Preparing For The Holiday Season | Self-Care Mindset

In this episode, I talk about preparing for the holiday season - whatever that means for you!

This episode helps you get clear on what you most want out of the holiday season and also invites you to reflect on your current obligations. I also take you through an exercise to better understand your wants and needs for this time of the year and how to bring these two (potentially different!) aspects into alignment.

Whatever you celebrate, I wish you a magical and peaceful holiday season!

Transcript

Hello and welcome to another episode of the Wild Free Well podcast.

I'm your host Alessia and I'll admit it's been a hot minute and one day we will get into the why of that but today is not that day.

I am here with another episode and I'm excited to talk to you a little bit about the holiday season.

I am behind on this topic because we're already well into December but that's totally fine.

This is going to be something that I think will land in any case and I will be up front and say that this could potentially turn into a series because I've had seven million ideas this morning just kind of flowing out of me so we will see how this unfolds but for now I want to talk to you a little bit about preparing for the holiday season.

So I know that this time of year can be really stressful for some people and I know that it has been for me in the past as well and I kind of want to help offer some suggestions and and give some tips on how to kind of find clarity on what is really important for you in order for you to celebrate the holidays in a way that feels really really good.

And so I'm going to start off a little bit backwards today so I'm going to start off with some practical tips and then we are going to kind of undo those practical tips towards the end of the podcast.

So yeah,

So the idea is just what are your non-negotiables?

So for your,

Sorry I'm just going to turn up the volume on my mic because I don't hear myself very well.

Okay there we go.

So what are your non-negotiables?

So I think everyone has these around the holiday season and if you don't want to feel like you're sacrificing and remember that in this universe,

The universe of the Wild Free Well podcast,

We are not keen on sacrificing.

I'm not saying that we don't compromise when necessary,

That we're not open to having that conversation but we're not prioritizing sacrifice or suffering in a way that I think a lot of people tend to kind of default towards.

I don't see any value in that.

I think it ultimately leads to a lot of things like personal upset and burnout because the more that you are sacrificing what you want and potentially what you need,

The worse off you're always going to be long term.

So I'm not,

I've never been and I don't plan on being an advocate for that.

So if there's something that for you is really important during the holiday season,

It is vital that you communicate that to your people,

To your family,

To your friends,

To your colleagues,

To whatever group of people or community you belong to in order to make sure that you're not putting yourself in a situation where you are giving up something that's really important to you and by the same token where you're crossing your own boundaries.

So usually when something is really important to us,

It's important to us for a reason and so if we are in a position where we are kind of not communicating clearly,

We're already kind of betraying ourselves because we are not being honest and perhaps with ourselves first and foremost and then not being honest with other people about what we want and so we can't really get pissy later when what we want isn't met.

We can't expect people to read our minds,

Right?

So we need to be in a position where we are communicating the things that we want clearly.

So some things that are non-negotiable for me are are definitely decorating.

It's really important for me to have a festive environment.

I find this year somewhat depressing in terms of weather.

I live somewhere where there's not a lot of snow.

It tends to rain more often so the days can be quite gray and I feel like the lights and the decorations and the reflection from the ornaments and the reflection from the garland really really lighten the mood and add so much joy to a space and so that's something for me that's really really important and last year because I was in the middle of a move,

I wasn't really able to enjoy that or do it at the same level and so I communicated that to my partner and my partner had actually already reflected that back to me even before like I kind of said something to him about how he really wanted to make sure that we decorated the house this year because he knew that we didn't last year and that it's something that's really important to me.

So this is something that I want to encourage you to dive into.

What is something for you that is essential for it to feel like Christmas?

And this can be tied to my next question which is what are your favorite family traditions?

Sometimes our non-negotiables are also things that we've done since we were children or something that we you know that's really important or something that we've always wanted to incorporate perhaps something that you want to make into a tradition right and something that I really want to encourage you to do is is in having these conversations with your people um it's really important to keep an open mind because whatever your favorite traditions are or whatever your non-negotiables are they may not be the same as what your partners are or your friends are or your families right everyone has um I mean I say this on the podcast all the time everyone has their own truth in this case in particular everyone has their own idea of like the perfect Christmas or the quintessential Christmas right the things that make Christmas Christmas and please if you don't celebrate Christmas but you celebrate Hanukkah or you don't celebrate any of the above or you celebrate um oh my goodness now I don't remember the name of the holiday I feel like it starts with an r and s in any case the point being substitute Christmas with whatever holiday it is that you're celebrating and I mean we could use this for any any holiday at any point in time it's just that the holidays as in like Christmas and New Year's and this time of year is one of the most universally celebrated times of year whether it's from a religious perspective or not okay the religion aspect doesn't necessarily have something to do with it I mean obviously that's an important aspect for a lot of people but it's not why everyone or a lot of people celebrate Christmas or it's not the only reason why so it's really important for you to remember that whatever your favorite family traditions are whatever your non-negotiables are it's likely that your partner or your family or your friends have a different view of that and so having these kind of open conversations makes it so the things that are most important to you and your family it gives space for everyone to get something that they want right and really finding a balance and and we're gonna come back to this but it's also because of time right we we have so much time available to us we we only have so much time available to us the holiday season is what it is and everyone is different some people start celebrating you know immediately after Halloween some people start celebrating after American Thanksgiving some people in Italy for example people typically start celebrating to after the 8th of December but in even now in from a commercial point of view I mean Christmas starts basically after Halloween and maybe even a little bit before um so we're kind of inundated with these images but we have time available to us to do a certain amount of things we may not be able to do everything right we can do the things that are most important to us if we choose to prioritize them and if we focus on them so the first two steps what are your non-negotiables what are your favorite family traditions if you need some help brainstorming your non-negotiables and then taking into consideration communicating those with people and then allowing people to communicate theirs back to you because they are likely different than yours the second thing to keep in mind is what are your obligations okay what are your seasonal obligations what do you have to do this season have to is a relative term okay we don't have to do anything but this season comes with a lot of celebrations and by that I mean work Christmas parties and you know children's pageants and school pageants and drinks with friends and you know getting together with different family members perhaps you have Christmas with your in-laws then you have Christmas with your parents and so on and so forth right um depending on the size of your family and the way that you celebrate so what are some of the things that you already know are on your calendar that you can kind of take into consideration and then I want to I mean also kind of highlight like how can you make sure that this doesn't get overwhelming and a ruthless sort of suggestion here would be if there's something on that list that doesn't particularly light you up to count to cut it out um and that is not always easy in fact I think it's often easier said than done because for example children's pageants and stuff for the school like while lovely are often tend to be you know quite time consuming I was a teacher at an elementary school and um that time of year like we start preparing in November so even for the kids it's so important because they've spent like two months of their lives preparing for this for this show um and but it's time out of our schedules right that we need to show up and be there for somebody else so how can we do so in a way that doesn't feel like we are taking something from ourselves and are there any events that you typically partake in that you would prefer to potentially take a pass on and is there a way that you can do that with kindness and respect right we don't want to hurt people's feelings but we also don't want to be in a position where we're overwhelming ourselves or putting everything on our calendar because there is only again so much time available before we get to the holiday season and um just as a quick side note like for me with this discussion I often work right up until the the last days before Christmas like I usually start uh taking holidays around the 24th and um I have realized this year um despite working for myself for many many years um I have realized this year that that is not a winning strategy it is not because what ends up happening is I'm working so late into the year that I end up finishing work and I don't necessarily have time to relax before Christmas starts and I feel like I'm in a mad rush on the 24th to prepare all the food that I need to prepare to have people over and all of that sounds uh really really stressful and then this year in particular has been a relatively difficult year on my end and so I feel like I'm I'm already kind of looking into strategies for how I can mitigate this so what I can do in order to not arrive at the point where it's like you know December 24th and now I have everything to do and then Christmas which for us in Italy is the 24th and the 25th um with family and then sometimes the 26th with friends um but I don't want to rush through those three days I don't want to miss the magic of those three days because I've worked up until the finish line and now I'm really really stressed and I understand that this is coming from a place of massive privilege I work for myself I'm in control of my schedule I have the opportunity to move things around if I want to I can take time off when I want to I'm not beholden to somebody else or somebody else's schedule so I realize that that is not the case for everyone but there are still ways potentially for you to mitigate these feelings of overwhelm or being rushed into the holiday season and then kind of and then subsequently crashing right afterwards in that kind of week between Christmas and New Year which in for me is is such an important such a valuable time of year um and so again in because I know that because that is one of my non-negotiables that week after Christmas or the between Christmas and New Year's I am doing things differently this year in order to make it so I can really enjoy that time right well I can really take that time and I'm not arriving there where I'm so done because I've overstretched myself and I have to kind of like play catch up now right um so some of these things could look like taking you know pockets of rest or taking a day off or spending time with family and and just really being mindful in general I would say the biggest tip that I would give this time of year is really being mindful of your schedule and I can hear people already saying well Alaysia that's just not possible and I have to be here and I have to do this and I have to go there and I mean we only ever have to do things because we say we do okay I want to really emphasize that and there is a massive energetic difference between saying I have to do something I have to go to these parties I have to make this dinner I have to make a 10 course meal I have to go get Christmas presents I have to have to have to and saying I get to it sounds like BS but it is such a small shift that makes such a big difference it really really does because we are able to give ourselves the space to say okay if I get to do this I get to do it the way I want to and I get to do it when I want to and I get to prioritize myself and I get to do it in a way that doesn't feel overwhelming or make my life more complicated or make me feel like things are hard right we have that power in our decision making to show up differently and to give a different energy and intention to the things that we're doing so I would really encourage you especially at this time of year maybe more so than any other time of year where there are a lot of external demands and a lot of external events especially to kind of really get quiet and take a second and think about what's important to you and what you are and aren't willing to show up for right yeah we can sit here and say easier said than done and in some ways sure but in other ways it's like this is your life so if you want to be happy and you want to feel good this Christmas season this holiday season it's important that you take responsibility for that and not just like kind of leave it up in the air or just kind of move by default or do things the way that you've always done them because you've always done them that way that's not a good reason to do anything honestly so yeah okay the next thing is what normally trips you up around this time of year so what is something that you normally really struggle with or that like a block that you come up against that you really want to give yourself the opportunity to do differently this year and what is your strategy for dealing with it so it's very difficult for me to give you an example here because I don't have something in particular that I'm coming up with coming up against something okay that's not true something that's been tripping me up this year has been the external demands on my partner's time because I'm new to town I don't have a ton of connections my connections don't necessarily do things on like weekend evenings so my partner and I don't have a ton of time together because of the way our schedules are we tend to work kind of opposing hours and he has some activities in his life that kind of keep him away from home and so this month he has a dinner for three different events or three different like kind of groups every Saturday in the lead up to December or in the lead up to Christmas sorry and that for me is real tough to manage uh and I guess we could say we could say that it's because I'm jealous I don't feel like I am because I don't want to have something to do every Saturday in the lead up to Christmas um like I don't think I would trade places with him but a lot of the events are like for him only and not they don't include me it's not like a family thing it's something that like he would do on his own and I think that that is not wholly appropriate at this time of year which is so family centric and something that for me is really important and potentially is one of my non-negotiables is really family time around this time of year and just really getting to enjoy the holiday season together so that's been really tough and if I talk about like so I've mentioned that it's tripping me up a strategy for dealing with this is what when we're talking about somebody else's schedule right like we're not in control of other people we can't decide what they do and I'm not like upset with my partner I'm upset with the situation uh he's beloved good for him that he's beloved I find it ridiculous that this so many of the events are kind of only for him and and don't include families like not just his family but families of the other people involved as well I find that really strange around this time of year especially like I could see at other times of the year but in any case there's nothing that we can do necessarily about somebody else's schedule besides have again an open conversation and communicate how we're feeling communicate our needs which I've done to my partner and just like trying to make sure that okay well if we're participating in these events or you're participating in these events that we're still carving out time for each other because that's important because like that's our family right um but I think the strategy in this case would be me dealing with how I'm feeling about this right and kind of being mature about the situation not always easy depending on what the situation is that you find yourself in um and just kind of taking responsibility for my side of the street so it's it's me that's having a hard time with this obviously because he has something to do that he likes or that's enjoyable for him so it's obvious that he doesn't have like beef with it and that's actually not entirely true because my partner has also questioned uh why the events are not more family oriented especially around this time of year um so but just kind of managing myself and and perhaps making finding a way to make that time where we'll be apart fun for myself like what can I do to enjoy it besides getting together with other people I can also like you know do things at home that I always love to do or do more decorating or um you know um like watch Christmas movies and stuff do things that bring me joy um to ensure that I'm not in a space of feeling like I'm missing out if that makes sense so thinking about what normally trips you up this time maybe it is you know interactions with a family member and this is most likely going to be another podcast episode altogether because I know that especially this year with the political climate that we find ourselves in the holidays can be potentially a minefield um but like perhaps it's dealing with like an a family member that doesn't see the world the way you do or you know the family member that's always asking you why are you single when are you getting married or whatever it is like the kind of stereotypical things that we see around this time of year um and like how can you how can you deal with that and it is going to potentially require a certain amount of preparation and resilience from you and there's nothing wrong with that if you know that there's something that makes you uncomfortable if you know that there's something that you know tends to piss you off or or upset you around this time of year it is important that you take responsibility and that you also prepare and plan and have some kind of strategy in place for dealing with it and and managing your own emotions giving yourself time to be upset but like for example if you know that uncle bob doesn't share the same political opinions as you there's nothing wrong with that you're going into it already forewarned forewarned is forearmed um and so you can kind of not alter but you can certainly like yeah I guess you can you can adjust your behavior to mitigate something that you know is coming if you know that this you know uncle bob is going to say something inappropriate you can either prepare to kind of stand up to uncle bob you can prepare to roll your eyes and laugh you can kind of shrug your shoulders and walk away you can have whatever strategy works best for you in order to kind of deal with it and in a way that doesn't have to be this like big family drama um easier said than done I think this whole podcast that should be like the hashtag hashtag easier said than done but it's so important to be having these kind of conversations I think and to really be aware of what you're getting yourself into okay now we are switching gears and we are going to kind of undo the tips that I have given you up until now and why why are we doing that because we're going to look at them from another point of view okay which is what do you want this year what do you need during this holiday season and where is the intersection between the two so let me break this down sometimes what we want is not actually what we need so for example potentially uh I could want uh let's say like somebody wants to have or you want to have a big family Christmas okay big dinner all the trimmings all your favorite dishes all the dishes that you know your grandmother used to make or that your kids loved when you cook or whatever um but what you actually need is rest because this year has been challenging or you've had um you know a lot of work or you've just been really busy whatever whatever the reason is that you need rest and you don't need a reason to rest also just as a side note um but how can we find a balance between the two between what you want and what you need and I would say that in this case it is most important to prioritize what you need as opposed to what you want um they fill you in different ways and by giving yourself what you need it is more likely that you will be able to give yourself what you want okay and maybe some of the things that you want are things that you want for others okay maybe you want the big family dinner because you know how much it means to your mom or how much it means to your kids that's really beautiful that is so generous and so giving and so lovely and still if what you need is rest then that still has to come first before burning the candle at both ends and potentially again arriving to the at the 27th in this like massive crash right just just getting into a really energetic deficit because we're pushing pushing pushing trying to do more be more have more during the holiday season um which is like also something that comes from the consumerism of it all and and that's a conversation that we can have too in another podcast but like it's really important to be in a space where you can honor yourself and I say this often on the podcast as well like you just you you need to be able to listen to the voice within you and what it's telling you and then try to give yourself that and if you do you will be so much more prepared to move forward empowered rested with your cup full and you're able to give more because we know that this is the season of giving but sometimes we forget that we need to give to ourselves as much as we give to others and so by giving to ourselves we better position ourselves to give to others by filling our cup we are able to give to people from the overflow instead of constantly depleting ourselves and then again kind of arriving at the new year this which is symbolic right it is okay the start of a literal new year in terms of the calendar and then we can talk about what is time time is but a human construct and so on and so forth but I mean we we do mark the seasons this way and new year's is a symbolic kind of fresh start and so I know that in years past for me personally when I haven't given myself the time especially in the week between Christmas and New Year's to kind of take the time that I know is so important to me that I know is one of my non-negotiables I've arrived in at the new year being like well what am I doing like what am I working towards this year and like what are my goals and like where did I kind of leave off last year and what was or wasn't working right I didn't give myself that time to kind of assess what I felt and so I walked into the new year somewhat blindly um because that because again the symbolism of the new year is so important to me so I really want you to again go back what is important to you what do you want what do you actually need where do those two potentially conflict with each other how can you find a way to prioritize what you need in order to then take steps towards what you want and kind of move on from there if that makes sense so I think we're going to leave this episode here if you have any questions for me if you want to suggest a podcast episode if you would like to comment critique or so on and forth please feel free to do so I'd be really curious to hear what you have to say and I know that some of my listeners have taken this seriously because I have received emails and I am really appreciative of them even when they're not what I'm expecting so yes I'm really grateful for you taking the time to write out write to me and yeah so I hope that this episode finds you well I hope you have the most splendid fantastic magical holiday season possible and I will see you on the next episode of the podcast take care