Overcoming Criticism + Staying True : A Guide For Creators

Putting yourself out there as a creator/healer/business owner/artist comes with challenges — one of the biggest being handling criticism. It’s easy to feel discouraged when negative feedback rolls in, but the truth is, criticism doesn’t define you. In this episode, we explore how to filter feedback, trust your creative voice and continue showing up with confidence.

I'm curious to know: what’s your experience with handling criticism? Have you ever let feedback stop you from creating? Let's talk more about it!

Transcript

Hello and welcome to another episode of the Wild Freewell podcast.

I'm your host Alessia,

Which I haven't said on the last couple of podcasts,

Don't ask me why,

But hey I'm Alessia,

I'm happy to be connecting with you.

And today I am here with an episode that is going to be part of a new series that is going to be specifically for creators.

So what I mean by that is anyone who's in business,

Anyone who does anything where they're creating something in the world,

So it could be an artist,

It could be another coach,

It could be a healing practitioner,

Like there's no there's no limit to who this could potentially be for.

If you're creating something in the world,

If you're putting yourself out there,

Then this series is going to be for you.

So I want to start off today with a big topic,

You know as I tend to do because I don't really like to kind of you know play small or play around,

If we're going to talk about something let's let's talk about it.

And the thing that I want to start with is actually handling criticism online.

And if you are at the point where you are receiving criticism,

Negative feedback,

You know even compliments,

It means that you are engaging in such a way that you have a little bit of an audience.

And so we're starting off in the middle of your journey as a creator or as an artist or entrepreneur or whatever,

Right?

Pick your poison.

We're not starting off at the beginning,

We are kind of jumping headfirst into the middle to have this conversation because it's been something that's on my heart and because I feel like I have what will inevitably prove to be an unpopular opinion about this,

But I feel like I have my own perspective on handling criticisms.

So the first thing I will say is that whenever I get negative criticism that is not like requested.

So I often ask for feedback on episodes and stuff like that and I ask for feedback from coaching clients and that's something that we'll talk about a little bit later.

But when I receive negative criticism I really try to approach it with an open and curious attitude.

It's really important that we are open and curious about everything.

Like this goes back to basic mindset work.

When we're talking about finding,

Like when we come upon a limiting belief let's say,

When we see something that kind of makes us go,

One of the things that I say to my clients all the time is to just be like when you hear yourself repeating the story for the millionth time,

Because you're aware of the story so we've already gone like a few steps ahead,

But when you're aware of the story and you find yourself repeating it or you hear yourself repeating something that's not particularly nice to say to yourself,

Isn't that interesting?

Isn't that interesting?

It's not like oh I shouldn't say that or I shouldn't be feeling this way or whatever.

We're not creating another story about the story,

We're just noticing the story.

And a lot of what I do when I receive criticism online is the same.

I kind of go oh isn't that interesting?

So yeah,

This episode in particular for me is going to be based almost exclusively on the podcast.

I do a little bit of blogging,

I do a little bit of social media,

But I mean none of it and nearly as consistently as I do the podcast and so that's what I'm going to be referring to.

But like when I get negative feedback,

One of the first things that I think and like my knee-jerk kind of gut reaction to this and this is where my unpopular opinion comes in is you know,

Gee,

I hope that they have a podcast and that it is awesome.

Because the point being here is that I hope that the people who are giving like negative feedback are out there equally putting themselves out in the world,

Right?

Because criticizing someone is the easiest thing to do in the entire world,

But putting yourself out there is a whole other ballgame,

Right?

And so like that's,

I mean it's a very common thing like it's so much easier to judge someone than it is to kind of take a second and like look in your own backyard.

When you're criticizing somebody,

We could have a conversation about how potentially you're criticizing a part of yourself or there's some kind of jealousy or there's some whatever.

We're not getting into that today because like I believe that up to a certain point.

But yeah,

I definitely think that we should look into any compliments,

Any criticism and really genuinely see what we can take away,

But it's also like really important to be mindful of where the criticism is coming from because to give like a really broad example,

I probably wouldn't take cooking lessons from a plumber or plumbing advice from a chef.

So it's really important to gauge and assess where the information is coming from whether and then whether it resonates as true for you and whether or not it's useful.

But like that's kind of why my gut reaction,

I'm never offended honestly at this point at least no one has said anything that's like necessarily offensive.

So I'm never offended by the critiques that I get but the first thing I say,

I think to myself and I kind of say in my mind is you know I hope their podcast is really good because if they're criticizing me then they must have something really awesome that they're doing in the world.

They must have a certain level of expertise in what I'm doing in order for them to be out here offering feedback.

Do you know what I mean?

And this can sound like a really arrogant thing to say and I know that this is going to ruffle a lot of feathers but I do think that it's really important because sometimes it's like so easy and we are so quick to accept the negative feedback from other people without really taking a second to filter it through who we are as people through our values and through our beliefs and through our own knowing of what we're doing and how we're doing it.

Like we're so quick to buy into the story that someone else is feeding us as opposed to kind of questioning it.

So I'm not coming at this like I think I'm better than them because I have a podcast.

I'm just saying like oh it's really interesting that this person has taken time out of their day to criticize me.

I hope that they have some experience in something similar to what I'm doing that gives them this kind of position that gives them like you know the right let's say to offer me an unsolicited opinion potentially.

Usually mine are solicited but in any case an unsolicited opinion about what it is that I'm out in the world doing.

Does this make sense?

I really hope this lands because it's really really really important like this to me is a certain amount of sovereignty.

I am really really settled and comfortable in what I do and the way I do it.

I do not follow the typical rules of podcasting.

I do not and that's an episode for another day in all honesty.

Just like about breaking rules as a creator but I don't follow the typical rules.

I don't do things the way that people have told me to do them and I feel very comfortable and really really content with the way that I do things and the work that I put out in the world because it's it's a reflection of me.

It is my heart on a platter handed out to whoever is listening and that might ruffle people's feathers but I would also say that if it does there is two sides to this story.

There is me that is potentially doing something that that person doesn't like or doesn't agree with but there is also and I think there's a huge part of it that's this.

There's also that person's reaction to what I'm doing that has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with me as a creator.

It has so much more or even as a human sorry that has nothing to do with me as a creator and nor does it have anything to do with me as a human.

It has so much more to do with their lived experience,

Their perspective,

What they've been through in their lives,

What they're going through right now,

Right?

Because if people are taking time to give you feedback whether it's positive or negative it doesn't necessarily really matter.

It says also a lot about them.

It does not just say something about you,

Right?

It and we can make everything mean something but if we're going to make the positive mean something we have to be mindful that then we're also likely to make the negative mean something and at this point it's better to kind of just be neutral.

What I mean by that is don't take positive stuff to heart,

Don't take the negative stuff to heart either because all that matters is that you are aligned and sovereign in what you are doing,

In your belief in what you are doing and how you are doing it and the way that you are showing up,

Right?

Which is kind of what I was describing before about how I feel about the podcast.

Like this is my whole heart just pouring out to you.

This is my way of making sense of the world and my way of trying to help other people make sense of the world through my perspective and then encouraging them to take my perspective and filter it through their perspective and see what kind of comes up,

Where there's pushback,

Where there's you know like something that goes ah okay cool I never thought about it that way like all of those things.

So now let's take this a step farther because we've gotten some kind of feedback whether it's positive or negative it doesn't really matter.

We're talking more towards the side of the negative but you know both are relevant to this conversation I think.

So how can you tell when a piece of feedback is true?

I think that there's two main ways that you can tell when something is true.

Either it lands effortlessly like it resonates or it really pisses you off.

So I recently received a comment saying that I use the word like too much on the podcast.

This landed effortlessly because it's true.

Yeah I don't have anything to say about that it's really it's true.

I don't really feel like it's a huge problem but I can see how it could potentially bother listeners when it's excessive which is usually when I'm more tired or you know during my cycle and so on when I'm a bit more distracted than it when I'm trying to keep the no now I know the word in Italian and not in English when I'm trying to keep like my thoughts straight and it's easy for me to get kind of caught up in in what I'm saying and maybe not be able to like keep things completely straight.

But I also know okay following the same discussion from before I also know that my episodes come straight from my heart and that the underlying message beyond the likes though potentially distracting is really valuable.

So that lands and also this is kind of a part of the way that I communicate and so if the person finds it too distracting there's a chance that potentially I'm not the right teacher for them because the only other option is that I would go through and edit out all the likes which I feel would make the content flow in a totally different way if it flowed at all at that point right.

So this is like I think something that we need to hold on to as creators like are we sharing what is real and true for us and are we doing it in a way that is authentic to us if that's the case then we have to keep going it doesn't really matter the about the negative feedback it doesn't matter what people are saying it doesn't matter what anyone else's opinion is if your opinion of yourself and your opinion of what you're doing is rooted in your energy is rooted in your values is aligned with your belief system if it is an action that comes directly from your heart and is a way of you expressing yourself in the world and giving something back to the world and making sense of the world even then it is valuable and it is good and the feedback while important and interesting in most cases does not need to be a reason why you ever stop or why you change the way that you've been doing things up until now.

If we tried to change every single time we made someone else uncomfortable there would be nothing left we would have nothing left to give because we would have taken away so much of who we are and we would have dimmed our light in order to make someone else comfortable that we would just be selling ourselves short frankly no I mean aside from like the emotional damage that you'd be doing to yourself if you did that but like you wouldn't be able to give all of who you are to the world if you're busy here thinking and worrying about what everybody else thinks about what you're doing someone is always going to have an opinion about what you're doing how you're doing it or even the way you look the way you talk the way you speak like everything it doesn't matter you know whether or not your art is beautiful whether or not your business is sustainable someone is always going to have an opinion about what it is that you're doing but if what you're doing is aligned with the truth of who you are you must keep going.

I would also add that I know some content creators like who are big in their industries in their like respective industries and they would say that if you're not receiving some negative feedback then you're probably not showing up fully as yourself I don't agree with this 100% but I do think that it's important to take this information and kind of filter it through your own experience and also see how it lands like if someone says if someone said that to you like you know if you're not getting negative feedback if you're not being critiqued then you're probably not saying the thing that you actually need to say making the piece of art that you need to make maybe you're not playing as big as you could be do you know what I mean maybe you're dimming your light a little bit or just kind of hiding in some way let's say because when you're not pissing somebody off you're not really having an effect or an impact that's where I get kind of like and this makes me kind of take a step back but I wanted to say this on this episode because I wanted to offer an alternative perspective to my own this is not necessarily something I can get 100% on board with but like I said I can understand how it could potentially be valuable to to feel that way.

I would like to believe that when I am sharing all of who I am that that is probably the least offensive version of me right it's the it's the version of me that is most needed and most necessary at this point in time on the planet in this particular society in this particular culture in this particular moment the thing that I'm sharing is the thing that is most needed and so I would prefer to view it from that positive light than from saying like well if you're not pissing yourself pissing people off like you're another limiting belief waiting to happen but it is another point of view and I think it's it's an interesting one at least to take into consideration.

I would also say that I think part of the reason why like the the potential negative feedback that I've received over the years hasn't really bothered me is because I'm actively inviting it in so at the end of the podcast episodes I tend to say you know if you have any comments critiques or you know concerns questions whatever please reach out and let me know so like I don't get offended by what they're saying because I've asked for it like I've opened myself up to that willingly because it's going to come one way or another so better to be ready for it I suppose than to just kind of be surprised when it shows up right?

But like also with coaching clients I do this so in the middle of the series like usually after the first couple of sessions but it varies depending on how much we've covered if we haven't really gotten in enough then I can sometimes postpone but usually after the first two sessions I actively ask coaching clients for feedback and critiques and like not I want to be very clear not in a I'm gonna ask you for feedback so you can in such a way that forces you to say something nice about me so I can use it for my marketing there are questions that are like just like hey tell me about the good stuff about coaching but there are like more than I would say 75% of the feedback survey that I send out to my coaching clients is literally like what would make this more valuable for you what is something that you feel is missing what is something that you know could be improved in some way what and then just like an open-ended question like what is something that if you could improve this or if you could make this your ideal version of it what would what would you do with it and I've gotten some really interesting answers over the years and some of the answers have been things that have have actively helped me to improve my services and some of the things that have been said back to me really made me reflect on the client's experience of my coaching even though I wasn't necessarily able to do anything about what they had said I'm going to explain why because I think it's really important so a couple of years ago a client gave me feedback on the messaging that I offer between sessions because I offer like text and voice messaging between sessions because I think it's really important if something comes up that we're not necessarily waiting for two weeks to have that conversation or even a week if something is real right now and we can move through it then like let's move through it and there is also a like schedule for this so I am available for texting Monday to Friday I am available from I think it's 9 a.

M.

To 7 p.

M.

For texting and I'm not available on the weekends because I mean there also has to be a boundary right for when I'm in my own private time because otherwise with this kind of work especially when you're working online you could end up working all the time it's just 24 7 people are constantly messaging you it's Sunday and they're messaging you and and whatever and if you're not holding a strong enough boundary with yourself as I have done in the past when I first started out you could find yourself responding at like all hours of the day all every day of the week like you're just 24 7 there for other people and you can't do that when you're in a service-based position in my opinion you need to have boundaries that's a conversation for another episode but it's it's really important because it your energy needs to be clean and clear in order for you to show up well for other people however after that little side sidetrack the the feedback was really really important because it gave me really valuable insight into the way that my client was feeling she explained that she was struggling with the response times with the messaging service and that sometimes she felt like she was not being fully supported because she would put things out there like she would put herself out there and then she would not get an immediate response and I so honor the bravery that it took to tell me that and I so honor the the desire for that support and I really see her and appreciate everything that she was feeling and I understand also how that could be a very real lived experience for a client and I am actually really sorry that that is the case that that is potentially the way that somebody would feel in that kind of context because the messaging is an additional service to the coaching like it's not something that necessarily everyone offers and so it's meant to be like a really high vibe kind of bonus energy good kind of feeling thing so it was really upsetting for me to feel that she was having a difficult time with it the flip side of this is that as a practitioner it is very difficult for me to do much about her experience and I hate saying that because one there is a people-pleasing tendency within me and I want to make everyone happy all the time and I want to do the best job I can possibly do 150 bazillion percent of the time always but I am just a little human this is something that I say to you guys on the podcast all the time it will always be true it is true here of me I am just a little human and between the actual client work and then the podcasting and the other things that I have to do in in like the admin of my business like even like taxes and invoices and so on and so forth and uh and then between being my own human so showing up for myself taking care of myself cooking meals cleaning my house like taking care of my fur baby and like tending to my relationship right because I have a life outside of the things that I do for work as most people tend to do or as you know we hope most people have it makes it very difficult for me to be there like in an instantaneous sort of situation right it's very difficult for me to show up the the minute that somebody messages me because somebody could message me and I could be on a client call or I could be right now somebody could be messaging me while I'm recording this episode and so there is always going to be in inevitably that wait time and and holding that boundary is also something that helps me show up better again with like a clean and clear energy when I am doing my sessions because I've chosen to honor the energy that I have available so I show up for clients as quickly as I possibly can and no later than 48 hours after they've messaged me and it very rarely honestly ever gets to 48 hours but it's not impossible it depends on the week it depends on even like my own emotional state and what's going on so why did I share this because it's it's so important to ask for feedback and it's so important to be open and like receptive to what comes back it is really important to hold uphold boundaries about this but it's also important to remember that sometimes the things that we are being critiqued on are so totally out of our control and there's not really a lot that we could shift and that doesn't make us a bad person right like the feedback that somebody else is giving you about their experience of you is their experience of you it is not who you are it does not change the value that you add to the world we need to constantly be assessing how willing we are to take these things on board we need to assess how often we are accepting what other people say as true without first filtering it through our values and through our beliefs and through our own lived experience of what we're doing I genuinely believe that I am a good person and I genuinely believe that I am always trying to do my best I very rarely allow myself which is also another thing that I would need to work through but I very rarely allow myself to show up with less than 110% and so if I know that I'm doing my best and I know that this podcast is me trying to give value whether somebody else finds value in what I do is more about their experience than about what then like an objective reality right because there is no objective reality because we talk about this on the podcast all the time that there are only seven million truths there's my truth your truth his truth her truth their truth everybody's truth and we are all kind of like you know coming up against these varying truths and so as long as I am in a space where I feel like I am doing the best that I can and I am offering something real and true to the world then there's really not much more that I can do about that than that sorry there's not much more that I can do than that because I am doing my best as is everyone else right we always need to kind of take that story and take that viewpoint on board because it makes living in the world just so much easier instead of believing that people are out to get you or people are just mean or people are this or that we can just genuinely choose to believe that everyone is out there doing the best that they can with what they have in that moment that when people you know say something mean or people do something that you don't like it's more likely that it's about them having an off day or not feeling well than it has anything to do with you and what you've done but I do think and I would encourage you to open yourself up to feedback maybe maybe let's let's rephrase this maybe first work on your boundaries and work on your sense of self-worth and self-esteem make sure that's good and solid and then open yourself up to feedback because when you're opening yourself up to it when you are saying to people hey tell me what you liked and what you didn't like tell me what's working and what isn't working give me some kind of constructive feedback be kind be a good person about it but tell me what you think you are just you're putting yourself in a position where you're not necessarily going to be rocked by whatever people say because you know that it's coming right you've paved the for it and you've paved the way for people to do it in a really loving way because you yourself have asked for it in a really loving way so and like going back to the beginning just to like kind of reflect on this I still think that there are certain situations where we need to take feedback with a grain of salt and we need to be mindful of what we are letting in now I am inviting it in and I am inviting it in knowing that not everything that comes in is going to be something that is immediate and immediately actionable is something that I actually have anything any control over or is even something that I want to do like for example going back to the comment about likes and stuff on the podcast I'm sorry about that genuinely I'm sorry that I speak that way sometimes when I hear it I'm like not keen on it either but it's who I am and I am not going to begin filtering parts of myself out or spending hours editing out likes from a podcast in order to make like one person the like the one person that finds this offensive feel better and not because I don't value their opinion I so value their opinion I so value what they've said to me and I do find it interesting and I do it does make me think actually I've gotten this feedback more than once I'm not going to lie but it still doesn't I don't feel like it takes away from the overarching point which is that I am trying to add value and that I am aligned and I am resonant in what I'm doing the end I'm going to leave the podcast here I have a feeling that this is going to ruffle some feathers and if it does I am I am somewhat sorry because my intention is never to ruffle some feathers but I hope that this saves someone a lot of suffering I really really hope that this episode is a permission slip and grants people freedom not only to show up as all of who they are but also to just keep doing what you do in the world even if and perhaps most especially I guess if it ruffles some feathers I don't know I think that as long as you are living your truth and your truth is not harming people which I don't think my likes are as long as your truth is not harming people is not is not causing emotional,

Spiritual,

Physical,

Mental,

Emotional damage to someone else then I think that you just got to keep on going and we got to just learn to really love ourselves enough that we can hear accept receive and be open to what other people say and still know what is ultimately true for us because that is the underlying point of this podcast what is ultimately true for you is it the critique is it the feedback that you got from that one person that one time or is it what your heart is calling it is it is begging for you to do what it is begging and asking for you to put out in the world right whether that's your art again whether that's your business whether it's coaching whether it's healing whether it's Reiki whether it's whatever you know kinesiology whether it's human design or astrology or whether it's you know that you sell candy or cupcakes you it doesn't make a damn difference if that is what is on your heart to do then that is what you are called to do and that is exactly what you need to be doing and I hope that this serves you so in the spirit of staying on topic if you have any comments critiques questions or concerns please feel free to reach out I'd be really curious to hear what you think I hope this episode didn't offend you if it did tell me why I'm curious to hear like let's have a conversation about it let's see what we can unfold and what new layer we can unlock by interacting with each other and kindly and respectfully and engaging with what what is being said like do you know what I mean yes yes yes yes so that I will leave you here if this episode resonated with you it would mean the world to me if you would leave a rating a review a comment all of that stuff if you would share it with your friend maybe you have a creator friend who needs to hear exactly this I would that would just mean the world to and if it really really resonated and you would love to work with me then I would be really happy to chat more with you about that as well so yes until the next episode I hope you have a wonderful weekend and yeah see you soon ciao