Good morning.
Sweet blessings on this beautiful Saturday.
So I went for a walk this morning in the park and decided to take my phone.
And,
Well,
That's not entirely what happened.
I thought I was going for a run.
And something told me to grab my coat.
And I'm like,
Well,
I'm not running with a coat.
And I put my coat on.
I grabbed my phone,
Which isn't typically what I do.
And I was guided to a YouTube video.
And then I was walking up one of the roads here in New York.
And I see this beautiful red-headed woodpecker,
Which has deep significance.
It actually,
It hopped in front of me,
Maybe about two feet away.
And then I saw blue jays,
Which bluebirds also have deep symbolism.
I saw a pregnant birdie.
Purple flowers.
The fall,
The leaves falling.
And the world seemed more quiet this morning.
It was so beautiful.
This past year,
Year and a half,
Yet more so this past year,
Has been so,
Has been the hardest year of my life.
And it invited me,
Re-invited me into my relationship with the word hard.
And growing up,
It was always work hard,
Work hard,
Work hard.
And I've always made this joke around it means,
Rather than hard work,
It's heart work,
Heart work,
Heart work.
And redefining what that actually means.
Working always with your heart in it.
And building a new relationship to what hard means.
Since life is always evolving,
Life is always changing.
Like the leaves,
The colors,
The elements,
The seasons.
And as I was walking in the park,
What came through is,
Well,
I went into a yogi squat.
And this one leaf called me forward.
I turned it over,
It was yellow in the center.
And solar plexus,
Sun,
Fire,
Heart chakra,
Green.
And there was just so much that was being communicated to me,
Through me,
That I am excited to share with you.
So what came through in that moment was promise that you will never leaf.
Leaf.
And I wrote something,
I'm going to read it to you.
Promise yourself I will never leaf you.
Self abandonment is an interesting texture I've played with my entire life,
Not realizing that I was.
I'd check out until I was forced to check in.
I was scared that love would go away if I didn't respond the way others wanted me to.
Or in the way that they were used to.
And I'd leave myself every single time.
People knew they could come to me and I took pride in that until I felt so lost that I didn't know what was right,
Quote unquote,
From wrong,
Quote unquote.
My dream versus theirs.
Or my voice or someone else's.
And this deeply affected me and my relationships and everything and anything I came into contact with.
Simply because I was split.
I wasn't fully there,
Which meant I wasn't there at all.
I was over there and they're not knowing how to be here and there with myself and another at the same time.
Now I can unravel childhood trauma,
Shadow work,
Psychotherapy.
Yet it comes down to the same thing.
The relationship that you have with yourself.
And learning and practicing and communicating and forgiving over and over and over again.
Learning what your needs are,
Communicating your needs when it involves another.
Setting boundaries,
Not walls.
This also means with yourself and another.
With your work.
And communicating them,
Whether it's emotion,
Energetic,
Mental,
Or physical.
And standing and staying by your side each and every single time as much as you know how to.
And knowing that's exactly right.
Checking in with yourself and seeing how you're doing just like you would with another.
And learning a new balance over and over and over again.
And forgiving yourself over and over and over again.
And making peace with that.
For that is what comes with any type of change.
And again,
Change is happening in every single second.
Whether we participate in it or not is up to us.
Let's take that in.
Taking a breath and allowing that to be received and digested.
Allowing more play and life into your life,
Into your world.
And yes,
You will get it quote-unquote wrong.
You'll need to learn to make peace with that too.
For what is wrong in your eyes may seem right in another's and vice versa.
It's all perception.
And the same goes for what you may believe is quote-unquote right right now.
And evolve into something even more beautiful later.
It doesn't mean what you're doing right now is wrong.
So you must give yourself the space to learn,
To pause,
To notice.
To take a moment in silence over and over and over again.
And as you do this you begin to learn what works for you.
And you will only be able to know that and learn that by doing.
By practicing,
By trying new things on.
And seeing what works for you in this current season.
And not leafing yourself along the way.
Allowing yourself like a leaf to experience the colors,
The elements that each season brings.
The green,
The yellow,
The red,
The orange,
The brown,
The breeze,
The crisp,
The fall,
The growth.
The new season and allowing this new season to be a new season,
A new breath,
A new life,
A new beginning.
So it is my prayer that when this finds you,
It reaches you.
And you go into the mirror promising yourself,
I won't ever leaf you.
The leaves have so much to say.
And when you do,
You know to return back home over and over and over again.
Remembering more and more to return back to your center,
To your heart.
For that is home,
Sweet home.
No wonder why they say home is where your heart is.
And it is my prayer that you choose to return there over and over and over again.
Throughout each day,
Each season,
Each moment.
My prayer is that you're a little bit more kinder to yourself today.
And responding to everything that may seem quote-unquote wrong with,
Ah,
I'm learning.
And how beautiful that gets to be.
I love you.
Thank you for dropping in today.
And oh,
Ma,
Ma,
Ma.
That was fun.
I love you guys.
Thank you for being here.
Thank you for being you.
And,
Ah,
Get into that mirror promising yourself that you won't ever leaf.
