Just Being

As thinking animals, much of our experience of life is conceptual. The great Indian teacher Ramana Maharshi’s life message was that of immersion in simply being, deeper and more precious than any of the conceptual romps of the mind. This experience is known to us but often drowned out by obsessive thinking. Yet even remembering the phrase, "just being", might take us home.

Transcript

Welcome to In the Deep.

I'm your host,

Katherine Ingram.

The following was excerpted from a Zoom session of Dharma Dialogues,

Broadcast from Australia on September 20th,

2020.

It's called Just Being.

Last night,

We sat again with the mountain in India.

Our dear friend Noah is there.

For those of you who are on the call for the first time,

Noah is in India for just a little longer.

He's at Tiruvallam Nai,

Where the mountain Arunachala is and where Ramana Maharshi spent his days and died there.

It's a place that is considered,

It is revered by people who love the most essential Dharma,

That is the gratitude in simply being and in being immersed in that simplicity.

We are really conceptual creatures,

These humans that we are.

We're thinking animals.

We just think,

Think,

Think.

A lot of the focus of the thinking is I like and I don't like.

A lot of the fixation,

That's the subtext of all the thinking,

Pretty much.

There's some categories of insight and inspiration and love and creativity,

But a lot of the thinking is all this tempest in a teacup,

As Shakespeare so aptly put it.

The message that Ramana Maharshi extended to us is about living just in this quietness of heart.

It doesn't mean that you don't engage or that you don't speak or that you don't sing or laugh or show up,

But that you reserve some portion of your attention to be immersed in what he called the self,

The self that is just being.

We all know those moments because we treasure them when we have them.

We treasure them when we experience those.

But somehow we forget to choose them.

We forget to choose them.

We go along on the conditioned mental programming that's being battered about.

I like that.

I don't like that.

I want that.

Let's get to that or some big story of remorse and regret and future tripping.

Also fears about the future or fantasies.

But we're living in the treasure.

We're living in the treasure all the time and we overlook it.

So the message,

This is our last day that we get to sit with the mountain because snow is going to be going back to New York soon.

The message is to really be as often as you can.

You don't have to be there every minute of the day to have a very reformed experience of life as often as you can to be immersed in this simplicity of being just here,

Just this,

Just hearing these words,

Just tasting your tea,

Just looking at the sky.

Simple,

Simple,

Simple.

You're already living as the treasure.

The treasure isn't hidden from you.

So that said,

I think here's Noah.

I love hearing the roosters crowing there in India,

Noah.

Definitely takes me down the corridors of memory to many,

Many mornings,

Many,

Many dawns in India.

Thank you.

I know that a few people on this call are on the West Coast and also a few people,

A couple of people are in Australia and we have all experienced fires,

Big fires.

And even a few people on the East Coast have experienced the threats of hurricanes and some flooding and so on.

We are experiencing more climate catastrophes and they're coming more frequently.

And naturally people feel frightened in the presence of those kinds of threats.

When you're actually in a room in which it's so smoky that it's hurting to breathe,

There's nothing else you can kind of think about when every breath is telling you that this is dangerous.

So naturally fear arises.

We're human animals.

It's very much conditioned and programmed in and it's there for a good reason actually,

Because often that prompts you to try to get out of danger.

Now,

In the case of the entire region being filled with smoke and there being really nowhere to go,

The way that you have to then try to get out of danger is to be in a situation in a room where the air is more pure.

And of course,

A lot of people have air filters and all of that.

But there are circumstances that we find ourselves in that we don't have other options and therefore fear arises.

Now,

Managing fear is a whole,

It's a real study and there's lots of things written and spoken about that.

And I'm not going to spend a lot of time on that idea except to acknowledge that of course fear arises.

It arises for very good reasons.

It arises because there's a threat.

What's important,

I think,

Is to not keep triggering the fear when the situation has abated.

In other words,

When you've finally gotten into clean air or when the rains come and clean the sky.

It's important for us to live our lives not in fear,

Despite the fact that things are getting more,

Becoming more troubling.

It's true,

They are.

But we have to keep living in the immersion of being and in gratitude for that.

We all faced death,

No matter what.

We all have an end date.

And sometimes in these kinds of circumstances,

It reminds us of course,

In a much more powerful and clear way.

But it's not as if once that threat passes,

We're off the hook.

We're not.

So it's really important to not miss your precious life,

The moments of your precious life.

I spoke about this quite a bit last night.

Not use up those moments,

Worried about something that's going to maybe happen.

Be immersed.

And not demand of yourself some kind of way that you're not allowed to feel fear,

Not to have any sort of spiritual pretensions.

Sometimes you feel fear,

Of course you do.

We all do.

It's encoded.

The question is,

Do you need to be feeling fear when the threat is not imminent?

Right?

Do you need to just be imagining things?

No,

You don't.

Now,

Obviously,

If something is coming and you see you could do something and take some precautions or,

You know,

Mitigate the circumstance,

Yes,

If there's something you can do,

By all means,

Do it.

But to spend any moments just paralyzed with dread,

Anxiety,

Depression,

When you still have your good days,

That's a waste.

There's nothing morally wrong with it,

But it's just,

It's a shame.

There's a possibility of coming to terms with the truth of impermanence,

Such that it leaves you in a great freedom.

Like when you really get it,

You're pretty home free.

And I've heard this from so many people who were in hospice or were terminally ill in various ways and then died.

I've heard it.

I'm very convinced because I've heard it so many times and I feel it to some degree myself.

I feel a kind of strange new freedom.

It's not like what I thought.

It's not the sort of imaginings that I had as a younger person about what a spiritual freedom might be.

It's different than that.

It's more like I've been cut loose,

Untethered from the bonds of my future projects and the future pictures and any kind of presentation.

It's that kind of freedom.

Thank you,

Catherine.

I guess living in the treasure of time,

These calls for me are an opportunity just to stop and to be in that space.

I really appreciate that.

Hence my eagerness to be on both calls.

It's kind of really worth it to me.

It just absolutely makes sense to me.

The earlier call is at 10am our time.

That's an easy one.

This one is at 1am.

It feels really great to be able to join both calls.

They're different.

They feel different.

The first one is more the European crowd with a couple of exceptions.

Then this one is more the American crowd with a couple of exceptions.

I think for me,

This is just the perfect example of living in the treasure of time.

During these months,

Which are very challenging,

My position is that I work full time and I'm working harder than I've ever had to work.

Getting the balance is a real challenge at the moment.

Just getting the balance in my day is a big challenge in terms of shutting off from work and tuning into the more quiet space within myself really to resource myself.

That is quite a challenge.

In recent weeks,

It's become more challenging.

As we deepen into this COVID experience here,

We've just gone into in Dublin here in Ireland,

We've just gone into what's called Level 3.

It's not complete lockdown,

But it's more restrictions than any other part of the country.

That just kicked in last night.

There's something just about the restrictions that are imposed from outside.

I know that's very different.

I can't imagine living in a space or living in a place where the air is so thick with smoke and all of that.

We were hearing a bit about that on the other call.

I can't imagine it.

I think it must be horrendous.

I suppose that poses a restriction.

The restriction that we're kind of living in,

I think here in Dublin,

I was with my family earlier on.

I'm very blessed because I'm quite close in proximity to my mother and sister and nephew,

Which is a real resource.

We call ourselves a bubble.

I don't know if you're using that expression where you are,

But we're a bubble.

There's five of us in this bubble.

I'm so grateful for it.

I feel very lucky that I spent the afternoon with my mother.

I suppose it's just finding the treasure and just holding it for a while and then having to go back into the madness.

The other piece that I'm really struck with,

And it was in the other call too,

Is the truth,

Living in the truth and with the truth.

Again,

I don't know if it's just the busyness of my world at the moment in terms of work.

I find it a real challenge because I'm not working with people who are the kind of people I can sit and have a physical distance coffee with and talk about what really matters.

It's all this getting caught up in all of this panic and restriction and consequences and fear,

Actually.

Fear,

Exactly.

Exactly.

But you really hit it in terms of the oscillation that happens with being in moments of just the pure gratitude and tenderness of life.

Then,

Of course,

The old conditioning can flood in.

Especially if you're in conversation with people who are immersed in the old conditioning and in fear and so on,

It's catchy.

That oscillation is just normal,

As far as I can tell.

It's to not expect some permanent state of all is fine and all is well.

But one visits that a lot until it's more the habit,

The shape shifting of the sand dune.

It's more the habit that you're spending a lot of time just being just simple,

Just in gratitude,

Just cruising along.

There's lots of moments as well when you're reminded through the news media and through the fear that's running about in the pastures and through in circumstances like you've just experienced with Dublin locking down again to a greater degree than it had just been.

What I keep experiencing when these lockdowns recur is I feel thankful because it's better than letting the disease run rampant such that we can't get it under control.

It's better when the lockdown occurs.

But it's amazing how few people can think three steps ahead.

It's sort of like,

Oh,

This is an inconvenience to me.

Oh,

This is terrible for me.

Oh,

I had all these plans.

And it's not like we're being called upon to,

Like in wartime,

To live on rations and go into air shelters at night.

Like James on the call,

Who's with us,

We're very honored to have someone who actually did live through the London Blitz.

He did say on one of the calls,

And I know you heard it,

Rachel,

But for others,

He did say that this reminds him of that time in terms of uncertainty,

A feeling of uncertainty that we're now living with.

But we're not,

For the most part,

Most of us are not having to go into air raids at night,

I mean,

Into air shelters at night and scratching for food,

You know,

So it's not that hard.

And so to really enjoy the treasures and to know that,

Yeah,

Sometimes one has moments of depression.

One has moments of waves of anxiety,

Flutters of anxiety,

You get hit with a piece of news.

Those kinds of things,

They happen.

And we're resilient.

We're resilient.

We keep adjusting.

Yeah,

Just to finish with my piece there,

I mean,

And just the value of this community,

You know,

People,

You know,

Who I've met,

Some of who I've met,

Like Debré,

And,

You know,

It's wonderful,

You know,

To connect in with in this way,

And then others,

You know,

That I haven't.

And I do find myself regularly,

You know,

And again,

A real treasure for me is taking myself,

If you like,

In my quieter moments,

You know,

Off to Italy,

You know,

In my,

You know,

Just imagining,

Even for me,

As it happened this evening,

I did actually get a couple of hours sleep before this call,

And it felt like something we might do when we're in Italy.

You know,

It's like to go stargazing or something,

You know,

It's like,

I always do that,

It's that sort of frame of mind.

And I find that,

You know,

It's almost like a comfort blanket.

It's like something really familiar and being with my tribe,

You know,

And I get a tremendous amount of,

You know,

Resource from that really,

It really builds up some resilience.

So again,

I know that is the power of those retreats is that they create an entrainment.

And I have it too.

You know,

It's sort of like my version of heaven.

It's sort of like,

Those times in Italy that we've had at those retreats.

Yes,

Everything about it has a kind of heavenly component.

And,

And,

And I feel that that does give something that sustains us.

It does,

Whether we get to do it again or not,

And I'm very open to doing it,

If ever we can do it safely.

That's definitely my number one on the bucket list.

Yes,

Certainly,

We're going to try to do that if possible.

And it may not be in which case,

We will live with gratitude for those memories and let them inform us and just like you have a certain sense of,

Of little flashes of it,

Like little entrainments that have been little,

Little programs that have embedded embedded themselves in the mind and heart.

Yeah,

Beautiful.

Thank you.

So Noah's coming home.

And last night,

We were all talking.

And I was saying how we've moved our business,

We have a family business,

As you know,

And we've moved our business into our home.

And we were talking about him coming home and,

And all the things and how everything's changed.

And,

And we were,

We were talking about,

I was talking about worry,

And how,

In our family business,

And the stress of it,

We were always,

We've always been worried,

You know,

Like worried about,

Like the future and the business and what's going to happen.

And I was telling Noah how,

Here we are,

We're in our home.

And we've had to surrender,

Because we have no business.

So all of the things that we spent all of our time worrying about,

It's pointless.

It's all pointless.

And it's so incredible how this catastrophe has just forced us to live the treasure,

You know,

And like just what you're talking about,

And the fear and the worry and,

And all that energy.

And there's,

I feel such a sense of peace,

That I've never felt my whole life.

And,

But I've been forced to look at that,

You know,

I don't know,

If I would have been objective.

And I mean,

There are moments of objectivity,

But there's somehow just having to be in this situation.

And,

You know,

Not,

There's nothing we can do.

We have no control.

But then I realized,

I've never had any control.

Yes,

Right.

I love your,

I love what you're saying.

And I so resonate.

And I was,

Of course,

Thinking about Janice Joplin,

Thinking freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose.

You know,

And I have so often in my life had situations over the long course of my life,

Where suddenly,

I'm just kind of,

You know,

It's down to nothing.

I'm like,

Kind of refugee,

You know,

And there has been this strange,

Crazy freedom in it.

I do feel a slight oppression on owning a house,

Actually.

Yeah,

It is a way in which there's a line I read many,

Many years ago,

We are possessed by our possessions.

Yeah.

You know,

We're taking care of them,

We're fretting over them,

They're constantly,

You know,

Falling apart here and there,

You're just pouring money into it,

And so on.

And,

And of course,

It gives,

I love having a home,

I don't deny that.

But it is interesting when you do come to that moment of just,

Like,

The path ahead is completely unknown.

And there is something very freeing about that.

And it is to this point of a different kind of freedom than what we thought freedom was,

You know.

Another story that's coming to tell,

Just quickly.

My dad,

And I know,

My,

My niece is on the call,

And I think maybe my sister-in-law's listening in.

My dad was quite a go getter in life.

I mean,

Just a big manifester,

You know,

Businesses,

Wealthy,

Just,

You know,

He had his own plane,

He was just all over,

He was really ate life,

He was very big on the good life.

But there was a Halloween party we had once.

And my dad came as a hobo.

And I always think that people on Halloween,

Like they dress up in their secret id,

You know,

They're sort of like,

I always go as a hippie,

Which isn't that big a secret.

But anyway,

But my dad dressed up as a hobo.

And I have never seen him have more fun.

Something just went wild in him.

And he was just,

He was funny and fun.

And he's just,

He was just having a blast.

And I never forgot it.

I just,

I always thought when he's dead now,

But I always thought,

You know,

Too bad you get to play that one out more.

Yeah.

And that's really it.

I mean,

This call,

We're hearing versions of this,

Is despite the difficulties,

Despite the fact that there is hardship in this of various forms.

But there's also our lives are flowing along here.

These are your precious days,

You don't get any one of them back.

My question is,

I'm in 12-step programs,

As you know,

And some of the people I'm having conflict with,

And I have to,

And they just like,

I've got three or four people that have just cut me off.

They don't want to,

Like,

And I have to remember that we're all in a pandemic that we're all kind of going through this quiet trauma,

If you will.

Yeah,

I'd say the flip side,

The flip side of the fact,

And that's why I kind of made,

I qualified it that it's not across the board that everybody is so sweet and tender.

The flip side is that people are so stressed and anxious,

That there's also a lot of anger running around,

You know,

That people are people's fuses are short.

So there's both there's some people are moving a lot into just kind of a feeling of unity,

Right,

That we are all in this together.

And other people are not at that point,

They're in a different point,

They're in a high stress point.

And they're very agitated.

So we have to be very aware of that with dealing with people,

Right,

We have to be aware,

We don't know on which side of that spectrum they're hanging out.

So yes,

Just kind of,

You know,

Do your best and try to offer understanding.

And if you're finding this something's feeling off and agitating in a conversation,

Then be quiet.

Just withdraw.

You don't have to win any big battles.

So yeah,

Thank you for reminding me that if I can forgive myself,

I'm going to be more compassionate with others.

Yes,

Of course.

Yeah.

Right.

I think you just reminded yourself that I didn't exactly say it just then,

But I have said it other times.

I'm here and I live in California and have been sitting in smoke as well as everyone else and also a huge heatwave right before the fires.

And,

And what what I'm thinking about now is that during that time where you know,

You're in the present moment,

You're trying to stay in the present moment,

And being pulled by discomfort and fear of what's coming and all that stuff.

What I found myself coming back to is just this tender self care that was new,

You know,

Like,

I'm going to keep a towel around my neck,

I'm going to keep all the ways that I could just really love myself.

And then that extended out to the people around me as well.

Because everyone,

You know,

As we've talked about before,

You know,

That our anxiety gets triggered.

And it's often running and then our bodies react.

And so if we could just be tender with each other,

I found that was the way to get through with it.

Just giving each other a lot of space for the all those short tempers and coming back to love,

You know.

And thinking of it as practice,

Because this isn't going to go away.

Yes,

Yes,

Yes.

Beautiful.

I love that.

It's very,

Very good.

The self care part is very important,

Especially in circumstances that are actually physically stressful,

Like overheating and breathing smoke.

So yes,

Super important to do as much self care in those in those situations as you possibly can.

And,

You know,

Back to the issue about people's short tempers and difficulties,

Even among people that we we know and love our friends and family.

I'm reminded of a technique in Buddhism that apparently,

The Buddha had recommended,

Is in moments like that,

To give the person a gift,

It can be a small gift,

Or it can be it doesn't have to be an actual thing.

It could be just some,

Some small kindness in the midst of a difficulty like that,

Even though part of you doesn't want to.

Or imagine them giving you a gift or doing a small kindness for you.

Those can help mitigate feelings of agitation in the moment.

Yeah,

It creates connection instead of estrangement.

Yes,

Exactly.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And,

And yeah,

I mean,

We're gonna have to employ lots of these kinds of tools,

Because there's not really any signs that things are going to get cheerier as we go in terms of these threats that we're now facing on so many levels.

So,

You know,

We have to be strong,

We have to just keep reminding ourselves as much as needed.

I always say,

I've said for nearly 30 years,

Choose freedom,

Even if you have to choose freedom 10,

000 times a day,

That's 10,

000 moments of freedom.

So,

You know,

It's like,

You just keep moving the attention off of the nonsense or the madness or the future fears.

Right?

Just keep moving the attention back.

Thank you for that,

Catherine.

Thank you.

Hi,

Katrin.

I don't know if you remember me.

I used,

I went to see you in New York quite a bit.

Maybe 2011,

2012.

Yes,

I do.

Are you still in New York or are you in Dublin or where?

Still in New York.

I do remember you.

Yeah,

And I think I came a lot on my own,

But I also came with my,

At that time was my partner,

But now my wife.

Yes.

I don't know if you remember her.

Yes,

I do remember you.

Both of you.

Yes.

Yeah.

I'm sorry,

Katrin,

To dump,

But I'm in it.

I'm really in it right now.

My wife is very sick.

With what?

She's been diagnosed with lymphoma,

But she has it pretty bad,

It seems.

She's done a couple of cycles of chemo.

Each cycle is like a hundred hours.

I mean,

It's just seeing her suffer.

It's tough.

And,

You know,

I'm trying,

You know,

I'm doing all right.

I mean,

I'm really showing up on a level I didn't think I was even capable of,

To be honest.

And I'm looking after,

There is a lot of self-care.

I get up early in the mornings and I,

You know,

I do a run and I do my meditation and I'm eating well.

So I can be there for her.

But it's tough now.

Today,

Like this week,

She was supposed to do her third five-day treatment and she was too sick to do it.

She was very sick.

And today,

Like,

Sorry,

No,

But I'm just a little shell-shocked because today,

They did a CAT scan last night.

And today,

Like,

It's a Saturday here.

So not really somebody on the oncology team,

But a doctor did come in and just said,

You know,

In passing,

Really kind of,

Well,

The CATs can show that the lymphoma has progressed,

You know.

And,

You know,

That really roused me.

You know,

She's going through so much.

In fact,

I remember the emails and I remember that you were already at talk.

Yes.

Yeah.

You know,

I know how to experience that space.

It's a beautiful thing,

You know,

Gets me off my head.

Well,

What you're experiencing is grief and it's it is totally welcome because you love and you're faced with a possibility,

Not a certainty but a real possibility that you will lose the company of that of that person that you so love and everything you're doing in terms of keeping the self-care that you're doing in order for you to be strong and to be there for her and to find the reserves that you didn't know you had.

All of that is just the outpouring of love.

So all I can say to you is that there's nothing more that you can do and there's no shortcut through the grief.

That grief comes with love and loss and even with the threat of the loss when it's so imminently in your face and when a doctor says those words to you.

However,

Casually he said them,

You understood the importance of them and and of course that's going to trigger a layer.

You know,

I have noticed in my life with losing people who were very ill.

There's some kind of way that there is a strange preparation going on almost subliminally like an anticipatory grief that's going on at the same time as it's like layers of grief are coming along and and that's just part of this process and you're in it.

So I would just say don't deny yourself any tears.

I mean if tears come there they are they're they're doing their work actually.

Do you know that tears it turns out have some kind of hormone that triggers a release of calming like they have a they have their own self calming hormone in them.

So when tears come let them come when sadness comes when their dreams come and in the meantime,

It sounds like what you're giving is exactly the medicine that is most needed in the whole equation,

Which is you're showing up in love.

And the only thing I would add which I'm hesitant to do but I'm going to do is when somebody is in that process it's super helpful for the person who's with them the caretaker who's with them to not add on any fear to them.

Grief is different.

That's different.

Of course self grief is there but to not to not project on fear because they're already experiencing fear and to not add on the burden of your fear and panic.

Right just your grief is totally fair game.

That's that's part of it.

But but to really try as best you can to be quiet inside in the grief to let the grief be pure in itself and not be tagged on with a story of what about my life when you're gone,

Right?

If you can,

I know it's a big ask,

But I tell I say this because just as an as an aside story.

One of my friends is a Dharma teacher meant I have many Dharma teacher friends one of my friends who's a Dharma teacher.

There was a woman who was working as a cook at his retreats for years.

And so he and she were quite good buddies.

They were she was the cook at his retreats.

And anyway,

She got diagnosed with liver cancer late in the game of it late stage.

And suddenly,

She had six weeks to live from the time of diagnosis.

And in that she was a single mom of a 16 year old daughter.

And the daughter was so freaked out naturally a 16 year old losing her mother.

But in the last days of this woman's life,

The only person she could bear to have in the room was my friend.

She couldn't have her daughter in the room.

She would let her in a little bit.

And then she'd have to leave because it was just too hard for the mother.

As she's dying as she's doing going through all that she was having to go through to have someone they're freaking out and clutching and saying begging her not to die.

So the person she wanted and had in the room mostly was my friend,

Who would just sit and meditate in silence by her side.

So that I just offer that for you.

You know,

And you're otherwise it's just everything sounds exactly as it has to be that the grief is arising,

The tears are arising,

And you're keeping yourself going and you're being a stand up guy in the process and being a great love.

Thank you.

Thank you.