Walking Your Talk (Getting Back On Your Spiritual Path)

Have you ever fallen off the wagon, stopped doing your practices, or put a pause in your self-care and suffered the consequences of that decision? That's what this episode is all about.

I take you through what happened to me after a super beautiful summer that was full of new memories but also tons and tons of movement. I totally fell off my spiritual path and lost sight of what was important to me and I share the story of how I am slowly getting back into balance.

Transcript

Hello and welcome to another episode of the Wild Freewell podcast.

I'm super excited to be here again.

I didn't think I'd end up doing seasons in the podcast,

But I do feel like so much has shifted since the last time I recorded a podcast,

Which was back in June.

So I am going to officially say that this is season two.

After season one lasted like four years,

But anyways,

It doesn't matter.

We do things our own way and we just make it work.

But I'm super excited to be here with you.

And as always,

I'm going to start by telling you all the ways in which I did not do things properly this summer.

So yeah,

Like that's where I want to start.

I kind of want to do a recap of like what has been going on for me without getting into too much details.

But Lord Almighty,

This summer has been so intense and it has been so busy and it has been so full and so beautiful and in some ways it has been just way too much.

So just to keep a really short story,

A really long story short,

I have,

I realized a long time ago that I am just not meant to be in constant movement.

I really don't like it.

I really don't enjoy it.

It's not particularly resonant with my system or it is if the movement can be balanced with like a massive,

Massive,

Massive amount of self care.

And listen,

This is something that like I know a lot of women in particular try to avoid saying,

But like I am not particularly low maintenance when it comes to self care.

So I'm,

I would not consider myself high maintenance in terms of like,

Um,

In terms of like beauty or style.

I think I'm pretty easy going in that way.

But when it comes to like what is required and necessary for me to be well,

I think there in lies my,

My high maintenance self.

And so this summer I just really didn't have a chance.

Hang on.

I got to move my dog Mila.

Sorry,

Little interlude there so I could get closer to the microphone.

Um,

This summer I really wasn't,

I wasn't really moving at my own pace.

Now I did an episode last season in the podcast about this.

Um,

And I fell into the trap again.

And the reason why I want to share that is because there are no false gurus on this podcast.

I do not want to make it seem like I've got everything figured out because I definitely don't.

And we're all on this path together and we're all constantly learning and evolving.

But yeah,

Just this summer was so much movement,

So much movement,

So much travel,

Even on a micro level,

Both macro and micro because this summer I went to Cambodia for a month and then just even in my regular life in Italy,

There was just so much back and forth.

Um,

And it was beautiful and it was wonderful and I am grateful.

And that does not take away from the fact that I made one wrong decision after another when it comes to honouring myself and really honouring my boundaries.

I just threw my boundaries out the window and pushed too hard and gave too much and essentially screwed myself.

And so I am here with a message to walk your talk,

Which I did not do this summer and I am definitely paying the consequences of that decision now.

So the,

The amount of movement that I had,

I mean,

We're talking like on a weekly basis,

I was moving back and forth from my house to another part of Italy,

Um,

Just constantly this summer and it has been insane and nonstop.

And even when I was like in different places,

It was like I would get home Monday morning and I would be working basically right away.

And then I'd be working up until,

Um,

I had to leave again,

Which was like on Thursday or Friday.

And this was like every week for like one and a half months minimum.

And then I just finally hit a wall with it because what ended up happening is I didn't even really have time to process the trip from Asia and I really didn't have a chance to like metabolize what happened,

What I felt,

What I thought.

And then like those like one and a half months,

It's like,

I don't want to say that I don't remember them,

But it was just,

It's kind of also like just a blur.

Like I really wasn't moving at a pace that feels good for my body,

For my mind or for my spirit.

And in this time there was like,

I want to say little to no self care.

So that started in Asia because obviously it was a little bit harder to do like yoga and stuff.

And I was still meditating on and off,

But I really didn't journal.

I really didn't do the things I need to do to be well.

I wasn't really focusing on,

Um,

Like mindset work or anything.

But when I was in Asia,

I didn't necessarily need that.

However,

When I came back from Asia,

I really,

Really needed that.

And I really didn't give myself that at all.

And so that's kind of what this,

This episode is about is really about like walking your talk because we are going to get thrown off our path.

Okay.

We are going to,

It is inevitable.

That's how life works.

There's,

There's so much contrast because the contrast is what teaches us what we actually want.

Like how many times has somebody asked you what you want and you respond with what you don't want?

Think about that for a second.

Like literally take a pause.

When somebody asks you what you want,

Are you able to answer I want blank or do you typically answer,

Well,

I don't want that or whatever it might be,

Right?

I don't want this.

I don't want that.

We use contrast and negativity to a certain degree to find clarity.

And there's nothing wrong with that,

But it's the same idea with our,

With our path when we're,

When we're,

You know,

Kind of thrown off or whatever.

So I think that if I take Asia into consideration,

Like if I take my trip to Cambodia into consideration,

I would not view myself as off my path because when I travel,

I become another version of myself.

Um,

In some ways the highest version of myself,

I think,

But that's a,

That's a podcast for another time,

But I don't feel like I was necessarily missing or craving the yoga or the meditation,

Although I was craving the journaling and it was very difficult to carve that space out because I wasn't traveling alone.

Had I been traveling alone,

I already know that that whole scenario would have been totally,

Totally different,

But it wasn't bad and I was still well because up until that point I had built up a foundation that was really quite strong.

When I came back,

However,

That's when I really got thrown off because I wasn't,

Even though I was in a position to perhaps include yoga meditation and all of my self care rituals more,

It was still incredibly difficult just because I felt like I was so harried.

I just felt like I was always in a rush,

Always in a hurry to get somewhere or do something because of all of the movement,

The movement and excess of movement.

That's what that,

That's the effect that it has on me is it makes me feel frantic and it makes me feel like I need to be doing 7 million things at once and like I'm never ever doing enough and it's the worst feeling full stop for me.

So the reason why I'm sharing this with you is because we are inevitably going to get,

Get thrown off our path and sometimes it's a slight misdirection and we can come right back and it's no big,

No big deal,

But there are going to be other times where you need to climb back up or maybe you need to crawl your way back to your path and like that's going to feel like garbage in the moment,

But it is so,

So,

So relevant that you do that.

So in this last like week or so,

Um,

I have really,

Really slowed right down and I have not taken on any extra commitments.

I have not met any extra people.

I've not done anything intense.

I have really just allowed myself to slow to just,

I guess really just to slow down.

I want to say that I was doing yoga more.

I haven't been,

I have been walking more in nature because I still feel like that movement and that I still need some of that,

Like to process the energy,

But it's not the same thing as like going back and forth between cities essentially.

But I really had to confront my own bad behavior in all honesty.

I really had to confront the fact that I spent a month and a half basically staring down the barrel of burnout and just being like,

Ha ha ha,

I think I'm going to do this anyways and not really making another decision.

Like I knew what was coming,

I could feel it and I wasn't really dealing with it.

And so the reason why I'm sharing this is because I don't want to seem like I have things figured out any more than you do.

We're all walking this path together and,

And then also we need to walk our talk.

I have this podcast and this business that is based around mindset.

I saw the warning signs of what was happening to me and I basically just said,

Oh well.

Like I was in a position many times where I could have made another decision and I didn't because I chose to prioritize the needs of other people over my own needs.

And I kept being,

I think overly optimistic about the way that I can make things work.

But basically there is just no two ways about it.

I just wasn't really living or being in alignment with what I know is right for me.

And I wasn't prioritizing the things that were important and I certainly wasn't walking my talk because I know what to do.

I know how to take care of myself.

Like I'm on here every week,

Right?

For most of the year telling you guys how I take care of myself,

Trying to lead by example,

But also like to a certain extent,

Advising how you should take care of yourselves as well.

So I know how to show up for myself and I just completely ignored it this time.

Um,

And I would love to get into the reason why,

But I also feel like that's a discussion for another episode,

Frankly,

About maybe a little bit about people pleasing and prioritizing,

Um,

Like other people or other things over yourself.

So I don't really want to dive into like the,

The exact details.

I just want to say that at any given time,

When you get knocked off your path,

You have the opportunity to just dust yourself off and get back on.

And it's probably not going to be an,

An overly pleasant process in getting there.

So like,

Like with all things,

It's easier to get knocked off than to get back on.

And like I said,

Sometimes you have to climb back up.

Sometimes you have to crawl your way back up,

Right?

You have to crawl your way back to your path.

And this time I feel like I caught it before it got bad,

That bad.

And I made another decision.

Was I burnt out?

Yes.

I kept saying to my friends,

You know,

I'm mildly burnt out.

Like I'm,

You know,

I've got mild burnout and she's like,

Would you quit it?

Would you quit it with the mild?

Like just get rid of it.

Um,

So I do think that I,

I,

I pushed myself to the point of burnout,

But I think that I managed to course correct that.

Now let's sit here for a second though.

How did I course correct it?

I course corrected it by like absolutely retreating into myself and like spending a lot more time alone and spending a lot more time in my house.

So aside from regular work with clients,

I really was not doing much of anything.

And that is just,

I had to swing the pendulum the other way because the,

Because of the burnout essentially,

Because I was so off my path and so like fucked in one way,

Um,

In terms of energy that the only way to correct it,

It was like,

You couldn't go back to that balanced middle.

Like that wasn't an option.

I had to go all the way to the extreme of just doing way less and like slowing right down to allow my system to like then sort of come back into neutral.

So unfortunately in this instance,

The solution was as drastic as the situation was when it got to the point where like my energy got so out of hand that the solution had to be equally as kind of dramatic,

Which is really frustrating.

Also like especially for me because Lord Almighty,

When I try to slow down this way,

Like I want to slow down in general.

And when I move at that pace consistently,

It's one thing.

But when I have to,

When I have to slow down,

And I mean have to in this case,

Because the,

Because the burnout is so strong because the energy just simply isn't there.

When I have to slow down,

That's when shit gets shady.

Cause like I don't want to.

And then what ends up happening is I get these over,

I go into overthinking and I'm like,

The more I have to slow down,

The more I feel like,

But I have to do X,

Y,

Z,

X,

Y,

Z,

X,

Y,

Z.

And there's so much residual frenetic energy from the movement of like the past one and a half months that slowing down feels even harder.

I really worked myself up.

I really got myself into a big mess.

So what I want to say here is like,

Okay,

Walk your talk.

So there's two sides to this.

One of it is obviously honoring yourself.

And I can't say that I'm speaking from like,

Yeah,

I'm not on a pedestal here.

I'm not speaking from like somebody who like is living by example now.

Yes.

And I'm moving back into that place,

But I have not been for the last little bit,

But it really is about honoring yourself and really honoring your boundaries.

And then the other side of that is like,

Is literally like,

Who do you want to be in the world?

Right.

And what do you want to be known for?

Because during this time,

When I was getting like,

As I was burnt out,

Like as I was in the space of like,

Just sort of like an energy deficiency,

I really hate the term burnout.

It just feels like another buzzword now.

And like,

It wasn't super severe.

So it almost feels like not fair to call it burnout,

But it was,

It was indeed probably burnout.

Um,

But like this energy deficiency that I was in,

Like I had this moment or energy deficit,

Sorry,

I just didn't have the energy to show up.

And what ends up happening is like,

I have so much less patience for the world and I can't claim to be a patient person to begin with.

So it just makes everything worse.

So by not taking care of myself and by not walking my talk,

So to speak,

What ends up happening is I just ended up being a lesser version of myself.

I can't show up in the world as like the ray of sunshine that I would like to.

And like,

I know that that sounds really ironic or like sort of sarcastic and it is too,

Because I would not say that I am like,

You know,

Like,

Like miss like Susie sunshine or anything like that.

But I do want to be positive and I do tend to be positive when I'm taking care of myself.

And when I don't like it,

Just everything goes out the window unfortunately.

And so that's what I mean to you by walking my talk.

Like also because I do this for work,

Like you're kidding.

Like,

I mean,

Obviously because I do this for work too.

I need to be an example of what it looks like when you actually do these things,

When you actually walk your talk,

When I actually take my own advice,

When I take my own medicine,

When I do the things I say on the podcast in my own life.

And I'm proud to say that like a solid 80% of the time I am doing that,

Maybe more depending on the season,

But I'm human.

And like,

That's kind of what this podcast is about too,

Is just about like showing my humanity and like really like recapping like the situation over the summer,

Because I also didn't show up in a lot of ways because of how busy I was because of all the movement,

Because of the energy deficit.

I also didn't show up on the podcast as soon as I wanted to.

I always knew I would take a break for the summer,

But I was hoping to get started midway through September.

And we're at the end of September.

This episode is going to be coming out on,

On,

Um,

On September 29th.

So I started like two weeks later than I would have liked to.

And that is,

Is completely because of the energy deficient,

Deficient deficit,

Lord almighty today.

Um,

And like same with social media,

I haven't really been like reaching out to my newsletter.

I haven't really been doing the things that I really want to.

And that's going to be another episode too,

Because this period of time,

Like this last one and a half months,

If it really made me realize anything is that just how far off my path I got knocked my dreams and the things that I believe in and the things that I work for just totally fell by the wayside.

And,

Um,

But I will come back with,

With another episode about that.

So like just dreams getting derailed and so on and so forth.

So for now,

I'm going to leave you with this,

Like basically it's okay that things go wrong.

It is okay.

When you make wrong choices,

It's inevitable,

Right?

We're all going to make mistakes.

We're all going to screw up and you are going to end up off your path.

How do you get back on?

How quickly do you get back on?

Not that it's a race.

That's not what I mean by that.

And not that there should be pressure either,

Because when you do that,

As I just explained,

The more I tried to slow down and the more I feel that frenetic sort of like,

But you got to do this energy,

The less I managed to do anyways.

So it's really better to just stop and really sit with the feelings of being off your path,

Whatever those feelings might be.

So for me,

Obviously it was burnout,

But it can be anything.

It can be guilt or it can be shame or it can be,

You know,

Exhaustion.

It can be stress.

It can be anxiety.

It can be depression.

It can be whatever it is that throws you off.

It really overwhelmed,

Whatever overstimulation is my friend Annika likes to say.

And that's a,

That's a really beautiful one for me.

But,

Um,

It can be whatever,

Whatever is getting you off your path.

It's not about like how quickly in terms of rushing,

It's about how quickly you realize what shit's gone wrong and then course correct.

That's what I mean.

How quickly,

How soon can you realize,

Whoa,

I'm really veering off course here.

This is not the way I want things to be going.

And then really start to bring yourself back.

Right?

Cause that's what it's always going to be about.

It's always going to be about bringing yourself back.

So how quickly can you do that?

Can you course correct?

And then how much grace can you give yourself?

Like shit's going to hit the fan.

Things are going to go wrong.

You're going to feel bad sometimes,

You know,

Stuff is going to come up.

Life is going to happen.

How much grace,

Compassion,

Love and acceptance can you show yourself?

And I'll be honest with you.

I wish that you show yourself more than I did this summer than I did in the last one and a half months.

I wish that you show yourself the same level of acceptance that I managed to show myself just in this last week.

That's,

That's my dream for you.

Um,

And yeah,

Just how do you get back onto your path?

We talk about this all the time.

What makes you feel good?

How do you care for yourself?

I'm not going to give you examples cause we are not the same people.

You know what makes you feel good.

You know it because on other episodes of the,

Of the podcast,

I've told you to make a list of things that make you feel good.

So you got your list somewhere on your phone,

Right?

That you can dive into when shit hits the fan and you can look at it and be like,

Oh yeah,

You know what?

A walk in nature would really feel good right now.

Or like reading a,

Like a really smutty book would feel,

Would feel really good right now.

Or journaling or calling my mom or talking to my friend or hugging my dog,

Whatever.

You know you,

I don't know you,

You know you,

Right?

You know you better than anyone is ever going to know you.

So you know what will help you get back on your path.

So yeah,

Just,

This is a friendly reminder to walk your talk and yeah,

Love,

Love up on yourself.

I hope that this story of my own bad behavior inspires you to not behave as I do.

Um,

And I hope that these,

This has like kind of shown you like that it's okay and that you will kind of,

You know,

Mess up but you're capable and strong and brilliant and you will get back on your path and it will be even better than it was before because now you've learned,

You've got more tools,

You've got more resources available to you because you know that you don't want to get off again and you will get off again.

That's how that goes.

That's how the ride of life is.

You will get off again,

But you know that you don't want to.

And every time it happens,

It takes a little bit less time for you to realize,

You know,

You get a little bit better at being like,

Ooh,

I'm getting off course here.

How can I get back?

You know,

You get a little better at recognizing the symptoms.

You get a little bit better at course correcting.

You get a little bit better at the entire process until it comes to the point where you're off your path for less and less time.

And I am speaking about this from so much experience,

Especially around this time of the year.

I swear to God every year around October,

I have a complete and total breakdown.

I'm hoping to avoid it this year.

Um,

But yeah,

Like it's,

It took me way less time to realize that I was off my path.

I realized it earlier than I course corrected.

So it was about like a month in that I thought,

Oof,

I can't keep going at this pace.

I really can't.

And then it was another two weeks until I finally said,

No,

Stop,

I can't do this anymore.

And I made some decisions and some changes in my personal life that got me back on track.

So yeah.

So yeah,

That's pretty much it.

I hope that you have an amazing weekend and I,

If you have any questions,

Comments or concerns,

You know,

You can always reach out and yeah,

I'm sending you so much love.

Have the best weekend ever and see you on the next episode of the podcast.

Ciao.

Reviews

I liked the analogy of the pendulum and agree that is so liberating to get to know yourself to recognise when things need to be brought back in balance. Thanks for sharing 🙏

This happens to all of us. It's part of our humaness😁. How we work on the journey back to where we wish to be, is what's most important. Thank you for sharing your own personal experience ❤️🙏Be well