Hey,
Insight Timers.
This is Chapter 5 of Body,
Love and Beyond.
It's called Responsibility.
Now that we've covered the crucial concept of forgiveness,
I'm going to tell you there's a bit of a plot twist on that one.
But first,
Let's chat responsibility.
I know most humans are allergic to responsibility,
But trust me,
When you take the case that you are responsible for your thoughts,
Feelings,
Emotions,
Reactions,
And the quality of your life,
It gives you way more power.
Yes,
Life throws us curveballs.
Life throws us disrespectful people.
Life throws us beauty standards.
Life throws us circumstances.
Life throws us a lot.
And we are responsible for how we react to it and engage with it.
Now,
Before we go any further,
I want to make something clear.
Responsibility is not to be collapsed with blame.
It's not your fault that life happened and inappropriate,
Unkind things were said or done to you.
None of it is your fault.
In fact,
Nothing is about fault at all.
When I talk about being responsible,
I simply mean it's a place to stand that gives you a new perspective on a situation and new openings for action or inaction,
Depending on what's appropriate.
So if you take the case that you are responsible for how you engage with and receive the things that have happened to you,
That gives you more power.
Allow me to explain.
Let's backtrack a little bit.
Remember how I said that anything anyone does or says to us isn't really all that personal at all?
If they say something quote unquote mean to us,
They are either projecting their own pain and or acting in reaction to their own occurring world.
And their commentary on their occurring world actually has no relationship to the capital T truth.
It's just their commentary on their occurring world,
A set of stories they made up based on their past experiences.
Once we are aware that people's behavior is simply a reaction to their occurring world and doesn't really mean anything about capital R reality at all,
That gives us a whole lot of power.
Why?
Well,
If their behavior or words have nothing to do with you and I really,
Then,
Well,
We actually don't need to get upset or feel anything in relation to their behavior.
In this context,
I'm speaking about words only.
Of course,
If someone is going to physically attack you,
You should react appropriately.
Once we can accept that another's behavior is void of real meaning or truth,
They aren't the delivery people of capital T truth,
Then we can take responsibility for the fact that no one has the power to make us feel anything unless we let them.
This would make us responsible for the way we think,
Feel and react to our environment.
And if we are responsible for the way we feel,
Well,
There's a plot twist to the forgiveness conversation.
Take the case that people are just being people and beyond forgiveness,
There is nothing to forgive.
What?
I know.
Hear me out.
You see,
Human beings make meaning out of everything.
I mean everything.
And wait for it.
The only capital T truth there is,
Is that there is no inherent meaning to anything.
Yep,
I said it.
This life you live,
Well,
There's no inherent meaning to any of it.
So what do I mean by that?
I hope you get my joke.
What I mean is that humans create meaning where there is none.
You live inside of narratives and stories you created.
Then you're so attached to the meaning of these stories,
You actually live like they are true.
And they're not.
In other words,
That person you grew up with said you're ugly.
And you might have made it mean that you are in fact ugly.
Again,
Just because someone says or thinks something doesn't make it capital T true.
Really.
First of all,
What do they know anyway?
Second,
What does ugly mean?
Humans made that up too.
What does beautiful mean?
Also made up.
None of it means anything.
We made it all up.
Things just are as they are.
And the rest is just a story.
If humans could get related to the is-ness of all that is,
Well,
Humans would have way fewer problems.
But I digress.
The point is,
Someone said something to you.
And you made it mean something.
The question is,
What did you make it mean?
Now that you have the tools to intervene on your meaning making and catch the narrative you are creating,
You'll have a lot more power in knowing that what this person said to you is in fact meaningless.
When you take the case that people's words are meaningless,
As in they have no connection to the capital T truth,
Then you are captain of the upset you choose to respond with.
If someone's words aren't the truth,
Then there's really nothing to forgive,
Right?
They were just saying things and you either chose to receive their words as truth or recognize them for the meaningless slew of sounds they really are.
Now that you have access to the meaninglessness of it all,
You have the power to choose how you feel about yourself and the narratives you live into.
Don't give others the power to decide how you feel about yourself based on what they said.
You get to choose what is true for you.
We are responsible for the narratives we create for ourselves and our lives.
No one is coming to save us.
It's on us to create narratives that empower us.
Doesn't having that power just feel better?
There are of course nuances to the responsibility conversation.
Just because someone's words are meaningless doesn't mean they don't have power.
Words definitely have power.
Language is the medium we use to create reality around us.
It's just that we don't need to take on anyone's opinions as being related to the truth.
When we can get responsible for our truth versus someone else's truth,
That's our access to freedom and power.
We don't need to feel trapped by the meaning of someone else's words,
Especially if those words don't serve us.
Also,
If we know someone intends to continually disrespect us with their words,
We of course should try and distance ourselves from that person.
We don't need to continually subject ourselves to people who show no interest in being kind to us,
Nor should we spend time with people who do not want to honor us.
It's just that we don't have to give our power away by relating to anyone's nasty words as the capital T truth.
