's like,
We've got to unlearn a lot of that stuff.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Undoing all of that conditioning and programming and yeah.
Stepping into giving yourself that permission to do the things that you want to do that feel like a yes,
That are guiding you,
That are pulling you forward into that next level you.
Absolutely.
Oh,
This has been so good,
Carly.
I've had so much fun talking to you.
Like truly an honor having you on the podcast and just sharing your wisdom.
And you clearly are the messenger for everything that you're here to share about soul mode specifically,
But then everything,
Every drop of wisdom that you share.
And you're such an example of someone who stepped into that,
Who stepped up,
Said yes to that guidance and the ripple effect.
You may never know.
You will,
There's no way to fully know the impact that any of us have,
But I can tell you,
I see it from my perspective and I see the amazing things that you're doing.
And yeah,
I just want to thank you for doing that and sharing that in the world,
But also being a source of inspiration for other people who are a few steps behind you and could use that inspiration to take their own leap.
Thank you so much.
I love that.
That's all we can do,
Right?
It's like,
Just be that.
I love the idea that my life gets to be a vision board for someone else.
It gets to be a living,
Breathing vision board and we all get to be that for other people.
Our life gets to be art and it gets to be inspiring.
And it's not all about like,
You know,
Crafting the perfect message.
It's like you create a life that inspires people and live that life and share that openly.
That's very powerful work.
Sharing it openly,
I think is the key to,
You know,
I think what both you and I do and like inspiring people to step up,
To get visible,
To put themselves out there.
It's like,
It's,
If you're called to do that,
There's a reason for it and it's safe.
You know,
You can unlearn the beliefs that tell you that you can't,
You shouldn't or whatever.
But if you have that call,
You know,
Listen to it and honor it and trust that it's safe and it's meant for you.
So good.
Thank you again,
Carly.
And thank you to everyone listening.
Yeah,
I trust that you've gotten as much from this as I have as being part of this conversation.
It's just truly my pleasure to share this inspiration and to share these stories.
So thank you for being here and we'll catch you on the next episode.
Thanks so much for listening.
If you enjoyed this episode,
Please subscribe to the podcast.
We'll be releasing a new episode each week,
So I'll catch you again on the next one.
