Healing Regret

In this meditation practice, Canaan guides a visualization in which we work with our regrets that we have accumulated over the years, and in visiting a babbling brook, we learn to change our relationship to them, inviting a sense of care, love, and respect.

Transcript

Hello,

Welcome to today's meditation practice.

Today we will be centering on regret and our relationship to regrets,

This very natural human phenomenon of wishing that things turned out a certain way or that we made a choice in a situation we felt we could have controlled an outcome better.

Through this meditation practice today,

We hope to learn to love our flawed experiences,

Remind ourselves that we can do better,

Not that we did badly,

And to live not without regrets but with them in a loving and peaceful way.

And so,

Whenever you're ready,

Get yourself in a nice,

Comfortable,

Seated,

Or lying position,

And let's begin.

If you'd like to,

You may take a few gentle breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth at your own pace,

Filling the lungs,

Bringing in today's intention,

Whatever that may be,

And letting go of anything that doesn't serve us today.

Or you may simply rest in this present moment,

Feeling the contact between your feet and the ground,

Or your sit bones and the cushion beneath you,

Or chair beneath you.

In either scenario,

Making sure that our posture is nice and supportive,

Not necessarily strict,

But not looping over and likening ourselves to drowsiness.

And see if we can find a place of stillness with the breath,

Allowing it to return back to normal,

Flowing in and out freely through the body.

And if we haven't done so already,

I'd like to invite you to close your eyes gently,

Bringing to mind a nice,

Luscious,

Expansive forest.

This can be a forest or woodsy area that you've been to before,

Or seen in pictures and books,

Videos,

Or it can be something completely imagined.

You can create the time of day,

Whether it be a moonlit walk,

Or early afternoon,

Sunrise,

Sunset,

It's really up to you.

While we hear,

As we begin to hear the sounds of nature around us,

Perhaps insects and animals,

Locusts,

Things buzzing around and that,

We come to notice that these living beings near us and far in this forest are only here to support and guide us.

They are not here to cause us harm.

They are not here to punish us or cause us pain.

They are the embodiment of nature,

The embodiment of life,

As is present in this forest.

And in the same way,

You can relate to the trees and the grass and the brush and bushes around us in the same way.

And as we come to know that,

In this forest,

If we are standing,

Lying,

Or sitting,

Feeling ourselves melt even more into our posture,

Letting go of any unnecessary tension,

Knowing that this forest has our back,

Our full support,

Physically,

Emotionally,

Mentally,

And spiritually.

And so,

If we were not already standing in this forest,

I invite you to come to your knees and push yourself up in this forest and imagine that as we draw a slow inhale through the nose,

We start to sense our right foot lifting off the ground.

And as we exhale,

Feeling the right foot being placed down,

As we inhale,

The left rising.

As we exhale,

The left being placed,

And so on and so forth.

Continuing to walk in this way of linking the breath with movement.

Continuing to allow all sounds to come to us,

All aromas and smells of this beautiful vast forest,

Feeling what warm humidity may be touching our skin.

Noticing how visible it is in this forest as we walk,

If there is a light fog or mist,

Or if it is pretty clear.

And as we continue to walk,

A very small shimmer appears to us,

And we realize that very close to us is a babbling brook.

It is flowing so gently that the sound is barely audible from where we are standing.

And as we get closer,

This brook begins to grow in volume very slightly.

Until we are right next to this brook.

And as we see the water splashing in over itself,

We get to witness the source of sound being created.

Seeing this brook flow in a way that is loving to itself,

To whatever animals may be inhabiting it or visiting it,

And to us as a visitor.

And just for a moment,

Imagining ourselves,

Arms wide open,

Head tilted up,

Slightly back,

Breathing in,

Exhaling out,

And perhaps with a smile on our face,

Just being in the presence of this wonder of nature.

Not needing this brook to do anything particularly special or obtain some specific state,

Just being with it for the sake of being.

And as our hands in this visualization slowly lower back to our sides,

And we open our eyes in this forest if they were closed,

We look down and we notice that there are a bunch of river rocks,

That there are a collection of river rocks at the river floor.

And this river is not very shallow,

It's not very deep,

So it's not shallow enough for us to very clearly see these rocks,

But it's not deep enough for us to go swimming in.

As we bend down to get a closer look at these stones,

Our eyebrows unfurrow and a realization comes across our face as we intuitively realize that these rocks,

These stones,

Are our regrets,

All collectively weathered and gathered together in this one spot on the riverbed.

Noticing how many of these stones there are just about,

As these are all the regrets we've ever lived with,

Are there about seven stones,

Or is the number,

Or is the number closer to the hundreds category,

Maybe thousands and beyond?

Just notice,

Without judging,

Without feeling bad for having too many or feeling bad for having too little,

Just simply observing.

And not needing a specific number,

Just having a general sense of the magnitude.

Whatever the case may be,

I'd like you to reach down into the water and pick up a very small stone,

A baby regret.

This could have been going to your favorite restaurant and trying a different item,

Only to be massively disappointed and uncomfortable for an extended period of time,

Or throwing away a receipt for an item that was too small for you or too large,

Something that we can look back on in a jovial way,

Something that we could perhaps laugh at.

Notice the rock's texture and shape.

Is it spiky?

Is it smooth and waxy?

Does it have any cracks in it?

How does this specific regret look to you?

And taking this stone,

Bringing it to our heart space.

If you'd like to,

You can in real time and real space bring your hands to your heart.

And what we're going to do before we do it is we're going to breathe in deeply through the nose.

And as we do so,

Feel a sense of light coming from every corner of the body,

Drawing into the center of the heart.

And as we exhale,

Feeling this light shine out onto this rock.

Inhaling.

Exhaling,

Sending love,

Compassion,

Acceptance to the stone from our heart center.

Inhaling once more,

Drawing in that light from every aspect of your being.

Exhaling,

Sending it to the stone right in front of your heart.

And one more time,

Breathing in.

Exhaling,

Sending love,

Appreciation,

And respect to this regret.

As we do so,

Releasing our hands from this heart space.

Looking back at this rock once again and noticing that although the physical rock has not changed,

How we feel into relationship to it has changed.

So now knowing that this regret has our full love and compassion,

Our full support and appreciation,

Maybe those cracks that we once witnessed are still there,

But we are able to see the beauty within them.

To notice how they are different from all the other rocks,

Even if it's just a simple knowing that it is different.

If you'd like to,

Saying any words of wisdom from deep from within,

Deep from within to this rock,

This regret in question.

And gently placing the rock back to the floor of the brook.

Now choosing a different rock that is different in size,

Texture,

General shape.

This rock is a regret that has mildly affected you.

Maybe it's something that happened when you were a child,

Something that you've said but didn't mean to a loved one or spouse many years ago and are still reminded of occasionally.

This is a regret that is considerable in weight,

But not your biggest regret,

Not your largest or most present regret at this time.

Noticing the color,

Noticing its texture as we bring again and close to our heart space,

Bringing those hands to our heart if we so choose to.

This is before breathing in from every corner of the body,

Sending it to our heart.

As we exhale,

Sending this light to this rock,

Inhaling from every corner of our being to our heart space,

Our center.

Sending it on an exhale to this rock.

And maybe this action has words attached to it or a specific affirmation or mantra,

Or maybe it's just the pure feeling of love and compassion that we may rest in.

One more breath in and out like this.

As we exhale,

Releasing the stone from our chest,

Looking down and seeing how it has changed.

Not how it has physically changed,

But how it has changed within and how it has changed us.

And if we are at a loss or cannot currently perceive it,

Let it be.

And gently placing this rock back down before moving on to the next and final rock or rocks.

I'd like you to be very patient,

Calm,

Kind and courteous to yourself throughout this process.

Inner work can be challenging,

But it can also be beautiful and very kind and eye-opening.

In fact,

Most of the time it is both.

And so keeping this in mind,

Bringing to our awareness our current most prominent regret.

Maybe it's a regret that we have repressed,

A regret that embodies something that we feel we cannot move past,

An event or relationship or circumstance,

Or we feel like there is no coming back from.

Maybe it's a general sense of feeling like we've hit our peak in this life or a false belief that we might have told ourselves.

So as we reach our hand into the water,

The water that is only with us in kindness,

Completely and totally,

Grabbing either a single rock or multiple,

Depending on how we feel today.

And bringing them to our chest in warm embrace,

If we'd like to,

Once again,

Bringing our hands to our heart space for this part of the meditation.

And just as before,

Breathing in from every corner of our being into our center space,

Maybe deepening our breath even more than before.

Feeling that blinding light within us,

Exhaling,

Sending it out to this rock or rocks.

Maybe even seeing the rocks glow a bit,

Inhaling through the nose from every part of our being down to the heart space.

And with an exhale,

Sending this energy to these stones.

Inhaling,

Exhaling,

Keeping in mind that this is an act of nonviolence,

An act of love,

Compassion,

Goodwill.

And let's invite one more breath in every bit of light that we have within us.

Sending that out from the heart to permeate the cores of the rocks or rock.

And now removing these rocks from our heart space,

Seeing them once again,

Noticing their true nature.

Notice what has changed.

Are you able to find any beauty in the cracks,

In the smoothness,

In the rough patches,

And in the variety of color?

Perhaps the answer is yes,

Perhaps the answer is no.

But for now we can simply know that there has been a change within these rocks.

Perhaps unseen,

Perhaps unfelt,

But definitely known.

And for the final part of this meditation,

If so choose,

I invite you to step into this water,

This water that may be shin deep or lower,

And simply kneel with these rocks.

Whichever way you face is completely up to you.

And just placing your hands on them,

Palms facing down.

If we're not touching all the rocks,

Just touching some and hoping the energy spreads.

If we'd like to,

Saying final words of wisdom and encouragement,

Final words of peace and gratitude,

Whatever may arise.

And if nothing does,

Maybe it's just an exchange of energy,

Of understanding.

Or we may choose to simply be present with these rocks,

With this riverbed,

With this expansive forest,

With ourselves.

Let's have a Chamber of Command move again.

And taking a final gentle inhale in.

Exhaling,

Releasing this place,

Releasing these images,

Sensations,

Coming back to our own breath,

Our own body,

This posture,

This cushion,

This chair.

Gently opening the eyes,

And maybe gently moving around or remaining in stillness.

Notice how we currently feel.

Not needing to fabricate anything or say anything that isn't true,

But just notice what progress,

If any,

Has been made today,

And the journey of relating to our regrets,

Past times,

Perceived failures.

And I will say that it does seem that with our regrets that we have,

The reason that we hurt so much and experience so much pain is not necessarily because of the action or inaction itself in that moment,

But rather our active disassociation and lack of compassion for our past selves in that past situation.

It's very rare that we're on our own side,

Knowing that we didn't know better at the time,

Or that we did the best that we could,

Knowing what we did,

Knowing the things we were taught or that we taught ourselves.

And also that most of the most pertinent regrets,

The ones that really close up our throats,

Are the events in our lives that almost turned out well,

That we almost got that promotion,

Or we almost got that pass,

We almost had the perfect relationship,

Perfect marriage,

Perfect friendship,

The perfect goal achieved,

Etc.

We were so close,

And then something straight us away.

I'd like to encourage you going forward to again remember that it is not that you did badly or that you failed,

But rather that you now know what you can do better in the future.

And I promise you having that knowledge and shifting to that perspective will allow you to be much kinder and much more productive to yourself in all that you do,

And then changing the relationship between you and your past mistakes.

I'm air quoting and failures,

Or rather,

As I like to call them,

Learning experiences,

If we allow them to be.

That being said,

I do hope you enjoyed this meditation.

If you'd like to follow me,

You can either follow me here on Insight Timer,

Or you can try to see what's going on with me on Instagram.

The link should be in my bio.

And many blessings.

I hope to continue practicing with you very soon,

And I really hope this was helpful for you.

Let me know down in the comments what experiences you've had,

How you feel,

Perhaps the meditation could have gone better.

I'm open to all feedback,

And yeah,

I'm just here continuing to learn,

Just like you all.

So that being said,

I'm gonna get off now.

I feel like I've talked enough for today.

Namaste.

Be well.

Reviews

Beautiful and unique meditation. Made me very calm

Truly brilliant practice. Great pace overall and a wonderful guide though each stage of healing. Thank you. I'll be back and may even share this myself one day.

I knew you were from Texas with the last words 'you all'. Thank you for sharing your good heart which shines through your clear and steady voice with the little laugh. I enjoyed the journey with you to visit my regrets and will stop by again soon.

I love thi meditation and it has truly helped me heal. Thank you 🙏🏻

I feel like I live my life in trance. Trying to break out of thought patterns but my past regrets suck me back in. This was a great way to acknowledge and release. Self love and compassion are so hard to give to ourselves. Thank you for this meditation 🙏

I wish I could comment privately. That being said, I appreciate this meditation. My rock is a huge boulder, and I did a bit of light on it afterwards. I will be back!

A calming, thoughtful way of managing regrets which I found very comforting & productive - Thank You 🙏🏻

Very lovely and realistic, grounded!

This was a very, very good meditation. The part where you talk about how we need to have more compassion for our past selves is very powerful. If you could either move that to the middle in between the visualizations, could make the visualization with the rocks and the heart mean so much more. I think that would be lovely!! Thank you!!!

Thank you for a soothing guide. It was very useful for me to come to feel better!

Awesome and insightful. Such a great gift you have!

Thank you. It helped me understand i made mistakes and to move over them and forgive myself. I had an affair for years and drank and did drugs. I left a good man and regret it. But i was very sick with addiction. I am 3 years sober today. Trying to make sense of my mistakes which i regret but i guess all said i escaped the addiction.

Excellent meditation,...your voice is so calm & relaxing:-) Very creative narrative as well,...i truly enjoyed it!