The Better Way To Live Alone

In this short talk, we begin with a reading of "The Elder Sutra," about Thera, a monk who prefers to live alone. The other monks are concerned, and ask the Buddha about Thera. The Buddha's teaching to the solitary monk help us to understand that to "live alone" means something quite different than we might think.

Transcript

Good morning.

I'd like to begin with a short reading,

A sutra known as the Elder Sutra.

I heard these words of the Buddha one time when he was staying at the monastery in the Jeddah grove in the town of Sravasti.

At that time,

There was a monk named Tara who always preferred to be alone.

Whenever he could,

He praised the practice of living alone.

He sought alms alone and sat in meditation alone.

Now one time a group of bhikkhus or monks came to the Buddha,

Paid their respect by prostrating at his feet,

Stepped to one side,

Sat down at a distance and said,

Blessed one,

There is an elder by the name of Tara who only wants to be alone.

He always praises the practice of living alone.

He goes into the village alone to seek alms,

Returns home alone from the village and sits in meditation alone.

And the Buddha told one of the bhikkhus,

Please go to the place where the monk Tara lives and tell him that I wish to see him.

The bhikkhu obeyed.

When the monk Tara heard the Buddha's wish,

He came without delay,

Prostrated at the feet of the Buddha,

Stepped to one side and sat down at a distance.

And then the Blessed One asked the monk Tara,

Is it true that you prefer to be alone,

Praise the life of solitude,

Go for alms alone,

Come back from the village alone and sit in meditation alone?

The monk Tara replied,

It is true,

Blessed one.

And Buddha asked the monk Tara,

How do you live alone?

And the monk Tara replied,

I live alone.

No one else lives with me.

I praise the practice of being alone.

I go for alms alone and I come back from the village alone.

I sit in meditation alone.

That is all.

And then the Buddha taught the monk as follows.

It is obvious that you like the practice of living alone.

And I do not want to deny that.

But I do want to tell you that there is a wonderful way to be alone.

It is the way of deep observation,

To see that the past no longer exists and the future has not yet come.

And to dwell at ease in the present moment free from desire.

When a person lives in this way,

He has no hesitation in his heart.

He gives up all anxieties and regrets,

Lets go of all binding desires and cuts the fetters which prevent him from being free.

This is called the better way of being alone.

There is no more wonderful way of being alone than this.

And then the Blessed One recited this Gatha.

In observing life deeply,

It is possible to see clearly all that is.

Not enslaved by anything.

It is possible to put aside all craving.

The result is a life of peace and joy.

This is truly to live alone.

Hearing the Buddha's words,

The monk Tara was delighted.

He prostrated respectfully to the Buddha and departed.

Now I've read this a lot.

And it seems strange at first that it identifies being present in the moment as a way of living alone.

As I've reread it over time though,

It's come more clear that if we're not being mindful in the present moment,

That even if we are by ourselves,

We're not truly alone.

We have these haunting companions,

Regrets about the past,

Fears for the future.

And that when we're not caught in the past,

Which is already gone,

And we're not worried about what is still to come,

Then we can observe and understand what's happening now.

Here in the present moment.

And that when we're not caught in the past,

Which is already gone,

Or caught in what is still to come.

Then we can observe and understand what is happening now,

In the present moment.

And I believe this is the heart of our experience in Buddhist recovery.

Over the years,

I've come to understand that the only place I don't get lost is in the present moment.

And I've learned that to be in the present,

I have to practice equanimity to keep an unfiltered view of life,

To not filter my perceptions through the emotional responses of clinging in desire,

Ill will,

Aversion.

Because when I operate through those filters,

My heart gets confused,

And my mind goes to places where experience has taught me it shouldn't go.

When I can avoid those kinds of filters,

Then things feel more clear,

And I can tune in to their present reality.

But,

You know,

The thing is,

I go through life,

You know,

So do you.

And sometimes there are things I really want,

And there are other things that I really don't want.

I have perceptions of what's happening around me,

And greed,

Ill will,

Fear,

Doubt,

Well,

They happen.

And what am I supposed to do?

I mean,

Really,

What are any of us supposed to do?

Isolate ourselves,

Remove ourselves from sangha,

From friends,

From society,

And live a solitary life?

Hardly practical.

So we hear the Buddha advising the elder monk Tara about a better way to live alone,

By learning to live in the present,

And not be lost in the past and future.

Now,

I'm not saying that sometimes I don't have to work on things.

All of us have to think through things that have already happened.

We have to plan and consider what comes next,

And we have to learn how to be skillful with these things.

We have to teach ourselves,

Right?

I mean,

For me,

That's a lot of what recovery has been about.

We have to be skillful.

I have to try to stay present,

Because then I can thoughtfully engage the past and the future as a present moment activity.

And it's easier for me to not cling to what happens in my life,

Or try to push things away,

Including what comes from my mind,

The feelings that get stirred up,

The mind states I get lost in.

All of this is easier when I'm present in the moment.

But I also know that this doesn't just happen.

I don't get skillful just because I'm not drinking or smoking pot.

Being in the present means I have to find presence.

And for me,

This has meant developing a relationship with mindfulness,

Primarily through meditation.

So I encourage people in Buddhist recovery meetings and just in conversations with others to talk about these ideas.

Considering the benefits of meditation,

Practicing meditation regularly in order to find these benefits,

Helps us to consider the filters through which we see ourselves and the world around us.

Consider how have the hindrances of doubt,

Anger,

Sensual desire,

How these kept you from seeing clearly and from acting skillfully.

Think how these things crowd you.

How they live with us as unwelcome guests.

These kinds of considerations,

These investigations,

Are the primary focus of Buddhist recovery.

And these kinds of considerations,

These investigations,

Are best conducted through meditation.

This is the heart of Buddhist teaching for those of us in recovery.

In observing life deeply,

It is possible to see clearly all that is.

Not enslaved by anything,

It is possible to put aside all craving.

The result is a life of peace and joy.

This is truly to live alone.

Reviews

Thank you, Buddhist Recovery encourager!
Interesting. I don’t think I understand why the Buddha called for Thera and gave him this dharma. Did he know that Thera was not already being in the moment alone? Was he counseling him to seek alms and meditate WITH OTHERS, rather than do these activities alone?
To me, there’s just a disconnect in the storyline.
Thanks for the telling, though. For myself, I find practicing alone the key access to understanding and releasing my attachments, seeing the oneness of all that is, and committing myself to a beneficial life. I love Insight Timer’s access to dharma and other guidance, and I enjoy the occasional sangha meeting, but I don’t feel my practice requires company. I enjoy friends and family, but have only occasionally connected with anyone who really wanted to share and discuss their experience and views of practice.
Thank you. I’ll listen to this again in a while and see if there’s something I missed.
Donna

I live alone and am alone a lot. Today I experienced being in the moment fully. I only noticed/realized it after listening to this talk. Thank you 🙏🏾

The words you use and the tone that you speak them in are so wonderful! I loved your meditation today. Thank you so much!

Yes, thank you for sharing these thoughts. It helps. 🙏

A clear authentic voice, excellent pacing that makes room for reflection on what’s been said.

So true thanks for sharing your experience and knowledge
🙏

Excellent. Thank you 🙏. A simple, concise talk relevant to everyone, whether we have recovery issues or not.

Wise words of support and guidance to a fuller happier life
Thank you 😊

Such a fresh way of looking at the concept lf being alone, thank you for that!