Heightened Sensitivity

Excerpted from Dharma Dialogues with Catherine Ingram. Recorded in Lennox Head, Australia, in March 2018. From the opening talk: “One of the many benefits of tuning in to a quieter stream within oneself is that you have very easy access to your own authenticity, to your own nature.”

Transcript

Welcome to In the Deep.

I'm your host,

Katherine Ingram.

The following is excerpted from a session of Dharma Dialogues held in Lennox Head,

Australia in March of 2018.

It's called Heightened Sensitivity.

One of the many benefits of tuning into a quieter stream within oneself is that you have very easy access to your own authenticity,

To your own nature.

So when there's a lot of noise in the mind,

And when there's a lot of confusion and rumination and just noise,

You can sometimes find yourself in circumstances which,

Had you been a bit more sensitive,

You would have gotten out of sooner,

Or you wouldn't have been attracted to in the first place.

But when there's a lot of hubbub and turmoil,

Right,

In a being,

We've all experienced this,

Right,

Where you're just sort of off your game.

You don't notice things because the screen is taken up with the morass of the drama.

Many years ago,

I tell this story in my book,

Many,

Many years ago,

I was having sessions of Dharma Dialogues in London,

But I was staying outside of London and I was commuting by train into the city.

And I was on a train and across from me was sitting a young man in the train car and he had on earphones,

In those days headsets,

And he was listening to some kind of heavy metal music.

And it was so loud that the whole train could hear the screeching of it,

But he had it right next to his ears.

And it was a long train ride and he was listening to that the whole way.

And I was thinking to myself,

What is he trying to drown out?

Like what is the noise in his head that he's having to put that kind of noise on externally to perhaps overcome whatever is going on in his head?

It seemed very,

Very unhealthy to me.

Even as a young person going to hear Led Zeppelin live and things like that,

Even then,

I was aware that sometimes it was just too loud for me.

I would have to kind of get away from the speakers or sometimes put my hands over my ears a bit to just,

You know,

It was just too loud.

It was painful.

When we are tuning into a quieter stream,

We're very,

Very sensitive to our own physicality.

You're sensitive to when something is harmful to your system.

If there's a bad smell or if there's a too loud sound or there's something agitating,

There's an immediate sensing.

And like this,

You sense things psychologically as well.

You sense when there's danger or something is too loud psychologically or interpersonally.

You're very keen.

Basically,

When you're resting in a quietness of being,

You're just more sensitive in all ways,

Physically,

Emotionally,

Psychologically,

Spiritually,

And interpersonally.

You notice how your behavior or your words are affecting others.

And you don't wait until there's a big,

Huge misunderstanding to make some adjustments along the way.

These are just almost the side benefits.

There are many side benefits to resting at ease in your own being.

Obviously,

The most primary one is that you feel better.

But it has all these other lovely fragrances that emit and makes your life go easier.

It doesn't protect you entirely from sad things or misunderstandings.

But it certainly makes things go a lot easier,

Even when they do happen.

When I'm with you,

And sometimes when I'm on my own,

I feel the fullness of the emptiness.

But there's often a space that can be a bit depressive in myself,

Where it's empty and sort of dull.

It's almost like I get lost somewhere in the quiet.

The quiet takes me somewhere that doesn't feel that good.

Is it actually depressing or is it just blank?

Well I guess it's blank and then thoughts come in around,

It shouldn't be so blank.

Because I should be doing more or I should be busier or I should be doing this or I should be doing that.

So it starts to fill up,

The empty starts to fill up with thoughts of how it shouldn't be this empty.

Do you know what I mean?

Right,

Well that's the problem.

That's the problem.

I mean the thoughts are actually filling up the emptiness.

And they're a particular type of thought that is going to for sure make you feel bad.

We've spoken about this before.

We live in cultures that are so skewed about how we should be having fabulous lives and what we should be manifesting and we should be doing this and that.

And there's this pressure,

This sort of pressure to be all you can be,

God,

Whatever that means.

And to kind of be,

It's essentially a kind of hungry ghost realm where you just never relax.

It's never enough even when you have very lovely,

Peaceful quiet,

Empty quiet or empty fullness.

Even then the mind gets busy with this isn't it,

This isn't enough,

This is missing something.

And it's just this sickness of the culture.

And it's worse than ever.

It's now,

It's just the whole sort of me project on steroids with the social media stuff.

I mean I'm more and more just recommending,

Just get off of all of that.

Just forego it.

And not buy into these cultural stories because they're very,

Very dangerous for one's mental health.

And there can become another,

One of my oldest friends,

We've been friends since I was 14 years old.

At one point we even had a 10 year relationship stuck in there over the decades.

Anyway,

He's had a very big life,

Very interesting big,

Big life of travel and people and all kinds of adventures and a teacher,

A Dharma teacher,

Et cetera.

But he was telling me the other day how sort of small his life has become and how wonderful it is.

He loves to do yoga.

He gets to hang out with his daughter who is not in his custody,

But he gets to see her son.

And he's let go of most of his old friends for one reason or another.

They grew apart.

And he's down to about five friends scattered about in the world.

And he's happier than he's ever been.

He said that to me the other day and I already knew that.

He said,

I've never been this happy.

And it was like,

Yeah,

Good.

Just after all that going and doing and becoming and chasing and after all that,

He's down to just this very simple life.

Look,

I feel the shrinkage in my life too,

Friends wise.

And you talked about music before you did and same like I play almost no music.

It's like I have no idea like the latest music.

I'm so out of the loop.

And then people come in that are in the loop.

It's like,

My God,

What's happening to me?

What's actually going on?

And I can see just,

I think there's a point where I just get frightened of the stillness.

I come up close to it,

I get scared.

And what might happen do you think?

Oh,

Like,

You know,

Like,

I was saying this to someone the other day,

It's like there's two versions of stillness I've got and one is like you,

Right?

And there's another that's like a Vietnam vet,

You know,

Out in the wilderness somewhere.

The Unabomber.

Like just getting weird and,

You know,

Yeah,

That.

So I've got two versions of quiet.

Yes.

In my head.

Somehow I don't think you're gonna be the guy out in the wilderness.

Yes,

Probably not.

No,

Probably not.

Yeah.

I think one of the tricks is to really notice when you're just feeling at ease.

Just notice that you're feeling,

Just that it feels relaxed and possibly healthy.

I like to think also that it's very healthy for our cells to be just in great relaxation.

I would even propose that it's one of the great bombs of health.

You know,

That ease of being,

Low stress,

Right?

That's really healthy.

Now if you add in depressing thoughts,

That's not so healthy.

But if you really just start to notice this is a very good thing for me,

This feels really good,

Right?

My mind feels clear.

Nothing extra.

That's good enough.

Right?

That's fine.

And then sometimes there are little,

You know,

There's a little frisson.

You know,

There's little champagne bubbles here and there with life,

You know?

Some fun,

Some interesting conversation,

Something you read that lights you up a bit.

You know?

Those are kind of extra wonderful little bits,

But you don't need to have,

It doesn't have to be that continuously or even that frequently.

You start to attune to and be happy for just this simple quiet,

Right?

And then you start to notice in this great sensitivity,

You start to let yourself be delighted by little things.

You know?

Like I was laying in my bed last night and I don't know what the bats were up to,

But they were having a batty old time.

I mean,

They were wild.

It was like a gigantic gathering of bats.

And it was very loud and very consistent.

And I was laying there thinking,

Have I ever heard them,

Have I ever heard them on another night like this?

I don't think I had.

So I don't know what was going on.

But I was just laying there appreciating like,

Wow,

You know,

We're in this wild land and just all these bats screaming around in the night,

You know?

And it just was like exciting to me somehow.

Just to really start to adapt your attention to those kinds of things where that becomes the richness of your day.

Because,

You know,

I mean,

We've seen it over and over again with people who have kind of gotten everything and are living these lives that are very,

Very sort of important or very flush with wealth or adventure or fame or whatever.

And over and over and over and over they tell us the emptiness of that,

You know?

But people don't believe it and they still want it,

Right?

And some of those people,

One of my girlfriends who's a Dharma teacher,

She once said,

They all end up with us.

Meaning they all end up with the Dharma.

It's like if you go far enough on that path,

You will see eventually if you're paying any attention or if you have any intelligence,

That the emptiness of it,

Right?

So why have to go on that gigantic chase?

Why not just relax here and now and be grateful and content?

You know,

We don't know how much longer we have.

It's going to be short no matter what it is,

You know?

And it'll seem really short.

And from that vantage point,

You know,

You just think,

Oh,

Just to sit in a pleasant room with a breeze is pretty nice.

So it's really good to get this stuff clear,

You know?

Not be confused,

Not misunderstand the priorities because that is what happens in life.

We just misunderstand what the priorities are.

We think it's about some other thing,

Some other place,

Some other life.

And in fact,

It's just this life.

It's just this beautiful moment you're having.

That's all that it ever is.

You might have to keep telling me that over and over.

No,

That's what I've been saying a long time.

I'm honing it down though.

Brooming in appreciation.

This is like,

My home is very like this.

I feel like I've gone from one lounge room to another lounge room,

Which is very much at home with birdsong,

Trees,

Very similar colour regime.

And I spend so much time just in not much going on at home.

I'm like this mobile over here.

When it's windy,

I move.

When it's not,

I don't.

And there's a lot of stillness.

Beautiful.

And yeah,

Coming from a background with very fluffy titles and lots of achievements and possessions and it's a bit like a dog turning to finally lay down and go to sleep.

That's a good image.

It takes years for me of touring and frying.

Me too.

Before the dog finally lays down.

Yeah.

And yeah,

I spend a lot of time laying down.

Yeah,

Good.

Lovely.

Me too.

I chased around objects,

Experiences,

Objects,

Experiences,

Mostly experiences and mostly a kind of mind expansion project that I was on.

And so much travel and moving about and just,

You know,

Kind of I think about it and it's exhausting to even remember it all.

But something was driving me.

Yeah,

It's waiting for the inspiration that I am mastering now.

And often there's not any inspiration just to be still.

And sometimes I have to wedge myself off the couch.

Like this morning we went for a beautiful kayak at Broken Head and we paddle out through the waves and it was like,

Yeah,

We got off the couch.

There's an accomplishment for the day.

Yeah.

It was like the dog staring to get up.

Right.

Now let me just jump in here and say that,

You know,

What I started out with about tuning into your own nature.

So some people's nature wouldn't really be happy sitting on the couch,

Just that their nature needs a bit more movement.

And they might still be very quiet inside,

But more in motion,

Just like any other animal in the animal world,

They have their own nature in terms of movement.

Lions don't,

They move very fast when they're moving,

But they sleep a lot.

They sleep most of the day.

And apparently koala bears are real slugs.

I just heard that.

I think they sleep 22 hours a day of the day or something.

They do.

Yeah.

And sometimes they just fall out of the trees.

They just don't just fall out.

That's why they're so fluffy.

Yeah,

Because they fall on themselves.

They bounce.

Anyway,

You know,

But then if you watch a monkey,

Obviously,

You know,

It's a very kind of hyper creature.

So it's to be aware of what type of creature one is,

Not to force it in one direction or the other.

Or there might be phases when there's more motion.

For me,

When I was younger,

I think there was a natural,

Much more motion in me and much more excitement about the world and much more energy,

Frankly.

It's calmed down in all ways,

Both energy,

Just the physicality,

But also the interest has calmed down,

The interest of something being out there.

That has changed.

So I just wanted to make that point,

Just because sometimes people will hear these conversations and think,

Oh,

I'm supposed to just be still.

I'm supposed to just not want to go anywhere or do anything.

And it's not quite that.

It's to really listen to what,

When it is time to move,

You move,

Right?

It's to really be tuned into your natural rhythm.

Yes.

And I've learned if I'm sitting in a hole,

It's best just to sit in the hole than try to fill it with something I've lost friendships and hundreds of thousands of dollars and businesses trying to fill a hole.

And all I need to do is just sit in the hole.

And it's actually quite okay.

Yeah.

Yeah.

All these hard won lessons,

Huh?

But they're powerful once you see through it all.

Yeah.

Hindsight's a great thing.

I seem to have a lot of things from the past,

Mainly around girlfriends and lovers that keep showing up in the present.

Like I get a text or I get a phone call.

From one of the girlfriends?

Yeah,

From a long time ago.

And it sends me into a confusion because I never really understood why or how things ended.

They just did,

You know?

Yes.

There was all these reasons and not reasons.

But nothing actually seemed to be resolved.

It wasn't complete or it doesn't feel complete.

And then the years go by and another relationship and another ending or whatever.

And same thing again.

And it's been different in the outcome in the sense that either I've left or they've left or whatever.

It doesn't seem to matter that bit.

Yeah.

It's irrelevant.

It's just the fact that here you are again.

And I notice I attach a lot of dream to the person.

For instance,

At the moment there's a girl in America who I really did love quite dearly for a while.

And she's recontacted me and it's like,

Oh my God,

You know?

I'd love to go to Colorado.

Yeah.

How much of that is just that inspiration to travel and to see things?

Or how much is her and what does it really matter?

So they come and they go.

Yeah.

And at the moment there's quite a lot going on.

There's more than the Colorado?

Oh yeah.

Of course there is.

You're like the one that got away.

No.

I never got away.

I'm the one that got speared.

I don't know.

I just feel like the walking wounded.

I console myself.

I say,

Look,

I love them all.

I really do.

Even if it ended badly,

It didn't matter.

It was really beautiful.

It was really gorgeous.

I loved having time with that person.

But it's not enough.

It doesn't feel it's enough to have that sort of panacea or whatever over the top of all these relationships.

It's just.

So on the last trip to Canada,

I realised that the search for a partner or whatever was nothing to do with a partner.

It was all about me and it was all about divinity.

It was all about connecting into truth.

Great to have a partner.

That could be a complimentary thing.

Yes.

Very good.

But it wasn't it.

And it changed something for me.

So of course now I have a partner here and it's like I'm distant from it.

I can see it all happening and understand the frustrations and all the stuff that goes on in the relationship.

But another part of me is quite withdrawn and quite outside of it and quite don't really care anymore about that.

Right.

You're not under the illusion that that is the all and everything.

I'm not.

Right.

Well,

Sounds wise to me.

It's not as exciting as it used to be.

No.

It's not the old roller coaster we got to all ride,

But it's very clear and powerful and I think true.

I think true also.

But I think that when one's come up like overseas or past ones that have been very close with,

I still feel so much in there.

Sure.

I almost feel like saying to my present partner,

Look,

You know what?

I have a lot of friends.

That's all there is to it.

And I love them all.

And that's how it is.

Can you be with that?

Well,

It's a fair question,

Isn't it?

I mean,

If that is your nature,

If you do want to have some sort of continuing relationship,

Even if it's just friends with various other people,

My recommendation always is don't compromise your truth.

Don't live a lie.

And if something if someone falls away based on who you authentically are,

Then might as well know now.

Right.

Might as well get it out right up front.

Yeah.

It's just just bothers me.

It's just it's just it's really heartfelt.

It really is quite deep.

It's not like a mental process.

No,

It's really it's humans are involved.

Human feelings are involved and you're sensitive and don't want to cause harm and confusion.

But at the same time,

You also have to it's my position anyway,

That one has to be honest about who you are.

Yeah.

Right.

And.

You know,

It's it's sometimes it means that there's loss.

See,

I always come back to like,

What is the price of any kind of compromise?

What is the actual price?

It's,

You know,

So for me,

Any kind of dissembling or having to cover something up or it's like impossible.

Deadening.

Yeah.

Deadening and agitating,

You know.

Yeah,

Absolutely.

You know,

It's like you don't really get it.

If you're an awake person,

You never get away with a lie.

And that isn't because somebody finds out.

It's because you're holding the lie.

Yeah,

Absolutely.

That's why you don't get away with it.

You're having to be the one living with it.

Yeah.

Right.

Did you ever do you guys have the game of cards called the Old Maid?

The Old Maid.

It's a simple child's game where you're dealt a number of cards and you've got a deck and whoever and you're playing your I forgot how it works.

You're picking up and giving out.

But you lose if you're the one last one holding the Old Maid.

There's one card and it's the Old Maid and she looks like a witch.

And and when you're holding when you're holding the Old Maid in your hand,

It's like you don't even notice any other cards.

She's just popping out at you,

Right?

And you're you know,

You just can't wait to get rid of it.

And having living a lie is like holding the Old Maid in your in your hand,

Your deck of hands.

It's just it's just there in your face.

You know,

It's in your dreams.

It's in your everything,

You know.

So you don't want to be you want to basically have a mind that can just float around and basically be off duty.

Right.

Right.

That's it.

You want to just have an off duty mind.

Right.

And and you know what I mean?

I know what you mean.

I just I just don't know the truth of any of it anymore.

I can make any of it really real and I can change things to suit.

But it's not like there's any one thing that holds me anymore.

Right.

It's hard to explain.

No,

I have a sense of what you're saying.

And I have a sense,

Especially when you were describing the way in which you're in this relationship and you're in it and there's drama in it and you know,

There's all the things and probably a lot of fun and love and all kinds of things.

But some part of you is not quite fully buying into the entire picture as you maybe once did.

Is that?

No,

Not with this one.

It hasn't not buying into the picture fully.

Yes.

Has been the what would you call it?

The the flaw in all of my relationships.

Oh,

And even with children and yeah.

Well,

Maybe that one because I was so young and had the children and did the family thing never occurred to me to look out,

You know,

That felt authentic.

It felt real.

This was my life.

This was my family.

This is what's happening.

But since then,

No.

Yeah,

I have to at the end here,

I'll read to you something that Einstein said because he said something almost identical.

Oh,

Einstein.

Yeah.

Right.

That he had this sense more and more of basically being like a witness to his life.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And a sense of aloneness in it.

Very much.

Couldn't really feel fully engaged.

And even when he's standing in front of a room of,

You know,

A thousand people,

That that aloneness was still predominant,

Which I found very interesting and powerful and true.

And true.

And true.

Not for everyone.

Some people are more it's like it's it's all about what kind of creature you are.

Right.

And you may be that kind of creature.

It's like you almost know as soon as you meet someone or something like that,

You already know.

You already know.

You already know what?

Whether it's going to work,

Whether it's going to go a long way.

You got all and then you can just go in and let that go and just roll with it and off you go.

Yeah.

Right.

But it's.

But even if it's so called works in terms of you stay together and you have a life and all of that,

I think we're talking about something even more profound and deep than that.

And I think some people can be in a marriage and be in a family constellation and or a community or tribe or whatever,

But still might have that sense of aloneness and still might have that sense of kind of almost witnessing the show.

Right.

And I think perhaps maybe a lot of people have that.

And that's just many,

Many spiritual teachers have spoken about it.

So be it.

So be it.

Yeah.

Well,

No,

I mean,

It's nothing to be worried about or feel as something's missing.

It's just the nature of it.

The nature of you,

Perhaps.

I guess I just feel like calling it quits on all of it at times.

On life or what?

No,

On the relationships with others like that.

I'm OK just being on my own.

Yeah.

The more authentically you can live in it and understand it,

Perhaps the more you would be able to articulate it to anyone who wants to be involved with you,

Who might also appreciate that kind of way of being.

They might be that way themselves.

And that might be another possibility.

Yeah,

It's a possibility.

So,

You know,

You've heard me say a hundred times,

I'm sure,

Dignify your life,

Right?

The life that you're living,

The life that you were granted,

That is you,

To really allow the dignity of that.

You didn't create it,

But you're almost like the caretaker.

You know what I mean?

The caretaker of this life here for these few minutes of time.

And to really honor that and honor the ways of your true being.

One of the things I've thought about a lot in my life and having my brother die at the age of 38,

In seeing his life all as a piece of the 38 years,

He was so much cooler than he ever knew.

He was a really sweet guy and very brilliant and talented.

He was plagued with self-recrimination and self-doubt.

And I think he never had a moment really of truly accepting himself as he was.

But when I look at it from this vantage point of his life,

Of that,

It's like,

I so wish he could have just relaxed into it and just been himself.

He was this very flamboyant gay kid.

He always felt that something was wrong with him.

And he grew up in the south of America.

It was not the most progressive place at the time.

And anyway,

Over the course of time,

He did manage to find his own community and lived in San Francisco a lot,

Which helped.

But still,

Early childhood conditioning is very powerful.

But anyway,

It's something I've thought about many,

Many,

Many times,

That he was this totally unique character.

And don't we know this from history?

So many beautiful beings through history that we have such incredible appreciation for.

And yet they weren't celebrating themselves.

Common story.

It's a common story.

It is.

Yeah.

So you just more you get more and the quieter you get,

The more and more authentic you just start.

It's like this.

There's no discrepancy.

Just who you are.

Thanks.

This has been In the Deep.

You can find the entire list of In the Deep podcasts at katherineingram.

Com,

Where you can also book a private session by phone or Skype and see my schedule of upcoming events such as our spectacular retreats in October of 2018 in Italy or in New Zealand in May of 2019.

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Till next time.

Reviews

Thank you for this deeply insightful and greatly meaningful talk.

Namaste

Exactly what I needed to hear today. Beautiful conversation.