Home Shelter Week 3: Being Grateful

What lessons has this quarantine brought you? Perhaps now that you are spending more time at home, you are discovering new skills and hobbies that you did not know. Perhaps you are adding new activities to your day to day in which you involve your family, activities that will surely be part of your family routine once all this situation is over.

Transcript

Today,

I am going to talk to you about the Stay Home Fellow Chip and how we are doing.

I am going to share with you some common responses of this week number 3 and I am going to drop a couple of questions that may inspire you to do some self-reflection.

I am Carmen Roman.

I am a clinical psychologist and my job is to help people to alleviate anxiety,

Trauma and depression.

Here we are.

Let's start.

Living in harmony is possible if you know your emotions and how to handle them.

I am Dr.

Carmen Roman and I will share with you the current psychology by myself or by interviewing experts who will inspire you.

Learn how to live a life of fullness and how to recover your emotional harmony.

Welcome to Emotions in Harmony.

Yes,

Welcome back to this episode of week 3.

I am having so much fun reporting to you.

Thank you.

Thank you for listening.

Thank you for your preference.

And I am telling you,

My husband is influencing this episode by choosing the movies that we are watching.

So this week we are into,

We were into The Hobbit and then now we are into The Lord of the Rings.

We are recovering some memories from those movies and this is why I am telling you that the fellowship has begun.

The fellowship of the,

The stay home fellowship,

Let's call it that way.

And this is a group of women,

Mostly women.

We have one fellow,

Young fellow,

Mostly women that have been joining us for three to four or five hours a week so we can stay together and we can share about how we feel about this situation and this stay home and just give a strength to each other.

Yeah.

So this is part of the series of three group sessions,

Three psychoeducation sessions about how to deal with this situation,

Particularly staying at home and being in the culture of prevention.

The first week we were four,

Just Brenda,

You know Brenda and she's socially behind the cameras,

Not this time.

Brenda and I and two of the Emotions in Harmony team.

And then the second week we were like 10 of us and this week we were up to 17 of us.

So you speak Spanish and you want to join me,

I'm going to leave the link so you can subscribe and we just jump into the video conference at the time they signed and we start talking in Spanish and usually I have some questions to guide the conversation.

So I am monitoring or moderating the conversation.

Yeah.

So it has been really good.

Actually,

It has been really good for all of us.

I thought I was helping humanity by putting this together,

But you know,

As always,

It has been actually helping me to navigate this better too.

For respect,

Out of respect of the group,

I have been managing like four or five groups during the week.

So for out of respect of the group,

I'm not going to say anything about numbers or anything.

I'm just going to share with you some general topics,

Some general situations that have been arising in the group.

So you can join us from home.

This is the point that you can join us in this adventure from home.

You can be part of the fellowship.

Just in social media or something or come to the Facebook Amigos in Harmony and say,

Yes,

I want to be part of the fellowship Carmen and just be part.

All you need is to an instruction from your government to stay home and staying home actually.

You want to be part of the fellowship following their request.

This is all you need.

Okay.

So these women have been sharing their fears,

Their hopes and we laugh together.

And mainly what I have been noticing,

I have been noticing some changes from the first week to now week three.

The first week it was a lot of anxiety and fear.

Oh my God.

Every,

Every hour,

Every time we were together,

It was like,

What I do,

What I do,

How I'm going to deal with this and I cannot breathe and I cannot stay home and how long is going to last and all of this.

And the second week it was more about talking about deep fears.

And this week what I notice is,

Yes,

Anxiety is still coming and panic is still coming.

But you know what?

It's coming less.

It's kind of coming by waves.

Yeah.

We ride the wave of anxiety and fear for one,

Two hours,

Maybe less than one hour and we panic like for 10 minutes and then we are ready to go for the rest of the week.

And you know why?

Because we know we have each other.

Because we know we can connect and talk and see each other because it's a video conference for a reason and see each other and we may end up laughing.

Somebody may say,

For example,

I didn't sleep last night and somebody say me too.

And then we share and we laugh and we just,

You know,

Deal with the situation.

They are more ease at staying at home and they are learning as they are coming and connecting,

They are learning that the importance of staying at home.

And of course it's scary.

Of course it's financially scary because as I told you the first week,

Some of these women,

They don't even know how they are going to pay their rent.

They don't even know how they are going to get food some of these days.

They don't even know how they are going,

How long this is going to last.

Yeah,

And when,

If they are going to lose their job or not.

In this group we have everything from young,

Very young ladies,

My young fellow,

From 18 to 64 or 70 or something like that.

And in this group we have all range of education and we have all kind of jobs.

And we actually have four countries represented in the group.

We have Venezuela and Argentina and Mexico and the United States.

So it's a kind of diverse group in that sense.

The only thing is that we speak Spanish and we are all in shelter.

Yes,

If you were thinking that only in your area,

Only,

Oh my God,

I'm so sorry for us.

No,

They are all of them in shelter by now.

They weren't at the beginning,

The ones that were like so nice to join us at the beginning just to be with us.

Now they are in shelter as well.

And they are ahead of the game because they learn what to do from us.

Okay,

So we were thinking,

At least in San Jose,

That the three weeks were enough and then after April 3,

We were going back to our normal lives and then they say April 7 and we were like,

Okay,

We can do it.

Okay,

Breathe,

Breathe,

One more week.

And then just like that,

Just like Frodo,

Yeah,

In the Lord of the Rings,

Just like that,

Another battle to fight.

And wow,

Now we were extended for until May 3,

Four more weeks.

And we don't know.

At this point,

We really don't know.

So this feeling of uncertainty,

We don't know what is going to happen.

It's getting to the roof.

Oh my God.

We don't know when we are going to be better,

If our life is going to get normal again.

We know that is not true.

We are not going to get normal again.

Nothing is going to be normal again after this experience as a global community.

Stress is the feel of having chronic stress now.

But you know,

We have this sense of adaptation too.

People start feeling busy.

People start feeling busy,

Busy,

Busy,

Like,

Oh my God,

I have my children all day.

They are eating three times a day.

They are,

You know,

Leaving the toys everywhere.

Now I need to do homeschooling and my husband is here all day.

What I do with him or here all day here.

And you know,

My dear,

You don't,

You don't,

Other people's husbands.

My husband is sitting here with me,

So you're fine,

You're fine.

And yeah,

You do the lot too.

The cuts are kind of like when my parents are going back to work because I want to reclaim my privacy.

So feeling busy.

Parents are getting frustrated because homeschooling is not easy.

Oh my God,

It's actually crazy.

Actually what we were talking in the group is we came to the realization.

If they are alive and well fed,

Forget about the rest.

Just do your best.

Do your best as a parent.

Keep them safe.

Keep them emotionally safe.

Keep them well fed and protected.

And if they miss school,

If they don't accomplish that much these seven weeks,

Who cares?

Who cares?

Don't worry.

I forgot sometimes that we are in the world,

In the part of the world that we need to be accomplished all the time.

But seriously,

Just relax a little bit.

If they get seven weeks behind in school,

First of all,

Other children are probably going to get behind too.

And it's life.

They are experiencing life right now.

Hopefully this is one of a kind of this event and we don't need to experience it again.

So they are going to have a story for life.

So make them to feel safe and relaxed and everything at home.

And of course,

Of course,

Yes.

Work with them.

Do your best.

What I mean to say is please don't stress about it because stress is what we don't need right now.

The financial concerns are rising,

Of course,

And also the programs from the government.

So to help yourself,

Just do a little bit of research about what programs,

If any,

Is useful to you or just have a plan or something.

At the end of the day,

We are going to survive.

We are going to do our best and we can save.

And that's OK.

We don't buy clothes or shoes for a year.

And that's OK if we don't have anything new or we don't have that particular ingredient for that particular recipe because you know what?

Because this calls for creativity.

So the next part is what is happening?

What is happening really?

This is where mostly my role as a psychologist comes in.

So what is happening?

What I see happening is people start feeling both,

Both kind of experiences.

They are very,

Very afraid,

Of course.

They are afraid because we don't like to be in not knowing what is coming.

We don't like to be in new experiences,

Most of us.

So fear is a natural way.

Anxiety is a natural response.

But also there is this sense of peace.

Actually probably it's the first time we see the sky that clean.

Probably it's the first time it's so nice to see the streets with less traffic,

At least in San Jose,

In the Bay Area.

Oh my God,

Traffic is so awful.

And now it's clean.

Nice.

Nice to drive around if you are driving for some reason,

Like going shopping for essentials food or something.

Or if you are able,

Like we can go for a walk in the area.

So if you are going out and see without traffic,

That's nice.

And if you get to see this kind of,

I don't know,

I enjoy it from the inside of my house in the street and it's much less traffic.

People is calmer,

Walking their dogs.

Some of them are walking alone.

Some of them are walking in a family group.

This sense of peace,

We earn it.

It's ours.

We work hard for it.

I know probably it's enforced,

But also it's willing.

Yeah.

You can decide not to follow the rules and just go out and risk yourself like so many people are doing.

But if you decide to stay home and be safe,

Also you earn that sense of peace that is being generated around the world.

The appreciation for the new rhythm.

We have this appreciation for the new rhythm.

Breathe,

Meditate,

Stay calm,

Connect with people that is important to you.

It's okay to leave something in your job for later.

Or it's okay not to accomplish that or that or that.

That is a gift.

Hopefully we can give to ourselves those gifts,

But sometimes we don't because we need to respond to social demands.

Yeah.

Gratitude for the little stuff is raising also.

Wow.

I never thought I will be grateful about egg hunting because egg hunting was not part of my culture until I moved to this country.

Yeah.

I didn't know anything about egg hunting until 10 years ago.

So I am grateful for egg hunting and looking forward for next year egg hunting because we didn't did this year.

Finding the new normal.

Yeah.

As I told you people,

We can adapt for sure.

We can adapt and people start finding games online,

Finding build virtual tours to do.

They are finding ways to connect.

We can connect as a family for video conference.

Yeah.

You can connect actually with more people through video conference.

All of the sudden we have services that we were not able to have before.

Like for example,

Now I can have clients all over California,

Not only in the Bay Area,

Because now is telehealth more known.

Yeah.

Not that I didn't practice before telehealth I did,

But now is more well known and I can have clients all over Mexico because I have the license there.

But also this is an example.

Just think about it.

Now if somebody do a yoga class,

We can all have the yoga class everywhere in the world.

If somebody was going in internet,

Like for example,

I am listening to a class from the Oxford University,

A philosophy class in podcast because the teacher has been so nice to post the philosophy class.

Yeah.

I have been listening to that.

Isn't that amazing?

We can reach to each other.

We can enrich our lives to each other.

Also people start recognizing the miracles around.

I trust humankind.

I trust humankind.

I trust that we,

When it's needed,

We come with good options.

And as we are seeing in the news and everything,

Yes,

Yes,

We are doing it.

Yeah.

I asked the group what you are thinking,

What is something that impressed you during these days and somebody say,

Well,

It impressed me that a person in New York forgave the rent of all his building to people.

And somebody in Mexico say it impressed me actually that somebody,

They have a shelter for children,

For families,

And they didn't have any money to pay for the stuff.

They did have food,

But they didn't have money to pay for the stuff.

And one family came and say,

We are going to pay everything for during the,

During the stay home period.

So miracles like that,

Look around and recognize some miracles and we are learning not to take anything,

Anything for granted.

Yeah.

Anything.

Wow.

Isn't that beautiful?

You were taking for granted that you could go to your parents and have dinner with them or you could,

You were taking for granted that you can order food or just go and do a restaurant.

And I used to complain about what table they always give me.

Yeah.

I like to choose my table in the restaurants.

I don't know what it's people that they walk you and they decide that they decide what table is for you.

I don't like that.

And now I wish I could have any table in my favorite restaurant.

Any.

Thank you.

I will take that.

Oh,

The noisy one.

Yes,

That too.

Yes,

We are learning to be grateful.

Now let's get to the solutions.

I have been telling you a little bit about that,

But let's get to the last part of,

Of what solutions,

How I can do better for my stay home Carmen.

I want to stay home.

I want to follow the recommendation or maybe my government is already putting some fines about it and now I need to do it.

Okay.

And I promise you Carmen,

I'm not going to visit other people in other houses,

Even though they are my family members.

So even though they are somebody that I care,

Unless it's needed,

Unless it's because they really,

Really need me.

Yeah.

So this is not a time to visit other family members.

This is not the time to go shopping just because,

And definitely is not the time to go and see it in the Dolores Park in San Francisco in the middle of the day,

Just because it's a weekend as we saw in the picture today.

This is not the time.

The time is safety.

And I know as a culture,

Sometimes we have very,

Very hard time working on prevention and this is about prevention.

This is why it's so hard.

We are preventing and as prevention,

We never know how much damage we prevent.

We just need to estimate and that's it,

But we will never know for sure.

So I love my estimations.

I love to estimate that I am preventing for me,

My husband,

My cats,

My family so much pain just by staying here.

Physical,

Emotional,

Financial,

Anything.

Social pain just by not being going crowd the hospitals right now.

This is what I like to think about.

Also reach for your family and friends through video conference,

Through audio conference to whatever social media you can.

Keep the exercise as much as you can.

It's hard,

But just keep it.

Remember yoga with Adriene is something that I always recommend yoga with Adriene in YouTube.

I like her.

I don't have the pleasure to meet her,

But I really,

Really like her and I have been following her in yoga.

Now if you speak Spanish,

We have Brenda Susana.

You look in the internet and find Brenda Susana for yoga classes.

She has two classes for children in Spanish.

It's so cute.

And even if you don't speak Spanish,

It's just so cute her classes.

So Brenda Susana,

She has a yoga class for patients,

For children and for anger management for children.

So keep your schedule as normal as possible.

You know,

There is magic in getting out of your pajamas and dress for work,

Even if you are at home.

Just dress.

It will make you feel better,

I promise you.

Get to have makeup and your hair if you need to and all of these nice fancy things if you want to and you can see it in your computer and you look pretty and good or you look very well groomed.

So yes,

Working from home doesn't mean working in your pajamas.

Yes I know,

Nice to be on the top and very presentable for a video but sometimes it's good to be fully dressed.

Yeah that's good.

Comfortable but getting out of bed and getting your mind changing.

But when you change your clothes,

You tell your mind it's a different part of the day.

It's a different segment of the day.

Now I will leave you some questions with some questions so you can go deeper into self-reflection.

Self-reflection time here.

What is a new skill that you are developing because of the shelter in place situation?

What is this new skill that you are developing?

What is a miracle or human action that impressed you this week because of this situation?

And the last one,

If this were an opportunity for a spiritual transformation,

What steps can you take to be sure you are on board?

Maybe,

Maybe this is spiritual transformation.

Are you in?

Are you working on?

What about if all of this is for us to be transformed?

Maybe so meditation,

Whatever you need.

What you are going to do to be on board?

Okay my beautiful listeners,

Stay safe,

Stay well.

If you need to contact us,

Just do so.

Be patient because as every service now,

We are flooded with comments and questions and concerns,

But slowly,

Slowly we are getting there.

I'm actually behind in all my comments and questions and whatever,

But come and join us in the Facebook group Amigos in Harmony.

Oh,

And by the way,

We have the challenge now.

We have a seven day challenge for emotional freedom.

Don't you love it?

Emotional freedom.

And what is this?

This is seven simple,

Very simple steps that I put together to help my clients to alleviate the anxiety.

Yeah.

It is extremely simple that you can do every day in your home and you can alleviate anxiety.

It may prevent you to go to therapy or actually if you go to therapy anyway,

It will help you to get better and work with your therapist.

Or if you are already taking meds and going to the psychiatrist and everything,

Anyway,

It will help you because it's a basic.

You need to keep doing it.

The less you want to be on your meds,

The more you need to do these seven steps.

So we translated because this in Spanish,

It has been in Spanish for a month now and it has been successful.

So people wanted a translation.

It's translated.

Just type emotionsinharmony.

Org slash challenge and the link will be in the notes here.

Just find that page,

Go and subscribe and you will get seven emails from me.

And the only thing I ask is stay subscribed to my newsletter.

This is in exchange for the challenge.

You will help me with that and we can actually stay in communication.

And the newsletter is once a week.

Usually I don't and sometimes even less than that.

I don't bother you that much,

But sometimes just to share the episodes or something else.

Okay.

Wow.

We are done with this episode.

Thank you.

You are still here.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I really appreciate your company.

And you know what?

Be part.

Be part of this stay home fellowship.

We are going to get to the end of it.

Okay.

Bye for now.

Reviews

Sooo true! There’s so many ways we can enrich our lives and each other! Really enjoyed this! Feeling super grateful 🕉💚