A Simple Plan To Regulate Your Nervous System And Thrive

Your greatest wealth is a regulated nervous system. This episode helps you come back home to yourself, get clear on what you truly want and create a simple self care plan that supports emotional balance, clarity and grounded energy. Learn how to show up for your needs first, stay flexible when life shifts and stop compromising your wellbeing.

If you liked this episode, please join the conversation in the Wild Free Well Space here on Insight Timer!

Transcript

Hello and welcome to another episode of the Wild Freewell podcast.

On last week's episode we discussed the idea of embracing the joy of the festive season and really living from a place of alignment and not obligation.

And this conversation,

Which P.

S.

Is the one I had originally intended to record last time,

Is a continuation of that discussion.

So one of the things that I really want to drive home is,

And actually before I even dive into that I'm gonna say something else,

The first thing I want to say is that we are having this conversation around the the time of the festive season but the conversation that we are about to have today goes well beyond whatever time of year it is,

Okay.

The reason why we're having this conversation now is because I think that this is something that a lot of us bump up against as we move into a busier season and so I wanted to kind of highlight that but I think that this is relevant 365 days a year because what we're about to talk about is something that perhaps we don't necessarily do or we don't do enough or we don't kind of put enough emphasis on,

Okay.

So at the end of the last episode we began talking about,

You know,

Getting really clear on what you want and how you want to show up and how you want to move around this time of the year and we are continuing that today with a discussion around how you show up for yourself in terms of the way that you take care of yourself especially at this time of year but really 365 days a year because we tend to collectively and I would argue that women have a tendency to do this perhaps more,

Show up for other people,

We care for others first,

We kind of prioritize the needs of others and this is something that I think gets really exacerbated around this time of year because of the amount of commitments that we all kind of undertake,

You know,

We've got parties and this and that and there's so much going on.

So this year,

Okay,

For the festive season but also all year long I would like you to gift yourself,

Right,

To give yourself the gift of a regulated nervous system.

So what does that mean?

It means that to a certain extent you probably need to take care of yourself before you show up for others and that is a big ask most of the time but it is I think an even bigger challenge when we get into busier periods of our lives,

Okay,

When there are a lot of external obligations,

When there are a lot of things on our to-do list,

Like I know that I'm feeling this kind of pull and I would say that I live a life that is far less demanding than like 90% of the people out there.

So if that's the case,

If my life is like if I'm kind of like self-identifying,

Okay,

And saying that my life is less demanding than other people's and I'm still feeling it,

I can only imagine what you are feeling around this discussion.

So it's really important to again get clear on what it is that you want and what it is that you need and to really ensure that you are giving yourself those things first.

So what is it that you want to feel?

We've been having this conversation a lot in my one-on-one and group coaching programs lately because I think it is such an important conversation,

Like we need to really be willing to ask ourselves that question.

I am,

I'm always surprised to a certain extent honestly when I work with clients how many of them are kind of shocked by the question like,

Well what do you want and like what do you need right now?

Because it's such,

They're both such simple questions but these are conversations that we are kind of constantly tending to not have with ourselves.

We are kind of avoiding these conversations.

Why?

Because if we actually get still,

Get quiet,

Take a second and sit with ourselves and then ask ourselves these questions and the answer comes to us,

Then it feels like,

Or it can feel like I should say,

It can feel like one more thing on our to-do list.

Now that I know that I want this thing,

Now that I know that I need this,

Whatever it might be,

Now it's my responsibility to give myself that thing.

And like that is true.

I wish I had another option for you,

I wish I had another story to tell you but it really is exactly like that.

Like once you know,

You can't unknow and it is in fact your responsibility,

Certainly above like the responsibility of others to give yourself what you want and need.

It is not someone else's job to meet your needs,

Right?

It is really up to you to show up for yourself and that can be really challenging when the world is kind of asking us or pulling our focus in a million different directions like it tends to around this time of year,

Right?

So it's really important to get really clear on what it is that you want but if we're focusing in on this idea of like a regulated nervous system,

It's really important to ask yourself what it is that you want to feel,

Okay?

To a certain extent and I want you to bear with me as I say this because I don't think that people are necessarily gonna like what I have to say,

It doesn't matter what you are feeling right now.

So it doesn't matter if you are stressed or overwhelmed or tense or frustrated or angry or whatever it is that you might be feeling,

Okay?

That is less important than how you ultimately want to feel which is kind of like that's a big statement but it's true.

The focus needs to be on where you want to go not where you are and that can be really hard sometimes because it can feel like denying reality and like one of the things that I've been saying to my clients lately is you need to suspend disbelief and what I mean by that is if you decide that the thing you most want to feel the next year,

Okay,

From this moment forward,

During the holiday season,

Whatever it might be,

If you decide that you most want to feel peace then that is the only thing that matters and you need to suspend disbelief of anything that is presenting itself as an obstacle to that or as something that is more true than your desire for peace.

So if you are feeling stressed right now but you want to feel peaceful you need to turn up the volume on the peace and turn down the volume or suspend disbelief again and just kind of lower the stress levels.

What I mean by lower the stress levels,

There are things that we can do,

Okay?

We can meditate,

We can journal,

We can do rest practices,

We can have a nap,

We can go for a walk,

We can connect with nature,

There's so many ways that we can actively bring our stress levels down but what I'm talking about is not the doing,

It's the being,

It's the focusing.

So we're not talking about how to lower the stress levels although all of that is valid,

We're talking about pulling focus away from the negative emotion to pour our focus onto the desired emotion.

So again it's all about getting really clear on what it is that you want and then beginning to put your focus on that thing.

So you tell me you want peace,

Okay now it's time to focus on ways to integrate peace into your life and it's almost like I think that there's a term for this in personal development I feel like it's called like the crowding effect like where you're crowding out negative emotions with positive ones so we're just not focusing on the stress or when we focus on the stress when that does happen we are pulling ourselves back into this reminder of like but actually I said I wanted peace and so that's what I'm going to focus on.

This does take a certain amount of practice obviously but it also takes personal power,

It takes intention and it takes desire.

You have to really want this thing,

It's not about saying that you want it,

It is about actually wanting it,

It is about allowing yourself to want it and you have to want that more than you're willing to give in to whatever other emotions are kind of floating around you at the time and that again takes practice it can be a bit of a challenge especially if you're not in the habit of accepting responsibility for yourself but since you're here listening to the podcast and we talk pretty much weekly about self-responsibility you will be well familiar with this topic and you will kind of have an idea of what that looks like for you right about how how you can or how ready you are to take you know responsibility for making these things happen in your life.

So the second thing here is that we know that in order to get to a space of feeling that peace it requires some kind of plan so we need to come up with a plan for how you will show up for yourself.

What are some non-negotiables?

And again I don't love the dichotomy of saying like men versus women however however however women have a tendency to not really hold true to whatever is or they desire to be or desire to have as a non-negotiable.

Non-negotiables tend to in that space end up being something like nice to have and that is not an energy that we are here for right we don't do that anymore.

You may have spent every minute of every day up until this point up until listening to this podcast bending over backwards for people or negotiating your needs or you know compromising or giving in on the things that are really important and really necessary but we don't do that anymore.

This can be the moment when all of that changes and it really can change like that.

I understand that that sounds like a bit of a stretch but it does not have to be and so it really is about deciding that you have XYZ as non-negotiables okay.

Now this could be my piece is non-negotiable kind of harking back to the comment that I made before right to the first step but it can also be things like on Fridays from now until the holiday season or on Fridays from ever from now until forever more amen that is my night.

Fridays are my night to fill my cup to do the things that make me happy whatever that looks like for you right.

Really getting clear on the things that you need to feel well and to feel taken care of so maybe that looks like you know sitting down with a really good book or having a nice long bath or meeting up with friends or whatever it is that fills your cup because only you know those things right.

I can spout off a million examples or a million suggestions of things that you could do but none of that is going to be relevant because it's maybe not what works for you so you need to be able to take the time to get also really clear on what it is that makes you feel good what makes you feel taken care of what makes you feel like you're really showing up for yourself and like you have your own back because that is like the basis of the conversation that we're having right so trying to come up with a plan and then really actually sticking to it so again it's that non-negotiable energy it's really saying like no in order to protect my peace right now in this moment of my life I am doing XYZ and I'm not willing to compromise on that now what does that look like let's have a conversation about this for a second because I don't want I don't want it to come across as something like super extreme so what I mean by not being willing to compromise isn't like I said on Friday I was doing this and I'm doing this on Friday like it doesn't have to be in that sense but if it doesn't end up happening on Friday then ensuring that there is another moment where you're still dedicating your that time to yourself right still making sure that you're coming first it's obvious that life happens and we cannot let life happening throw us so far off our path that we just kind of say oh well you know what screw it then like I'm just not gonna bother like this isn't worth it like I tried I failed and all of those stories that we use to kind of self-soothe and to sometimes make ourselves a victim of a situation like we are also super not here for that and we don't do that here we do not do that here so if life happens as it does and something gets in the way of your plan to show up for yourself then how can you pivot and adjust and being willing to honor yourself and hold strong and maintain that non-negotiable but also being willing to be open to whatever unfolds in life being flexible right and and trusting too I would say and having faith that if something throws you off or messes with the schedule that maybe it was meant to be that way and now whatever is going to come from that is like even better than what you had imagined and that your time for yourself you can be willing to move that to another day and have that be just as fruitful and just as wonderful okay the the last thing I want to say before I end this episode is just I really want to I really want to remind you that you are deeply deeply deeply worthy of your own love and attention I say this all the time because I think that we all need to hear it we forget so easily this this fact but it's true you are so worthy of your own love and attention and at this time of year and every other time of year you deserve to show up for yourself and you deserve to be treated well and you deserve to be taken care of and all of those things come from you first so we are not looking for those feelings or that care or that love or that attention from other people first we are always looking for it within we are looking for the ways in which we can show up for ourselves first because if we learn that lesson other people will automatically begin to show up for us to match the level that we are already holding for ourselves and that's another reason why going back for a second to the discussion of non negotiables when we are in that energy of this is non-negotiable for me and that is a very clear boundary and you are ready and willing to uphold that I would be willing to bet that there are not a lot of people or things or situations that are going to come and contradict that okay because you've set that boundary so this is also a call to notice that if there are a ton of things that are coming up and bumping up against that energy that that's potentially because it is not fully a non-negotiable you did not decide that that was your new expectation you did not set an energetic boundary that was strong and firm in your desire for whatever that thing is in this case we are kind of talking about this idea of like peace and care and really being able to show up for yourself so if you decide that like nothing is going to mess with me about this this is my new kind of energetic minimum and I am not moving from this place I am not willing to compromise on this and I am going to make sure that I gift this to myself in this period because I am worthy and I am deserving when that is true for you when that is solid and that is the foundation upon which you are in this case building your holiday season but also your year and your life then I would be willing to bet that there are not going to be any trolls there are not going to be any people or any energy or any like things that come up that like really really take that away from you one because you're willing to be flexible you're willing to pivot you're willing to see the best in the situation so you're gonna find a solution because you are being solution oriented right like you've decided that yes this is true for me and if something happens I know that I can still give myself that I can still show up for myself I can still take care of myself you're certain in your own capacity to take care of yourself and to show up with what you need so that too is also going to make it so if something does actually come and bump up against this energy it's all good because you've got it and you've still made the energetic decision and you're still holding that energetic boundary of like this is my time and this is what I need and I am going to give it to myself yes yes thank you so much for being here thank you so much for listening to this episode I really can't tell you how much I appreciate your presence here and how much it means to me that you are supporting me every week listening commenting sharing rating subscribing all of that jazz it just means the world to me and if you would like to connect with me deeper I would love to have you be a part of the wild free well space on insight timer so that's a group right here in the app that you can join I post extra stories I share even more personal stories about my life which if you can even imagine and I also have questions like or Q&A posts where you can ask me anything and I can answer and you can suggest topics for podcasts that you want me to cover and all of that good stuff so if that is something that speaks to you I would love to have you there and yeah that's basically it until next time I hope you have a wonderful wonderful weekend ciao