Holding Yourself To Higher Standards

In this week's episode, I break down why you need to set higher standards for yourself and how to go about doing that! This episode will help you get clear on which situations in your life don't feel great and help you to analyze how to raise your standards in each of these areas. I'll help you prioritize how you feel about yourself and build up that energy to use to make your life a reflection of what you ultimately want!

Please note: This track may include some explicit language.

Transcript

Hello and welcome to another episode of the Wild Free Well podcast.

I'm super pumped to be here with you.

This episode is actually going to be a bit of a continuation on the discussion that we had from last week which was talking a little bit about sacrificing and compromising in your relationships and a little bit about how to release that and how to move forward from that.

And so if you haven't checked that episode out yet I really recommend that you do just because I think it'll provide a little bit of context for what we're diving into today.

At a certain point in last week's episode I started talking about how part of why we start to over compromise and like over sacrifice in relationships is because we're maybe not holding standards for ourselves.

Holding standards in the sense both of our own behavior and the way that we approach our lives and then what we what we tolerate from other people.

So I wanted to riff on that a little bit today because I felt like that was just like a natural segue and this actually all kind of builds up to what was actually the original podcast that I wanted to record last week but never really got around to.

So yeah when it comes to holding standards I mean all of these discussions are really based on self-worth okay because we even with the discussion about compromising and and sacrificing and stuff like that when we believe that we are not worthy then we act in ways that are maybe less than our best selves or less than in our best interest and we have to really understand that it's not selfish to be in a really good place and that when we are prioritizing ourselves and our well-being we're actually coming at the world from a much fuller more vibrant more well-resourced place and so we are better able to actually show up for other people to give to other people and to have like a really positive impact and so that same discussion about self-worth cannot be excluded from this conversation about holding standards because the standards that we hold are in direct proportion to what we believe we are worthy of.

Let me say that again in another way.

The shit that you tolerate is in direct proportion to how much you love yourself because if you really loved yourself you probably wouldn't be tolerating shit in the first place.

Let's be totally real right?

So the idea of kind of setting standards is about first I think you need to assess how it is that you feel about yourself.

What do you think you're worthy of right?

What behavior are you tolerating because you think that you don't deserve better and when I say behavior that you're tolerating I mean both from other people and from you because we are not immune to our own our own bullshit right?

We are not immune to disrespecting and mistreating ourselves so it's not just this is not just an external conversation we are not just kind of putting the blame on other people and saying will you treat me this way because oftentimes if people are treating us a certain way it's because of one of two things we are allowing them to which is pretty much always true or they are or we are allowing them to and they're mirroring back the way that we treat ourselves and the way we behave towards ourselves right?

So how you feel about yourself is fundamental to you setting higher standards and I have other episodes on like building self worth and and like really leaning into self-care and prioritizing yourself so we're not going to dive into that today on this episode if you're interested in that you should check out some of the backlog of podcast but we want to talk about like how to really go about setting and holding standards right?

So the first step is obviously getting clear where are you currently not holding yourself or other people to a standard that you feel is appropriate and this can kind of come up we can see this a lot when we're talking about how our values what sorry what our values are wow that sentence was really hard really hard for me to get out so oftentimes we see this in like kind of like what we value the way that we behave in the world in the way that we expect other people to behave which is kind of a double-edged sword we need to be careful with that but like what are our expectations of ourselves what do we value what do we feel is important and we can often find that we are or are not holding standards based on those things so what getting really clear on like situations that are causing you any kind of discomfort okay where do you feel like you're not really loving things whether that be within a relationship within your career within your company within your friendships with your kids whatever whatever and with yourself please like that's such it's it's the most important one out of all of those because when we bring other people into the mix we're inviting another energy and that's fine but when we start from a place of getting our shit together on our own we are so much more powerful right and we can change things so much quicker so we do want to like really prioritize this idea of like where do I feel discomfort within my within myself where do I not feel good enough where do I not feel like I'm being seen heard valued or appreciated where do I feel unloved right and we can take that even farther when do I feel unloved okay where do I feel unloved in what situations in what in what places like really diving into this and really trying to get clear on like what doesn't feel good right now because when something doesn't feel good it means that it's not in alignment and if it's not in alignment it means that we are obviously not holding standards in those areas it's really quite obvious so if I was to go back and say if you guys remember a couple of episodes back I talked about how I was like living life from other people's perspective I was I was really in my head and I was like prioritizing the opinions of other people and I just was so so off to the point that it was making me physically ill so in that situation it's obvious I was not holding standards like I wasn't holding myself to someone else's standards to somebody else's expectations and I was prioritizing somebody else's opinion I wasn't valuing myself the way I move in the world and the things I believe to be true okay and like a couple a little bit has passed so I can like dive a little bit into this too like at the time there were a lot of conversations about like how and when I work and those conversations always make me really uncomfortable because I just don't move the way that other people do and I don't have any intention to actually because I don't think that that would make me especially happy and I honestly have tried in the past to kind of like do things the way that other people do and it typically leads me to burnout and if we look on a micro level at what I was going through that week with like prioritizing the opinions of these other people and like the way that they believe that I should show up in the world the way that they believe that I should be working what it was causing in me was almost like a micro burnout so like in having those voices in my head and holding that value and that standard above my own and trying to live up to their expectations I had a sort of like breakdown where my my like physically I was unwell I was mentally emotionally a little bit unstable that week and I just was feeling really spiritually bankrupt I really wasn't in my vibe at all and that is because I wasn't prioritizing the way that I know how to do things I wasn't holding myself to my own standards right I was believing that the standards of somebody else were better than mine and this is a little bit different than like what exactly I want to get at in this episode of the podcast but it's the closest example I can think of of like my in my current life because I think that I'm pretty good at holding myself to my own standards I feel like I'm pretty good at really valuing prioritizing my own values now now because I spent many a year my friends not in that place at all I spent a lot of time especially in my last relationship prioritizing the values and the beliefs of the people that were surrounding me over my own and it led to the exact same place but on a macro level so it led to massive amounts of burnout points where like I was basically useless for two to three months at a time because I just was so overwhelmed by trying to live up to other people's expectations and just really really dishonoring myself it's not even that I wasn't honoring myself it goes beyond that I was I was betraying myself I was treating myself badly because I was trying to live up to somebody else's standards so it gets easier over time and I really hope that that's something that you take away from every episode of the podcast it gets easier over time it sounds like a shit ton of work and at the beginning it can be because you're always having to think about these things and you're always having to course correct but the more that you do that and the more that you dedicate your time your energy and your resources to yourself and to your mindset the better your life gets and the better you get at controlling these things like your reactions to things so look at your life again step one getting clear look at your life and see where you're feeling any kind of discomfort unease where you don't feel good and start there because likely you are not holding yourself to your own standards you are prioritizing the opinions of others and you need to set some boundaries that's likely where we're at okay so really take a second and look at what you're currently allowing yourself to tolerate from other people because that's gonna be easier start there start with where you're tolerating like some bullshit and your relationships your friendships at work from your boss whatever and then also please take a second and see where you're tolerating bullshit from yourself and what I mean by that is where are you not living up to your own potential where are you not setting a standard for how you move in the world so where are you not sleeping properly where are you not drinking enough water where are you not prioritizing movement and physical activity where are you not prioritizing your spiritual practice your meditation your journaling your self-connection where are you not prioritizing the things that make you feel good whether those be hobbies or they be self-care things or whatever where are you not prioritizing the things that you know you need in order to function at a high level where are you betraying yourself where are you giving your energy away to other people because it seems more important to do that where are you prioritizing your children your partner your friends your family over what you need where are you not holding yourself to the version of you that you want to be that is going to be infinitely more painful than what anyone else is doing to you it really doesn't matter what Tom Dick and Harry thinks or feels about you or what's going on in your other relationships if your own relationship with yourself is self-destructive right so if you're not holding yourself to a standard and showing up for yourself at a high level first off you cannot pretend that other people will do the same for you because like they won't because they're going to mirror back the shitty behavior that you have towards yourself but also you just are you're setting yourself up to be in like to be constantly disappointed because you're already letting yourself down right like and we don't we don't do that we don't do that here that is not an energy that anyone who listens to this podcast holds right so it's really time to cut that out and really begin to honor yourself and really begin to show up and hold yourself accountable to the things that you say you want and the things that you say you need so now how do we do that how do we do that yeah it's I want to say that it's it's easy I think it's simple I think that there's a lot of things that we can do number one we really need to decide so we need to decide what we're here for what we will and won't tolerate anymore so we need to really step into a place of becoming unavailable for our own bad behavior first and the bad behavior of others second okay we need to become unavailable for that kind of engagement so one of the shifts that I made afterwards was in terms of this conversation about the way that I work so I spoke to one person in particular and I basically just said to this person listen like you and I are totally different people and that's what makes this relationship work because we are different and we we kind of we stimulate each other we inspire each other and if I moved the same way that you moved you would be bored and you would not be inspired by me because we'd just be doing things the same way and yeah we could feed off of that and we could move forward but it would be a totally different energy and I also had a conversation explaining that I will never move in the world the way that this person does and that I don't want to but before I had that conversation I made the energetic decision that I was no longer going to tolerate any conversations about the way that I move in the world I'm not here for that anymore so I made a decision that I was going to do things the way that I want to which is the only way that I know how and that I wasn't going to allow the opinions of other people into my into my sphere and it is so funny because I did this like two or three days before I actually had the conversation with this person and it never came up and that person already kind of had understood I think on an energetic level because I made the energetic shift that things were different and that that that conversation was no longer kind of on the table if that makes sense so like yeah I said something about it but I don't actually think I had to because I had already gotten really clear on an energetic level that I was no longer here to be having conversations about the way that I do things because if I'm letting the other person do things their their way then and and follow their truth right we talk about that a lot that they're doing their thing they're following their truth then they also need to grant me the same kindness and allow me to move my way and to honor my truth right because everyone has their own truth truth is not objective it is subjective so yeah so you really want to be able to like I decide what you are here for and what you're not here for so setting energetic boundaries deciding what you will and won't tolerate anymore and then moving from that place and then if you feel like you have to have a conversation with somebody by all means but watch out because when we go to have a conversation with people oftentimes we are coming at it from a place of wanting to teach them something and let me tell you unless that person is already open to it you won't be teaching anybody anything you will leave that conversation frustrated and pissed off that that person did once again not see things from your point of view but it's not their job to see things from there from your point of view it is your job to set boundaries and to hold yourself to your own energetic standards and not give a flying fig about what the other person thinks about what you're doing or how you're doing it right self responsibility and sovereignty that's all we talk about here right they are not responsible for the way that you move in the world you are right you are responsible for your reaction to the what they say to you you are responsible for setting the energetic boundary and oftentimes having a conversation with somebody who does not agree with you is a complete and total waste of time if you feel like it's necessary because you need to have that kind of energetic release because you need to have that conversation with them honor that really feel into why you want to do it and then if it still feels like the right decision then go for it by all means get on with your bad self but really analyze your intention is your intention to be understood or is your intention to make them understand because if it's to make them understand honey it is never gonna work that's not the way people operate and it's just a waste of your energy your breath your time your resources again which we're talking about in this episode pouring into your own well-being and your own energetic standards yes so we are getting clear we are deciding what we will and will not tolerate anymore right we are potentially having a conversation with somebody if we feel like we have to and now comes the action part right because it's all well and good to get clear and it's all well and good to decide what we will and won't tolerate anymore but if we keep moving in the same way and we keep repeating the same actions and kind of like living on this hamster wheel we're never going to get where we ultimately want to go right and this podcast is not spiritual entertainment it is not my dears every episode is jam-packed with actionable steps this is what you can do if you want to change your life today you could listen to this episode and walk away and become a totally new person just by following these things this is only about holding standards too right every episode is different so this is not spiritual entertainment this is action we are meant to be in action we are trying to do things differently so that we can get a different outcome instead of beating the same dead horse and and wondering why our lives look exactly the same so it is not enough to have the conversation to decide or to get clear none of those things are enough you need to move differently in the world you need to move as the version of you that has better standards that holds themselves to their own damn standards right own that be that person it sounds more complicated than it is it is all based on in any given moment making a better decision it's really like I mean that's what personal growth is personal growth is like I used to do some bullshit I used to behave this way it didn't really get me what I wanted and so the next time I find myself in the same situation I'm going to make the conscious decision to behave differently I am going to take responsibility for my life and actually do something differently yes how do we feel about all that huh let that sink in for a second get clear make the energetic decision okay have any conversations that you might need to have with whomever including yourself journal it out get clear on what the hell is holding you back and why you're feeling like you're not able to show up as the person that you want to show up as and why you're not holding yourself to these standards and like kind of what's getting in your way and then move differently take a different action make a different decision right in any given moment stop doing what you were doing before because it wasn't getting you what you wanted and do something different like I don't want to sound patronizing and I think I do but it's also at the same time like it's it is time you arrive at a certain point of personal development where you can't read another book do another course take another or whatever work with another coach listen to another podcast if you're not gonna go out differently in the world you need to move differently you can't just keep listening to this stuff and hoping that it changes you it will it will absolutely it will change you over time how many years do you want to stay stuck in the same position do you actually want to change because if you actually want to change and you want to do so quickly then you need to actually move your butt right you can't just keep listening to all of this stuff and hoping that through osmosis you start changing you will change through osmosis you will change just by listening to this kind of material on a consistent basis absolutely it's like a sort of like slow burn brainwashing so yes you will change 100% but if you want to put your money where your mouth is and you want to put rubber to the road you need to get out and do something you need to move differently period period and honestly on that mic drop note I'm gonna end this episode of the podcast so I hope you found this episode inspiring I think this was a pretty fire episode I think this will get you going to be honest with you so I hope that it really like spurs you into action I hope that you start moving differently in the world and if you would like some support in doing that you can reach out to me you know where to find me on instagram at Candice Alacia and on my website at www.

Candicealacia.

Com I hope you have an amazing weekend and I look forward to seeing you on the next episode of the podcast ciao

Reviews

Dear Candice, Thank you. I am inspired to action. Sending good wishes. 🌻