Temple Or Fixer-Upper? (Reframing Ideas Of Self-Worth)

In this episode, I talk about the metaphor of viewing ourselves as a temple or a fixer-upper. What lens are you viewing yourself through? Are you seeing yourself through the lens of already being wonderful and worthy or as something that 'needs a lot of improvement' before it's good enough?

This episode will help you reframe your thoughts around how you view yourself (both from an internal and external perspective) and help you sink deeper into an inherent sense of worthiness.

Transcript

Hello and welcome to another episode of the Wild Free Will podcast.

I am here today to talk to you about a little reframe,

Another reframe,

Yet another reframe.

And this time the idea is about how we view ourselves,

How we see ourselves,

How we behave towards ourselves and how we treat ourselves.

So let me ask you a quick question.

Are you a temple or are you a fixer-upper?

And what I mean by this is are you treating yourself as something sacred and special or are you treating yourself as like a project or a problem or something that needs to be fixed?

So yeah,

I mean I think this is a big question and I think it's a really,

It,

If we're able to look at it objectively and kind of like from a macro perspective and if we can kind of evaluate the way that we've been treating ourselves and you know maybe the way we treat other people as well,

I think this can really open up a pathway for a different and also more holistic way of living and of viewing ourselves.

So I mean it's easy to forget so let me be the one that reminds you.

You are worthy.

You are deserving.

You are wonderful and magical and mystical and fantastic just the way you are and this includes all the many,

Many,

Many things that you don't like about yourself and all of the things that you consider to be flaws or weaknesses or whatever.

All of those unique traits that make you,

You are,

I mean fundamental.

They're fundamental to the tapestry of who you are and I think that they're fundamental to the tapestry of the world.

Like we're all here,

I mean I'd like to believe we're all here on purpose.

That's something that feels true for me and on the days that it doesn't,

I want it to be true.

I want it to be true for me and I want it to be,

I want it to be true for you too because I think that it's a better way to view it.

I guess life as opposed to just assuming that we're just here for no purpose and without any like sense of sense or whatever.

I think it's more powerful to believe that we are here on purpose but I feel like so many of us live from a space and I mean I fall into this trap too and I know a lot of people in my life do.

We all kind of like,

You know,

We get bucked off the horse and sometimes it takes us a second to get back on or we get off our path as I've said before in other episodes and then you know we kind of,

We're never really off our path.

Maybe we veer away a little bit and then we,

And we always end up coming back but this idea is like,

You know,

Can we view ourselves as wonderful,

As beautiful,

As magnificent,

As fantastic and interesting and unique and powerful and all of those really good things even if parts of us are kind of quote-unquote in ruins.

So if we're taking like the idea of like a building right like you know temple project or temple or fixer-upper,

Can we view the magic and see the beauty in the way that we already are or are we waiting to be shiny and new before we're lovable?

And I think that there's a lot of,

A lot of people who when they begin their spiritual path or when they get into the world of personal development or self-help that they,

It comes at from a place of like wanting to kind of fix ourselves as if there's something wrong with us.

And I think that that attitude long-term can be a little bit damaging.

It's not that we can't improve but it's the energy with which we come at our self-improvement that matters the most.

So what I mean by that is that there's going to be a lot better chance for success if you're coming at yourself from a place of like I love me,

You know,

Despite everything or I love my weaknesses,

I love the things about me that I,

You know,

Sometimes feel like I don't love.

I understand that all of these complexities are part of the bigger package,

Right?

And like kind of viewing self-improvement as a bonus to where we already are which is again inherently worthy,

Inherently deserving,

Inherently good enough.

And I will be like listen,

Putting my hands up,

I'm the first to admit it.

I think that my biggest struggle by far on planet Earth,

The lesson that I'm here to learn the most is how to feel genuinely worthy because I think I don't necessarily on a very consistent basis.

I have moments where I'm like yes,

Okay,

I'm in this and I'm in flow and I think we all have those,

Right?

But then there are also moments where it's like oh,

Like I've been at this for so long and I can't figure it out or I'm trying to do this and I'm not making any progress or and I begin to view myself from what I think is a very capitalistic sort of perspective which is like about more about doing and producing than being,

For example.

But I want to just kind of paint you a little picture about this and actually before I do paint you a picture about this,

I want to be really clear.

This idea and the metaphor of like,

You know,

A temple or a fixer upper,

It's not necessarily only to do with our physical body.

So that's there too.

We're never negating that.

You can be maybe applying this kind of attitude towards your body but I think there's a lot of ways in which we are also applying this to our mindset,

To our emotional landscape,

To our spiritual landscape,

All of it.

I don't think that this is a discussion about our external appearance even though the metaphor that I'm using most closely resembles the external experience.

I just want to be really clear.

I think that there are ways in which we treat our mind as well like a fixer upper or like a project and not like this magnificent and incredible place where our dreams live and our ideas are born and stuff like that.

We're not treating ourselves,

We're not treating ourselves like,

How can I say this?

We're not really appreciating the magic that we are,

Like the incredible synchronicity of events that had to occur in order for us to be here,

In order for this version of you to be here,

Exactly in the way that you are,

In the body that you are,

With the mind that you have,

With the looks that you have,

With the personality that you have,

With the experiences that you've experienced,

Like so many things had to take place,

So many moving parts had to come into alignment in order for you to be here and I think we take that deeply,

Deeply for granted and we don't view ourselves as the miracle in all honesty that we truly are.

So again,

It's not just physical,

It's not just external,

It's also internal.

But the metaphor and the example that I want to give you,

Because I live in Italy,

Yeah,

And Italy is like,

I think personally,

The most beautiful place on earth.

I think that there are lots of beautiful places on earth,

I think that Italy in terms of things to see is just pretty unbeatable and you know,

It's just,

It's got such magical and beautiful history and obviously sad and you know,

Not wonderful history as well,

But I want to give an example.

So in 2012,

I lived in Rome and I remember one night I was going out and at that time,

The Colosseum was,

Was lit up at night.

And I say at the time,

Because I have,

I lived near Pisa and I have told people to go to Pisa at night because that's when I think the city is the most beautiful because the tower is lit up.

I have seen the tower lit up many times,

Every time I have sent someone to Pisa to see the tower lit up,

It is not lit up.

So let's just take a very specific example.

When I lived in Rome at night,

The Colosseum was lit up.

Can't say for sure that that's still the case,

But I hope it is because it is a magical sight to see.

But the point is,

Is that no one goes to the Colosseum and thinks,

Wow,

This place would be really beautiful if only one quarter of it wasn't missing,

You know,

Or if the blocks were all even and symmetrical.

Because there is,

There is a chunk of the Colosseum that has,

That has fallen down and,

And there's pieces of it,

Whatever,

That are not,

It's not symmetrical,

It's not,

It's not quote unquote perfect,

Right?

But the beauty of the Colosseum,

I think is alive in its history.

Now,

It doesn't have a necessarily super happy history,

But you're looking at this building that has survived wars and,

You know,

Battles and all of the things that it's been through.

And it is beautiful both despite all of that,

And because of that,

Right?

And despite everything that it's been through,

All of the things that it has seen and lived through,

It is still standing,

Right?

It is still standing.

And I really think that this is the perfect metaphor for us because we aren't beautiful or wonderful or worthy because of the work or after the work or after the changes.

We are beautiful because of what we've seen and lived through and because despite all of that,

We're still standing,

Right?

We are beautiful because of the lessons that we've been through because of the person that it's made us,

That we've become because of the lessons that we've been through.

We are beautiful and worthy because we are,

Because we live and breathe,

Because we are alive.

That is reason enough.

We don't need to go justifying it with because I'm a kind person or I'm a good person or I do this for my mother or I,

You know,

I phone my grandparents or I help the little old lady across the street.

All of those things are great.

Obviously,

It's not about that,

But you are worthy because you are,

You are good enough because you are,

Because you breathe,

Because you're here and that is it,

Right?

And something that I always try to remember and try to reflect here is that no one else is asking or expecting anything from us but ourselves.

Like no one is asking or expecting us to be different.

It's all like a sort of internal pressure that we are putting on ourselves.

And if there are people,

You know,

In our lives asking for change,

We need to analyze where that request is coming from.

Like,

Is it a heartfelt request for our betterment?

Something that someone genuinely thinks like if we took this into consideration,

Like our existence on earth would be better?

Or is it because something about us and the way that we're behaving makes them uncomfortable?

And that can be good,

Uncomfortable,

Bad,

Uncomfortable.

That's something that you also need to sit with and weigh with.

But yeah,

It just,

It's about looking for a kernel of the truth in what people are saying and at the same time taking what people are saying with a grain of salt.

Because there has to,

I think,

Always be that balance.

Like,

No one is going to ever know better than you.

And people can reflect all kinds of things back to you and sometimes it's from a good place and sometimes it's from their stuff.

You know,

It's a reflection of their stuff and the way that they're perceiving you and not necessarily about you.

So definitely take what people are saying if it's coming from a loving place into consideration.

But remember that the majority of the expectations that are placed on us in this day and age really do come from within or from an internal acceptance of external expectations,

Right?

Because there are expectations obviously on a societal and cultural level and so on and so forth.

But they're only true and they only become real if we choose to buy into them and if we choose to believe them,

Right?

So I think that the point of this is really about reframing how we approach ourselves and how we view ourselves.

Are we viewing ourselves as this temple,

You know,

This magical,

Mystical place where all good things happen and we have a connection to the divine and,

You know,

Our ideas are born,

Our dreams are born,

All of these things.

Or are we viewing ourselves as a fixer-upper?

And a lot of the ways that you can tell this is if you're having if-when conversations with yourself.

What I mean by that is like if I get the relationship,

If I get the job,

If I lose the weight,

When I,

You know,

Like build up my business or when I,

You know,

Learn to play the guitar or when I stop being mean to my grandmother or whatever it is that you're working on,

Then I will be happy,

Satisfied,

Fulfilled.

So if you're having those kinds of conversations,

You're probably coming at yourself as if you were a project or as if you were like,

You know,

A sort of fixer-upper.

Like when I'm finally perfect,

When I no longer make any mistakes,

When I no longer behave in ways that displease me or displease others,

Then I will finally be worthy.

And it is a trap.

It really is a trap because that moment is never going to arrive.

Why?

Because perfection is impossible.

It is an unattainable standard,

Which probably doesn't even belong to us but has been drilled a little bit into us by society.

Okay,

Number one.

Number two,

Because,

Oh no,

I forgot number two.

I forgot number two.

Give me one second.

Let me think this through here.

What I was,

What was I saying?

Oh,

Because when you arrive at that point,

Like when you finally do do whatever it is,

So like let's take something from like my life.

So,

You know,

When I finally build the business up to a point where I'm,

I like it or to the point that I imagine in my mind,

Then I'll be happy.

Yes,

Sort of.

So what I mean by a sort of is if you get to the point where you achieve the thing that you want,

If you're not able to believe that you deserve it,

It's going to be very hard for you to recognize that you've actually made it to that point,

Number one.

And then going on from that,

Once you get to a new level,

There's a saying new levels,

New devils.

So every time you get to a new level,

There is something else then to achieve or to strive for or whatever.

So it's about two things,

Which is understanding that you are on a constant,

Constant path of evolution.

You are forever changing.

Everything around you is forever changing.

That being like the natural world,

Humans,

Business,

The economy,

Politics,

Like everything in our world is constantly shifting,

Constantly changing.

And that once you get to a new level,

If you're not able to celebrate where you are,

And really find a way to be at peace and happy with where you are and take a bit of a breather before you start moving to the next level,

It just becomes this path of chasing right?

And you're always going to be looking for the next thing,

The next thing more,

Bigger,

Better,

That kind of thing.

And what that ultimately does is leave us feeling like we never have enough and like we never are enough.

So there's like a lot of moving pieces here,

Right?

And like I said,

It starts with recognizing if you're having these if-when conversations with yourself,

You're probably coming at yourself from a bit of like a project perspective of wanting to change things.

And then it's also remembering that the path is never ending.

When it ends,

We're gone.

Like we're no longer earth side,

Right?

And that's not a goal I think that we should aspire to,

Right?

We should be enjoying the journey and the path as it unfolds.

And in order for us to do that,

It's really much easier if we can come at it from a place of being so in love with ourselves and so in love with our lives,

And the daily unfoldings of our life here on earth,

That you know,

It just makes it all worth living.

Every aspect of it,

All the ups and downs and flaws,

Like it all becomes a lot more meaningful if we're able to see it as this journey,

And not constantly view ourselves through the lens of what I need to do better,

Or I need to be better,

Or I need to have more,

Right?

So all of this is to say that you are inherently worthy.

And that can be one of the most difficult things to tap into.

And where I would encourage you to start is by listening to the way that you talk to yourself.

So like,

How many times per day do you say,

Oh,

God,

That was so stupid?

Like,

Why did I do that?

That was so stupid?

Or why did I say that?

Or whatever?

Or how many times do you like look in the mirror and think,

Oh,

My God,

I'll tell you a true story.

This is I swear to God,

This is a true story.

I was the other day.

I was like,

Washing my face after I got out of bed.

And I was looking at myself in the mirror.

And it just came out so naturally in Italian because I was like,

I don't know,

Because it did in Italian.

And I was like,

Oh,

My gosh,

I am so fucking ugly.

It's,

It's awful,

Right?

Like,

I mean,

I'm laughing because why?

Because in Italian,

There's a saying I'm laughing so I don't cry.

It's a horrible,

Horrible thing to have said to myself,

It came out so spontaneously,

Because I was looking at my face.

And I'm like,

I was having like a breakout or something.

And my skin has been really dry,

Also,

Because we're in the midst of changing seasons,

And so on and so forth.

And it's just awful,

Though.

But it came out with this like,

Kind of nonchalance,

Like,

I didn't even think about it,

Right?

I like looked at myself in the mirror.

And this phrase just came out of my mouth.

And I said it out loud,

Too.

I didn't say it in my head.

And so it's these kinds of insidious things,

These kinds of conversations that we're having with ourselves that are holding us back,

Because no one else thinks this about us.

Like,

My partner heard me and he's like,

What are you saying to yourself?

Like,

Why?

That's so not true at all.

Like,

It's not true at all.

People don't view us the way that we view ourselves,

Right?

They just don't.

And we're always our harshest critic.

So if you're beginning and you're curious to take this a step further,

I would definitely definitely go through like listening to your thoughts and being mindful of like how you're maybe being mean,

Cutting,

Derisive,

Or any of those things towards yourself.

And then take the thought and you can begin to break it down.

So you want to ask yourself,

Like,

Is this thought ultimately true?

Like,

Is it the absolute truth?

Right?

And then you can take it a step further and reframe it into what you actually want the thought to be.

Okay,

So that's just like a little bit of the process.

But ultimately,

It's really just about being kind to ourselves,

And treating ourselves the way we would treat other people.

I would never,

Literally never in any situation on earth with any person,

Not even somebody I hated,

Go up to them and say,

You're so fucking ugly.

Like,

That's an absolute impossibility.

And if you think about the way that you speak to yourself,

And if you think about the things that you're saying,

And you think about saying them to somebody else,

I bet you,

You would want to bury yourself,

You know,

Bury your head in the sand,

Like literally do anything to yourself besides ever say those words out loud to another living human being.

So why are we saying them to ourselves?

We have to start here.

We have to start on the internal Also,

Because when we start changing the way we speak to and about ourselves,

It inevitably changes the way we speak to and about other people.

Because we cannot be unkind to others if we are being kind to ourselves,

It's basically an impossibility,

Because you'd be so full of love at that point,

That you would have very little bad to say about other people.

It's easier to say bad things about other people when we're first saying bad things about ourselves,

Because it becomes the standard that we hold.

So if we say bad things about ourselves,

And we treat ourselves with this kind of like,

Disregard,

It's a lot easier to treat other people with disregard,

Because you don't have that level for yourself.

You can't hold that standard for them,

Right?

Like you can't say like,

You and it's the opposite is also true.

Like we can also be nicer to people than we are ourselves.

And we usually are,

At least outwardly.

We usually are.

But it gets a lot easier for it to be deep and true.

If we can give that to ourselves first.

And remember that we would never say the things that we say to ourselves to somebody else.

It's an impossibility.

I'd be willing to bet you money.

So take a second and ask yourself,

Temple,

Fixer upper,

Where do I fall on this?

How am I treating myself?

Am I treating myself as a project that needs to be improved,

Change shifted,

You know,

Or am I treating myself as something sacred and already inherently wonderful.

And then think about the thoughts that you're thinking or listen out for them during the week or try to catch yourself when you're saying something particularly cutting.

And then from there,

Ask yourself if it's actually true.

It really rarely ever is.

I don't think there's a single case actually where it actually is true.

It's just a story.

It's just something we're repeating to ourselves.

Maybe it's something that somebody else said to us that stuck with us,

But it's just a story and stories can be changed.

And then choose a new story.

So choose if I don't want to believe this anymore,

What do I want to believe?

If I don't want to say this to myself anymore,

What do I want to say?

And then in the minutes,

In the moments where you start hearing yourself saying the kind of mean cutting thing,

Then you try to say no,

Hang on.

I've decided I'm not saying that anymore to myself and I'm going to say this instead.

And try to make whatever it is that you say to yourself afterwards somewhat true,

Right?

It needs to feel real.

Okay,

So if you don't feel good and you say I feel like a million dollars and that feels like bullshit,

Your brain knows that it's bullshit.

So you need to say something that feels relatively true or feels possible at least,

Okay?

Something like I'm in the process of feeling like a million dollars or I'm on the path to feeling like a million dollars because that's always true.

Because when you've made the decision to work on this,

And to like take a step forward,

Then it's it automatically becomes true.

And then in all of this,

Because we are talking about mindset work,

But we just had a conversation about how the work doesn't make us better.

Remember that this is coming from a place of I am good enough as I am.

I love myself as I am.

And every change I make is only a bonus.

It doesn't make me any more worthy.

It doesn't make me better than I am.

It might make me happier than I am right now,

I might feel better about myself because of this.

But I am doing it from a place where I already know I am good enough,

Or I am certainly trying to tap into that feeling of feeling good enough.

And everything I do out there after is a bonus.

It's not like I have to do this work to be worthy.

So so so important.

Because otherwise personal development just becomes a trap.

It just becomes another shiny gilded cage that we all keep ourselves in.

And that is not the point.

Like why would we do this work then if all we're going to do is punish ourselves with it,

It doesn't make any sense.

It really really doesn't.

And I think that the personal development world to a certain extent has become a little bit more punishing because it's like do this,

Do that,

Do this,

Do that,

Do yoga,

Do meditating,

Do intermittent fasting,

Do cold plunges,

Do cold showers,

Don't do it.

Don't do any of these things if you don't like them.

Don't do any of these things if you don't see the inherent value in them.

Only do the things that you feel called to do and that you feel benefit you and also light you up,

Right?

Always,

Always,

Always running everything,

Including what I'm saying,

Through the filter of is this true for me?

Always,

Forever.

Okay,

I'm gonna leave you here.

I hope you found this episode useful.

And I hope that you,

I hope that you feel so worthy.

I really do.

I hope that you love yourself and treat yourself like the magical mystical creature that you are because you are.

And I hope you know that you are worthy because you are because you live because you breathe.

And I hope that you've left this space and this time together feeling bolstered and loved and seen and witnessed because we are all on this path together.

No one is ahead.

No one is behind.

We are all walking alongside each other holding each other's hands as we move forward collectively.

And I thank you so so much for being here and for gifting me with your attention because it really does mean the world to me.

And yeah,

Just take this and and and use it and use it to believe that you are worthy already and that everything that you do is just a bonus on your already existing awesomeness.

So I hope you have an amazing weekend and I will see you on the next episode of the podcast.

Ciao!

Reviews

This episode is awesome! Love the metaphor, explanation, & guidance. Thanks!! 🙏🏻