Choosing Joy On Purpose | Living By Desire, Not Obligation

In this episode, we dive into what it means to let yourself want what you want without guilt or justification. This is an invitation to move deeper into your desires, your joy, and the simple pleasure of feeling good for no reason other than it feels good!

We explore why alignment means choosing what lights you up, even when it goes against expectations or what everyone else is doing. You’ll learn how to enjoy the festive season your way, reconnect with what matters, and live in a way that supports your real values.

If you liked this episode, please join the conversation in the Wild Free Well Space here on Insight Timer!

Transcript

Hello and welcome to another episode of the Wild Freewell podcast.

I am here,

Obviously,

To have an interesting conversation with you.

So I think that this is a multi-layered conversation that we are probably going to be having repeatedly over the next little bit.

And what I mean by that is we're going to be talking about the same thing,

Not in different ways necessarily,

But I think that there is going to be a lot of rehashing the same topics because we're coming up to the holiday season.

I will share with you the holiday season in my household has already started.

We have put up our Christmas tree.

We have not finished it yet because we're going out of town for a little bit at the beginning of December.

And so like end of November,

Beginning of December,

And we're not going to have time to put it up then.

So we just kind of wanted to be able to enjoy it as much as possible.

And also,

Like,

I mean,

It gives you a kind of like fun and festive feeling,

Right?

Like that's important,

Too.

And actually,

That's probably a conversation that we should be having on the podcast as well.

And maybe it's the one that I'm meant to be having with you today,

Actually,

As opposed to the one that I set out to record,

Which is,

I mean,

Always interesting,

Isn't it?

But because like there's so much there's so many rules around when you should and shouldn't celebrate.

It's not even just celebrate,

Celebrate,

Decorate the way that you should live your life and move in the world.

I mean,

There's so many rules around everything.

And like I remember when I first moved to Italy 10 years ago,

Basically.

And like the rules around when you decorate in for Christmas were so incredibly like predefined.

OK,

People put up their tree with their families on the 8th of December because the 8th of December is a it's a holiday here.

It's a religious holiday.

But it's so interesting because like I've watched this changed change for,

I would argue,

Mostly capitalistic reasons.

But I have seen this shift over the 10 years that I've been here because Christmas markets are constantly growing in popularity and people are craving that festive feeling more and more.

And I'm not saying before Halloween more and more because like that's really too much.

I think for me personally,

Like let's give the space required to the different holidays that we are choosing to celebrate.

But I do understand the call in the darker seasons,

Like right as the light begins to literally fade during the days and the days get shorter.

I can understand the desire to have the lights and the magic and that festive feeling around us.

But there were so many rules about how to like do this.

And I think that they exist outside of Italy as well.

But they were really,

Really like prevalent here.

And it's kind of like the 8th of December until the 6th of January,

Which is the epiphany.

And it's just so interesting because like,

Why?

Why are we choosing to buy into any kind of arbitrary rule that tells us how to live our lives?

We talk about this all the time on the podcast.

Y'all know I am not here for this.

I'd like to know why I'm so like low.

There,

That's a little better.

Yeah,

I'd like to know why we're so keen to buy into like these paradigms of how we should be living our lives instead of just like,

You know,

Living our lives.

Why don't we just do the thing that we want to do?

Because that's the thing that is going to get us what we want.

And like around this time of year,

I feel like,

I mean,

I've talked about this a million times.

This time of year tends to be really difficult for me.

Why?

When I figure it out,

I will let you know.

But in part,

I think it's because,

You know,

One of my friends who's an Ayurveda practitioner said to me,

You know,

We release the heat of the summer and we move into the season of fall.

And like if we have too much heat trapped in our bodies,

It can be quite jarring to move into like the colder seasons.

But then again,

It's the light and it's the,

You know,

We don't have these kind of like super long days or this like eternal energy that we seem to have in the summer.

Everything kind of shifts.

And one of the things that I love about the festive season is the magic that it brings to our lives.

Like I find it gives us,

It gives me at least,

And my family and the people that are around me,

It gives like a reason to feel joyful.

It gives you a reason to feel joyful in a situation or context that may not otherwise feel inherently joyful.

So perhaps this time of year again with the light doesn't feel particularly,

You know,

Exciting.

It's not,

I mean,

It doesn't really like inspire you necessarily.

And that's not true for everyone.

I know somebody who like thrives in the season.

This is like their whole vibe.

The more it rains,

The happier they are.

And like that's cool too.

And I've worked really hard on this as well because we need to really deconstruct like within ourselves the idea that a rainy day is a bad day.

That's not a thing.

That is not a thing.

The days are what we make of them always.

And then carrying that on,

Being festive and choosing to celebrate and living life in alignment with the things that make you feel good is really important.

So like not that I have to justify but like I'm so glad that we put up our tree because like as the days get shorter and it ends up being darker sooner in the house and it's just like there's this point of light that reflects joy and hope and magic.

There's so much wrapped up in the holiday season.

Whether it is from a religious standpoint or it's from a purely like decorational standpoint.

It doesn't have to be about consumerism.

It doesn't have to be about capitalism.

Although obviously aspects of our festivities are about those things.

But it's about being social and about being with people and about being joyful and content.

And I think that choosing to lean into those things in a timeline that works for you is amazing.

I for one am grateful that a lot of the Christmas markets started earlier this year.

They started halfway through November.

We've already been to one.

And it's just like it fills you with so much joy.

It's not about the buying.

I didn't buy anything when we went there.

We went this weekend.

I didn't buy anything while I was there.

But just being around people who are also wanting to celebrate.

Being in a community where the focus is on joy and light and merriment and having fun and being playful.

Like that's so fundamental to who we are as people.

And it really makes this time of year lighter.

One of the things that I always find really sad is the fact that we don't have more of that in the winter.

Like after Christmas and the new year is over and we're moving into full on winter.

Because we are not in winter now even though I feel like anything that's not summer tends to be kind of like winter.

Because we don't,

I mean we do have fall here but it doesn't feel like fall does on the east coast of Canada or maybe the east coast of the states where it's just this explosion of colour.

You really live that quite well.

And I think we did a better job of that this year honestly because we went to the Mountain House and we had that experience as well.

We really got to sink into this very autumnal atmosphere and that was really really life giving.

And it all follows the same thread of what I'm talking about here which is allowing yourself in your own time and with what is most in alignment for you to just like fucking enjoy your life.

Like just enjoy your life,

You know what I mean?

Whatever that looks like to you,

Whatever it is that you need to do.

When we sank into the festive spirit and it was something to do with autumn,

It felt so good to be surrounded by the falling leaves.

We went to a chestnut picking festival.

I literally,

My life is kind of a Hallmark movie and I'm not mad at it.

But yeah,

We went to a chestnut picking festival.

We did not pick chestnuts but we took Mila with us and it was delightful and wonderful and we had such a good time and everything about it was just special to be honest with you.

And that is how I feel about moving towards this season.

Like it's just something that gives you so much emotion and I think an overly positive emotion.

Now there is obviously the opportunity for all of us to go into stress because as I mentioned before,

Yeah there are still aspects like of consumerism and capitalism surrounding the holiday season and so we can be worried about money and how we are going to buy presents for everybody.

And honestly,

If you are in that place and I feel like I am somewhat there in the sense that,

Like yes and no,

What I mean by that is I'm worried about being able to find something nice for people but I have realized that it doesn't have anything to do with the money.

I think that Francesco and I will not do presents this year and I think that,

Which is the first,

And I love presents I should say.

I really love,

I love getting presents,

I love giving presents,

I love everything about it.

Like literally,

And I'm about to call myself out but I have already started,

Like those are all Christmas presents wrapping and like all this stuff.

So it's like full on Christmas Santa's workshop in my house.

Like I love this but I just don't think that that's what we need.

I think that we need something different and this year I'm feeling really called to give something more from the heart whether that's baking something for somebody or like a small,

Like little thing that just says I was thinking of you.

It's not about the monetary value.

And if that is something that is concerning you or stressing you out,

Again it is this call to get back into alignment with what really matters.

And it's an interesting conversation as well when we talk about alignment and the festive season.

Because alignment with what the season is really,

Really about.

Okay,

And I'm not talking about from a religious perspective,

Although that we can,

We can have that conversation.

But even just from a purely like community-centered standpoint,

Right?

This is all about the time to be with loved ones,

To surround yourself with love and joy,

To be in community,

To celebrate the end of the year,

To reflect on all of the things that you've been through,

To plan for where you want to go in the new year,

To set really beautiful intentions,

To rest and relax.

The idea of the holidays,

If we take them at their essence,

Is so incredibly beautiful.

And it is something that in theory should be a guiding line in our lives 365 days a year.

One of the reasons why this time of year becomes so special is because it isn't.

Because it isn't a part of our lives 365 days a year.

Because we need this time of year to remind us of the value of family and friends and being in community.

Because we need the reminder to rest.

You know the best time of year,

And I mean this so sincerely,

Is the week after Christmas and before the new year,

Where you are just sinking into the total nothingness of what is around you.

Like there is nothing to do,

Nowhere to be except for maybe fun things,

Right?

Like maybe some people work,

And okay.

But I think that for the most part we're just kind of like moving between relaxing and being with family and friends.

And what a beautiful gift.

And what a call and a reminder to rest.

Something that we just don't do enough of,

You know,

The rest of the time of the year.

So if we can really sink into alignment with what this season is trying to teach us inherently,

Whether that be fall and winter and what those seasons are teaching us,

Or what the festive season is teaching us,

Or what the religious experience that people have around this time of year.

There are so many religious festivities happening.

It's not just about Christmas,

Right?

What those are trying to teach us and the spirit behind them.

And then also just when I say being in alignment,

It's about being in alignment with what you really want,

With who you want to be,

With how you want to experience this time of year,

And being really,

Really,

Really intentional about it.

And just really sinking into your own desires of how you would like this time of year to unfold.

And I am actually going to stop here because despite the fact that we've had another conversation,

I'm about to bleed into the one that I originally meant to have,

And I am going to record that in a separate moment so that I can really,

Like,

Drive that home.

But yeah,

I just.

.

.

What is the point of this?

It is a reminder,

I think,

That you are allowed to have joy in your life,

That you are allowed to live your life however you want,

In whatever way you see fit,

In whatever way feels most in alignment for you.

I use the example of decorating for Christmas,

But I mean it goes so far beyond that.

And there is nothing wrong with anything that you want to do,

So long as you are not causing harm to someone else.

That's pretty much the only limit here.

Do no harm.

That's it.

And otherwise,

Do whatever the hell you want.

Like,

Please,

Please do whatever the hell you want.

And I hope that this call also helps you get into a little bit of the festive spirit,

Because you deserve that.

This time is,

Like,

Fizzy and effervescent and bubbling over with joy,

And why wouldn't we want to sink into that energy?

Why wouldn't we want to embody that in our lives?

Like,

That,

I think,

Is one of my favorite parts of this time of the year,

Is,

Like,

How it makes me feel and how it inspires me to show up.

The energy that this season gives me affects the energy that I bring to the things that I do,

And that,

My friends,

Is incredibly magical.

If only that.

If you take nothing else and only that,

It is just so truly magical.

So I hope that this has inspired you to live the festive season in alignment with what you want and what you need.

And,

Yeah,

If you'd like to connect with me more,

I would love to have you inside my Insight Timer group.

It's called the Wild Free Well Space,

And you can search for it here.

And in there,

I share even deeper topics,

Things that I'm going through.

I give you an opportunity to ask questions and to connect with me a little bit deeper.

And you can,

Yeah,

Like,

There's Q&As.

You can submit topics for the podcast,

Whatever it is,

But I would love to have you there if that's something that speaks to you.

Otherwise,

I am just wishing you the best weekend ever.

You know,

Dare I say,

A festive weekend.

And I will see you on the next episode of the podcast.

Ciao!